Writing with a side of depression

Wilde_at_heart said:

The *one* thing that still gets me seems to be solar activity of all things. I'd been wondering why I'd been in a funk the past week until I looked up spaceweather.com, NASA soho, etc. This isn't something I recently discovered, rather it's something I've followed off and on for a few years now. It sounds weird, but someone who studied it did find a correlation: http://www.newscientist.com/article...gnetic-field-cause-suicides.html#.VAnPwPldXEo

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I have a friend who insists that CME (coronal mass ejections) from the sun influence her mood and put her in a really strange state. I'll admit to pursing my lips skeptically about it, since anecdote often fails to be borne out on a larger scale, but there are things in the world we still don't understand. The brain is still mysterious in many ways.

Depression is a real shitty thing. I've had episodes too, and it kills my motivation to do anything I don't absolutely have to. Like you, I'm lucky that it's never pushed me down as far as it does some people. I get the kind where I sleep and eat more and just don't have a lot of fun doing things that should be fun. And I doubt and second guess myself, think everything I do is garbage, and think everyone must hate me because I'm such an awful person

I've always managed to function. But it took a toll on my grades and my friendships back in college, and nearly made me lose my focus in grad school (meds and therapy helped there). I haven't had a serious episode in recent years, but I know I'd have trouble keeping up with my writing if one comes.

I hope my tanks have enough in them to deal with the deluge of rejections I'm likely to be getting soon. This thick skin thing is something I've never been good at.

holy_shiitake said:

I have an ancient crotchety boy cat and he resembles that remark.

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After weeks of Play with me! Play with me! our kitten finally got round our not so ancient but definitely set in his ways cat.

Buffysquirrel said:

Kittens are a balm to the soul.

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Unfortunately, they grow up to become cats.

Shadow_Ferret said:

Unfortunately, they grow up to become cats.

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Yes. Then you have to wait several years before you can get another kitten!

Shadow_Ferret said:

Unfortunately, they grow up to become cats.

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We always adopt cats. Kittens are cute, but they're always getting themselves in trouble.

Plus, I'm not entirely convinced Flick (one of the dogs) wouldn't think a kitten is a squirrel.

Seriously, I think my cats are cute too. I decided a while ago that the reason Amazon is so incredibly popular is that it is now the source of cat sleeping boxes the world over.

Shadow_Ferret said:

Unfortunately, they grow up to become cats.

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But sometimes they don't know that. My 10 year old kitty still bounces off the walls like she's a kitten.

I've had kittens and grown-up cats. I like them both, for different reasons. It depends on lot on where your are in your life. Kittens tend to be more active and playful, while if you don't feel like always being on-watch, an older more relaxed can can be nice.

Plus, the older cats can train the little ones and keep them in line. Or enlist them to cause more trouble, depending on the cat.

shadowwalker said:

... setting up a routine helps with a lot of things that otherwise don't happen when an episode hits. With the routine, a set time to do a certain thing (like writing), I don't have to make the decision. It's just time to do it.

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+1

Jamesaritchie said:

there's nothing I can't control inside my own head.

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There's the rub. I remember making a decision in my early 20s that I was done with all the problems, that I'd had enough and that starting today I was going to stop being unhappy. It worked for a *while* but it came back. What I see now is that my mind itself was really good at undermining me. Under *all* of it is self-hate, IMO & IME. If it's something you learn as part of your upbringing - your parents suffer from it and they reinforce it in you in subtle and not so subtle ways. And if you hate yourself, it's hard to trust your instincts and to believe that you can - or even deserve - to overcome these kind of problems.

I believe that somewhere deep down, the answer is in our own minds and that our minds have the power to lead us out of it. HOWEVER, it means swimming against the current, so to speak. Some currents are very strong. On the plus side, if that is the case, and the swimmer breaks free, it will be a very strong swimmer


(want to add that - yes, I believe that acceptance is more a key to the solution than 'breaking free' or 'overcoming' but - imagine what kind of a trap it can be to have to accept something you detest.)

I've been told I have "dysthymia" or "low-grade depression." A small dose of Lexapro helps. You have my sympathy.

Jamesaritchie said:

Real depression comes in many shapes and forms, and who said anything about happy thoughts? I most certainly was diagnosed by a real, actual, honest to God professional who dealt with depression on a daily basis.

Now, it may be that REAL depression, as opposed to fake depression, I guess, is a mental disorder, but people got over REAL depression for hundreds of years before medications were available. Each did so in his or her own way, but it happened. It still happens.

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And a lot of people didn't get over it too. Some died because of it (suicide is a very real risk with chronically depressed people), or led miserable lives (or lives that were intermittently miserable as depressive episodes came and went). I personally am glad to be living in a time when medication and therapy are part of the tools that are available for dealing with it.

Jamesaritchie said:

There are bazillions of things out there that I can't control, but there's nothing I can't control inside my own head.

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That's wonderful for you. But not everyone has this gift. Some people need a a little extra help at some points in their lives, maybe even for their entire lives.

Think how it might sound to someone who has, say, a disease that makes it difficult for them to walk without without some medication or device if someone tells then, "There's nothing I can't control inside my own musculoskeletal system."

I know I'm a few days late (was out of the country for a couple weeks)...

I am depressed. In fact, I don't know what it's like not to be depressed, because I've been depressed my entire adult life. It's just the way it is. (I will not bore you with all my attempts to treat it, because it would take hours to type it all out...Suffice to say, my depression is treatment-resistant.) Maybe I will get better one day, but I don't think I can count on it.

Writing is a sort of escape for me. The stuff I write is the complete opposite of how I feel. Still, it can be hard to motivate myself to do it. But I love making lists and crossing shit off when I accomplish it, so that it helps too. And having some kind of schedule.

But yeah, it is an escape...

I go through bouts of depression myself. Have been diagnosed with anxiety and "mild" depression, but I wonder sometimes since this most recent bout during last winter was very bad. I'm prone to Seasonal Affective Disorder, and now that it's getting cold again, I'm getting a little worried.

Writing during my last episode was nil. Couldn't do it at all. Surprised I could focus on anything.

I've done CBT therapy before for my anxiety, but it really didn't stick. Then, I learned mindfulness and DBT this spring. Really opened my eyes to something new, something that helps my anxiety and calm my ruminations. It's not a 100% cure, nothing is, but it helps for me. I'm trying my hardest not to rely on medications.

If anything, mindfulness helps ground me when I'm getting too worried and obsessive about the things I can't control. It helps me focus again on what's in the present moment, what is here in front of me that I can be grateful for. Then, I use DBT skills, which are quite basic really, when things are really tough or I need a little more direction.

DBT skills include things like getting involved in activities (writing) you enjoy, self-soothing when you really need it, learning how to recognize your primary emotions/secondary emotions, and how to effectively speak to people (this is a must for me as I've always been shy).

After about five months, I was finally able to write again. I also set up a schedule for myself that includes writing/editing activities and I've stuck to my goals pretty good.

holy_shiitake said:

Does anyone else live with depression and also write? Care to fill me on some just-sit-down-and-do-it techniques that work for you? (Beyond, you know, just sitting down and doing it.)

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I struggle with depression, anxiety and BPD traits. All of these disorders have driven me to write as a way to cope with internal issues. I do my best writing when I'm in emotional turmoil. For some reason when I'm happy the last thing I want to do is to sit in front of a computer.

When I'm feeling depressed I decide to sit down and write about what I'm feeling. However, that's when the magic takes over and instead of writing about my thoughts I switch back into my characters and "PUFF" my book gets new chapters. You may want to give that a try.

Quickbread said:

Plus, the older cats can train the little ones and keep them in line. Or enlist them to cause more trouble, depending on the cat.

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Heh, sometimes I say to Tristan, Why aren't you out looking after the kitten? If they're together, I know things are ok.

holy_shiitake said:

Has anyone had any experience with self-directed CBT?

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Try the book Feeling Good by David D. Burns, M.D. It was originally published in the early 80's, but it's been reissued several times and is still relevant today. He dispels a lot of myths that are still floating around thirty years later, and his approach is very down-to-earth and compassionate.

I won't go into my own story, but I just wanted to say that you're not alone.

Seemed somewhat relevant: http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2014/08/27/the-writer-and-depression/

holy_shiitake said:

It's a small victory, but it's a victory. Yay!

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*does happy dance with you*

I have hellish anxiety. In my first bad bout I used self-directed CBT, applied some of it badly and it hit back during my last bout last autumn. Since then I've had a course of cbt and feel it's been helpful.