How do you deal with the wait?

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noranne

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Besides writing something new!

I have 9 queries out in the wild. It's only been 3 days so I am in for a long wait, and I admit that I am a very impatient person. I have already started sketching out my next one, and I'm very excited about it, but I can't spend every minute working on it. (For one thing, I'm supposed to also be trying to find a job right now, which is a very similarly frustrating ballgame!)

So what are some other ways you help keep your mind off the wait??
 

Putputt

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Hrmm, I was pretty chill while querying, I guess because I was confident that I had done all I could to maximize my chances...but my first two weeks of submissions I was reduced to a ball of quivering nerves, whining and moaning to anyone who would listen. I tried moving on to the next project, but nope. I couldn't focus on anything but the book that was on subs. What did help were...

1. Reaching out to my long-suffering friends. :) They were there to listen and offer comfort while I stewed in a vat of sweat and anxiety.

2. Started a private online journal into which I poured my anxiety and shit. The key is to keep it private. You don't want agents and/or editors coming across that bowl of crap.

3. Reached out to people who were going through or had recently gone through the same process. One of the people I messaged told me it's okay, she was basically useless the first two weeks of submissions too. For some reason, that sense of validation made me calm down a little. I guess I was feeling terrible about being all stressed out and anxious about it and it helped to know that this was okay.

4. Whatever your methods for self-soothing are, do them. Ideally they'd be healthy-ish ones. :D I self-medicated with chocolate and made sure to go jogging. The fresh air and change of scenery helped to keep my mind off the MS.

5. When my anxiety got too bad for me to remain in the house, I got myself to a cafe and started taking notes for the next project. After the first two weeks passed, I was able to actually write the next project, which was the thing that helped me most of all.

Good luck! Hope your wait is short!
 

CarbunkleFlux

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I just move on to a new project. I know that's precisely the answer you didn't want, but I can't think of anything that makes more sense to do.

I mean, query times are at minimum 30 days most of the time. You can't put just everything on halt for an entire month (or longer) so you can anticipate that response. At least if you're doing a new project, the time goes by faster and you're continuing to improve as a writer in the interim.
 

Filigree

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For at least the first couple of days, I try to focus on something different. Usually art. I have a tendency to fixate on the project at hand, so that derails my obsession with the writing I just sent out.

Honestly, it never ends. I have two short stories out, and I just sent my agent a new novella. Every so often I have a moment of 'OhmygodIhopeshereallylikesit'. The only way to deal with doubt and apprehension is to focus on other things.
 

Jo Zebedee

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Yep. Focus ons something else - for me it usually is something new, sadly - maybe catch up on stuff you didn't do while you were working on it. Oh, and researching the next targets, I found that helpful. And also, critting others - good practice and distracting. Good luck!
 

JoyMC

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Yep. Focus ons something else - for me it usually is something new, sadly - maybe catch up on stuff you didn't do while you were working on it. Oh, and researching the next targets, I found that helpful. And also, critting others - good practice and distracting. Good luck!

All this. I queried for three+ years. It was not awesome. But I'm sure glad I focused on the next thing for a couple reasons. 1) It gave me something to do. 2) It gave me hope that if the MS I was querying wasn't going to be The One, the next one would. But most of all 3) my first MS didn't get me an agent. Neither did my second, third, or fourth. Got my agent after five months of querying my fifth manuscript.

And once you get an agent, then you'll have to wait on submission. And once you get a book deal, then you'll have like two years until your book actually comes out. So the waiting now is good practice. :D
 

Jamesaritchie

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Don't wait, write. Forget your first project even exists.
 

noranne

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Yes, I get that. I am writing. I'm just saying it's completely unrealistic to think that I am going to somehow forget that I have queries awaiting response, so I was wondering what other ways people pass the time besides writing. I am not a particularly patient person and having to wait a month or three just to even get a thumbs-up or down is hard for me.
 

Anna Spargo-Ryan

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Seriously though, write. Write until the thing you're waiting on seems passe. That's the only way I got through it (and I had a blessedly short wait). Of course, now I have the problem of believing my first m/s is passe ;)

Your other option is tranquilising yourself into oblivion.
 

popgun62

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I hate waiting. I'm terrible at it. No patience whatsoever. I'm waiting for some stuff to happen right now, and it's driving me bat-shit crazy.

I manage to put it out of my head by working on other stuff, but only for a while, and then I'm right back to being impatient again. So I read, write music, watch TV, surf the net, go to the beach, or do anything that takes my mind off the fact that I'm. still. WAITING! I wish I could say it gets easier. But it doesn't.
 

Verlin

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I find that the mindfulness skills I've developed over the years help a lot. Nonetheless, I still find that waiting for submissions after about 2 months is challenging. By mindfulness, I mean a mastery of attention so that one can choose to be in the moment instead of up in our head.
 

noranne

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I hate waiting. I'm terrible at it. No patience whatsoever. I'm waiting for some stuff to happen right now, and it's driving me bat-shit crazy.

I manage to put it out of my head by working on other stuff, but only for a while, and then I'm right back to being impatient again. So I read, write music, watch TV, surf the net, go to the beach, or do anything that takes my mind off the fact that I'm. still. WAITING! I wish I could say it gets easier. But it doesn't.

Sounds like a kindred spirit! :Hug2:
 

Jo Zebedee

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I hate waiting, it has to be said. But it really doesn't get better as someone pointed out above. Throw yourself into whatever you find distracting - I garden a lot, or take up a diy project. There's no way to speed this thing up so it comes down to finding something you like doing and distracting yourself from it.

Having said that, four years on I am getting used to waiting and now all my various projects trundling their own path don't bother me so much - things will happen in the end. It's just another thing in my life - so, maybe, also, let the waiting become what's normal?
 

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About waiting, and about writing: I had one request for a partial. Very encouraging, and from an excellent agent. That didn't work out, but I understand, and I'm working to improve things. I have 9 queries that are all approaching 3 months without response. I have six rejections, all form letters, one that came early in the morning after I queried at 10:00 pm the prior evening. I'm in no rush to hear on the others. In the interim I'm tightening some areas of my manuscript. Does anyone around here who writes as a "second calling" get the sense that friends or family members suspect there's a screw loose somewhere?
 

CarbunkleFlux

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Yes, I get that. I am writing. I'm just saying it's completely unrealistic to think that I am going to somehow forget that I have queries awaiting response, so I was wondering what other ways people pass the time besides writing. I am not a particularly patient person and having to wait a month or three just to even get a thumbs-up or down is hard for me.

It's hard for everyone. Querying is a slow and arduous process :\. Gotta just take it day-by-day and let it all come to you. It will eventually.
 

kenpochick

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I totally get it. I'm right there with you. I always say I'm going to be chill about the whole thing, and then I start obsessively refreshing my email. Focus on your job hunt and whatever your new project is. Catch up on a show on Netflix. Read a book. Have a cocktail!
 

Shadow_Ferret

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Yes, I get that. I am writing. I'm just saying it's completely unrealistic to think that I am going to somehow forget that I have queries awaiting response, so I was wondering what other ways people pass the time besides writing. I am not a particularly patient person and having to wait a month or three just to even get a thumbs-up or down is hard for me.
This is EXACTLY what I do. The first week or so, I'm constantly checking my email for responses, but after that I LITERALLY forget they are out there. Maybe its my ADHD. But I just go on and work on other projects, start new ones, and go on with life. When I do receive a response, my first thought is, "Huh. I forgot I sent this out."
 

kydelaney

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About waiting, and about writing: I had one request for a partial. Very encouraging, and from an excellent agent. That didn't work out, but I understand, and I'm working to improve things. I have 9 queries that are all approaching 3 months without response. I have six rejections, all form letters, one that came early in the morning after I queried at 10:00 pm the prior evening. I'm in no rush to hear on the others. In the interim I'm tightening some areas of my manuscript. Does anyone around here who writes as a "second calling" get the sense that friends or family members suspect there's a screw loose somewhere?

Ha! I'm not sure if friends or family think I have a screw loose, but sometimes I think that! I've started reminding myself that I started writing for the simple fact that it brings me joy. On the process of chasing agents, I've lost touch with that joy. And so know I'm reminding myself of that and letting the simple act if writing be enough!
 

noranne

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I have found now that sending out more queries helps me feel better about waiting on the queries I've sent out before. That and obsessing over QT data!
 

kristenvalentine

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I have found now that sending out more queries helps me feel better about waiting on the queries I've sent out before. That and obsessing over QT data!

Ha, my response to the anxiety of waiting was to just send out more queries too! It helps. I've sent 19 so far, with 7 rejections and 1 request for the full manuscript, radio silence on the other 11. It's been about 3 weeks but feels like basically 3 years.
 

J.S.F.

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When I first started out, I went nuts sitting by the computer and checking my mail at least three times a day. Then an older and wiser writer told me that patience IS a virtue and to find something else to do. She said that publishing houses will take up to six months if not longer to review a project so why fight the calendar? Less stress and all that.

So, I worked on other projects, relaxed, surfed the Net...forgot about the submissions, and when the results came in (good or bad) I didn't feel so stressed out about it at all.
 

noranne

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Well it's been over a month and I still stress out about the waiting. But there's only so much you can do about it!
 
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