I'm different

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maxmordon

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First of all, sorry, for taking so long to answer. Busy week in college, but aren't them all?

I can't deny I was sad when the thread was gone, I felt so full of joy with such love and validation that I simply don't have words to describe it but you know what? It doesn't really matter, does it? Because I know I am here along with caring, intelligent and lovable people and I have the honor to be one them, part of the AW family. :D

There are just some feelings one have without saying much and for those feelings, for this camaraderie, I simply and once again must say thank you. :)
 

maxmordon

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When I was in high school going through my super cool, pro-Black, "ain't gonna read no damn Great Expectations" phase I was into Black authors. Read Angela Davis and Eldridge Cleaver and Ralph Ellison and Richard Wright.

Then someone told me I should read this guy named James Baldwin. So I went to the library. Checked out this book called Giovanni's Room.

Scared the shit out of me. :eek:

Okay, what's dis book about? Some guy named David goes to Paris to think about his woman who wants to get married. He meets some dude named Giovanni, they talk, they drink, they go back to the dude's room and...

Holy Shit! Gay sex? LEMME OUTTA HERE! :e2salute:

James Baldwin was a problematic writer for me. I knew the brother could write, but his stuff was just "too gay" for me. I couldn't be caught reading his books! What would people say? What might they do to me?

Later on when I was a bit smarter and a lot less homophobic, I learned that reading a book won't make you gay. Neither does watching Paris Is Burning, listening to Barbra Streisand or going to a gay club to dance or even hanging out with gay folks. One of my best friends was a lesbian. Hanging out with her didn't make me a lesbian.

I would go to visit her in Philadelphia and she'd show me around where she worked. A bookstore named Giovanni's Room. Pretty sure I even bought a book or two there...

Life makes you whatever you are and whatever you are as long as you're happy with what you have to be happy with, that that is about as good as it gets. There's no correspondence course that makes you gay any more than there's one that makes you straight. You just are. Be happy with that because its not likely you can change it like the sheets on the bed.

Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality.

~ James Baldwin

Never heard of James Baldwin before, but he seems like quite a fascinating man. I remember reading The Portrait of Dorian Gray when I was 14 and being struck by a line of Wilde in the prologue: "There are no moral or immoral books, just good books and bad books."

The other day my class saw Doubt, we're meant to write an analysis about it and I couldn't believe how insensitive and idiotic where some of my classmates, college students halfway a social communications career snickering about it and I simply couldn't believe, what's funny about a poor kid that may be or not abused by a priest? One or two thought that the kid had it coming... I mean... I think I have lost respect to some of my classmates.
 

Alessandra Kelley

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Max, I'm glad you've got such a broadminded attitude about it. I was really sorry to see most of this thread vanish in that glitch, but people have been really nice about showing extra support and understanding. This is a pretty unique online community, and I'm glad you're part of it.

The world has seven billion souls in it, and each one is distinctly their own person. May your life be your own, not somebody else's vision of it.
 

Alessandra Kelley

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My, who would say The Firesign Theater would become fashion icons?

2009-10-09-firesign02.jpg

Why, he's no fun, he fell right over.
 

Rufus Coppertop

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Quoting my son when he was 10:

You know what? The really weird people are the ones who are utterly normal, because almost everyone's got something a bit weird about them. Weird is good! So if there's absolutely nothing weird about you, that makes you in the minority. And that makes you weird.

Love him!

I sincerely hope to have a son like that one day and if he has Max's sense of fashion, it'll be a definite bonus!

The only thing I'll draw the line on is this...his head will be a fez-free zone.
 

crunchyblanket

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Just wanted to say that I respect your attitude so much. It's beyond wonderful to see someone so fully accepting of all their quirks and nuances, instead of moulding themselves to fit 'the ideal'. If we were all the same, life would be dreadfully dull.
 

maxmordon

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Just wanted to say that I respect your attitude so much. It's beyond wonderful to see someone so fully accepting of all their quirks and nuances, instead of moulding themselves to fit 'the ideal'. If we were all the same, life would be dreadfully dull.

Thank you. :)

But this acceptance really didn't occur overnight, from my adolescence to now I have felt a variety of feelings about myself and even now and then I still feel a bit frustrated on some aspects about my person and how, at times, this can bring a bit of loneliness.

It gets better, or so I heard.
 

Ardent Kat

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Thank you for being "out" as a man who is submissive and not a walking stereotype. In stand-up comedy alone there are thousands of voices confirming machismo rhetoric: "That's not what guys do! Guys are like this!"

It takes courage to stand against the tide and say, "That's not true. I'm a guy and I'm not like that at all." You may face criticism and ridicule in the process, but you're saying it anyway. Some might say it was safe to "come out" in a community of friends because it's familiar, but sometimes it's harder because their opinions of those familiar friends mean more. The threat of rejection is still real.

You're under no obligation to speak up about who you are. There are times when fear and self-preservation might make you stay silent and that's just fine. But when you can speak up, I hope you will.

I remember a time in the SF/F forum when an AW member mentioned a woman "sodomizing" her boyfriend with a strap-on, using this act as an example of something extremist and undesirable. I thought about saying nothing. I came back to the post a few times and wandered away. Then finally said, "Fuck it. No one makes fun of my sexual orientation." I politely corrected the guy, saying it was called "pegging", not "sodomy" and there was nothing wrong with it. (Something to that effect.)

And wouldn't you know? Someone came out of hiding just because I made this comment and said he felt affirmed that he wasn't alone in liking that kind of thing. Now I have a dear friend that I have something in common with, and we both affirm and encourage each other.

Even cooler is the ripple effect we're unaware of. If you find the courage to say something brave and one person says, "I'm so glad you said that," there might be five or ten other lurkers who read your comment, never commented, but is silently grateful and affirmed. I'm always surprised to see people who give rep points and, "Thank yous!" for things I've said even if they aren't part of the discussion on the thread.

Just by being you, and saying who you are without shame, who knows how many other sub men and Dom girls you are affirming? It's a wonderful cycle. Thank you.
 

maxmordon

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Thank you for being "out" as a man who is submissive and not a walking stereotype. In stand-up comedy alone there are thousands of voices confirming machismo rhetoric: "That's not what guys do! Guys are like this!"

It takes courage to stand against the tide and say, "That's not true. I'm a guy and I'm not like that at all." You may face criticism and ridicule in the process, but you're saying it anyway. Some might say it was safe to "come out" in a community of friends because it's familiar, but sometimes it's harder because their opinions of those familiar friends mean more. The threat of rejection is still real.

You're under no obligation to speak up about who you are. There are times when fear and self-preservation might make you stay silent and that's just fine. But when you can speak up, I hope you will.

I remember a time in the SF/F forum when an AW member mentioned a woman "sodomizing" her boyfriend with a strap-on, using this act as an example of something extremist and undesirable. I thought about saying nothing. I came back to the post a few times and wandered away. Then finally said, "Fuck it. No one makes fun of my sexual orientation." I politely corrected the guy, saying it was called "pegging", not "sodomy" and there was nothing wrong with it. (Something to that effect.)

And wouldn't you know? Someone came out of hiding just because I made this comment and said he felt affirmed that he wasn't alone in liking that kind of thing. Now I have a dear friend that I have something in common with, and we both affirm and encourage each other.

Even cooler is the ripple effect we're unaware of. If you find the courage to say something brave and one person says, "I'm so glad you said that," there might be five or ten other lurkers who read your comment, never commented, but is silently grateful and affirmed. I'm always surprised to see people who give rep points and, "Thank yous!" for things I've said even if they aren't part of the discussion on the thread.

Just by being you, and saying who you are without shame, who knows how many other sub men and Dom girls you are affirming? It's a wonderful cycle. Thank you.

I was thinking about this earlier today, and I think its a gradual procress. I know I cannot be completely open about some things around.

Today we shoot a commercial for Advertising and Public Relations 101 and even I was mostly with college friends, I felt exhausted and needing solitude for a while and then it struck me, I can't be open with these people. With my "buddies". I feel at times I am playing a character with them and it can be tiresome, it's not like I pretend to be them but exagerate some facets of myself to amuse them.

Sometimes I wonder if I have to leave my cozy hometown to truly find out who or what I am.
 

regdog

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Max, I just saw this thread and may I say, I've thought you awesome since I first met you here :)
 

SaraP

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I was once notme. They were miserable years. I'm in awe at you for having the courage to find out who you are and trust who you are. You'll be a happier man for it. And you know I love you for who you are, miguinho. :)
 

Rise2theTop

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I am who I am, I am different and whoever or whatever I turn out to be in life, I hope and wish to be respected for who I am.

You have mine. No labels would make me very happy. Take a look... It's just my wish for the world. Be yourself. Live your life in the way that makes you, you. Kiss.

http://tiny.cc/fqn8h My motto...
If someone doesn't feel inspired after seeing this, not so sure I want to know them...tells me something.
 
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Bereheath

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Where my identity resides, yours isn't rare, nor unwanted or looked down upon.

It is so unfortunate that a lot of mild, intelligent and cultured men get caught in the current male gender stereotype, with few of them able to extricate themselves earlier than midlife. I'm happy for you you did!
 

robertsloan2

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That could totally be me :D

Awesome webcomic.

Thank you for posting about your self discovery. It makes sense to me, doesn't make you any less straight. I think it makes you contemporary. Release from stifling conformity and narrow gender roles is something that helps everyone.

I've also known many, many straight women friends who described a guy a lot like you as their ideal mate. That takes some self honesty on her part to admit that she'd rather take the lead.

There's one more thing that gets gender attacks on both sides.

People who wear glasses, read a lot and talk about books are effeminate if they're male and too masculine if they're female. There's a special third sex in those old gender roles. The guy is supposed to be stupid, slow, belligerent, hooked on sports and laugh at or pick on bookish guys. The gal is supposed to be cute, simper a lot, pretend the jerk is smarter than he is and hang all of her self esteem on what he thinks of her.

Despite this, people of the Intellectual gender find each other and fall in love just as often as the conformists. The only real difference is that the straight ones buy a lot of children's books from the day she-geek realizes she's pregnant with baby-geek.

So we've got Real Men, Real Women and Real Bookworms.

My son in law also had a great gag. Real men don't eat Quiche, right? But if you tell him that he's gonna get a Bacon and Egg Pie he'll scarf down the whole thing. Maybe it's some kind of American envy of French people's sexual prowess.

Being different is a good thing. Trying to be Normal means setting mediocrity as your highest achievement.
 

maxmordon

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So, I went to a bar...

A gay bar for first time, well, not a gay bar but a LGTB-friendly joint set not far from where I had a doctor's appointment. Some friends of mine go to nightclubs and such but I have never been going out clubbing but it doesn't seem attractive me. So this looks like a nice place, open with a veranda and all, and I still had half hour to kill before my doctor arrives.

So I go, ask which is the minimmum I can pay with the card since I have no cash at the moment to at least ask for a glass of water. The maitre d' at the door informs me that is far more that what I was aiming, even far more than their Lunch Special cost and I have never been to a bar before, so as quick and shy as I go to the door, as quick and shy I leave.

So, I guess its kinda a start to something? I don't know?
 

kuwisdelu

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Sounds pretty different than my first journey to a gay bar.

...which we won't talk about.
 

Maryn

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max, it's good you approached, but I have to wonder if your subconscious was sold on the idea. Ordinarily if a person intends to enter an establishment selling food and drink, they have some cash.

Baby steps still get you nearer your goal, of course. Next time, carry enough to purchase a beverage--not necessarily alcoholic, but something you'd pay for--and to leave a decent tip. If it's a fancy place, expect to pay a ridiculous amount. You're not just paying for the beverage but for the LGTB-friendly ambiance.

Maryn, glad to see progress (and curious about Kuwi's first such visit)
 
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