Old Fart's and Pouffes Bar, Grill, and Hogewey Infirmary

*sends Lavern keyring with 'Findme' beeper*

JoeBear said:

Took Sami Bear to the local zoo today. She wore us out and then went to bed an hour early herself, leaving the cleanup, laundry and cleaning the car out to us. Here's a shot of her with a statue of her granddaddy.

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Beautiful little cub, that! A real chip off the old block - but with opposable thumbs.

Synonym said:

Well, I always heard that if you randomly open the Bible, there will be a scripture that will help you. Dang. Didn't know it could produce lost items too!

I wonder if it'll have that last piece of paper that I need to fill out my taxes. Maybe in Revelations?

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Maybe. Maybe not. But I'm sure it will give you sound advice.


"Render unto Seizer the things that are Seizer's...."

Synonym said:

Well, I always heard that if you randomly open the Bible, there will be a scripture that will help you. Dang. Didn't know it could produce lost items too!

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It's a matter of perspective. I wonder why it stole her keys in the first place...

Haggis said:

*hand JBear a chair to hid under*

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No worries, mate. Besides, Lavern's busy trying to find her glasses and I'm hiding here down under.

Lavern08 said:

I looked in my Bible Case, and there they were...

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Catholic kids appeal to St. Anthony. The official prayer beginning, "O blessed St. Anthony," is 102 words. Kids cut it to the essentials:
"Tony, Tony, come around.
Something's lost that must be found."
It works

Chase said:

Catholic kids appeal to St. Anthony. The official prayer beginning, "O blessed St. Anthony," is 102 words. Kids cut it to the essentials:
"Tony, Tony, come around.
Something's lost that must be found."
It works

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Can Tony find my virginity?
I know it used to be here.
I think I lost it long ago
One night after too much beer.

I should have been drinking Lagavulin
And stayed holed up in my den.
Can Tony find my virginity?
Good Lord! How long it's been!

JoeBear said:

Can Tony find my virginity?
I know it used to be here.
I think I lost it long ago
One night after too much beer.

I should have been drinking Lagavulin
And stayed holed up in my den.
Can Tony find my virginity?
Good Lord! How long it's been!

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Haggis said:

Tony, Tony, help me
To find my long lost youth.
I went to sleep a kid
And awoke long in the tooth.

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These are beautiful--straight out of remedial catechism.

Okay, maybe bruinchism and dawgchism -- but nevertheless remedial.

I was remedied once. Penicillin is great stuff.

In today's trivial celebrity news are tweeted rants on twitter and in social media. It's mostly done by minor celebrities who some wait-person didn't recognize and treat like the god those celebrities imagine themselves to be.

When ignored, the celebrity publicly apologizes in hopes to stir some kind of response.

It's in that spirit I apologize to all of you here at the infirmary. Unfortunately, I don't have FaceBook and am without the electronics to tweet and twitter . . .

However, it's the thought that counts, and I do scrawl awful put-downs of each and everyone here on my Etch-A-Sketch.



Trouble is someone shakes it off before morning. Sorry.

Chase said:

In today's trivial celebrity news are tweeted rants on twitter and in social media. It's mostly done by minor celebrities who some wait-person didn't recognize and treat like the god those celebrities imagine themselves to be.

When ignored, the celebrity publicly apologizes in hopes to stir some kind of response.

It's in that spirit I apologize to all of you here at the infirmary. Unfortunately, I don't have FaceBook and am without the electronics to tweet and twitter . . .

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Chase...?

Chase...hmm, anybody know a Chase? What movies was he in? No movie?

Television series? Miniseries? Cereal box? Milk carton?

Nope. Never heard of him.

Can I get you some water, sir?

I'll be back in an hour, plus or minus an hour, to take your order.

JoeBear said:

Nope. Never heard of him.

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More nasty things about bears on my Etch-A-Sketch.

How soon they forget my stunning portrayal of a dead or dying guy on gurney being wheeled into ER in a safety video made for Northern Montana Hospital.

It was so real, even my sister was surprised I survived.

Chase said:

More nasty things about bears on my Etch-A-Sketch.

How soon they forget my stunning portrayal of a dead or dying guy on gurney being wheeled into ER in a safety video made for Northern Montana Hospital.

It was so real, even my sister was surprised I survived.

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Ah, okay, I remember the scene, but I thought it was on M*A*S*H.


I'll be back in another hour or so to take your order - I'm on my break. If you need anything, call the bar next door.

Not to worry, Chase. It's the thought that counts.

BardSkye said:

Not to worry, Chase. It's the thought that counts.

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, harmony helper. Bears are easy, but it would be hard to think bad thoughts about you, though.

Chase said:

, harmony helper. Bears are easy, but it would be hard to think bad thoughts about you, though.

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My job is done.

Chase said:

Bears are easy.

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But doesn't include cute Samibear. This hot off the Etch-A-Sketch:

Bears don't merely have overnight morning breath; they have overwinter spring breath.

Yes, that fur coat does make your butt look Ursa Major.

There once was a grumpy ol' bruin
With no idea what he was doin'
Losing his smarts
With other ol' farts
And that's what led to his ruin.

*sticks head in door*

GROAN.

Chase said:

But doesn't include cute Samibear. This hot off the Etch-A-Sketch:

Bears don't merely have overnight morning breath; they have overwinter spring breath.

Yes, that fur coat does make your butt look Ursa Major.

There once was a grumpy ol' bruin
With no idea what he was doin'
Losing his smarts
With other ol' farts
And that's what led to his ruin.

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Lavern, cover your ears. Chase, cover your...never mind.

I've never been (*&$#%&(%@@$^&* grumpy in my *&^%#@$%&*(#@ life.

BTW, have y'all noticed that the class and style has risen in this asylum since Porter stopping dropping by? Where's the old moose hanging out nowadays anyways?

Duchessmary said:

*sticks head in door*

GROAN.

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I had more, your duchessness, but it turns out Etch-A-Sketch, Inc., has a remote shaker and erased my best old school social media work.

This place may be filled with old farts,
Writing sometimes in fits and starts.
But the writings I've seen
Shows you're sure no 'has been'
Which proves we're greater than the sum of our parts.

Duchessmary said:

*sticks head in door*

GROAN.

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Just grin and bear it, Duchess.

GailD said:

This place may be filled with old farts.

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The kitty with glasses is nice.
Made of sugar, I’m sure, and of spice.
With all of our warts,
She likes us ol’ farts,
And plays with us as if we were mice.

*hides behind bar stool*

*waits quietly for Chase to walk by*

*swishes tail*

Chase, I ordered a new flywheel/ring gear assembly for my twin-cylinder-engine lawn mower yesterday from a company in Salem, OR and it left Portland at 11:11 last night via USPS. Just got the update and then it occurred to me that I should have asked you to pick it up and have it moose-shipped to me - it might get here faster. That way, the moose could reinstall it as well...

...then again, maybe not.