Drive-thru funeral visitation

I don't know. Now that I think about it, as a prospective dead person, I think I might prefer the onlookers to cruise by, take a quick peek, then motor on to the party part. The thought of it is slightly less horrifying that the thought of me in a box in an over air-conditioned room where people keep hovering and staring for hours.

Urg.

Oh no. I think that is very tacky.

Locking this one for the nonce.

ETA: Offending posts (and collateral damage) have been deleted. Reopening, and giving a warning to not go down this path again.

I don't like wakes -- seeing my loved one posed in a coffin with makeup on is the opposite of comforting to me, But my family is Catholic, and the older folks in particular seem to find seeing the body one last time comforting, so I've attended quite a few. The one thing I do like about them is the opportunity for the bereaved to comfort one another, and to receive comfort from family and friends.

I can't quite see how anyone could either give or receive comfort by driving past a body in a window! What do they do, beep? Put flowers in a drive-through slot? I'm thinking the time would be better spent writing a lovely condolence letter.

OK, I only just now read the whole article. This is priceless:

The viewing area can not be seen from the inside of the funeral home and the window is covered by curtains until a vehicle drives up. The curtains then open to reveal the deceased in their casket as music plays overhead.

A guestbook appears from a retractable door allowing people to record their visit and there is a slot where they can leave memorial contributions.

People in the vehicle have 3 minutes to pay their respects before the curtain closes.

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I KNEW there'd be a drive-through slot! I KNEW it!

I like the 3 minute limit, too.

But I must say, they could easily eliminate the car altogether. Why not have a live feed of the body on the funeral home's website? You could do memorial contributions by credit card. That way, you could...er..."pay your last respects" while in your underwear, from the comfort of your own home.

It's not a bad idea, but I'm looking for a simpler funeral.

I'm not sure that, after I die, I'd want to be turned into something that could be mistaken for part of a Haunted-Mansion-type amusement park ride.

Lou Grant (the Mary Tyler Moore Show) said:

I don't want anybody to make any fuss. When I go, I just want to be stood outside in the garbage with my hat on.

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I'm with Lou.

Opty said:

I'm not sure that, after I die, I'd want to be turned into something that could be mistaken for part of a Haunted-Mansion-type amusement park ride.

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Good god, you don't even know. I so want to be a biology lab skeleton. I want someone to stick a cigarette between my teeth and I want to be nabbed into the dean's office at Halloween.

my only objection is that, if they're busy, they make you pull up and park until an attendant can run the corpse out to you.

William Haskins said:

my only objection is that, if they're busy, they make you pull up and park until an attendant can run the corpse out to you.

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But think how much more efficient it is. With an attendant on roller skates, and the corpse on a gurney with a boom box, the funeral home can cater to an entire line of cars in the same three minutes it generally takes for a single car to view the corpse.

The only problem is sometimes people miss when tossing their memorial contributions into the coffin. Still, I believe it is the wave of the future.

peddle your visionary industry bullshit elsewhere, iococca...

CassandraW said:

But think how much more efficient it is. With an attendant on roller skates, and the corpse on a gurney with a boom box, the funeral home can cater to an entire line of cars in the same three minutes it generally takes for a single car to view the corpse.

The only problem is sometimes people miss when tossing their memorial contributions into the coffin. Still, I believe it is the wave of the future.

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You can do better than that. How about they set it up like the old drive-in theaters? Everybody pulls in to their own parking spot, then heads out to the snack counter for popcorn, sodas and hot dogs. They go back to their car, hang the speaker on the window, watch the projection of the corpse on the big screen, listen to three minutes of Amazing Grace, and still make it home in time for The Bachelorette.

i say they hang the corpses in bunches like those soapy, noodle-y things in drive-through car washes and they all just slap against your windshield as you go through.

Haggis said:

You can do better than that. How about they set it up like the old drive-in theaters? Everybody pulls in to their own parking spot, then heads out to the snack counter for popcorn, sodas and hot dogs. They go back to their car, hang the speaker on the window, watch the projection of the corpse on the big screen, listen to three minutes of Amazing Grace, and still make it home in time for The Bachelorette.

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I would rather look at a corpse for an hour than watch The Bachelorette.

q: what do they have in common?
a: dead inside.

Haggis said:

You can do better than that. How about they set it up like the old drive-in theaters? Everybody pulls in to their own parking spot, then heads out to the snack counter for popcorn, sodas and hot dogs. They go back to their car, hang the speaker on the window, watch the projection of the corpse on the big screen, listen to three minutes of Amazing Grace, and still make it home in time for The Bachelorette.

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Or they could make it a double feature. Three minutes of the corpse, and then Night of the Living Dead for those inclined to stick around.

They'll sell more hot dogs that way.

William Haskins said:

peddle your visionary industry bullshit elsewhere, iococca...

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you're not going to get anywhere in the modern funeral biz with an attitude like that.

ETA:

William Haskins said:

i say they hang the corpses in bunches like those soapy, noodle-y things in drive-through car washes and they all just slap against your windshield as you go through.

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never mind. I take it back.

CassandraW said:

you're not going to get anywhere in the modern funeral biz with an attitude like that.

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will too...

William Haskins said:

will too...

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No, you're right, and I take it back. Your corpse-wash idea is just the innovation this industry needs.

William Haskins said:

i say they hang the corpses in bunches like those soapy, noodle-y things in drive-through car washes and they all just slap against your windshield as you go through.

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CassandraW said:

No, you're right, and I take it back. Your corpse-wash idea is just the innovation this industry needs.

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And the 10th wash is free!!!

I curious as to how they do the hot wax.

Haggis said:

I curious as to how they do the hot wax.

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Well, H, that there is a trade secret. But between us, it has something to do with the innovations we've made to the crematorium.

Soylent Green Funeral Home and Car Wash is people, Haggis. Never lose sight of that.