Should a query letter start straight away with the hook?

Writer_ said:

For example.

Dear Agent,

When Ralph Smith embarks on a mission to....blah blah.


Is this not quite rude. Is it acceptable to write as below:

Dear Agent,

My name is *** and this is a novel about ***.

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Read the stickies.

About the only things the cloud of advice about query letters has taught me is that the query should fit the manuscript and be no longer than one page. I totally suck at writing queries.

caw

Stickies; you aren't asking the agent to prom, or trying to build a new friendship in NY, you start with the pitch.

...or they may drop off before you finally get to the actual book

All good advice above. ^

Don't ever start a letter with "My name is..." Your signature tells the reader who you are. So does your letterhead, if you use one.

quicklime said:

you start with the pitch.

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Not if it's a nasty slider, with a late break, low and outside. You want to deliver a weak straight fastball in the middle of the strike zone.

caw

blacbird said:

Not if it's a nasty slider, with a late break, low and outside. You want to deliver a weak straight fastball in the middle of the strike zone.

caw

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Not sure about the juicy fast ball, blacbird. There are definitely agents who'd cackle with glee if you buzzed 'em high and tight.

As to the OP, in the age of email querying, your email address should be your name so no need to repeat yourself. A quick perusal of agent interviews/blog posts will confirm that most (not all) prefer the letter get straight to the point. Tell 'em the story, save the personal bits for after you've hooked 'em.

I usually go straight to the hook and leave the info for the end, unless the agent has stated a preference for the reverse.

Sat Nam! (Literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

In addition to reading the stickies in Query Letter Hell (password is vista) and in the publishing FAQS area (just above Ask the Agent), be sure to read the agents' websites. Some prefer the title, genre and wordcount up front. Most do not.

I realize it's ingrained to introduce yourself, but don't. With email, it pretty much goes without saying.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

Query Shark had a post today addressing this.

Writer_ said:

For example.

Dear Agent,

When Ralph Smith embarks on a mission to....blah blah.


Is this not quite rude. Is it acceptable to write as below:

Dear Agent,

My name is *** and this is a novel about ***.

Click to expand...

Maybe a compromise:

My name is Ralph Smith and this is a novel about a mission I embark on to ...

Some write queries like this, in the POV of their protags. Not sure how they do or whether such queries are even acceptable.

But in any event, don't start off with a personal intro as others here have said. That's a no go, unless you're a celebrity or something.

What you could do, Writer, is wait until you've got at least fifty posts here and contributed to the community a bit more, and then post your query letter for critique in Query Letter Hell.

Until then, you really should read the stickies there. And offer your own views on the query letters our other members are writing: criticising the works of others is a really good way to learn how to write more effectively for yourself.

I like to put the personalization to the editor or agent up front and then the story pitch (never more than two sentences, usually one). The pitch first feels abrupt to me.

My queries all had the pitch at the top. It didn't seem to be an issue.

But, I've seen people say it feels rude, and some recommend a little more personalization in the opening. As has been pointed out, you don't want to take too long to get to the hook/pitch. I do think you have to be comfortable with your own query though, so if you want to put the pitch further down in the letter... maybe you should do that. But remember that at this stage the agent is much more interested in your story than they are in you so I'd keep that introduction as brief as possible.

I've seen where an agent has said something like, "Don't tell me you're writing because you're seeking representation. My time is wasted reading that. Why else would you be writing me?" And I've also seen where an agent has written something like, "Don't just start telling me about your story without first telling me why you've written me. This is a professional letter--be professional." I research each agent before writing, and try to find out the agents' preferences.

For my most recent batches of queries, I've given genre and wordcount up front. My guess is that agents probably give that info a quick glance just to make sure what we've written is something they represent, before going on to read the rest of the letter. If they don't respesent that kind of story, they can stop reading right there and save themselves some time. (My impression is that some writers, unfortunately, do not target agents who actually represent their type of work. I can understand the frustration busy agents must feel.) My hope is that went they see that the story is in a genre they represent and the wordcount is acceptable, maybe they'll give a few extra seconds to considering what else I've written in the query.

ArtsyAmy said:

And I've also seen where an agent has written something like, "Don't just start telling me about your story without first telling me why you've written me. This is a professional letter--be professional." I research each agent before writing, and try to find out the agents' preferences.

For my most recent batches of queries, I've given genre and wordcount up front. My guess is that agents probably give that info a quick glance just to make sure what we've written is something they represent, before going on to read the rest of the letter. If they don't respesent that kind of story, they can stop reading right there and save themselves some time.

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I think all of this is a good approach. The best approach, however, is to do enough research on an agent to find out what she wants, and how she wants it. Too many writers fail to research agents at all, beyond guidelines that list what kind of fiction the agent represents.

Because it's a business letter, it is good to get to the point, but the point is not always the hook. When the hook comes first, it's incredibly easy to just say NO!. This, at least, is how it works with many editors, and I know with some agents.

Hooks are always a double-edged sword. A write is risking a lot by expecting a hook, which is usually just one sentence, to keep an agent or editor reading. I like interesting first sentences, but I hate the very concept of a "hook".

All I want is a sentence that makes me wonder what's going on, and what the next sentence will be. This may sound like a hook, but it's nothing like most of the "hooks" I've seen in query letters.

I don't like "cleverness", I don't like spectacular, and I don't like a sentence that doesn't directly relate to the sentence that follows it. For me, the best possible first sentence is usually pretty quiet. It often doesn't make a sound. It isn't "clever", it isn't spectacular action, it just makes me say, "Huh, I wonder what this is all about, and where it's going?"

I read the next sentence to find out, and expect the same from it.

Just an intriguing, well-written sentence that starts me on a journey.

Too many writers batch submit without knowing much at all about any of the agents, and they use some classic "hook" to start the query. Then they wonder why they receive so many rejections.

In fact, I think it's dangerous to think of the query as a business letter. It is, but it's not a letter to IBM, it's not a letter to any fortune 500 company, it's a letter about the business of writing a novel. If you're writing to IBM, you can write flat, you can write boring, you can be matter of fact about everything.

But if you're writing to an agent or an editor with the claim that you can write a novel that a million readers will want to buy, the writing in the query letter should be every bit as good, as exciting, as vibrant, as the writing in the novel. It does no good to tell and agent or editor that you can write well, you have to show them.

Definitely research the agent. Some agents want you to get right to the query, others want a bit of an introduction beforehand. But for those who ask for an intro, I wouldn't go with "My name is Hippo and this is a book about being married to a cornflake and living in a cereal box", because the query itself should show what the book is about, and at this point, the agent doesn't care what your name is.

For the agents who ask for some sort of introduction before the query, I'd go with, "Dear Agentface, I am querying you because you mentioned wanting YA thrillers with frog sex in it." And then launch into the query.

I agree with Putputt and others: give the agent what they specifically ask for rather than write the query to a general formula.

Too, a query is as much a part of a writer's job as creating the original manuscript. We should try to exercise the same creativity and skill as when we write the MS. How well we write the query will suggest to the agent or publisher how well we wrote our book.

I've seen it done a few different ways. I think the ultimate answer would be, "it depends." If you are querying an agent based on a referral, I would start off with, "A mutual colleague of ours, John Smith, recommended your agency..." (or something of the like).

Three of the agents I am targeting are people I met in person, so I'll lead with that. "I met you at the X_convention in 2013 where we briefly discussed my epic fantasy novel...." (Then move into the pitch.)

I'd say that if you have a reason to get an important piece of information out ASAP that might give that agent a second's more pause before they toss it, use it. (Connections, networking, events, etc.) Then go right into it.

My best advice is to read query letters. Writer's Digest has "query letters that worked" and there are plenty of other sites out there that will give advice. Query Shark and the like. Poke around!

And I would not start with, My Name Is..... They will see your name at the top of the letter if you have included it. And at the bottom.