The Emotional Drain. Ouch.

I'm about 60k words into my rough draft - first book in a series. It's going very well and there are days I can't wait to get a chance to sit down and write.

But sometimes it's overwhelming. Not the writing part, but the emotion I pour into it. Frankly, the book is not a happy one with a lovely ending...and it's not looking like many of the characters are going to end on anything better than a bittersweet note at best. Most won't even get that if I stay "true" to what I want this series to be/portray.

But it hurts. Today I've been feeling a bit depressed, having just come out of writing a very intense chapter. There are days when I just want to say "screw it" and write something HAPPY going on with my MCs for a change, even though it'd be totally out of context and never make it into the book itself. Just for a breather, though.

Anyone else get down and blue after writing some heavy stuff?

That's what I take it as, too. I'm putting my heart into this, and sometimes it aches more than my brain does with all the plotting and digging for words, etc.

I'm glad I'm getting drained emotionally, but it's exhausting at times.

Lhowling said:

Blech, no. Writing itself is boring... no need to make it worse by being depressed.

That said, I have depressive episodes that have nothing to do with writing. So writing helps me stay focused rather than let thoughts dally away into darkness... and not the fun kind of darkness either.

To each his/her own.

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I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder. I know about the not fun dark places, and sometimes writing takes me there, though it is not the biggest or most common trigger. And, yes, sometimes it does help me keep from those twisted thoughts too.

That said, I find writing "fun". I've always loved it. There are days I don't feel like doing it until I am actually -doing- it, but I never find it boring...unless I'm doing some article for a content mill. THAT'S soul sucking to me. Some people can whip out those content articles and find them fun. I can whip them out but I can't ever remember having one I found very fun. Even getting the blues over my own project is preferable, to me, than being bored to tears checking my keyword density and making an article on locksmith services sound exciting.

But as you said, to each their own.

Lhowling said:

Well I don't find writing articles on locksmith services or checking keyword density terribly fun, either. Then again I don't write about any of those things.

I've stuck to fiction, mostly, because I love to lie.

To put my lies on paper or on a keyboard somehow leaves room for some truth in my heart, if that makes any sense. To spin yarn is my outlet. It's my imagination that makes the mundane task of writing worthwhile.

Writing is just boring. Hell, I'll even go so far as to say that writing itself isn't what I love to do. I have to do it because I've always a need to express myself. But telling truths disguised as lies, loads more fun. Telling lies just to tell them... even better. Getting paid to tell my lies... priceless.

When I have more money, I'll find other ways to lie, although I'll probably keep writing if only out of habit, and, well, if it's making me money why fix something that isn't broken, right?

Maybe that's why I don't get depressed with the heavier parts of my stories, because I know they're lies I tell myself and convince everyone to believe in.

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I'll address this first:

I write to tell a truth, or what I perceive to be the truth as I understand it. It may be a truth masked, symbolically or through a fictional/made-up scenario, but I do it to make a point about something, large or small. It is a very personal thing to me and I fully believe that if a writer does not -feel- anything when they write, the reader won't either.

All of my favorite novels (or, almost all) end on a note of despair or, at least, with some emotional punch to the gut. I'll never forget reading the last lines of Animal Farm when I was in 4th grade: "No question now what has happened to the faces of the pigs. The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again: but already it was impossible to say which was which."

or when I was a little older, reading the original ending of the Plague Dogs, Grapes of Wrath, 1984, Lord of the Flies, The Road, etc etc. None of these are "happy" stories, but they are the ones that stick with me and make me think. I like filler as much as anyone. As a teenager in the 90s, I had a "thing" for V.C. Andrews books. Of course, I try to read them now and it's endless eye-rolling. However, I also did a 10 page book report on Paradise Lost when I was a Junior while the rest of my classmates were struggling to write a page on "The Outsiders".

I'm not saying I was better or smarter than they (I'm not), I'm saying I've always been profoundly moved by an author who has the guts to put what they believe is a "hard truth" down to print. Many find that boring. Tedious. The very opposite reason they want to read or write. There are many folks who would prefer a fun yarn (dark or light) to that emotional gut punch. I don't fault anyone for this, even if I don't quite understand it myself.

So I want to write the same thing, even when I come away from my computer feel exhausted from the effort.

However - your life is your life, and your choices are your choices. Obviously, this is just opinion, and everyone's got one and they are usually vastly different.


Back on topic:

I think I've just been writing too much too hard this week. I take breaks on the weekend to clear my mind/mood and spend time with my husband and 2 year old daughter. Thanks everyone for the suggestions. Last night I took a break from writing and sketched some art instead. It helped - just mindless doodling. Better mood this morning. My writing doesn't stress me out to a break down point or anything, but it does give me the blues from time to time, that's all. Just wondered if other authors ever went through this themselves

Barbara R. said:

I've gone into depressions after killing off a much-loved character, so what you're describing isn't unusual. But it sounds as if your book is nothing but doom and gloom, which is a bit concerning. Not every story needs a happy ending, obviously, but maybe your subconscious is sending you a message to lighten up a bit and cut those characters (and your eventual readers) a break.

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Not ALL of it is gloom doom and death, but there's a good bit of it that is. The world is NOT a happy place (in reality nor in the series I'm working on- whole other can of worms). That said, there are strands of hope and silver linings here and there and some of the characters, end up finding a measure of peace (more or less). The atmosphere, as a whole though is not a pleasant one. And I don't want it to be a pleasant one. That is not for this project. Maybe another time.

As I mentioned - some of my favorite novels are -not- happy ones. But that is why I like them - they are real. They don't pull the emotional punches in favor of sugar coating the hard truth of something. If I have to deal with the blues now and then after a week of writing some intense scenes, I'll deal and have my wind-down break time.

Again, was more or less curious if others had gone through the same thing, not, necessarily, wanting advice on if I should change the tone of the series or think of a happy ending. I understand the advice, appreciate it, but was more just wondering if others had ever come away from a scene feeling as if they've had the wind knocked out of them.