I still don't understand why we can't look at the differences and use them as a way to understand one another, though.
I never said there was anything wrong with examining our differences.
The ideal I hope for - though don't ever actually expect to see - is a world where the differences don't matter. Where everyone can be as different as they want to be, and still accepted, and not viewed as something "other" just because they wear green and orange plaid pants.
Which is just a harmless "for instance" and not a sartorial choice on my part.
The ideal here is to be seen solely as a writer, not an "x-category" writer, in terms of personal background of the writer. (Genre is another thing entirely.) Which, having thought on it, it seems to me that almost all the genres have some version of this problem, where the majority of its writers are assumed to be of one genre or another. Only genre I can think of, off the top of my head, where this does not seem to apply is the mystery genre, which seems to balance out between men and women.
The only exception to this is if you are drawing from something in particular in your background in your writing: for example, Lily's being an ex-nun actually has some bearing on her books. Then it matters and is worth exploring.
Otherwise you risk falling into another trap, that is assuming that because a writer is "x-category" that they will have certain things to say that apply to what they write, as categorical themes, rather than seeing whatever themes and messages they are writing about as personal.
As I said, I am all in favor of upholding an overlooked group and saying "you should check these out," but I am much less comfortable making broad statements about the characterization of those groups one way or the other.
Also being mindful that a large part of this is culturally driven, as I can attest to in the different views I was subject to being a house-husband in Sweden versus being one here.