Invisible words

Walk, smile, and point depict motion. They can't be invisible. The feature of 'said' and 'asked' is that they carry no information, which is why a readers' brain generally doesn't notice them.

The degree to which you substitute descriptive words for said and asked is a matter of style. There are no real 'rules' for this.

This is just my opinion (no data to back it up, aside from my own experience as a reader). I think that "special" words, ones that are stronger and more evocative, are more likely to stand out if they're repeated too often.

Smiled, walked etc. can probably be repeated more often than words like smirked, beamed, shambled, ambled etc. So I'd agree with Bill that those words aren't "invisible," just that they call less attention to themselves.

But if you're finding that your characters are smiling, walking, pointing and so on all the time, you might consider whether they're always needed. Because you don't want to have throwaway stuff out there. Is important information being provided by the pointing, smiling, walking, or are you just using these words to embellish dialog (my characters tend to nod like bobbleheads and grin like idiots in first drafts) or something. Consider if something more descriptive (via the pov character's observation and perspective) might be appropriate.

Instead of "he frowned," maybe, "His face twisted, as if he'd been chewing wormwood," or, "He frowned like a child who didn't want to eat his broccoli."

Or maybe even, "She smiled like a vixen that had just found her way into a henhouse."

GraemeTollins said:

My issue was about such general verbs as 'walk', 'smile' etc. Because they are such common words, can they become invisible?

eg. If I use the word 'shamble' twice in a page it will stand out because it is a very specific way of moving, and thus be repetitious. Would 'walk' have that same effect?

Click to expand...

In my experience, words like smile, grin, walk, laugh, etc. become highly visible when overused. They used to be everywhere in my first drafts, and I'd go through after the second draft and search for all occurrences of pesky overused words. (I have a list of common ones plus crutch words I tend to use when drafting.) In each instance I determine if the word is needed at all. A lot of times, the answer is no. If yes, is it the best word for the job? Most of the time, it's not.

When drafting, she walked across the room is just fine. In revisions, she sidled across the dance floor or she sashayed across the dance floor or she strode across the dance floor might capture the action better.

It's not only that overuse of smile, walk, nod, grin,etc. becomes noticeable; it's also that there are often stronger verbs or more showy ways to convey more information.

All the best,
Riv

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Aim for flow and clarity and the issue shouldn't arise.

I think when actions are described in a vague way they become more invisible. A story could read- James went over to Linda.- Instead of "went" it could say walked, ran, skipped, swam, slid, etc. I think writers can sometime make the story too vague in terms of the character's actions which makes some of the things they do become "invisible".

The thing that sometimes drives me nuts is the simple act of a character entering or leaving a room during a scene while the pov character is engaged in some action or conversing with another character.

She slipped from the room.
The door clicked shut behind her.
She stepped through the door.
He retreated down the hallway.
She appeared at his elbow.
The door creaked open and Bob stepped into the room.
He waited for the door to shut and Sue's footsteps to fade away before he continued.

Bleh, all bland and repetitive, but when the pov is focused on something/someone else, a more elaborate description of the way the other character left is rather intrusive. And it feels strange to continue the pov character's conversation or action while leaving the location of the character who left the room hanging.

Walked is one of my Achilles's heels as well. Fortunately for me, I've had Gringa and Riv give me lots of crits (thanks again, ladies), and they're merciless on this.

It's a delicate balancing act. Too many tiptoes, dances, scuttled, crept, ducked (into a room), etc. and it draws too much attention to itself.

Not all smiles have to be mentioned. Nor does all dialogue have to have a physical action instead of a tag.

I balance the thing the best I can, then either post for feedback or ask betas. It's very much a matter of developing your own style.

If you want a lot of examples of someone critting for this very thing, I strongly suggest popping into QLH and looking for Gringa's crits. Verbs are one of the things we really pay attention to, and no one is as focused on this as Gringa.

And, as always, looking carefully at how different writers handle these sorts of things in their own works can be helpful too. I did a count and discovered that a number of very successful and well-regarded writers use certain words a lot in their novels. This suggests that editors and the reading public are a bit more forgiving than we often are

Not that we shouldn't strive to do our best, of course, but I think there's a point where we nit pick our own (or each others') work past the point of usefulness.

The use of these words can also depend on voice. My pre-teen protagonist would never say ambled. He might march, jump, skip, run or walk. Keep the narrator's voice in mind as you decide which word work best.