How NOT to get sexual?

To be clear - you want them to have sex, you want this to demonstrate physical differences, you don't want to write a sex scene?

There is sketched alien - human sex near the end of Sherri Tepper's The Fresco which worked pretty well. By no means graphic detail, but gives an impression.

You could fade to black on the sex scene, then have the human tell a curious friend about the differences later.

I read a book once (in the Make Way for Dragons trilogy, by Thorarrin Gunnarsson, IIRC) where a human female seduced a roughly-humanoid dragon male - this species was described as being mammalian enough for females to nurse young and more or less human-sized. This particular woman was an architect, who took it as a challenge to her skills, as well as being in love with the dragon. The only details given: the hardest part was convincing the dragon to lay on his back.

If you want the characters to "explore," but don't want to write it, then do as the previous poster mentioned: fade to black, and maybe mention one or two of the salient points later on. "I didn't expect the howl..."

If you just want them to compare relative anatomy... are they or are they not mature members of their respective species? Humans (at least, humans of certain cultures) may be prudish and go all adolescent-blush-and-stammer at the mention of sex organs, but the aliens may be quite open about sexual anatomy. Maybe they could discuss the matter for "academic" purposes, then realize that their base curiosities are getting more aroused than mere scientific exchange should account for, leading to an awkward break-off. (Whether they do - or even can - act on it is up to you, naturally.)

If sex isn't the point of the story, why do you need to tell me what the bits are that they need to do it with? You just need to imply they worked it out.

I mean, you don't have to explain what a penis is to allude to the fact two humans having sex, so is there any reason you feel the need to for this? Or maybe a short tell?


"So she ripped the buttons on his uniform trying to get it off, and got a a fantastic/awful surprise when she got there. She'd never tried it with a person with three penises before, but was looking forwards to giving it a go"

***

Next morning she couldn't stop smiling, and even grinned at X, who narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What got you so happy?'

After the fact, have them describe the effects ("Ow my such-and-such is sore.")

There are a lot of detail levels in between complete fade to black and spelling out every erotic action. I've read a lot of SF&F where instead of closing the door, they most summarized what happened in a few paragraphs, giving only the most important details and how the characters generally felt about what was happening. Some adaption of this could allow you to explain whatever anatomical differences and details you're wanting to explain without needing to go into a 'blow by blow' (yes, yes pun) account of everything they do.

Though there's no rule against a detailed erotic scene in a sci-fi novel if that's really what you want to write. I've read more than a few.

I know in fictional trope land people like to have sex without any word spoken, and it turns out to be the best sex ever despite them having no idea what their partner likes. But in the real world, people do actually talk to each other sometimes before sex, especially if there's something they know might be unexpected. It'd seem in this case it'd make a lot of sense for them to have a chat about it.

I'm honestly having a little trouble understanding what you're asking.

"Erotic" is really just a way of saying that a scene is hot. So... why are you trying to write a sex scene that's not hot? You can do that, and often sex scenes aren't meant to be hot -- they're meant to be emotional or funny or establish some character moment.

Are you asking how to make it less explicit?

What are you trying to accomplish with the sex scene? That's what you need to ask. And then your question should be "how do I accomplish this," not "how do I stop readers from being aroused."

EDIT: reread your post. Sorry, feel a little silly now.

You could write the scene with unsexy words or clinically describe actions. "Slime spilled from his pores" and "her scales shed" would not contribute to a sensual mood, and could help you get the anatomical points across without turning on a reader.

You could also have her walk in on him, if that sort of thing is possible. She could get a quick look at his anatomy, and since it's different from what she's used to, she'd immediately notice it. She could still express interest, but at that point there's no explicit sexual contact and he could even be embarrassed and cover up fairly quickly.

Shirokirie said:

Yeah there's a reason I want to get into those details.
I'm not gunna explain that reason, I just want some ideas.

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Oh if we're going for vague, it's easy

If you want a less erotic scene, use less erotic details. See? Superb vague advice to go with vague problem. Tada!

If you want more specific advice, you may have to be more specific about what the problem actually is. Because as you've stated it "use less erotic details" is probably the best advice I can give you here.

Shirokirie said:

I am thinking I'm going to go the summary route rather than the detail-by-detail way. Dunno if I should tackle it from a clinical standpoint because I do want there to be some emotional revelation between the two. Although I wouldn't mind experimenting with that.

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Is this a first-person POV scene for her? Or third-person, more distant?

I often have a hard time with plots that jump humans and aliens into bed together quickly, even when the aliens are very humanoid. (I am not saying that's what you're doing!)

Even if the required, um, equipment was compatible, I'd think it likely that aliens would smell quite different up close. Would feel different -- difference muscles, different bone structure, different skin texture. Now, maybe I'm just a very tactile kind of guy, but that would be an enormous speed-bump for me personally. It's one thing to idly daydream about that cat-furred "lady" who works down the hall, but when she's actually laying up against me? Umm, this is kind of weird, and she smells like burnt toast, and she's biting a bit hard is that going to get worse, and what the hell are those on her back?

Not that others might not feel differently; different strokes and all. But I doubt I'm alone, and when a story just breezily glosses over that speed-bump, I'm always like, whoa. Really?

So, I'd want to know about this character who is attracted to an alien. What's going on in her head? Is she both attracted and repelled? Feeling shame that she's attracted? Confused? Was the physical attraction preceded by emotional bonds? What is she thinking, as she takes the plunge into a physical relationship?

Frankly, what is she feeling in the moment? Equipment's a little different; is it better / disappointing / uncomfortable? I don't think you must get terribly explicit here, but glossing over it or reducing it to clinical summary does seem like a missed opportunity?

Ummm. I'm trying very hard to remember the name of a novel I read many years ago that featured a human male who fell in love with his alien friend. The alien was capable of changing its genitals to male or female, depending on the needs of its current partner. These two finally had sex. But before they did, the alien asked if he (the human) wanted "it" to be male or female. The human said he wanted the alien to be itself. After all, that is who he was in love with. As I recall, there was not a bang-by-bang description of the sex, but the alien's genitals were described as being fluted.

Haha. I never forgot that story or at least the love story part. If I could remember the name of the book, I'd tell you, but I can't. So, how is that for vague?

Shirokirie said:

Thanks Fribble, really appreciate it. Your sarcasm just brightens my nondescript, vague day.

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Sarcasm is my default factory setting, sorry

Ok, things to think about

What do you want to achieve in the scene? This is key. Is it just differences in biology? Culture? Both? Something else? Could you develop character and plot at the same time (preferable). If so, what IS the plot?

I mean I can think of a couple of ways of doing this, but they might well be just a digression from the actual story. Tying a scene INTO the story will work much better, but not knowing what the story is, it's difficult to come up with anything.

Mr Flibble said:

I mean I can think of a couple of ways of doing this, but they might well be just a digression from the actual story. Tying a scene INTO the story will work much better, but not knowing what the story is, it's difficult to come up with anything.

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I second this. It's hard for me to see how the sex scene ties into the story if I don't have more details.

Personally, if you don't want to make things erotic, then avoid a sex scene. Or have them talking about sex and make the conversation suggestive and revealing enough that the reader could get a sense of what intimacy is like for the both of them.

Or write your story, finish it, then see if it needs a sex scene. If it doesn't then there you go. Hopefully, this is helpful.

Okay... let me try to help.

When you write, you show the reader what your characters are thinking and feeling. (Obviously. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that. Writing 101.) Most of this time this means connecting the reader to your characters. Your reader should feel what the characters are feeling.

It sounds like your characters are attracted to each other emotionally and sexually, and it's their first time together. So, honestly, I don't think you can write that sex scene without it being erotic, because your characters are going to be turned on and attracted to each other, and the reader is meant to emphasize with them. Unless you do like Flibble said and deliberately disgust the reader.

I feel like maybe what you mean by "erotic" is "silly and porn-like." And yeah, you should definitely avoid that.

Generally when people want something to be extra-erotic, they do it deliberately by adding kinks, extending the sex scene, and raising tension. You're not going to be doing those things, so don't worry about it. That being said, there is going to be some inherent eroticism in the fact that your characters are having emotional explicit sex.

You could try to distance the reader from it, I guess? Focus on the odd things, the differences.

EDIT: IDK. I probably shouldn't be talking. I guess I've just always felt that sexuality is just part of emotional, explicit sex.

WriteMinded said:

Ummm. I'm trying very hard to remember the name of a novel I read many years ago that featured a human male who fell in love with his alien friend. The alien was capable of changing its genitals to male or female, depending on the needs of its current partner. These two finally had sex. But before they did, the alien asked if he (the human) wanted "it" to be male or female. The human said he wanted the alien to be itself. After all, that is who he was in love with. As I recall, there was not a bang-by-bang description of the sex, but the alien's genitals were described as being fluted.

Haha. I never forgot that story or at least the love story part. If I could remember the name of the book, I'd tell you, but I can't. So, how is that for vague?

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Sounds a lot like Clive Barker's 'Imajica'.

The best example I can think of is Jaqueline Carey's Kushiel's Dart. She has more books in this series but this is the first. It features erotic BDSM, extreme bondage and bloodletting. Yet it is done so beautifully that it doesn't come out as exploitative or overly erotic. The MC is a masochist, which is highly valued in this world. Because of this, her company is requested by the most powerful figures in her society. Being with them gives her knowledge. And that knowledge gives her power. It isn't until she experiences a serious trauma that she realizes her own power, and what her fate (innately tied to her sexuality) can actually do to save her country. The MC transforms from being a sexual object to a major figure in politics. She uses her intelligence and her sexual prowess; but it is done in a way that is still tasteful and believable.

I didn't finish because it was too long for me; but it is one example of how sex can play a role in your plot, but doesn't oversexualize or eroticize the story as a whole. It doesn't have to play a major role. However, sex is still a (not new agey) transformative experience, whether we want it to be or not. Ask yourself what the sex scene does for the characters. Does it bring them closer together? Does it make their difference glaringly obvious (Not just with their anatomy but with their societal roles)? Power plays a major role in sex:

Along the way, the big issues are: she's human, he's not; she's the daughter of his slave master, and he doesn't want that looming over them; she's also torn between him and her family. She does know that he could 'bone' her and she wants that, but he's not ready yet.

We probably don't want to admit how power plays a role in sex, but it does. From what I read, their sexual tension has to be strong. Does she know that he has a prehensile penis? Has she seen one before? As a human, how can that not make you fantasize? Not to mention that she's following him to another planet to claim his children. Is she thinking about having children with him? To me, all of those different plot points involve sexual situations. If you don't want to make it sexual, then you have to make their relationship more platonic or change certain elements of your story. Think Mulder and Scully: They are each other's confidante, and by being that way the reader might wish for sexual interaction but it doesn't happen.

If you don't want to make the sex scenes "silly and porn-like," as Viridian chick mentioned (so well described), then just focus on how the characters feel, as well as how the sex changes their relationship. And read other books that feature sex scenes that are not overly erotic. Don Delillo's White Noise features a candid discussion between husband and wife about erotic literature before having sex (which I don't remember much of). But I do remember their affections, him hugging her at a place like a supermarket, just grabbing her by the waist. It was well done and reflected a loving relationship. But it wasn't eroticizing the story.

Hope this is helpful!

Lhowling, if you can take the first three Kushiel books in small stages, you'll be in for a gorgeous, gut-wrenching read with a lot of plot and emotion. Heck, many of the fanfics of this 'verse are well-done. The second and third series are far lower in quality - almost tired parodies of themselves by the end, but Phedre no'Delauney's journey from play-pet to major political force is amazing to read.

I use Carey's work as a example of sex-in-fantasy done just right. It has an acceptable heat level without being completely laden with modern porn terms. The physical acts are nothing without the extreme emotional quotient. And Carey does an incredible job of explaining just enough for the reader's imagination to take over.

Digression about book length.

I rarely DNF a story because of mere length. The most recent example is an Avengers fan-fic I was reading because it started out with an intriguing and well-done sub!Loki/Dom!Steve. But it's well over 1.5 million words now, and mostly plotless-but-happy fan service. It's like eating five pounds of good caramel, you get sick quickly. Another story that is nearing 300K, I'll happily read along, because the author can carry a cohesive plot.

Dorothy Dunnett's 'Lymond' and 'Niccolo' series of historical magic-realism are massive - around 12 big books long each, I think. I'm bracing to read them again after 15 years, because they are incredibly well-written (and informed M/M writers have been using them as a subtle guidepost. C.S. Pacat's 'Captive Prince' series happened because the author is a Dunnett fan.)

I'm slightly intimidated by them, but I have a secret weapon: books have chapters. I can read them the same way I write them, a chapter at a time. Everyone else reads in their own way, of course. I'd just hate to see you shy from a ground-breaking story because it's that feckin' huge.

End digression.

Filigree said:

Sounds a lot like Clive Barker's 'Imajica'.

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Hey, thanks and right! I had to look it up, but that's it. I recognized the names, Pie 'oh' Pah and John Furie Zacharias. Funny, I don't remember the woman, don't remember the plot, or the "visionary splendors and heart-stopping terrors", but I sure remember the relationship between Pie and John.