Jessie J comes out as straight

That's the Daily Mail though...are you sure it's true?

I suppose only she would know the truth.

I see what you mean about the "just a phase" line being poor wording. But sexuality can be a very fluid experience for people. Her discovering it to be the case for her does not come off offensive to me. Suum cuique.

That's the thing with the DM though. It might be the way Jessie said it but they've never been known for their sensitivity.

How does 'wanting to marry a man' make her less bisexual?

It does seem to imply that someone will take away your bisexual card if your aren't actually having intercourse with at least one of each type in any given [some period of time].

It's the press. Nuances of sexuality are not really their strong point.

JohnnyGottaKeyboard said:

How does 'wanting to marry a man' make her less bisexual?

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This was my thought as well. And I've heard that argument bandied about QUITE enough by people who insist bisexuality is always "just a phase," and when/if you settle down with a permanent partner, your orientation changes to Straight or Guy depending on that person.

If that's how she feels, then okay, but we don't need that kind of press. Again.

Well, as a straight guy, I for one am glad that there's another straight person 'cuz, y'know, we heteros are in the minority.



Seriously, whether or not it was "a phase" or she was just playing on the gay crowd to increase her CD sales is something I'll never know. If it was the latter, playing gay (forgive me, that's the expression I grew up with) is a poor way, IMO, of doing it.

Personally, if a singer/actor/actress is good at their craft, then I could care less what orientation they follow. If I like a singer's music I'll listen to it and not think "Is that person gay, straight, bi, transgendered" or some such rot like that.

To me, this is all just another poorly worded and perhaps poorly interpreted (by the newspaper) publicity stunt.

I think sexuality can be fluid sometimes, and that it's definitely possible for someone to reach a point in their life where they don't feel like the label they've been using fits them anymore. I think people should be able to come to this realization without being judged, or having their feelings used to prove a point about prejudiced stereotypes being true.

That said, I do kind of hope that she isn't coming to this conclusion only because she wants to marry a man, or because her interest has shifted toward men more. I think it's a shame that a lot of people believe that being bisexual means you must be interested in men and women in equal measures, or that you have to be actively interested in being with both men and women, as opposed to just having attraction. Bisexuality is more of a spectrum than a single identity, and I wish more people were comfortable with using the label.

She did specify that she wasn't saying it was "just a phase" for everyone. I have known many gay people who thought they were bisexual before they realized they were gay. It only really pisses me off when they come to the conclusion that anyone who identifies as bisexual is fooling themselves.

Yeah. Honestly, it's not her fault if some people see this as support for the idea that bisexuality is a phase/doesn't exist. I think it's hard not to wince internally a bit when someone makes an announcement like this because we know that biphobic people may use it as justification for their opinions. But I think that when we start criticizing the people whose labels/identities shift, rather than the prejudiced people, then the prejudiced people win.

A month or two ago, I saw a promo for an Oprah episode on her OWN network in which she said, "Margaret Cho claimed to be bisexual, but she married a MAN!" As if (a) that was hugely newsworthy news, and (b)marrying a man somehow negated Margaret Cho's "claim" of being bisexual. Many people just do not get it.

Bisexuality is an *attraction* to both men and women. That doesn't mean you're out doing the horizontal bunny hop with both at the same time. It doesn't mean you're going to marry both at the same time. It means you're *attracted* to both. At least as I understand it, and please correct me if I'm wrong.

(And I apologize for the "both"/binary nature of that statement; I'm still sorting out how to refer to bisexuality without being gender-binary. If that's possible.)

Jessie J might be bisexual and conflating marrying a man with being straight. Or she might have been straight all along. Maybe she had sex and/or relationships with women without actually being attracted to them... to some people, possibly including her, that might mean she's straight. She's the only one who really knows where she's at on the sexuality spectrum. But it would be unfortunate if people see this as "See, bisexuality isn't really a thing, because now that she's with a guy she's straight."

And let's face it...sometimes it can be hard to "figure out what you are." While we probably are born with our sexual orientation, many of us are not born knowing what it is. It's something a lot of people need to learn about themselves. She learned that she is straight. It's fine that she had previously considered the possibility she might not be.

I'm with Celia here. And I think that Jessie has a right to be honest with the public about her orientation, even if that same public could turn it against the LGBTA community.

Besides, sexuality is complicated. There's romantic attraction and sexual attraction, and they're not mutually inclusive. Maybe she realized that, even if she were attracted to a girl sexually, she would never be attracted romantically.

Hell, I dunno. It's not our place to speculate about her.

regdog said:

I don't get the "it was a phase".

An honest question I have, is for some who think that could it be possible that a straight man or woman does meet one person who is the one they would or do have a same sex relationship with? But never feel that way towards another.

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Yes, there are people like that. Just as there are people who have identified as non-heterosexual their entire lives but meet someone that changes their perspective entirely.

I think sometimes that one of the aspects we forget about in terms of understanding sexuality, orientation and gender, is that we live longer than we used to, and that a lifetime expectation of say 90 is very different from previous eras when life time expectations on average were, say, 60.

We no longer expect people to be married before they're 25. Women especially live very different lives than we did even 50 years ago; for instance, in the U. S. it is no longer common for women to die because of complications related to child birth.

Cultural expectations are changing.

regdog said:

I don't get the "it was a phase".

An honest question I have, is for some who think that could it be possible that a straight man or woman does meet one person who is the one they would or do have a same sex relationship with? But never feel that way towards another.

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I have a female friend who is with a man right now, but she still considers herself gay. She's said she knows that he's the only man she would ever be interested in romantically. And I suppose you can't know anything 100%, but she identifies as gay because she prefers women. That's something she definitely knows about herself at this point in her life.

For many people, nothing like this ever happens. But I definitely feel it's somewhat common for people to have a romantic attraction that might not fit their sexual orientation. Some people would say, "that means they're bisexual," but I don't know if it necessarily does. Some people identify as gay or straight because they feel more one way than another. It's what most describes them, and is the bigger part of their identity. It doesn't mean they are 100% gay or straight, just as bisexuals are not always 50/50. People are different, and they have different reasons for identifying the way they do. Some women like Jessie J might consider themselves bisexual, even if they prefer to date men, because they have been attracted to women in the past. She calls that "straight" for herself, and that's okay too.

regdog said:

I don't get the "it was a phase".

An honest question I have, is for some who think that could it be possible that a straight man or woman does meet one person who is the one they would or do have a same sex relationship with? But never feel that way towards another.

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Like Celia and Medi said, it is possible. Though, it totally depends on the person, and many straight people wouldn't be capable of this.

I think there are a couple things at play. One, while I don't think sexuality is something someone can "choose" in any conscious, intentional way, some people do find that their sexuality evolves or shifts over time. It's not a matter of "turning straight" (or gay), but it can be possible to realize that you don't feel the way you thought you did, or that you have a better idea of how you feel, and change how you identify as a result.

For another thing, bisexuality, like I mentioned above, can be more of a spectrum than a single orientation. Whether or not someone chooses to call themselves bisexual can be pretty subjective sometimes. Some people are capable of finding more than one gender attractive, but they have a strong enough preference for one gender enough that they don't consider calling themselves bisexual, or they don't think that their attraction to their non-preferred gender counts enough. I suspect a lot of people who identify as gay or straight until they meet that one person are in this category.

I think it's relatively rare for someone to be completely gay or straight except for with one person, though it is something that people experience. More commonly, I think there are a lot of people who are capable of being attracted to more than one gender, but may not acknowledge it or be completely aware of it.

I wish more people were comfortable with the idea of IDing as bisexual, and were more inclined to consider the possibility. But I can also understand and support why someone might feel more comfortable IDing as gay or straight if their bisexuality is very slight and doesn't play much of a role in who they want to date.