Writing a 'Hooky' description

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apgambrell

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How do you write a short description that hooks people in? Some websites only give you so many characters to write your description. Also, how do you write a 'hooky' description without revealing too much?
 

Jerboa

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Cor, that's a difficult question! Hard to know without knowing what you're trying to make sound hooky. Unique circumstances, conflict, character voice, interesting words?!
 

apgambrell

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Well, the story is about a female detective and her partner trying to solve a murder but they end up uncovering an unsolved crime that link back to the murder and have to deal with a few more crimes that happen while they're trying to solve the main crime. They are also involved in a physical relationship though their department strictly forbids it.

It's told from the female protagonist's POV, if thaty helps.
 

Jerboa

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Okay, so what makes it different from all the other stories like that? Concentrate on what makes it your story.
 

apgambrell

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This what I have so far:

'Ixora Ishikawa and James Anthony Nicholas Taylor III are detectives in the small, quiet town of Tylerville, Texas. Humdrum country life comes to a screeching halt when a teenager is found stabbed to death with a Scottish Claymore. It is up to Ishikawa and Taylor to find out who is responsible... But what other things will they uncover in the process?'

Now, my characters aren't twenty-something wonderkids. They're in their mid-30's, my male lead has hyperactivity/insomnia disorder that keeps him from sleeping more than five hours at a go and the female lead is half-Japanese. She's also a bit above average height, kind of overweight and some issues of her own. I don't intended to work ALL of that in my description but is there anything in there I should try to work in that might get people's attention?
 

Jerboa

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This what I have so far:

'Ixora Ishikawa and James Anthony Nicholas Taylor III are detectives in the small, quiet town of Tylerville, Texas. Humdrum country life comes to a screeching halt when a teenager is found stabbed to death with a Scottish Claymore. It is up to Ishikawa and Taylor to find out who is responsible... But what other things will they uncover in the process?'

I think the mention of a claymore is the most interesting out of what you have there so far.

They're in their mid-30's, my male lead has hyperactivity/insomnia disorder that keeps him from sleeping more than five hours at a go.

This is interesting too. But if the woman is the MC then it wouldn't make sense to have more info about him than her.

As for what you have, you can streamline it because I think you have some repetitions in there (you don't need quiet and small, for example).

Ixora Ishikawa and James Anthony Nicholas Taylor III, detectives in the quiet town of Tylerville, Texas, find life comes to a screeching halt when a teenager is killed with a Scottish Claymore. It's up to Ishikawa and Taylor to find out who is responsible... But what other things will they uncover in the process?

What is it a blurb for, by the way? Query? Cover blurb? Or just promo stuff?
 

Chumplet

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All I know is, when I say I'm writing a polo murder mystery, it attracts more attention than the clunky query I tried to submit for assessment on a writing site.

The shorter, the sweeter.
 

Old Hack

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This isn't Share Your Work: if you want critiques the thread really should be moved. If you want advice on how to write sales copy, though, then it can stay here.
 

apgambrell

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I don't want a critique. I want to know what elements I need for a catchy back cover blurb. If I posted in the wrong thread (which I am prone to do), then move it. I'll understand. I'm still getting the hang of this forum thing.
 

Old Hack

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No, you're fine. Please don't worry. But do go and read the thread I linked to earlier, because I suspect it will answer many of your questions.
 

apgambrell

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I looked at it and probably will have to read it several times because it is a lot of information to absorb all at once. I may look into the cards mentioned in the post as well.
 

gcommon

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In my opinion the hook should portray the thing about your book that makes it stand out from others like it. Like for example "The Fifth Element"

"In the future of 2263, a New York city cab driver's life is turned upside down when he picks up an unexpected passenger."

Of course everyone knows that any story about a New York city cab driver will be interesting, but adding the hook that it's the year 2263 compels the reader to think of endless possibilities and ultimately draws them in from their own curiosity.
 
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