Characters Speaking A Foreign Language

EJMatthews · Dec 19, 2014

My novel takes place in two countries--Slovenia and the United States. The two MC's (a man and a woman) speak both Slovene and English. The novel itself is written in American English.

When characters speak Slovene, I've put that speech in Italics to denote the foreign language.

Example:

She cocked her eyebrows at him. "Where have you been?"

His bashfulness tripled. He ducked his head, glancing away. “I got lost. Žal mi je.”

I've also been dropping in a few simple words in Slovene (such as Žal mi je, which means "I'm sorry") and offering a brief translation of these simple phrases within the narrative. She is from Slovenia while he's Serbian, which has given me a little bit of wiggle room in commenting on their dialects and use of certain phrases.

I'm noticing that there are entire scenes (pages and pages) in which all dialogue is in Italics. When the MC's are alone they tend to revert to Slovene, as well as when they're in public and want to speak to each other without being understood. Also, all of the dialogue when in Slovenia is in Italics as well; so there's a few dozen pages where all dialogue is Italics with only a few exceptions.

Do you find it visually distracting to have a lot of Italics on the page? Or does the Italics help you to remember that the characters are speaking a foreign language?

I can't really force the MC's to speak English to each other: I'm using their ability to talk to each other in Slovene as a bonding method. They're both keeping secrets from the Americans around them so the fact that they're speaking a foreign language that's not understood by anyone else around them is pretty important to the overall plot.

Thanks!
-EJ

Roxxsmom · Dec 19, 2014

I'd find pages upon pages in italics to be rather distracting. I assume the dialogue (with the exception of a few choice phrases) is in English. I think one generally only uses italics for the actual foreign words, rather than words that the characters are supposed to be speaking in a foreign language but translated for the English-speaking reader.

The way I've seen it done, most often, is for the author to do something like,

"I got lost," he said in Slovene. "I'm sorry."

And when they switch back to English, indicate that. Maybe once a pattern of where and when they tend to speak each language, the reminders aren't so needed. Or maybe you can do something subtly different with the voice when he's speaking Slovene?

I'm curious to see what others think here, though, because I have a similar issue in my fantasy novel, though it's just for a couple of scenes, and of course, the languages in question don't really exist.

EJMatthews · Dec 20, 2014

Hmmm. There are many pages where the dialogue is in Slovene... but there's also a lot of narration breaking up the dialogue; descriptions, action and movement, characters analyzing information and making decisions. The page itself won't appear as all Italics (a la flashbacks), only the dialogue.

Thinking about adding "he/she said in Slovene" to each instance... I think I'd be adding several hundred words to the book (which is already way to long, I'm actively trying to cut). And in several high-action scenes the dialogue is flying too quickly between English and Slav for something like that to work. I need readers to be able to immediately know which parts of conversation only the MC's can understand versus what they're saying for public consumption. Otherwise it could get really confusing as to why they're spilling the beans about their big secret, you know?

I want to be cohesive over the course of the book. I thought English dialogue being in regular text, with foreign languages in Italics would make the most sense. There are also two other scenes from the POV of supporting characters who are speaking other languages (not Slavic), and I've employed the same Italics dialogue trick to indicate the foreign language. Consistency across the novel.

PandaMan · Dec 20, 2014

A single word or line in italics is okay for me as a reader, because it makes the words stand out. Whole paragraphs or pages get annoying real fast though. It's really hard on the ole eyeballs.

Inserted dialogue written in Slovene may potentially deeply enrich your story, but if not handled well, might become messy and ruin an otherwise fine story. I can see your concern here.

EJMatthews · Dec 20, 2014

So far the only actual Slovene I've used are the phrases for "thank you" and "I'm sorry." Doing my best to keep it simple and enjoyable.

From the Serbian MC we also get a couple of swear words over the course of the novel, playing on regional stereotypes about the cursing habits of Slavic guys. These phrases occur in very appropriate instances (ie: in the middle of a car accident), and say a lot about both MC's.

The foreign language is used for character development, and to emphasize the closeness of the two MC's. Being the only two speaking the language creates an "us against the world" mentality.

Graylorne · Dec 20, 2014

The 'I got lost' example is perfectly fine.

But unless you're writing for a Slovenian public, I would suggest to keep the book in English. Not many readers will be interested in pages of unreadable text, so they'll start skipping and then put the book away. That's not the 'us against the world' you want, I suppose.

For character development is the example you first gave plenty and even that I would use sparingly.

EJMatthews · Dec 20, 2014

When you say "pages of unreadable text," do you mean the Italics dialogue I'm using to signify speaking in a foreign language? Because the book is written in American English.

The only Slovene in the book are two commonly-used phrases, "thank you" and "I'm sorry," with a few cuss words that occur untranslated during a car accident scene, but sort of go without saying....

Marlys · Dec 20, 2014

I agree with Roxxmom--indicate in the text where the characters are speaking Slovene. Don't make the font do the work for you. Suppose someone wanted to read your book aloud to someone else? I'm afraid your current method would rely too much on visual cues.

You don't have to tag each sentence, just mention it when there's a switch. And if there's no reason for them to speak English when alone, as a reader I'd probably assume they were speaking Slovene, especially if they do notice differences in their dialects from time to time.

I don't think you'll add too many words, and if that's an actual example in the original post, you can probably cut elsewhere to make room. You tell us your male character is bashful, then show us him acting bashfully. No need for both.

EJMatthews · Dec 20, 2014

FYI, the rating on the novel is NC-17. I doubt anyone's going to be reading it aloud to their friends or loved ones.

Also, there are scenes in which the spoken language shifts rapidly--sometimes with the same speaker going from English to Slovene and back to English again in the same paragraph. I'm thinking specifically of a scene in which FMC is talking to a police officer and she has to make up lies on the spot. MMC is standing next to her, speaking Slovene, offering various fibs for her to use. FMC speaks to MMC in Slovene while answering the cop, lying, in English. I would think that in that scene, having every other sentence contain "he whispered in Slovene" or "she hissed, and then went back to English in speaking to the officer," would get equally annoying for the reader, and also repetitive linguistically. Not to mention it really breaks up the comedic flow of her yelling at MMC and then in the same breath saying something dainty and polite to the cop.

I'm not sure there's a right answer for my situation.

Marlys · Dec 20, 2014

EJMatthews said:
FYI, the rating on the novel is NC-17. I doubt anyone's going to be reading it aloud to their friends or loved ones.

People read all sorts of things to each other, particularly if the listener is visually impaired or otherwise can't read by themselves. But either way, you're a writer. Your words should tell the story, not the font.

bonitakale · Dec 20, 2014

The usual thing is to have the dialogue that's reported in English be in regular type, even if the people are supposed to be speaking another language. The only type in italics would be actual Slovenian words, not words in English that are supposed to be Slovenian in the book. At the beginning of a long scene or chapter, you might put, They both slipped comfortably into Slovenian, or something. But there's no reason to remind the reader all the time. If they forget, it doesn't matter, usually. And if there's a change, you can say so: Joe came up to them. "How you doin'?" he said in English.

Graylorne · Dec 20, 2014

EJMatthews said:
When you say "pages of unreadable text," do you mean the Italics dialogue I'm using to signify speaking in a foreign language? Because the book is written in American English.

The only Slovene in the book are two commonly-used phrases, "thank you" and "I'm sorry," with a few cuss words that occur untranslated during a car accident scene, but sort of go without saying....

Apologies, then I misread your post.

I use italics sometimes, for special scenes, and for names of books, ships, hotels, etc. Too much indiscriminate use of italics makes for uneasy reading, though.

I'd go with bonitakale's suggestion.

Jamesaritchie · Dec 20, 2014

Forget the italics. This along makes pages unreadable, or at least enjoyable. And it's needless. Hundreds of novels have characters who speak in a foreign language. It's common as dirt. Readers understand this, and don't need italics to tell them it's so.

angeliz2k · Dec 20, 2014

You can indicate by dialogue tags ("he said in English") or quick indications for when they switch ("they switched to English"). As someone up-thread said, only the actual foreign words need to be in italics. Most the time, the reader can figure out if whole conversations are in Slovenian simply by context (these two are Slovenian and they're talking together).

I'm a little iffy about: "I got lost. Žal mi je."

I'm assuming he's saying it in English and repeating himself in Slovenian. Unless he literally says it in English and then in Slovenian, you can't really do it this ways with the quotes. (That's legitimate; it could be a thing that he does.) You can do what Roxx suggested, i.e.:

"I got lost," he said in Slovenian.

Or you could do it this way:

"Žal mi je," he said. Because she looked confused, he said in English, "I got lost."

Or you could try some variation.

EJMatthews · Dec 20, 2014

angeliz2k said:
I'm a little iffy about: "I got lost. Žal mi je."

The phrase Žal mi je means "I'm sorry." It's one of two Slovene phrases used throughout the novel to a very specific purpose.

The fact that MMC chooses to speak Slovene when admitting he's made a mistake is critical to character development; both MMC and FMC are extremely proud characters, to the extent that they don't like admitting their mistakes in English so that others around them can understand. FMC calls him out in English for being late; MMC purposefully responds in Slovene because admitting that he got lost is too embarrassing for him to say in English. So the language that the characters choose gets caught up in characterization and plot as well.

What I'm most nervous about are my heavy action scenes in which characters rapidly move from Slovene to English and back. The things said in Slovene are typically meant as secrets or otherwise not for public consumption. I'm worried that these action scenes will devolve into every other descriptive sentence being about what language something was said in, which really detracts from flow.

I've had a past editorial team specifically request the Italics format I've been using. It seems that was an anomaly from a particular press.

I'll try re-writing some of the trickier action scenes and see how it works out.

Thanks for the feedback everyone--a number of things I would not have considered!

cornflake · Dec 20, 2014

EJMatthews said:
The phrase Žal mi je means "I'm sorry." It's one of two Slovene phrases used throughout the novel to a very specific purpose.

The fact that MMC chooses to speak Slovene when admitting he's made a mistake is critical to character development; both MMC and FMC are extremely proud characters, to the extent that they don't like admitting their mistakes in English so that others around them can understand. FMC calls him out in English for being late; MMC purposefully responds in Slovene because admitting that he got lost is too embarrassing for him to say in English. So the language that the characters choose gets caught up in characterization and plot as well.

What I'm most nervous about are my heavy action scenes in which characters rapidly move from Slovene to English and back. The things said in Slovene are typically meant as secrets or otherwise not for public consumption. I'm worried that these action scenes will devolve into every other descriptive sentence being about what language something was said in, which really detracts from flow.

I've had a past editorial team specifically request the Italics format I've been using. It seems that was an anomaly from a particular press.

I'll try re-writing some of the trickier action scenes and see how it works out.

Thanks for the feedback everyone--a number of things I would not have considered!

I think you're way hung up on the idea that readers must know what's in each language at all times, and that it's so important what's in each language.

If it's important, tag it in some way. It doesn't need to be an outright, 'she said in Slovene,' though it could. It could be, 'they exchanged ...' or a response, verbal or non, from another character to their exchange.

Characters who speak only one language can do the same thing (have a secretive exchange in a scene in which they otherwise speak normally).

"She motioned for Bond to follow her."

"Bob whispered."

"He raised an eyebrow and glanced toward the door."

"I can't get to the hamster races, Bob."
"That's cool, hamster racing is dumb " he said, loudly, then, "call my bookie and place another $500 on Fluffybutt to win," sotto voice.

Carrie in PA · Dec 20, 2014

I don't think you need to let the reader know every time they switch back and forth between languages. There's nothing wrong with sprinkling in a few foreign words, and those are the only ones that should be in italics.

"Bonjour," she said. "I'm here to pick up my dry cleaning."

EJMatthews · Dec 20, 2014

cornflake said:
I think you're way hung up on the idea that readers must know what's in each language at all times, and that it's so important what's in each language.

Yes, it's a major part of the plot. Think of my novel as a spy/suspense piece in that respect. My MC's are concealing information from those around them. Almost everything they say in English is in one way or another based on lies. It follows that what is said in Slovene is true, as a way for the MC's to keep their stories straight and support one another as they navigate various situations.

If a reader forgets what language is being spoken, they're going to wonder why critical, previously-concealed secrets are suddenly being revealed to supporting characters. My options are to use the visual queue of Italics (which can be visually distracting); to designate in the body of the narrative what language is being spoken when and to whom (which can get repetitive and disrupt flow); or to let my audience assume what language is being spoken and potentially get very confused about why secrets are being thrown around willy-nilly. I'll take options one or two over option three any day.

angeliz2k · Dec 20, 2014

I see, thanks for clearing that up, EJ, that makes more sense. Since it's probably established by that point that "Žal mi je" means I'm sorry, I'm on board with the way you have it. Not that you need my blessing.

I see what you mean about it being important to indicate when they're speaking in which language. Simple dialogue tags ("he said in English) paired with some cues (such as two Slovenian characters turning to one another to speak) can indicate to the reader what language is being spoken (and thereby who can understand what's being said). You can accomplish this with just a few words and keep the pace rolling along.

If this were a film, you could have subtitles or whatever. Since it's written words, you have to balance the action with the information. Work on it until you feel like it flows, then try it out on someone (that's the only way to know, really, whether you're laying it on too thick or not thick enough).

blacbird · Dec 20, 2014

I think you handled that example very well, except that I might, as a reader, have preferred you did the Slovenian first, then the English. But that's pretty minor. I've seen lots of fiction in which this kind of thing was done.

caw

Bufty · Dec 21, 2014

I must confess I can't see what the problem is if you only have two small phrases in Slovenian and their meaning is initially made clear.

As to writing everything that's actually spoken in Slovenian between Slovenians in italics that is totally unnecessary. If two characters are talking it's most important I, the reader, know what they are saying more than what language they're using. And if my knowing they are using their language for reasons of secrecy/privacy or whatever, italics may work for a brief aside, or for a longer conversation simply tell me.

The scene itself may be enough- if two Slovenians/Chinese or whatever are the only ones talking does it matter I know what language they're using?

Be sure you are not over-thinking this.

BethS · Dec 21, 2014

EJMatthews said:
Do you find it visually distracting to have a lot of Italics on the page? Or does the Italics help you to remember that the characters are speaking a foreign language?

That much in italics would be kind of distracting.

The way I've seen it done most often, and the way I handle it myself, is to simply say which language is being spoken.

What I'm most nervous about are my heavy action scenes in which characters rapidly move from Slovene to English and back. The things said in Slovene are typically meant as secrets or otherwise not for public consumption. I'm worried that these action scenes will devolve into every other descriptive sentence being about what language something was said in, which really detracts from flow.

I can understand the need for italics in a case like that. What I was envisioning was whole pages of dialogue in italics, which a lot of readers might find tedious or distracting.

One thing: if your character is already speaking in Slovene, don't include actual Slovene phrases in that part (as you did in your example), because that makes it seems as if part of the dialogue was in English and part in Slovene. It's not consistent to translate part of the dialogue and leave other bits untranslated, even if they are common phrases.

One more thing: I know a writer who differentiates between dialogue spoken in English and that spoken in French by changing the word choice and syntax to mimic the French. You can always tell which language is being spoken without being told. Another writer I know does this with English or Scots, and Gaelic.

morngnstar · Dec 21, 2014

I have this issue too, but for me it's easier since for the most part dialogue is in Russian while they're in Russia, and English while they're in America. For the rare exceptions, I use tags "said in Russian / English".

It will be a lot easier for you if you can establish such a default assumption. What if we assume the MCs are speaking in Slovenian whenever they speak directly to each other, and English when speaking to another character or to a general audience? Then the language can be inferred by whether you say, "he said to her" (Slovenian), or, "he said to him" (English), or, "he said" (English). Establish the pattern by writing, "he said in Slovenian" the first few times. If you need to make a rare exception, such as if he's talking directly to her but wants to be overheard, then use explicit language tags again.

jcwriter · Dec 21, 2014

Can't recall where I saw this, but I read a novel where, as in your case, character dialog alternated between two languages, let's say French and English. That author presented the dialog in the natural language within quotes; however, following a French line came the English translation without quotes, thus avoiding the italics. A simple example—

"Bon jour," he said. Good day.

As a reader, I caught on pretty quick (and I'm kinda slow).

Ken · Dec 21, 2014

jcwriter said:
Can't recall where I saw this, but I read a novel where, as in your case, character dialog alternated between two languages, let's say French and English. That author presented the dialog in the natural language within quotes; however, following a French line came the English translation without quotes, thus avoiding the italics. A simple example—

"Bon jour," he said. Good day.

As a reader, I caught on pretty quick (and I'm kinda slow).

That's a clever approach !

Characters Speaking A Foreign Language

closeted rhetorician

Beastly Fido

closeted rhetorician

Panda girls are the best!

closeted rhetorician

closeted rhetorician

Resist. Love. Go outside.

closeted rhetorician

Resist. Love. Go outside.

never mind the shorty

closeted rhetorician

practical experience, FTW

Write All The Words!

closeted rhetorician

never mind the shorty

Where have the last ten years gone?

Splish splash I was takin' a bath