Need more vocab?

D Ridder · Apr 25, 2015

I'm writing an erotic novel that is currently half way done at 130k words. ( it has quite a deep psychological sub story)

My protagonists have had a lot of sex, but I have only described the sex in detail around five times. The sex has been unique every time, and I have plenty more ideas for unique sex, but there are only so many ways to describe a penis going into a vagina and an orgasm.

So what do I do? do I find more words to use to describe it, or do I just repeat them?

Filigree · Apr 25, 2015

If you do that, you'll get bogged down in the clinical detail. Maybe focus a little more on the sensations and emotions felt by the participants?

D Ridder · Apr 25, 2015

That's pretty much what I do already, describe it through sensation and emotion, but there are only so many ways to describe the way those things feel or make you feel.

apchelopech · Apr 26, 2015

D Ridder said:
I'm writing an erotic novel that is currently half way done at 130k words. ( it has quite a deep psychological sub story)

My protagonists have had a lot of sex, but I have only described the sex in detail around five times. The sex has been unique every time, and I have plenty more ideas for unique sex, but there are only so many ways to describe a penis going into a vagina and an orgasm.

So what do I do? do I find more words to use to describe it, or do I just repeat them?

I'm unsure what you mean about 'unique sex' - I doubt there's a position or a locale for sex that hasn't been tried at some time in human history, and written about a lot.

And from the brief indication you provide, I'm picking that you are seeing 'sex' in the same light each time your story gets round to it again - 'penis going into vagina and an orgasm'. A point will inevitably be reached where your story isn't 'erotic', it's biology. Perhaps it's there already and that is what has prompted you to post.

As has already been suggested, maybe you need to put the 'sex' on the back-burner and focus on other things. You say there's a 'psychological' undercurrent. Perhaps that should come to the fore, allowing the sex to happen in a less-planned way (well, here comes sex-time number 6...). It may prove to be a lot more erotic when it does and you may find yourself less concerned with using different words.

Just some thoughts.

Cheers,
APC

D Ridder · Apr 26, 2015

By "Unique". I mean it's not missionary in a bed every single time. So unique to the story, not unique to existence.

StoryofWoe · Apr 26, 2015

While erotica readers expect explicitness in their fiction, you don't have to turn every sexual encounter into a 4k+ word, "He did this, then she did that, then her heart did this other thing," scene. It's okay to fade to black every once in a while or to summarize what's happening. The sex still needs to move the story forward. Too much repetition or sex for the sake of sex can mess with your pacing.

I recently finished The Angel by Tiffany Reisz (Book 2 in her series), which I believe illustrates this balance quite well. She has long, detailed sex scenes and scenes that happen to have sex in them where the sexual tension is still high, but the actions are brushed over, leaving the details to the reader's imagination. This is much more effective when we already know the characters well. You don't want to do this too much because it's still erotica and readers expect detailed scenes, but it's okay to allot only two or three sentences to a sex act. It's another way to build tension and make those scenes you want to zoom in on really special.

Think about fight scenes. A thriller doesn't cease to be a thriller if the author chooses not to make each kill into a long, drawn-out process. Sometimes, "She crept up behind the man and clamped her hand over his mouth, touching the tip of her knife to the tender pulse point below his left ear..." is what you want. Other times, "She slit the man's throat," will do just fine. Let the scene dictate how deep you need to go.

D Ridder · Apr 26, 2015

yes I have done this. There are some scenes where I've just written one liners. Some a paragraph. One was a whole chapter. But I've only told half my story, and used just about every metaphor to describe the way an orgasm feels that I can think of.

ElaineA · Apr 26, 2015

D Ridder, I totally empathize. I struggle with finding good ways to let emotions carry the weight of descriptions. Metaphors are great, but in so long a story, I'm sure that will get wearying for both the writer and the reader. I find as a reader, as the story goes on and the writer is desperately trying for different descriptions, things tend to get eye-rolly for me.

Usually when I'm stuck in a rut on the writing end, I spend some time reading short, very literary erotica, just to boot my brain into analyzing ways more lyrical writers pull it off and why it works. Maybe some technique will resonate with you, or at least get your brain taking a fork down a different trail.

D Ridder · Apr 26, 2015

yes, I think I need to read more. To be honest, I've only read four erotic fics (only finished one) and I hated every single one of them (which is why I wanted to try writing my own). So maybe I need to find one I actually like and see how it's done.

apchelopech · Apr 27, 2015

D Ridder said:
yes, I think I need to read more. To be honest, I've only read four erotic fics (only finished one) and I hated every single one of them (which is why I wanted to try writing my own). So maybe I need to find one I actually like and see how it's done.

And when you clock up 50 posts you can put up a sample of your work and get some specific feedback, which may give you useful pointers about where to from here.

Maryn · Apr 27, 2015

apchelopech said:
And when you clock up 50 posts you can put up a sample of your work and get some specific feedback, which may give you useful pointers about where to from here.

And no, we won't judge you or think you're a kinky freak based on what you write. Just in case anyone wondered.

Maryn, who writes well-researched kinky fiction

Helen_Rouge · Apr 27, 2015

Maryn said:
Maryn, who writes well-researched kinky fiction

Oh, it's ALL in the research.

More research. More often!

Oh hubby.......

ElaineA · Apr 27, 2015

D Ridder said:
yes, I think I need to read more. To be honest, I've only read four erotic fics (only finished one) and I hated every single one of them (which is why I wanted to try writing my own). So maybe I need to find one I actually like and see how it's done.

I think I started from a similar place, not so much hating what I read, but finding the first few books I picked up sort of...lazy (if that's the right word). I have never read FSOG so I don't really know what's in there, but I've since read much better work. If you just want something quick to have a look at, Harlequin's Cosmo Red Hot Reads are pretty reliable. They're almost all novella length. (Though I'm not actually sure whether you get them in Oz. Hmm...)

When I say "literary erotica" I'm thinking of places like Cliterature (an ezine) or The Erotic Writer, which is a 4-writer shared blog. Some of the content is explicit, some isn't, but I'd say things in those places tend to lie on the "artful" end of the spectrum (as opposed, maybe, to Penthouse Letters). Frex, in the current issue of Cliterature, the flash piece Exiles has not one mention of a sexual body part (beyond one use of the word "breast") but it does get the physical act across beautifully.

Just a couple of places for you to check out if you think it might be helpful. Of course, one of my friends says "I don't read erotica for art. I want smut!" So there's that, too.

D Ridder · Apr 29, 2015

Maryn said:
And no, we won't judge you or think you're a kinky freak based on what you write. Just in case anyone wondered.

Maryn, who writes well-researched kinky fiction

idk. I'm writing some stuff that's even taboo to some on the BDSM scene (A fair bit of edgeplay)

I don't think I've liked any erotica I've read because I've found it too tame...either that or it had a weak story. I haven't found a good balance of story and kink as yet.

Filigree · Apr 29, 2015

Mainstream edge play in fantasy from 15 years ago: Kushiel's Dart, by Jacqueline Carey. Lots of blatant edge play on fetish subscription sites & for free on Nifty.org.

DancingMaenid · Apr 29, 2015

I don't think mixing up the words you use, in itself, will do much to differentiate the scenes from each other. I mean, you do want variation in your sentences, and if you use the same word over and over again, it may start to look repetitive. But using a ton of words to describe body parts can stand out in a bad way. Instead, I would stick to a small number of anatomical terms and pay attention to the rhythm of your scenes and the sentence variation. To use an extreme example, if you use a word for "penis" five times in the same paragraph, using five different words instead of just the one is not necessarily going to do much to fix the problem.

When it comes to distinguishing the scenes from one another, I think your best bet is to focus on the emotions and acts that are happening. That's what really distinguishes one scene from another.

Treehouseman · Apr 30, 2015

Are the scenes all taking part in the same emotional context. (ie: I'm hot, your hot, lets bang enthusiastically)?

There's a distinct difference in language and description between starter sex, unsure sex, loving sex, angry sex, ho-hum sex, worried sex, revenge sex. The emotional surroundings can often take up the bulk of the description, sometimes you don't even need to describe the PIV sex. So yeah, that might be the way to go. Discard the penis!!

Mellow · May 3, 2015

I just started writing a lot of these types of scenes and found that on first draft, I would describe waaay too much, like every single detail. As I went back to edit and revise I would cut out quite a bit.

Now, after some practice, I'm getting the scenes to flow better on the first draft.

Basically what I do is emphasize certain elements of each scene (since the physical action is basically the same each time) and be sure to include a little bit of each of the senses. describe something physical, then a feeling, maybe a sound, a sight, a breath, another physical action, followed by a whisper, another sensation, etc.
By doing this you can have 10k words of (essentially) the exact same scene over and over, but they will each seem different and in the end, more satisfying to the reader.

Just be sure to use lots of synonyms and don't get stuck in a word rut.

Hope that helps! (?)

You may want to take my advice with a grain of salt, though.
(No one has read my work yet)

dangerousbill · May 5, 2015

D Ridder said:
So what do I do? do I find more words to use to describe it, or do I just repeat them?

It's not that simple. I suggest you read more good erotica. Vanilla sex might be just tab A in slot B, but the actions and dialogue surrounding it give the color to each scene.

Not every sex scene has to have squishy sex in it, either. You can pile a lot of erotic power into otherwise ordinary scenes, like this one of my MMC and FMC just having dinner:

“RoseAnn, you are so beautiful,” he whispered.

I watched his eyes as I sipped my wine and slowly licked the rim of the glass to catch the last drops. “Thank you, Craig.”

Now was the time to move, my instincts told me. My stomach churned, but I managed to keep my voice steady, and said, “Would you like to feed them to me?”

His head jerked back in surprise. “Feed you? ... I mean, um, yes. Yes, I would.” Recovering, he moved his chair around the table. Taking the fork from my hand, he poised to spear another shrimp.

“With your fingers.”

I don’t know where that came from, but it was probably the sexiest thing to come out of my mouth in years. He gasped in surprise, but I managed to keep my cool and waited.

He picked up a shrimp and brought it to my lips. I held his gaze while I licked the shrimp with just the tip of my tongue and bit off a little piece. After I chewed and swallowed, I licked my lips and bit off some more. When there was only a little piece left, I reached for it with my lips and brushed the tips of his fingers with my tongue.

I felt a wet gush in my panties, and shivered with delight. Craig’s breath was coming fast, but he picked up another shrimp, and fed it to me with infinite patience. His own food sat ignored on the plate as his face moved closer to mine. His breath felt clean and warm on my cheek.

He fed me half a dozen shrimp, fragment by fragment. Each time, with the last bit, I took his fingertips in my lips and licked at them, longer with each of the little creatures I consumed. Finally, my excitement was too much to bear. I whispered, “Craig, kiss me, please.”

Sex after this buildup is almost an afterthought.

veinglory · May 6, 2015

Most of my characters have the kind of sex most people have ( based on what sex surveys report). It is interesting to them so I think that makes it interesting to the reader.

I tend to write pretty much every single detail, for the same reason. The character are well... Very interested in exactly what they are doing.

D Ridder · May 12, 2015

I've read it, but was extremely disappointed by the sex. Much more a political novel than an erotic one to me.

D Ridder · May 12, 2015

Thanks. Some great advice here. Reading back through each sex scene I have written, the actions are linked to a part of the female leads psyche, so I think the actual sexual act is secondary to her thoughts and emotions. I'm actually not even sure if this is erotica I'm writing anymore...

Need more vocab?

D Ridder

Filigree

Mildly Disturbing

D Ridder

apchelopech

D Ridder

StoryofWoe

Sick and pale with grief.

D Ridder

ElaineA

All about that action, boss.

D Ridder

apchelopech

Maryn

Baaa!

Helen_Rouge

ElaineA

All about that action, boss.

D Ridder

Filigree

Mildly Disturbing

DancingMaenid

New kid...seven years ago!

Treehouseman

Mellow

dangerousbill

Retired Illuminatus

veinglory

volitare nequeo

D Ridder

D Ridder