Cuteness in queries

JimHeskett said:

Critting heaps of queries in the SYW QLH forums, I've noticed a common kind of voice that appears in posts there: the cutesy phrase.

Whereas the plain and direct way to say something: "the rebels wanted him dead."

turns into this kind of wink-and-double-gun phrasing "the rebels wanted him to eat bullet sandwiches for breakfast."

Has anyone else noticed this? Is this just a side effect of so many YA queries trying to achieve maximum hipness, or is this genuinely the kind of thing that attracts agents?

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It's voice. A query isn't meant to be a dry rundown of the events of the book - that's a synopsis. A query is meant to show the character's/writer's voice. If it comes through in such a way that it makes an agent want to read the book, yeah, it attracts agents.

If the tone of your MS is "cute," then that's the tone you should use in your query, ideally. If the tone of your MS is more "plain and direct," then that's the tone you should use in your query, ideally.

I'm an advocate for voice in queries, but a problem we have a lot in QLH, I think, is some writers interpret "voice" to mean funny/sarcastic/snarky/over-the-top/"cute".

Little Ming said:

If the tone of your MS is "cute," then that's the tone you should use in your query, ideally. If the tone of your MS is more "plain and direct," then that's the tone you should use in your query, ideally.

I'm an advocate for voice in queries, but a problem we have a lot in QLH, I think, is some writers interpret "voice" to mean funny/sarcastic/snarky/over-the-top/"cute".

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Agree completely. I think there should be "voice" in your query, but it should represent the voice of the manuscript being queried.

I don't particularly mind the "cute" as long as it isn't overwhelming. (While I think it's hard to overdo voice in a query, it does happen, and not just for "cute" queries.)

Of course, as mentioned above, it has to work for the book/topic. A cute story about MG kids finding a portal in their basement to a magical world works just fine for me. A cute voice in a novel that's about a murder-suicide, not so much.

Do you mean cute as in clever, or cute as in appealingly childlike? (Cute is one of those words that doesn't always translate internationally. My husband (American) says cute when he means pretty, but I'm guessing you don't intend that

JimHeskett said:

Whereas the plain and direct way to say something: "the rebels wanted him dead."

turns into this kind of wink-and-double-gun phrasing "the rebels wanted him to eat bullet sandwiches for breakfast."

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Your first example is "telling", i.e. telling the reader the facts rather than trying to coax their imagination into picturing the scene, which is "showing".

The thing is, queries pretty much need to use some "telling", because what telling is good for is to summarize large amounts of information quickly, and a query has to summarize an entire book.

But there are ways to make "telling" engaging, and imaginative phrasing is one of the tools you can use. It tricks the reader's brain into picturing something or interpreting something, and thereby forces mental engagement.

Since one of the things agents are looking for is how well your writing engages their interest, this is a useful tool. You can also use humour, lyrical writing, or a good understanding of how to make a reader feverishly curious to accomplish the same goal of making the agent believe they've found a writer worth reading.

mccardey said:

Do you mean cute as in clever, or cute as in appealingly childlike? (Cute is one of those words that doesn't always translate internationally. My husband (American) says cute when he means pretty, but I'm guessing you don't intend that

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I have read about some agents saying they don't care for cute as in pretty: no stationary paper with flower borders for mailed query letters. No colored paper either. Just the standard, white 8.5 x 11 sheets.

As to cute in the other (jeeringly sarcastic) sense, incorporated in the OP, basically whatever engages interest. Like JJ says, queries require telling to a large extent. If you can spruce that up in some way all the better. Of course nothing beats a solid story and characters. But even with that it's helpful to go about it with some panache. Agents read LOTS of queries. Every extra helps.

Ken: Your description of the OP's tone is both overstated and unnecessary.

Please refrain from that sort of comment in the future.

You know where the "report post" button is if you feel someone else's post is out of line.

Sorry Jim. Faulty assessment. My bad.
::Extends olive branch::

Will do, Kyla. Will "refrain," hereon.
The "report post option" ain't for me. Never used it in all the time I've been here.
Not to say it's not useful in some sits. Fine function !

JimHeskett said:

Lemme splain. When I said "cute," what I meant was:

generally, cleverness for its own sake.

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Here's the danger you run into starting a thread like this. Most people who write those "cute" queries you disdain don't think they are trying to be cute. Or clever for no other purpose than to be clever. They think it captures something about their novel that an agent will like. Now, you might think it's too "cute" and might want to comment that there could be a better way of phrasing something in a critique of said query, but asking why so many people write "cute" queries is ultimately dissing anyone who writes a query in that manner.

And that doesn't sit well with me.

So if the question is "Why do people write with voice in their queries?" then the answer can be "Because they are trying to get more than just plot across in their query." However when the question is "Why do people write cute queries?" followed by a "And do agents really like that??" it really means "Why do people feel a need to be unnecessarily clever and annoying in their queries?" and therefore I'm not sure what kind of answer you are hoping for? "Because they like to be annoying?" "Because they are bad writers?" "Because agents are so predictable they like boring cleverness?" None of which are accurate of course, but seem to be the only kind of answer one could give aside from because the writer thought it worked.

So basically: what exactly is the answer you want from a thread like this?

In general it's a good idea to try to deliver tone as well as plot in a query. That's why people write in colourful manner. No one goes out of their way to be obnoxious in a query on purpose. And I highly doubt you were really asking sincerely if people thought being obnoxious was an effective tool.

Quite frankly I think you were asking a rhetorical question. A whine. A "OMG why are people trying so hard to be clever when they clearly aren't! KISS people! Keep It Simple Stupid!" And honestly, a conversation about flowery vs direct prose is an interesting one. But I feel like this conversation was started slightly dishonestly.

Forgive me if I am reading a bit much into your original post, but it isn't sitting well with me and I felt a need to say something.

Toothpaste said:

Here's the danger you run into starting a thread like this. Most people who write those "cute" queries you disdain don't think they are trying to be cute. Or clever for no other purpose than to be clever. They think it captures something about their novel that an agent will like. Now, you might think it's too "cute" and might want to comment that there could be a better way of phrasing something in a critique of said query, but asking why so many people write "cute" queries is ultimately dissing anyone who writes a query in that manner.

And that doesn't sit well with me.

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I might be mistaken in the OP's intention, but I think he was referring to suggestions made on other people's queries. I did notice this when my query was being evaluated in QLH -- some well-meaning posters' suggestions for how to "add voice" in my query (which took me awhile, so I appreciate their effort in trying to help!) did sound way too "cute"/"hip"/"snarky" for my query -- it just didn't work with my story b/c my narrator never would have used one of those phrases. But that's a judgement call for the author to make -- it's his/her query, his/her story, and ultimately his/her "voice" that needs to come across.

I really didn't read that anywhere in the OPs post, that this was a critique of the critics. If it was, I think that's a more interesting conversation certainly. Especially as those who critique a query rarely read the novel and thus have no sense of tone. So imposing tone onto someone else's story could be interesting to discuss.

I still didn't see that as the question, the question wasn't "Why do people try to change queries to all sound the same" it was "why do people write cute queries". That might have simply been a poorly worded question though. I am willing to give the benefit of the doubt. But if that is the case, can we possibly shift the conversation away from "why are authors writing these oh so clever lines" to "what is the underlying message the critic is trying to offer and have we gone too far with making queries stand out and sparkle that they are all starting to sound the same?".

Toothpaste, I agree that it will be a much more productive discussion if we can focus on what it means to add voice, or speak with voice, in a query, and notice that one pitfall is overreachintg cleverness or "cuteness" without making judgments about the writers of the queries.

I feel the OP was perhaps skirting an edge as noted but has clarified what he meant, and was not intentionally dissing other writers. However, to continue to castigate him for his post will begin to enter that territory, so let's move on from that now, please.

Thank you.

WendyN said:

I might be mistaken in the OP's intention, but I think he was referring to suggestions made on other people's queries. I did notice this when my query was being evaluated in QLH -- some well-meaning posters' suggestions for how to "add voice" in my query (which took me awhile, so I appreciate their effort in trying to help!) did sound way too "cute"/"hip"/"snarky" for my query -- it just didn't work with my story b/c my narrator never would have used one of those phrases. But that's a judgement call for the author to make -- it's his/her query, his/her story, and ultimately his/her "voice" that needs to come across.

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Toothpaste said:

I really didn't read that anywhere in the OPs post, that this was a critique of the critics. If it was, I think that's a more interesting conversation certainly. Especially as those who critique a query rarely read the novel and thus have no sense of tone. So imposing tone onto someone else's story could be interesting to discuss.

I still didn't see that as the question, the question wasn't "Why do people try to change queries to all sound the same" it was "why do people write cute queries". That might have simply been a poorly worded question though. I am willing to give the benefit of the doubt. But if that is the case, can we possibly shift the conversation away from "why are authors writing these oh so clever lines" to "what is the underlying message the critic is trying to offer and have we gone too far with making queries stand out and sparkle that they are all starting to sound the same?".

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I can't speak for other critters, but when I do these "add voice" examples it's not so much "here's an example of how you should do your query," it's more "here's an extreme example of voice to highlight the lack of voice in your query." I also throw in some random profanity and obscenity, so hopefully it's obvious I wasn't telling them to use my example.

I don't think it's a poor topic at all . I just was worried things were veering into the not respecting one's fellow author territory of judging people's taste level. But I was clearly mistaken, and I think it's an interesting thing to talk about.

I think for the most part authors are trying to both please agents and themselves. I don't think they choose a particular tone because they know an agent likes it though. I think it's more, "Hah! This awesome quality about my book will get an agent's attention." Not "This kind of thing always gets an agent's attention." But maybe that's my rather uncynical side coming forth .

I don't do cute in queries, but I don't do very much tell, either. I think a really good query is one that shows an agent or editor how well you can write, that reflects the quality of your novel.

If a query doesn't display really good writing, why should an agent or editor believe the novel will?

WendyN said:

I might be mistaken in the OP's intention, but I think he was referring to suggestions made on other people's queries. I did notice this when my query was being evaluated in QLH -- some well-meaning posters' suggestions for how to "add voice" in my query (which took me awhile, so I appreciate their effort in trying to help!) did sound way too "cute"/"hip"/"snarky" for my query -- it just didn't work with my story b/c my narrator never would have used one of those phrases. But that's a judgement call for the author to make -- it's his/her query, his/her story, and ultimately his/her "voice" that needs to come across.

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I haven't critted in a while, but when I do, I sometimes give examples of what I mean. When I do this, I do not intend for the author to take those examples as direct suggestions--and I try to make that clear, but I may not always succeed --rather, I just want to illustrate my meaning. Personally, I learn better with examples, so I will often include them, in case the person on the other end does too.

I think it's best to take all such "suggested" things as "here is what I mean when I say x" rather then "here is what *you* should do; please take my words and apply them verbatim."

As for the voice thing--I haven't been in QLH lately so I can't say about a trend of using a certain voice Voice is a hard thing to work out, though, query-wise; I'm not sure you could generalize about what agents want, or even what people think they want, lol But it could just be the result of people finding their feet in the query drafting process, possibly.

I haven't quite found mine, either

Sage said:

If all queries sound the same, whether it's a plain tone or a certain type of voice, they're less likely to hook the agent. But your query's voice should match that of your book.

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Absolutely. I have often detected a certain formulaic quality to this sort of thing - structures and attitudes that come across a lot. They tend to blur into each other after a while, and if it's not what the book feels like, it's not the tone to take.