The Thread Where Cray Now Rampages All by Himself

*stabs pool table*








*catches glimpse of self in the mirror*

damn. this speedo is teh bomb!

*poses*

*flexes glutes*

*checks watch*




*looks back at mirror*

*flexes guns* BAM




*pulls out cell phone*


*takes eleventy hundred selfies*

*stabs empty lagavulin bottle*




*checks watch*
fark.


next time we are going to have TWO freaking days of working out.
slugs.





gah. i didn't mean that.
i know they'll be here any second!!!!!

*overflows with renewed confidence*

*posts selfies to instagram*

*strolls behind bar*


*stabs soda can*




*pours a drink*


*checks watch*

holiday traffic. that's what's taking them so long!

*notices stage with microphone*



*strolls over*



*flicks on mic*


tap tap



TESTING TESTING!



gah!


*adjusts volume*


sooooo,.....
did I tell you my déjà vu joke yet?

haggis!

i'm surprised you have the bingos to show your face!
i mean, my rampagers are on their way here right this very second to wreck this joint.

and also to keep it for their own.
and the people of this thread too. we're keeping them, yanno.
that's the way a rampage works.

*checks watch*

:|

*why the sad face, buddy*





here let me turn that frown upside down!

ahem...

ready?


here you go, pal....
why does the ocean roar?
you would, too, if you had crabs on your bottom.

don't get to comfortable though, haggis.
we're still doing the rampage thing when my army gets here.

*stabs wall*





they really should be here by now.
fark.









i bet there was an accident.




*re-brims with confidence*

*Leaves. Locks cray inside*

hello?






he probably just went to the can.

check it,
what do you call glasses that make you look wise?








respectacles.








*tries to keep a straight face*







*looks for someone to high five*

respectacles.








hello?







cripes. i wish the army would show up.

soooooo, do you know why horses have such a low divorce rate?





because they're all in stable relationships!















*wipes sweat off of brow*

*checks watch*
damn, where are those guys!?




i know! i bet they stopped to get something to eat and that they will be here any minute!

what does a lion at the beach have in common with xmas?








they both have sandy claws.












*blink blink*



*looks around*

*checks watch*

gah!


*pulls out cell phone*


*calls the royal thread*


no answer.


fark.

*pours gasoline all around perimeter of building*

you know, i'm beginning to question the loyalty of my subject.

i mean, they should totally be here by now. totally.
the gps has it at a 9 second commute.

fark.

is it possible that i wasn't a good king??




































that's it for me folks. don't forget to tip your server.

*stolls back in*


btw, the answer to the question above is 'no.'

it's not possible that i wasn't a good king.

that's why it was so gd funny! gah! sometimes i could just smack you people.

yanno, as i sit here and wait for my army and think about what an awesome king i am it occurs to me that the subjects in the royal thread and the population of aw as a whole don't want a new king next week.


hmmm.

attention everyone, royal proclamation ahead....

by the power vested in me by me i hearby declare myself...


wait for it....





ready?




you should probably sit down now....



here it comes....






KING FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*brings over angry hordes of Royals with torches*

Careful there. Don't let that torch get too close to the gasol--

Oh, well.

*concludes rampage*