A Life of Crime and Chocolate

GailD · Apr 15, 2014

Introversion said:
Just heard that a former co-worker of mine (from two former employers) has died.

I actually mentioned him in a thread here a few weeks ago. He was the guy who was so depressed by what he felt were irredeemable flaws in a table he'd built, that he abandoned a woodworking hobby. But he'd often say that "some day" he might try again, "when I have the time".

Turns out, after a forced retirement (job-loss), he had the time, but used it to drink himself to death. Pushed away everyone he knew, friends and family both, and spiraled to what by all accounts was a very lonely and bitter end.

Sigh.

I'd lost touch with him, because he stopped replying to emails. (Turns out, that wasn't unique to me.)

And I wasn't very close, but we shared some good & bad times on the job, and he was usually a genial fellow to work with.

I'm just having a hard time reconciling that person and the person who found life so painful that they ended it. I knew he tended depressive, but most of the time it seemed more like performance art than something he couldn't cope with.

Depression is never an easy thing to recognize in others. It is an internalized condition that is difficult to spot accurately because people who suffer from it are often adept at hiding their true feelings. As you say, "he was a genial fellow to work with" though it's entirely possible that he had been suffering from depression for a number of years - he just gave no sign of it. Being 'sad' or 'negative' is not a reliable indicator of depression. It's not so much what a person says, or how he/she says it, that should ring alarm bells but the type of behavior that is exhibited. Your friend pushed people away and self-medicated (with alcohol) and I'm sure there were other things he did too, which would indicate he was severely depressed. Unless you were able to observe him everyday, you couldn't have known, or even suspected, how bad things were. But still, it must be so sad to hear of that happening to someone you knew. I hope you feel better soon. :Hug2:

And congrats, Shea!!!! That's awesome! :partyguy:

Good news is always good to share.

heyjude · Apr 16, 2014

Shea, that's wonderful! :snoopy:

Congratulations! :hooray:

asroc · Apr 16, 2014

Hi guys, I'm back. Still very busy.

I'm sorry things have been rough for you, French and Intro.

But congratulations, Shea! That's great news.

muse · Apr 16, 2014

Intro -

's

Shea - Congratulations! Fantastic news. :hooray:

Zelenka · Apr 16, 2014

French (((hugs)))
Intro - I actually think about your story about the furniture every time I get downhearted with my attempts to learn painting and drawing and it always gives me that kick to keep going. I'm really sorry to hear about your colleague. ((hugs)) to you too.

Great news Shea! That's amazing

I have one more day of work to do then I have a week off. First proper holiday of the year, heading down to London for a couple of days. Can't wait.

Silver-Midnight · Apr 25, 2014

Well, it's almost the last of week of classes and Finals Week (the week after), and I'm just *starts running around screaming* So. Much. Work. So. MUCH. WORK!!

tarak · Apr 25, 2014

Intro, I'm so sorry. One of my co-workers committed suicide a few months ago. I didn't know her well. She was such a sweet person. I don't know the details other than she'd suffered from depression for years. Such a terrible disease.

Just breathe, Silver - it will be over soon. I remember the night before the first day of the bar exam, I was panicky thinking I had so much to learn and so much to read. At one point, something clicked and I realized my brain was only going to retain so much information. So I poured a glass of wine and watched an Orioles game. They lost, which was a bummer (the Yankees won - even more of a bummer). I hope you can reach that point where you've done what you can and are able to let go.

Oh, and I passed. So the relaxing before going to bed was probably a good thing.

heyjude · Apr 28, 2014

Far too quiet in here the last few days. How is everyone doing?

I made it through Easter, so I can breathe again. Next up, our new pastoral candidate comes in on Thursday, so I'll be working with him through the weekend, trying to convince him that our little church isn't crazy (hahahaha!--shhh.) and that he would love sunny FL. :Sun:

Kale the enormous kitten has grown. Ana the petite princess kitten has not. They are an endless source of amusement and joy.

How's you all?

tarak · Apr 28, 2014

Crazy is interesting, though.

I survived my oldest daughter's sleepover and skating party relatively unscathed. Six 11-year-olds squawking until the wee hours. It wasn't as painful as last year, but I've already nixed the concept of separate events for next year. I limited her to five friends sleeping over, but she wanted to invite a few others for skating. Inevitably, someone finds out about the sleepover and gets miffed because she wasn't invited. So it's one or the other. She's getting to the age where she'd probably prefer her friends stay the night than gather somewhere else.

heyjude · Apr 28, 2014

Oo, tara, I love sleepovers.

We do them regularly here just because. Hey, it's Friday! Let's invite ten random kids to sleep over! I love it. (See: the aforementioned crazy.)

I'm glad she had a good time.

asroc · Apr 28, 2014

Not so good.

Namatu · Apr 28, 2014

Do you need :granny:

or

?

Friends, it's been a long time since I've visited all of the smilies. When did the alien contingent show up?

heyjude · Apr 28, 2014

asroc said:
Not so good.

Oh no.

That sounds not so good.

Want to share with us? Or shall we just send you warm, happy thoughts?

Namatu said:
Do you need or ?

Friends, it's been a long time since I've visited all of the smilies. When did the alien contingent show up?

Ha! They must have turned up around the April Fool's Day stuff. That's cute! Take me away!

tarak · Apr 28, 2014

heyjude said:
Oo, tara, I love sleepovers. We do them regularly here just because. Hey, it's Friday! Let's invite ten random kids to sleep over! I love it. (See: the aforementioned crazy.)

I'm glad she had a good time.

One or two is usually fine. I think it's having group of them - in the bodies of almost-young women but with the energy of toddlers - that frazzles my nerves after a bit. That, and the knowledge that I'm not likely to get any sleep whatsoever. But they did have a good time.

asroc said:
Not so good.

I'm sorry. :Hug2:

muse · Apr 29, 2014

heyjude said:
Oo, tara, I love sleepovers. We do them regularly here just because. Hey, it's Friday! Let's invite ten random kids to sleep over! I love it. (See: the aforementioned crazy.)

Yup, you're definitely crazy!

asroc said:
Not so good.

Hope things get better soon. :Hug2:

Namatu said:
Do you need or ?

Friends, it's been a long time since I've visited all of the smilies. When did the alien contingent show up?

Oooooh. Nice.

*Wanders off in search of new smilies.*

French Maiden · Apr 29, 2014

It's been a couple of weeks since I checked in here.
Far out lots has happened.
Blake's has seizures, didnt get his infusion for the pain, as he has a seizure on the table. Then Again this morning he had his biggest one yet - it wasnt a massive one, but big for him.
We got told that instead of months, we may just have weeks.

Thursday we're off to our farm stay. Blake"s looking forward to it, even if he can barely walk, because of all the weight he has gained due to the steroids. He's gone from 19kg to nearly 27kg in 3 weeks. I can barely pick him up. He's still eating me out of house and home, which is probably a benefit long term for him, as there will come a time when he stops eating.

It's been saddening, and lots of tears have flowed, but it is what it is. Can't change it. If anything I'm looking forward to him being cured, eternally. He's worked hard for these angel wings, and he's one step closer to getting them.

lizmonster · Apr 29, 2014

{{{{French}}}} :Hug2:

You are a wonderful mama.

asroc · Apr 29, 2014

muse said:
Hope things get better soon.

tarak said:
I'm sorry.

heyjude said:
Oh no. That sounds not so good. Want to share with us? Or shall we just send you warm, happy thoughts?

Namatu said:
Do you need or ?

The alien, please. Some quality time in outer space sounds pretty good right now.

I'm sorry I just posted this without any context, but I had to head out unexpectedly. You guys are sweet to worry, but it's nothing dramatic as such. I just failed an exam in the most embarrassing and frustrating manner possible. It was an oral exam (I hate those), it all went okay for twenty minutes or so, I was thinking: "Yay, I'm gonna make it!"... and the professor asks me a question I can't answer. I know nothing, somehow managed not to review this bit at all. I stammer, I try to make stuff up, I even try to argue. But no correct answer, no pass. I was this close. (I can take it again next week, though.)

I've already been doubting whether I really have the brains for this, so I've got some thinking to do now.

FM, I'm so sorry.

French Maiden · Apr 29, 2014

Sorry about the failed exam. Was it in front of the whole class, or privately?
That sucks, but self doubt won't get you anywhere, you need to kick those thoughts to the curb my friend.
Good luck with the exam next week.

asroc · Apr 29, 2014

Whole class. A lot of them did say afterwards that they wouldn't have known the answer either, but they didn't get that question and they passed. Well, most of them. I'm not completely alone in my failure.

Namatu · Apr 29, 2014

asroc, sorry to hear about the exam. I'm one of those bright-side people so will say: Imagine how well prepared you'll be next week! It's not falling down that matters. It's making sure you get back up.

French, :Hug2:

. Just lots and lots of :Hug2:

.

sheadakota · Apr 29, 2014

asroc- sorry about the exam- oral exams are the worst-

French- major hugs coming your way!

Nothing big going on in my life- rounding the final corner in finishing the WIP, but- I started working on a query on it and that's sucked all my time foe the last week when I should have been writing- i get obsessed like that! Gah! I hate queries- loath them actually.

heyjude · Apr 29, 2014

Huge hugs to all of your family, French. You're very brave. And what a wonderful way to look at it--Blake's on his way to true healing. You're a wonderful mother. You're in my prayers, always.

Ouch, asroc! I'm glad you can retake that test. Stupid test. Who needs it anyway?!

Shea, you're a brilliant writer. It'll come.

tarak · Apr 29, 2014

French - you and Blake have been blessed with one another. I wish there were anything I could do to help you on your journey. All I can offer are virtual hugs and prayers.

GailD · Apr 29, 2014

French - like HJ, I wish there was something I could do for you but I'm also sending lots of :Hug2:

's and prayers. You're awesome.

Asroc - Oh, I feel for you. :Hug2:

Same thing happened to me in college. It feels awful for a while, but you'll get past it and you'll ace the next one. It helps if you forget about the one that didn't go well and focus on all the other successes you've had.

And chocolate. Don't forget the chocolate!

A Life of Crime and Chocolate

Still chasing plot bunnies.

Making my own sunshine

Alex

standing on head, typing one-handed...

Going home!

for certain qualities of "sane"

Making my own sunshine

for certain qualities of "sane"

Making my own sunshine

Alex

Lost in mental space.

Making my own sunshine

for certain qualities of "sane"

standing on head, typing one-handed...

Possibly A Mermaid Queen

Alex

Alex

Lost in mental space.

part of the human equation

Making my own sunshine

for certain qualities of "sane"

Still chasing plot bunnies.