Punctuating this sentence

I might suggest a slight rewrite.

My problems with riding were I had never done it before and, worse, I couldn't hold the reins and use sign language at the same time.

Just a thought.

I'd rewrite it to avoid having to figure out the punctuation.

Following on what Helix just posted, whenever you have a question like this, the first place to look is the structure of the sentence, not the punctuation details. That is often the best and easiest way of dealing with the problem.

I just taught a composition class tonight where we covered exactly this topic.

caw

ssbittner said:

Hi, guys. I have a sentence that I'm not sure how best to punctuate. It's somewhat of a list of things but not exactly. Thoughts?

"My only problems with riding were, one, I had never done it before and, two, I couldn't use sign language while holding the reins."

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If you want to have the numbered list, then I would suggest:

"My only problems with riding were: 1) I had never done it before, and 2) I couldn't use sign language while holding the reins."

Lists like that are fine in technical writing, but it looks like this is from a novel, so you probably would be better off rewriting.

"I had a problem with riding, because I had never done it before, and I couldn't use sign language while holding the reins."

ssbittner said:

Hi, guys. I have a sentence that I'm not sure how best to punctuate. It's somewhat of a list of things but not exactly. Thoughts?

"My only problems with riding were, one, I had never done it before and, two, I couldn't use sign language while holding the reins."

Click to expand...

"My only problems with riding were one, I had never done it before and two, I couldn't use sign language while holding the reigns."

As in, I'm pretty sure it should be the way it would be without the "one" and "two" but after those, put in the commas (pauses).

"My only problems with riding were (that) I had never done it before and (that) I couldn't use sign language while holding the reigns."

I don't think you would need a comma before the "and" because it's a list despite both items of the list being independent clauses (My only problems with riding were X and Y).

Of course you could add in 1) and 2) if you don't think they'd make your prose too ugly on the page or you can restructure the sentence entirely like a lot of people have been recommending.

Hope this helps.

ssbittner said:

"My only problems with riding were, one, I had never done it before and, two, I couldn't use sign language while holding the reins."[FONT=&quot][/FONT]

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No need to change the sentence. It's fine and correct just as it is.

In case you're still looking at this thread, ssbittner...

I agree with guttersquid that your sentence is fine as is. The meaning is clear, and your wording gives me a sense of voice.

It's in first person, so if that's the character's quirky way of putting things, then writing around it might not work. People really do put things like that sometimes. I think the punctuation works as it is, actually.

And it made me think of an issue that I'd never thought of before: how do people who must communicate by signing talk while engaged in a task that requires the un-diverted use their hands?

Roxxsmom said:

And it made me think of an issue that I'd never thought of before: how do people who must communicate by signing talk while engaged in a task that requires the un-diverted use their hands?

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Ask Chase.

ssbittner said:

Hi, guys. I have a sentence that I'm not sure how best to punctuate. It's somewhat of a list of things but not exactly. Thoughts?

"My only problems with riding were, one, I had never done it before and, two, I couldn't use sign language while holding the reins."

Click to expand...

Slightly off topic, but I think both these should be contractions. "I'd" balances better with "couldn't". To my ear anyway.

Maryn said:

I agree with Hapax--almost. I find it confusing for an instant if the comma before the word one is omitted. My only problems were one makes a sort of existential sense, you know?

For that reason, assuming you want to retain that basic structure and wording, go with "My only two problems with riding were one, I had never done it before and two, I couldn't use sign language while holding the reins." That way, when the one comes it's smoother.

Maryn, with a-one and a-two

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YES! Perfect.

Maryn said:

I agree with Hapax . . .

assuming you want to retain that basic structure and wording, go with "My only two problems with riding were one, I had never done it before and two, I couldn't use sign language while holding the reins."

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No. You need commas both before and after one and two, because they are parentheticals (removing them does not change the sentence meaning).

"My only two problems with riding were I had never done it before and I couldn't use sign language while holding the reins."

"I had only two problems with riding: I'd never done it before, and I couldn't use sign language while holding the reins."

caw