Relationship with parents

Southern_girl29

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In my current WIP, my main character lives with her momma and granny. Her father hasn't ever been in her life until now. She's kind of been ostracized by the people in the very tiny town she lives in because of the details of her birth. Anyway, she's used to being around adults more so than other kids.

Anyway, she really likes spending time with her mom and her granny. They get along really well and don't have a lot of conflicts. She's very respectful towards them and other than maybe a quick complaint about something they've asked her to do, she always does as she asks.

Is this believable? Will readers respond to someone like this? Do the characters in your novels get along with their parents or do they fight a lot? It would just be out of character for my character to disrespect them or argue with them, although she does argue with her father a couple of times.
 

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Sure. I have a lot of friends who were like that in real life with their parents as teenagers. My MC is like this, generally very respectful and well-behaved and loves her mother very much. Her one and only act of defiance separates her from her mom and she basically spends the rest of the book missing her and trying to get back home to her.
 

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If that's how your characters relate to each other, then that's how they relate to each other. Seems fine to me. Not everyone's living a soap opera life, after all. So long as you establish that this is how she was raised, your readers should buy it. If you're worried, ask your betas how they feel about your portrayal of the family relationship. (BTW, it would make sense for her to argue with the man who hasn't been in her life, especially if she's not used to relating to men or boys, having been raised by and around women. She doesn't have to, but it might be an interesting dynamic.)

As for my stories, it varies. There's often some mention of family tensions/dysfunctions, but it's usually not a major plot point.
 

snowpea

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In my current WIP, my main character lives with her momma and granny. Her father hasn't ever been in her life until now. She's kind of been ostracized by the people in the very tiny town she lives in because of the details of her birth. Anyway, she's used to being around adults more so than other kids.

Anyway, she really likes spending time with her mom and her granny. They get along really well and don't have a lot of conflicts. She's very respectful towards them and other than maybe a quick complaint about something they've asked her to do, she always does as she asks.

Is this believable? Will readers respond to someone like this? Do the characters in your novels get along with their parents or do they fight a lot? It would just be out of character for my character to disrespect them or argue with them, although she does argue with her father a couple of times.

I got along pretty well with my parents as a teen. But I still felt there were times when they didn't understand me. I DID get into arguments and disrespect them at times, but I think it's entirely believable for her to have a good relationship with her family.
 

Justin K

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It's more of a parenting question, is it believable that a parent could commit to a great relationship with their child. The answer is yes, it's just uncommon because a lot of social factors have to line up with the planets and the tides. Perhaps YA needs more stories centered around strong relationships.
 

Southern_girl29

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If that's how your characters relate to each other, then that's how they relate to each other. Seems fine to me. Not everyone's living a soap opera life, after all. So long as you establish that this is how she was raised, your readers should buy it. If you're worried, ask your betas how they feel about your portrayal of the family relationship. (BTW, it would make sense for her to argue with the man who hasn't been in her life, especially if she's not used to relating to men or boys, having been raised by and around women. She doesn't have to, but it might be an interesting dynamic.)

As for my stories, it varies. There's often some mention of family tensions/dysfunctions, but it's usually not a major plot point.

She's not much of an arguer, but her father tries to be a parent to her too soon. She isn't ready for that, and it leads to an argument. She eventually comes to feel sorry for him, though, so she doesn't argue with him as much as she would otherwise.

She does have trouble relating to men and has always wanted a male role model in her life. Her grandfather died before she was born, but her granny has told her stories about him all her life. So, she's kind of built her dead grandfather up in her mind until he is her role model. She feels his presence and even talks with him, although I don't really get into the paranormal. I don't know if that makes sense. I think I lay it out better in the book lol. It's Southern Gothic, so I think I can get away with the paranormal that's not really paranormal aspect.
 

katci13

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I don't see anything wrong with what you've described. My characters hardly ever fight with their parents. They don't usually have that kind of respect for them, but yeah, everyone is different. You're being true to your character. You can't go wrong with that. :)
 

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Yes, it's believable. Personally, I was very close to le mama and papa hippo as a teen. :) I even hung out with my mom when I was in high school, and I wasn't a loner or anything. I had many friends who I hung out with after school and on Saturdays, but Sundays were for me and my mom to have brunch, see a movie, do a bit of shopping etc. We sometimes got into arguments, mostly over my homework, and, once I started dating, over the boys I dated. But we've always remained close.

As for whether or not your readers will find your book believable, like everything else, it depends on how it's written. I've come across YAs where the MC is close to her parents, for example If I Stay. The MC doesn't come across as the type to get into fights with her parents. There is still some friction at times with her parents, but overall, they are really tight, and it works. Even in TFiOS, the MC is close to her parents and one of her big concerns is what would happen to them if/when she passes, which I love. I liked that she wasn't just a stereotypical self-absorbed teen.

If that's who your character is, stick with it. Not every teen needs to be a parent-hating character.
 

Becca C.

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Your MC's situation sounds awesome. Go for it.

Yeah, I got along super well with my parents when I was a teen. Honestly, I have more conflict with them now in my early 20s than I did as a teen, lol.
 

brmerry

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I have a good friend who's an only child and was around adults for most of her childhood/adolescence. She got along really well with her parents, mostly because they were very honest with each other and they respected one another's opinions. I came from a household with three sisters, and even I had a pretty decent/low-conflict with my parents. I think your story is totally believable.
 

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My parents and I got along really well when I was a teenager. I would say that this was because we developed a system of mutual respect and accountability. My parents tended to boss me around a lot less as a teenager and respect my need for space.

On the other hand, our relationship was SUPER ROCKY when I was a pre-teen. I think with girls especially, with puberty hitting earlier, the teen dramas actually hit from 11-13 rather than at 16.
 

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Yeah, I got along super well with my parents when I was a teen. Honestly, I have more conflict with them now in my early 20s than I did as a teen, lol.

Same, for sure. After I moved away for work, life, etc, we went back to being very close. Stories that aren't Parent vs. Teen are nice too.

My parents and I got along really well when I was a teenager. I would say that this was because we developed a system of mutual respect and accountability. My parents tended to boss me around a lot less as a teenager and respect my need for space.

A really good point - a reader needs to see why the relationship is so smooth. It might be based on respect, space, and accountability. Maybe it's because they are unified battling outside conflict*, whatever the case is. I think a book where a central family relationship was simply "no one argues much" or something would be far less compelling than "they make this relationship work."


*in the SNI, the MC spends most of the novel on the run with her father. She moved in as a teen, and he understood she had taken on a lot of responsibility before he was around. They need to work together to flee the law, not bicker about doing dishes.
 
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KateSmash

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Chiming in to echo that it's totally believable when set up right. Just... Don't make the whole relationship sunshine and rainbows, yeah? There's always going to be a little temporary friction between people. My husband and I were "good kids" that were/are pretty close to our moms (let's forget fathers), but there's still bits of personality clash. The strength of the relationships lies in how easily and quickly those bumps are smoothed out.

As for my writing - I'm guilty of absent parents. I usually account for where they might be, but my characters are either separated or have much bigger things going on. But then, I write SFF, so I can get away with it more often than not. I do have an idea on the backburner for a piece of magical realism where the main focus is the mother-daughter relationship, though. I might pull it out for nano this year.
 

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It's believable. I think there's been a genuine cultural shift in that regard though - parents on the whole seem to be much less authoritarian (outside of certain cultures, at least) and also less inclined to put their kids out into the world on their own the day they graduate high school. That, and working parents preoccupied with 'quality time', along with an ability - at least in theory - to know exactly where they are 24/7.

However, if there is little conflict, then there probably should be too many scenes with only them in the story.

One book I thought handled it well was a GBLT YA novel called Between You and Me - the MC mostly got along with her parents, but because she was a bit nutty at times, there were still plenty of opportunities for tension and so on in each scene. And many teens even with the most open and loving relationships are still bound to hide a few important things from them.
 

Barbara R.

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It's feasible. There are all sorts of family dynamics, and a kid getting along with her mother and grandmother is not one of the bizarre ones.

Your question does raise another in my mind though, which is whether you have strong conflict elsewhere in your novel. Conflict creates tension, which keeps readers turning pages. Happy, uneventful lives may be desirable in real life (or not), but they sap fiction of its vitality.
 

Southern_girl29

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Same, for sure. After I moved away for work, life, etc, we went back to being very close. Stories that aren't Parent vs. Teen are nice too.



A really good point - a reader needs to see why the relationship is so smooth. It might be based on respect, space, and accountability. Maybe it's because they are unified battling outside conflict*, whatever the case is. I think a book where a central family relationship was simply "no one argues much" or something would be far less compelling than "they make this relationship work."


*in the SNI, the MC spends most of the novel on the run with her father. She moved in as a teen, and he understood she had taken on a lot of responsibility before he was around. They need to work together to flee the law, not bicker about doing dishes.

It's kind of is because they are battling outside conflict together. My MC is the product of an affair, and the whole town knows it and talks about it even though her father's parents won't admit it. My MC feels ostracized, so her relationship with her mom and granny is kind of an us against the world mentality. She especially loves her granny because she's the opposite of her father's parents and has done so much for her.
 

Southern_girl29

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It's feasible. There are all sorts of family dynamics, and a kid getting along with her mother and grandmother is not one of the bizarre ones.

Your question does raise another in my mind though, which is whether you have strong conflict elsewhere in your novel. Conflict creates tension, which keeps readers turning pages. Happy, uneventful lives may be desirable in real life (or not), but they sap fiction of its vitality.

There's a huge amount of conflict in other areas of the book. Clt's half sister, who was only three weeks younger than her, dies in the first chapter. Clt didn't know her or her father or her grandparents, but the sister's death is the catalyst that brings them all together.
 

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I think it's definitely doable. A lot of people do have good relationships with their parents as teens. It's not that they NEVER argue, but an overall positive relationship is nice. Not all parents are evil step-parents, abusive, controlling, bitter, or out of touch, and not all kids are rebellious, self-absorbed, and angry.

I've had a beta reader tell me that she enjoyed my MC's generally good relationship with her parents.
 

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Is this believable? Will readers respond to someone like this? Do the characters in your novels get along with their parents or do they fight a lot? It would just be out of character for my character to disrespect them or argue with them, although she does argue with her father a couple of times.

My daughter is like that. She's 18 and we're still waiting for her to become surly.

I wish I could claim that it's our exceptional parenting, but the fact is that's just her nature.
 

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I had similar concerns about my own WIP. The primary authority figures in the MC's life are caring, sensible, and responsible adults. I was afraid, not that it would be unrealistic, but that readers might feel like there wasn't enough conflict and strife to create a compelling story.

I put away that worry after reading a behind-the-scenes article about "Star Trek: The Next Generation."

The writers on the show found their job incredibly frustrating because (by design) all the main characters liked and respected one another. Every time they tried to create conflict by pitting two of the MCs against each other, it was shot down by the producers, who didn't want the show to become a soap opera in space.

It was a heck of a challenge and they went through a lot of writers, but they DID succeed. They created a show that was interesting and entertaining and attracted a lot of viewers despite the fact that there was almost no bickering among the MCs. I figure if they can do it, then so can I... and so can you! :)
 
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beautyinwords

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Some families just are really close and hardly bicker. Most of the parents/adult relatives in my novel are either dead, or out of the picture in some fashion. I wanted my teenage protagonist to really have to rely on herself
 

hillcountryannie

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Completely believable. In my novel, the MC has a good relationship with her family, though has trouble connecting with her dad. Sometimes when I am reading YA, I think--where are the parents?

Personally, I had pretty good relationship with my parents. My mom and I did fight at times, because she tends to overreact. But actually I liked spending time with her alone, though I would have never told her that. Haha. I also would spend the night with my grandma a lot when I was in high school, because I had friends who lived close to her and also because I just loved being at her house. Okay, now I miss my family and I'm getting all homesick.
 

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I'm going to buck the trend here, though only focusing on one part of this.

Ostracism from no Daddy? Does this still happen wherever you've based this? Also, is this from the fact Daddy ain't there, or for the fact that Daddy's a useless piece of shit (and the world knows it?) If it's the former, I'd say - go and do your homework. Recent homework, please. It's because with the exception of a few ethnic minorities and real old people, here in the UK people quit generally doing that around 20 years ago - and I suspect even in the Deep South USA people would have caught on to this by now.

Frankly, I don't see the latter washing either. If ol' Nana's there too, I'm suspecting they're all locals - which means they'd soon see the kid more as 'Sophie's grand-kid' than 'the deadbeat's kid'. Also, you mention it's a very small town - the kind that you get to know them as a person, right? That and go and look at recent divorce rates: even in the bible-belt, single-parents are more common than ever. And frankly, do other teens even care about such stuff anymore? Another thing to ask them about, I suppose.

I'm gonna be glib: Dan Quayle going into one about Murphy Brown is dead, gone, buried, on the losing side, a joke about the rantings of the 'Moral Majority' and is in the dustbin of history. Unless you can prove that there's a part of the US which is inhabiting a 20 years+ timewarp in regards to this, I fear your teen readers will at best think you're laughably showing your age, at worst ramming down your views on single parenthood down their necks. ('For the sake of your children, stay with that deadbeat who knocked you up!') Not saying you're saying that, just that from experience teens often have their 'bullshit detectors' turned up so high they see things in everything - even when they're not present.

As a reason why the MC doesn't know her father - fine enough. As a reason for a lack of contacts with other YA's in the town - doesn't really fly. Unless you're basing it in some 'backwards town' / Pleasantville / in the 80's / an alternate dimension.

Edit: While I accept that some adults still think like this, I'm seriously doubting that more than a very few teens do now - if anything else, the media has moved a very long way in the last couple of decades. Don't believe me? Go onto YouTube, dig out an episode of a 'controversial' TV show from your youth, then show it to a teen of 2014. Chances are, they'll be sitting there wondering what the hell all the fuss was about. (And you might too, come to think of it!)
 
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jtrylch13

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As long as it's not a book entirely about your MC getting along with Momma and Granny, you're good. Not every teen is a big ball of angry rebellion. If the conflict is centered around Daddy-issues, and the happy family life with Momma and Granny are the backdrop of her life, then I think you're good to go.
 

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It's because with the exception of a few ethnic minorities and real old people, here in the UK people quit generally doing that around 20 years ago - and I suspect even in the Deep South USA people would have caught on to this by now.

There are pockets in the Deep South that are so isolated there's really nothing to compare it to in the UK. There are even less-isolated places that still have segregated proms and what have you. I have a friend who grew up (recently) in a town where people thought black cats were evil and tried to poison them. OP's scenario is unusual but really not all that out there.