Does this construction make sense?

Who was she dressed similarly to? The door?

And reaching the door 'just ahead of her' reads strangely to me, but of course I don't know the full context of this particular scene.

...She and Rosa were dressed similarly, but she had a lieutenant's...

I can't address that first Veronica sentence, because I don't know how recently Rosa had been mentioned previously--that's assuming the "her" there is referring to Rosa.

Might be able to help more if you gave a couple line before these to get the context.

I can follow the most recent example based on context, but you have a problem with your pronouns. When you use a pronoun like she, it refers to the most recently mentioned female character, but you're not doing that.

How about:

An hour later, Rosa arrived at the Intelligence building dressed in a pristine white uniform, hair in a neat bun beneath her black-brimmed cap. Veronica Fielding reached the door first. She was dressed similarly, but with a Lieutenant’s double leaf on her lapel where Rosa bore only one. Veronica had dark brown hair and a carefree manner, which sometimes made Rosa forget the five year gap between them.


Here, the ambiguity has been eliminated.

The pronoun change definitely makes it easier to read.

This is a small thing but if it were me I would reconsider the reference to Veronica's hair in the last sentence. It feels a bit awkward combining her hair and carefree manner. Is Veronica's hair also carefree? If so, I would mention it but if it's not integral at this point I would leave it out.

**

An hour later, Rosa arrived at the Intelligence building dressed in a pristine white uniform, hair in a neat bun beneath her black-brimmed cap. Veronica Fielding reached the door first. She was dressed similarly, but with a Lieutenant’s double leaf on her lapel where Rosa bore only one. Veronica had unruly brown curls that matched her carefree manner, which sometimes made Rosa forget the five year gap between them.

Lironah said:

Sorry, here's the rest. Though it sounds like I have more restructuring to do, which might end up fixing the problem in a different way.

---

An hour later, Rosa arrived at the Intelligence building dressed in a pristine white uniform, hair in a neat bun beneath her black-brimmed cap. Veronica Fielding reached the door just ahead of her. Veronica was dressed similarly, but with a Lieutenant’s double leaf on her lapel where Rosa bore only one. Veronica had dark brown hair and a carefree manner which sometimes made Rosa forget the five year gap between them.

Click to expand...

I think it works much better like the above. Pronouns such as "her" can be confusing when two characters are involved, so it's often best to use names.

As everyone has mentioned, it's the pronouns tripping you up. Pronoun usage can be tricky. You need to pay close attention to the objects or people they refer to, and make sure those references are obvious. You, the writer, of course know what you mean, but a reader will not, unless you construct your sentences clearly.

You might want to look at the Purdue OWL site, which is an excellent reference for matters such as this.

caw

Veronica Fielding reached the door just ahead of her first. (Probably clear from the preceding context as to whom she's ahead of. So why complicate things.) She was dressed similarly, but with a Lieutenant’s double leaf on her lapel where Rosa's bore only one.

My two cents.