Past tense and past perfect

Makube · Sep 2, 2014

Let's see how this goes. I write in swedish but i hopeI can explain my problem in english:

I'm writing a short story. At one point I jump ahead one week in the storyline and recap some of the events that ocurred during the week.

I write in past tense - but how do i present the past when already writing in past tense?

Do I start the recap paragraph with past perfect and continue with past tense or should I use past perfect during the whole recap?

Example 1. Past perfect beginning - past tense continued

On saturday I had gone to her apartment to look around. I opened the door and saw something that made me freeze on the spot.

Example two. Past perfect whole recap.

On saturday I had gone to her apartment to look around. I had opened the door and had seen something that made me freeze on the spot.

Since I'm trying to translate my swedish grammar problem to english here everything may have been screwed up. I hope you get the point though and understand the question.

Best regards,
Jesper

Bufty · Sep 2, 2014

Given the two choices, Example 1 is preferable and avoids unnecessary repetition. I might use 'The previous Saturday...' or 'That Saturday...' instead of 'On Saturday' but that choice depends entirely upon context and what precedes the sentence.

The main objective is to key the reader in to the fact that you have gone into 'recall' mode and to do that you only need the past perfect- 'had' - once to orientate the reader, then the rest can be in simple past.

But past perfect 'had' may in some circumstances not be required at all.

For example - On Saturday, I went to...OR... The previous Saturday, I went to...OR... Last Saturday, I went to... All depends upon execution - the story, and flow, and clarity....

Your choice. Good luck.

Fallen · Sep 2, 2014

I'm with Bufty: Example one. And going with Bufty again, you're basically just setting the reader up for past perfect time frame, so once you've established that (On saturday I had gone to her apartment to look around), you can slip into simple past.

It's no hard and fast rule, you can stay with past perfect, but it won't have that real-time feel that keeps a reader in the scene. So many set up the past perfect, then change to simple past to keep the scene more involved and immediate for readers.

Chase · Sep 2, 2014

Bufty and Fallen give excellent advice. A single had is sufficient:

Last Saturday, I'd gone to her apartment to look around. I opened the door and saw something to freeze me to the spot.

Too many hads often spoil the broth.

Forbidden Snowflake · Sep 2, 2014

So is there an actual rule on when you have to use the "had" ? I've been wondering this a lot. Sorry OP for hijacking the thread.

Sitting in her chair at work, Kate decided that today did not feel like a good day. Not only was she in a bad mood but so far everything had gone wrong. Her hair hadn't cooperated with the brush. The ash of her good morning cigarette had dropped into her first coffee. Her boyfriend hadn't cleared up the kitchen the night before.

Or could you say:

Sitting in her chair at work, Kate decided that today did not feel like a good day. Not only was she in a bad mood but so far everything had gone wrong. Her hair did not cooperate with the brush. The ash of her good morning cigarette dropped into her first coffee. Her boyfriend didn't clear up the kitchen the night before.

?

Bufty · Sep 2, 2014

Hi, Forbidden Snowflake :hi:

There is no rule saying you only have to use one 'had' and then switch to simple past.

'had' just tends to become noticeable if it's over used.

Nothing wrong with your first example. It works better for me, too.

You have established the scene and setting and I presume you are not going to keep using 'had ' for the next few paragraphs or pages - because it will not be needed if the story picks up from 'now' with her in her chair.

You wouldn't need the had's to keep going even if the story then stayed with what happened the night before because you have put the reader there.

With clarity in what follows, the reader will know where he is.

Forbidden Snowflake · Sep 2, 2014

Thank you, Bufty. That makes sense and helped me out.

Now, back to writing.

Past tense and past perfect

Makube

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

Fallen

Stood at the coalface

Chase

It Takes All of Us to End Racism

Forbidden Snowflake

I'm quite put out.

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

Forbidden Snowflake

I'm quite put out.