Scenes from a hat!

3. cause my cartel is still in a legal limbo

4. Because I'm a Toys R Us kid

5. It still hasn't healed. Bandages come off next week.

Must haves most people don't think of while packing for a safari.

1. ACME Instant Hole

2. Hamburgers for the lions.

3. There's gonna be lions? Slower, meatier friends.

4. Guides with a better sense of direction than those from the Fugarwe tribe.

5. Spare wiper blades. Trust me you don't want yours back from the monkeys.

Worst place to lose your mobile phone.

1. In your wife's purse

2. Your wife's best friend's purse.

3. "WTF, Jonah!"

4. Down the Port-O-Pottie.

5. On the surgery table.

Five historical figures, and the Kickstarter campaigns they would have run if they were alive today.

1. Paul Revere
" And if you call now I'll send a second set of pans for free"

2. The fearsome pirate "Black Beard".

"AAAaaarrrr.....!! Help me find the buried treasures on this island!!

Registration is *FREE* at www.blackbeardisnumberone.c om!

Do this and I'll send you this wench and all the grog ya want.. before I cut your stinkin' heart out!"

3. Metal. Any workable metal. by Native Americans c. 1500.

"Help us."

Pledge 10 ducats: Access to our polution-free Chesapeake Bay. There are so many fish, you can grab them with your hands. Plus all the crabs you want - we don't eat them. Swim, frolick, and more.

Pledge 50 ducats: Access to our Kentucky-Tennessee old growth forest. Though small, only covering two states, it includes access to the beautiful Smoky Mountains. Hiking, serenity, and delicious game meats til you puke.

Pledge 100 ducats or more: Aztec holiday! Next summer solstice you are the high priest executioner. Go nuts! Perfect for soldiers. Plus you own the Grand Canyon.

4. Biff Tanner:
Big Winner Sports Bets! I'm so good, it's like I know the results before they happen! In fact, I can tell you that I'll turn your $50 pledge into $1500 by next Mon-- MCFLY!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE - GIVE ME THAT BACK!!!

5. Alan Turing

Kickstart project - The home Colossus.

Super heroes that never quite made the grade.

1. VacuumMan: can clean an entire city with one inhalation, but then spends 6 months coughing toxic waste.

2. Garbage Man !!! with that round shield with the handle in the middle

3. The Hairy Mole.
He sticks on your face and makes people think you're hideous.

4. Super Wet Nurse Millie: Schoolchildren will never be thirsty again.

5. The Red Tapir - plant-eating superhero who can defeat any villain... but only after you submit your request in triplicate.

Greek Gods in suburbia - their pet peeves

1. They must join the association and let others make their decisions for them.

2. Trimming hedges to geometric perfection.