How does this sound?

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kitty_revived

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This is the prologue of my newest young adult novel that has fantasy romance and paranormal spin. Tell me what you think:


Legends of today are just the truths from yesterday, Forgotten in the time of this cold and desolate era, where creatures of difference have to hide, where it is to be hunted to be different. Our minds are so clouded by science that we cannot see the mysticism that is still within our world. Everything is ruled by logic when nothing is truly that. Those who hide in the shadows wish to come back and to once again live among us. Until then the worlds balance will never be true and peace will never reign. There is a war that goes on within the shadows, a war that is committed to genocide of a people that were here long before, Where their history is to us only a horror story, creatures of great power that live amongst us in secret, to protect each other, to live harmoniously, with one another intertwined. Instead they have just turned into myths, to legends to bed time stories. But as all would tell legends are just truths lost throughout the ages and truth always comes back to light.
 

nealraisman

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I am confused by it. It does not seem to get anywhere that engages me. Te first and last sentences seem to be too close to one another in what they say and the last is rather wordy. I am not sure what "as all would tell" means either. Do you need those words anyhow? Seems stronger without them.
 

kitty_revived

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I am sorry that is just the way I talk. I am sorry it was confusing to you. to be fair it is not a very good stand alone with the story line it makes more sense.
 

Samsonet

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There's a Young Adult Share Your Work (SYW) where you'd probably get more detailed crits. But you need at least 50 posts to post a thread there. The password is vista.
 
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