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How to approach abandonment story

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hearosvoice

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I'm writing a memoir. My childhood bff "abandoned" me around puberty seemingly because I was gay.

It feels reasonably important, though definitely not THE most critical event of the story or anything. And I know it's probably less important to the overall story than my emotions make it out to be.

I'm struggling to find a creative way of approaching the story. I'm also struggling to navigate my emotions as I do have "dirt" on him that would be really embarrassing for him were I to include it, though it may be a stretch to reconcile its relevance.

I even have thought about assuming sort of a "meta" approach by writing about writing about him and navigating that thirst for revenge. Or an approach where it's as if I'm addressing him and not primarily the readers, but the readers are like the audience.

Anyway, I have lots of cute little memories about how close we were. Other memories of us getting into fun boyish/childhood trouble. Then I have pretty complete memories of a full scene at a dance with girls when I could start to sense my being gay was becoming a burden of sorts. Then of course I have complete memories of the last time we hung out and of the last time I saw him, when he essentially pretended not to know me.

I'm trying to come up with a good angle and sequence for this little story.

I'm struggling to identify and frame what I should pose as the conflict and the shift/change. Also, how I would build tension.

It's also hard to create a chain reaction or cause and effect when the ostensible cause of his abandonment (my sexual orientation) was there all along but only abruptly became a problem later on.

I could write about it very plainly. Or I could cut it from the story. But I'd really really like to just figure out a great angle or approach to it.

I feel kinda stuck in this zone where I just describe him in great detail then POOF, he disappears...and then I lament over it. I want it to have more action and more stakes and more fire.
 
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Siipis

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I'd say with an emotional story like this, write first, think second. Just get it all out of your system exactly like it comes to you, then start figuring out how to tell a story to others in a way that is compelling, honest and easy to relate to.
 

Debbie V

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I agree with Siipis. Just write it. If your memoir is chronological, include the pieces as they come up. You may find they lead to their own tension because you know what's coming. Let your subconscious work, then go back and decide whether you were fair in it and to what degree you should be fair.
 

hearosvoice

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thanks! I guess I should just write knowing it may take time to develop so plan on revisiting again later.
 

neandermagnon

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I'd say with an emotional story like this, write first, think second. Just get it all out of your system exactly like it comes to you, then start figuring out how to tell a story to others in a way that is compelling, honest and easy to relate to.

^^^ I agree with this

From reading a few of your threads, you seem to be over-thinking things. Just write it all down. The first draft is just a first draft. You can go back and tidy it up. Get rid of bits that are not really relevant. Rewrite bits that don't work. Expand on bits that need more details, etc.
 

hearosvoice

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^^^ I agree with this

From reading a few of your threads, you seem to be over-thinking things. Just write it all down. The first draft is just a first draft. You can go back and tidy it up. Get rid of bits that are not really relevant. Rewrite bits that don't work. Expand on bits that need more details, etc.

I'm glad you say that because I always feel like I'm under thinking what I write, lol.

Maybe I'll try a couple different approaches for writing the section/chapter. In the end, maybe an angle will come to me and I'll rewrite it but I can still harvest the earlier drafts for parts/sentences as I'm sure they won't TOTALLY be useless...if distilled and arranged properly.

Ahh! It's so hard to write this. I feel like the drama of my abandonment is less interesting than the drama I'm going through deciding what to include or not include as the stakes are high since some of my memories could really tarnish his reputation. Hence my aforementioned thought of "meta-writing" ...so so complicated!
 
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