The utterly squalid, wretchedly deprived, bravely-trying-to-maintain-appearances tea salon

tiddlywinks said:

But...but I spent hours carving everybody's faces into those little cheese cubes...

Click to expand...

Those were not cheese cubes, Dearest Tiddlywinks. Those were the neighbors from across the way who had come to give us a cord or wood so we could again light our fire and enjoy the civilized comforts we have missed during our most dire straits.

Alas, now they will harbor animosity toward us for quite awhile. It will be impossible to invite them to the cotillion planned for late spring.

But, Dear TiddlyWinks. It is not your fault. You were crazed by lack of proper tea, jam and handkerchiefs!

Any reasonable person would understand that and sympathize with you.


***sips fresh tea with pinkie extended***

of course I understand her, ... I think

CassandraW said:

Dear Jaycinth, is that truly tea? Or is it *shudder* Lipton, and you are once again being fine and brave in the face of adversity?

Click to expand...

......stick out your pinkie, dear Cassandra, and think of Barsoom!

Then gird yourself with the secure knowledge that we have real cheese, most of a cord of wood and we shall not be forced to un-tin these rutabagas before the brave captain steers his clipper ship through the icebergs, polarbears and 'Sharknados' and delivers our Vegemite and handkerchiefs.




Providing, of course, that he is not attacked by the bored apathetic pygmy pirates of the Antarctic Ocean.

oooh, I do like apathy.

rutabagas, not so much.

*fashions slingshots out of handkerchiefs and launches rutabagas*

CassandraW said:

If only our brave captain were not so gallant. His scruples about engaging in fisticuffs with those less amply endowed physically have caused him, thrice, to abandon his cargo and allow the bored apathetic pygmy pirates to have their way.

Click to expand...

....What ever shall become of us if our brave captain once again allows the bored, apathetic, pygmy pirates have their way with him once again!!!

Oh. Oh dear.

Do you think I should apologize? *wrings hands with 'kerchief*


*sips 'tea' to calm self*

Also...about our captain...what does he look like? Just a few hints to tease my imagination of course.

*extends pinkie higher*

*scrambles up with sword in hand*

Whatever are we waiting for? We cannot let the captain be eaten by pygmies. That would be a travesty of untold proportions.

Who's with me!?

*adjusts corset surreptitiously*

This thing itches.

They're an American band.

tiddlywinks said:

*scrambles up with sword in hand*

Whatever are we waiting for? We cannot let the captain be eaten by pygmies. That would be a travesty of untold proportions.

Who's with me!?

*adjusts corset surreptitiously*

This thing itches.

Click to expand...

Brave Tiddlywinks! How noble of you to volunteer to go out into this screaming gale. But, I fear that we are stuck in these bleak mountains, in the summer castle, so very far away from the sea and the hopeful port to which our dashing, handsome and aristocratic gentleman captain is bound by duty and honor to return.

By the time that you travel down the icy slopes, battle the terrible wolves, and compromise yourself for a hundred mile cart ride to the sea, the giant icebergs that crash wantonly upon our coast will have totally destroyed any ships able to carry the cannon necessary to save the clipper ship full of tea and Vegemite, and the handsome, dashing, young, virile, black haired captain from the lascivious grasp of the bored, apathetic, pygmy pirates who troll the southern polar seas.

Pray, sit, and warm yourself by the fading fire whilst I rend my final handkerchief.



....if you put some hair in your corset, it will itch more, causing you to be ever more brave than you are now.

I have selected these boots for all of you.

*Harumphs*

I believe I saw a sign for Sparta not too far back on my way in to the salon. I'm going to gird my loins and head in that direction. Carry on with your mourning of the young, handsome, virile captain. I hope to return soon with our captain, safe and sound.

And the tea, of course. Because it's really about the tea. Yes.

*tightens corset*
*fluffs ringlets*
*lifts skirts and bravely trudges out in the winds*
*Strains of "Oh Captain, My Captain" drift back on the wind, followed by curses about an even itchier corset*

Cass, I believe your stockings will be well shielded by those boots Rob posted.

My eyes, on the other hand, will burn forever.

CassandraW said:

Farewell, sweet Tiddlywinks. Your courage in the face of a truly hopeless and appalling situation is deeply inspiring. I would almost consider following your brave, brave example, were it not for the fear my last pair of silk stockings would be spoilt in the muck, and my delicate lily-pale complexion embrowned by the sun.

Click to expand...

I will play a brave song on the harpsichord to commemorate Tiddlywinks fearless venture into the sleet filled night.

Oh Tiddly Winks walking through the snow,
Your bravery, is all we know
You travel with your sword held high
To slay the wolves who attack from the sky
Bravely forth over icy mountain fissures
You are not afraid of weird creatures.

Tally ho!
Tally HO

Oh my goodness. I'm gone three days and the deterioration of the state of affairs in here is almost complete. Dire times, it seems, call for dire measures.

CassandraW said:

Except for the tea. I'm afraid we're out of that.

Click to expand...

Since we are now such firm allies, I shall quell the temptation to make remarks about some idiots who threw crates of the stuff into the sea.

CassandraW said:

If I may consult you for a moment, dear? Whilst I was rummaging about in the basement for the gas masks I came across a box of something labeled "tea." But I'm not sure that's what it is at all. It is in little paper bags with string attached. Outlandishly labeled "Lipton," whatever that may mean. I really don't know what to make of it.

Click to expand...

No, Cassandra!! NO!! That is not tea. It is but a pitiful attempt to replicate the real thing without appearing too unpatriotic.

But I could not stand by and allow this salon to fall into utter degradation, so I have plundered my secret stash of the really good stuff.

*cleans table*

*sets out clean teapot and tea service*

*brews fresh of pot of real tea*

*places large plate of assorted muffins on table*

I do apologize for the muffins. Pretty pleb, I know. But nibbling them genteelly might still preserve some sense of decorum in here. (I am, however, keeping this baseball bat at the ready, should Porter or anyone else try to mess with our muffins.)

*sips tea*

*wonders about plundering secret stash of honey*

oooh, real tea.

ah, Gail, you are the loveliest lovely of them all.

*pounds nails into baseball bat*

*blushes*

*hefts new, improved baseball bat*

Awesome!