How do you know when it's time?

MarkEsq

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We have an old lab - not sure how old, we got her from Lab Rescue. The vet thinks maybe 11 or 12 but... who knows.

We've been wondering for the last few months how we'll know when it's time to say good bye. She's old, obviously, sleeps almost all the time and is having some real problems with her hips. They give out when she's walking (we have tile floors) and she often has trouble standing up, sometimes can't make it without me physically lifting her.

She's also started pooping in the house, has been for six months. The other day she didn't even try to make to her feet, let alone go outside.

My measure of end-of-life decisions for pets has revolved around the perceived quality of life. With Zoe it's hard to tell, if she was a human she'd be the original stoic. Never seemed very happy, nor overly sad. I'm pretty sure she's half deaf. The kids love her to.... er, well, you know. How does one decide these things?!

I guess I should call the vet but that makes me feel like an unloving owner for some reason. Ugh.
 

mirandashell

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This is the toughest decision you have to take as an owner. And it can be as much a sign of love for your pet as anything else. As tough as it is you have to do it because your dog can't.

Can she do the things she used to love doing?
Does she show interest in what's happening around her?
Is she sleeping most of the time?
Is she is pain?

The answers to the above will help you decide, I hope.

And remember, it doesn't make you a bad owner if you take the responsibility when the time comes.

It makes you a good one.
 

Viridian

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What she said.

When I was a child, I had a labrador who was about fourteen. He could no longer climb stairs, no longer ran, and spent most of his time curled up in the corner. He hadn't gotten to the point where he was pooping inside (I don't think).

We lived out in the country by a lake. One day he just sort of disappeared. I still have no idea what happened to him. After a week, we held a funeral.

I wish that we had been able to put him down. It seems horrible that he had to die alone, away from home. When the time comes, your dog will die loved, and that's what's important.

If it doesn't feel like the right time yet, though, don't push it.
 

Fruitbat

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I don't know but so sorry you have to deal with it. :(
 

mccardey

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Oh Mark :Hug2: My reading of your post makes me think it might be time now. It's wonderful that she doesn't appear to be suffering, but things aren't going to get better.

It's a really hard decision to make, I know. With Charlie -

<

- I was glad, in restrospect, that we hadn't waited too long. It would only have added bad things to his experience, and he wouldn't have understood them - and then he'd have died anyway.

The vet will usually let you hold him when the time comes, if that helps you. It helped me.

PS: You're a good and loving owner, and she's a lucky pet to have found you.
 

Brightdreamer

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Seconding mirandashell, here.

At some point, the decision must be made, if it isn't made for you. (I had a cat fall over dead once, most likely from a heart condition. In some ways, it was the easiest loss I'd experienced: no trips back and forth to the vet, no second-guessing options.) In my experience, there's usually a "turn," a sudden downgrade of interest in life, a shift in attitude. Something inside them just shuts down. It's never easy, but the pain doesn't negate the love given and received over years of companionship.

And you are not being an unloving owner, making this call. This is the last, greatest gift you can give your pet: a peaceful, dignified passing. If you have kids, talk with them, or ask if your vet can talk with them, about quality of life and the natural process of death. Do please call your vet and talk with them about what's going on, what options are still available and what is worth pursuing. Any vet worth their salt won't drag out an animal's misery by prolonging false hopes (and milking your pocketbook); they should give you an honest, unbiased assessment of the situation. If not, find another vet.

Condolences, and best of luck in making The Call.
 

regdog

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I'm sorry that you are facing this, Mark.

I had a difficult time with two of my dogs. The hardest thing is accepting their time has come. By the sounds of your lab she is having a tough time. Especially not being able to get up to go out, or even just go.

It is the hardest phone call for an owner and I still haven't gotten used to making it.
 

Maryn

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Mark, I think it's probably time. You hold her, and we'll hold you.

Maryn, tearing up
 

Tazlima

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How do you know when it's time?

The truth is that you don't always know for sure. It's a difficult decision and one that many people continue to question long after the choice has been made, even when it's apparent to everyone around them that it was absolutely the right thing to do.

All you can do is use your best judgement and remember that:

1) Nobody knows your dog better than you.
2) Your decision comes from a place of love and caring.

For what it's worth, I've assisted at many euthanasias and I can honestly say that we should all be so lucky to go like that: a last favorite meal, a last affectionate embrace, and then sleeping through the scary part. It's a gentle death.
 

MarkEsq

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You guys are very kind, thanks for all the support. We've made an appt to take her in on Monday. It's a consultation to discuss options with the vet (who was soooo sweet and understanding on the phone) but with extra time built in to the appt in case that's the time to say good-bye.

We'll all give her extra love this weekend, for sure. :)
 

Maryn

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Glad to hear it, Mark. Most vets adore animals themselves, of course, so they totally understand your concerns and feelings.

Give her a lovely weekend and let us know what the vet says. We're here, always, if you need us.

Maryn, whose vet tears up at times
 

mccardey

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Mark, I think that's really kind and exactly what she deserves. Sending warmest thoughts your way.
 

Gringa

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Oh my. I can feel this all the way thru cyberspace. I had to ask myself:

Am I keeping my doggie around for me? or her?
 

heyjude

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I'm so sorry. :( I've been through this too many times. It sounds like you're doing the right thing--giving her extra love and then asking the vet for her advice.

When it was getting to be time to let my Bugs go, my vet told me to talk to him, tell him it was okay to go if he needed to, that I would be sad but okay. It was probably as much for me as him, but it was comforting.

Much love to you and yours. I'll be thinking about you all.
 

Director C

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It's probably time, if her legs give out, she has trouble standing, etc.

When it came time for my kitties, I cried but I wasn't really "sad," you know? I had decided much earlier that I loved them so much I didn't want them to suffer and that I would let them go to sleep as soon as I thought they might be suffering. The vet staff seemed sadder than I did. : )

Give her lots of hugs and kisses.
 

MarkEsq

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We did it yesterday. I cried like a baby, and still feel like the most awful human being alive.

I know it'll be okay, I know it was the right time (we didn't realize she also had partial laryngeal paralysis, making her breathing hard) but... I loved her.

Anyway, I'm grateful for all the hugs and love, really.
 

Brightdreamer

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We did it yesterday. I cried like a baby, and still feel like the most awful human being alive.

I know it'll be okay, I know it was the right time (we didn't realize she also had partial laryngeal paralysis, making her breathing hard) but... I loved her.

Anyway, I'm grateful for all the hugs and love, really.

Been there, done that. It never gets any easier. But when the hurt fades and the tears dry, the memories of love remain.
 

Maryn

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I'm glad to hear she's no longer suffering, even though you are. But you did the best thing for her, precisely because you love her. That's a good owner, right there.

If there's a heaven, she's there, young and able to run.

Maryn, who has several pets there
 

Perks

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I'm sorry for how sad you and your family are feeling. That's really hard. I'm so glad you loved her.
 

mccardey

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It's very sad, Mark. She sounds like a well-loved creature who deserved the tears.
 

MaryMumsy

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Ah, been there, done that, didn't want a t-shirt. It is always hard to let them go, but you did the best thing. I'll give you a hug Friday.

MM