BS your way through

C.bronco

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You first consult it's financial planner, and then go with his or her advice if you want to continue commerce with said tree. The tree may or may not comply, and you should be wary of conifers.

Why do Jeopardy contestants have to phrase every answer in the form of a question?
 

PorterStarrByrd

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Sadly he's been mildewing. The Scotch don't generally do that until they get fairly old and weaken, losing their intensity. Perhaps his time has passed.


My girl friend keeps telling me she wants some more and then heads for the campfire instead of the tent. I think she has had enough, since she is slurring her words a little and my fifth is damned near empty. Is there something that works at times like that?
 

khosszu

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Your girlfriend said she wants s'mores, not "some more". Just what did you think she meant??! And yes, there's definitely something that works at times like these: follow her to the camp fire, and make her the darn s'more, because you should never, ever come between a girl and her chocolate. It won't end well, if you do.

Speaking of chocolate: why is the recipe for Cadbury's different in the USA than in Europe?
 

PorterStarrByrd

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The factories in England use English instructions. The ones over her are written in 'Mercan.



If I am going to curb my impulses, how high should the curb be?
 

khosszu

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It should be low, not high. As in: your head is in the gutter, Porter, and we need to find a low curb (or even a lariat or fly-fishing hook) to pull it out. <goes gets lariat and lassos Porter's impulses right into submission> There, see? Problem solved.

It's late. I should be sleeping. I AM sleepy. Why am I still up?
 

Robbert

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Because you seemingly enjoy feeding our troll.


What on earth did trolls do all day before the Internet was around?
 

CathleenT

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Cheerleaders were invented by those who desperately wished to cheer, but were too shy and uncertain to do it unassisted.

Why does my dog bark for no apparent reason?
 

C.bronco

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People don't get your references because they are not paying attention. I didn't pay attention, and missed out on your awesome musical references. i was multi-tasking, but that is not an excuse.

What is a good excuse?
 

khosszu

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Perhaps David Beckham was in the room doing one of his underwear modeling gigs and he kept smiling at you, so you were distracted? That would be a good excuse.

Why can't I keep a cactus alive?
 

PorterStarrByrd

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Living in Anchorage, you are going to have to come terms that Cactus are not outdoor plants in your zone.


How many pounds of C4 will it take to solve the Rubic cube ?
 

CathleenT

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I don't know. But if you take the C4 and sculpt a Mr. Bill out of it, and then insert a blasting cap, the question will be moot. Possibly even the questioners, if they stand too close.

Did anyone ever definitively answer the angels-dancing-on-the-head-of-a-pin question? And if so, then how many could dance on an average-sized dance floor in a bar?
 

Nymtoc

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It depends on how much angel dust they've taken.* :2angel:

*This post is not intended as an endorsement of phencyclidine (PCP).


How many five-star restaurants have Jell-O on their dessert menus?
 
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PorterStarrByrd

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Not many. The bus boys wipe them off regularly in those stuffed up places. They're too cheap to leave free samples lying about.



Who decided there was a culinary use for a cow's foot.
 

CathleenT

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The very same people who came up with telemarketing as a viable advertising approach.

When I delete words from my manuscript, what happens to them and where do they go?
 

PorterStarrByrd

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Males of the Bovine species have been accused of providing some but logic dictates they are only minor contributors. If one were to look hard enough in this thread, it is possible this question has already been answered.



Why can't street corners come fully equipped?
 

Reziac

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That depends. Did you want them to come fully equipped with fire hydrants, or hookers? These are different items in the construction budget.

Why do fire hydrants contain water, and not beer?
 

Nymtoc

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You must live in a strange part of the country. Fire hydrants where I live contain beer. At least I was pretty sure of that the last time I staggered home at 4 a.m., unscrewed the valve cover of a hydrant and drank what came out. It sure tasted like Coors.

If I go to IHOP and see an image of the Virgin Mary in a strawberry banana pancake, who gets to sell the pancake on eBay--IHOP or me?
 

PorterStarrByrd

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Neither until it is authenticated. To do that you'll have to send it, along with $500.00 in cash to my cousin in Nigeria. Once authenticated he will send it post paid and it will arrive in 6 - 12 months. At that point you and IHOP can discuss it. Please don't search e-bay for strawberry banana pancakes for at least two years.


Why don't a all banks cash all money orders, no matter where they come from?
 

C.bronco

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Because some are fickle. One day they love money orders, and the next day they are angry at money orders because they feel threatened by orders. I can think of no other reason that actually makes sense.

Do natural disasters make us more appreciative of cash?
 

Robbert

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Oh, absolutely! Btw, it's currently raining cats and dogs. Think of the poor animals. It's terrible. Help!

What if the Mariana Trench is not the deepest known location on Earth?