How to Write in an Emotionless Voice

PetGabM · Mar 31, 2015

This isn't exactly a 'general question,' but I couldn't find a better place to put it, so I put it here.

I'm writing a steampunk novel told in third person, following a truly emotionless automaton. I want to tell the story in a voice that matches the character, because halfway through the book, the automaton 'snaps' into emotions, and I want to show the contrast between the character at the beginning and ending through the voice, whether or not it's in first person. My goal is to keep readers interested by showing an unbiased view of other characters, and making their personalities clear and interesting, but my real problem is that I'm not sure how to write 'mechanically' and without emotion, while both keeping the reader relating to the automaton, and keeping the writing fluid. In fact, I'm not even entirely sure how I'm going to obviously write without emotion. Any help with this would be appreciated, including how to analyze your writing voice-- I'm looking for a very specific voice for this book, but it's hard to put my finger on exactly what I want. Thanks!

cgrinds · Mar 31, 2015

You could make the automaton describe things exactly as it perceives them. "He is fat. She has a big bump on her nose."

I would immediately want to contrast these descriptions with the euphemistic dialog of others, but that probably says more about me than anything

I would also be careful to not annoy the reader.

rwm4768 · Mar 31, 2015

The big place where you'll have to be careful is inner dialogue. It has to focus only on the automaton's thoughts, not on any emotions.

It sounds like a good idea, but is this your only POV character? Personally, I'd find it difficult to read nothing but a character with no emotions for a good portion of the book.

Pyekett · Mar 31, 2015

Avoid contractions and use declarative sentences.

Roxxsmom · Mar 31, 2015

First off, I wouldn't ever name emotions or the sensations associated with them. No churning gut or hammering heart. Also, the emotionless automaton would likely be no good at reading or attributing emotions in others, so it would likely describe facial features as it sees them without really interpreting them. So no, She scowled at me, clearly vexed by my oversight. Instead, maybe, The corners of her mouth bent downwards and a line appeared between her brows.

Or maybe the being could analyze what the emotions possibly mean on an analytical level without really internalizing them.

Her brows drew together, which could either mean she was going to yell at me, or she was about to ask a question.

A couple of novels I can think of where the pov character has trouble interpreting and processing emotions are Ancillary Justice by Anne Leckie (main character is an AI who is in a human body) and Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon (Main character on the autistic spectrum and he has to be very conscious and deliberate about reading outward signs of emotions in other people and interpreting them logically, though he does, of course, have emotions of his own).

CrastersBabies · Mar 31, 2015

Read Ray Bradbury's "There Will Come Soft Rains"

The POV is a house. It still makes judgments and observations, but perhaps more overtly instead of adding in subtext.

And find other examples. I've written in an objective POV before. As cgrinds states, an emotionless POV might not have the common sense to be subtle or sarcastic. Just stating things.

NRoach · Mar 31, 2015

CrastersBabies said:
Read Ray Bradbury's "There Will Come Soft Rains"

The POV is a house. It still makes judgments and observations, but perhaps more overtly instead of adding in subtext.

And find other examples. I've written in an objective POV before. As cgrinds states, an emotionless POV might not have the common sense to be subtle or sarcastic. Just stating things.

Suddenly, a certain easter egg in Fallout 3 makes a lot more sense...

PetGabM · Apr 1, 2015

Thanks, guys! I'll try out all of these suggestions. Still, I'm not sure how each of them will work... I want the lack of emotion to be obvious, so all your ideas in that respect will definitely be of use, but I want his other differences in speech to be very subtle, so that the reader sees the difference, but it doesn't distract them. After all, they'll be reading the text from this voice for almost half the book, with very few breaks in between. I would like to mention again, though, that the book is in third person, but I still want to keep the voice, so as to show contrast between how he thinks at the beginning and end of the book, as well as how others think.

How to Write in an Emotionless Voice

PetGabM

cgrinds

rwm4768

practical experience, FTW

Pyekett

I need no hot / Words.

Roxxsmom

Beastly Fido

CrastersBabies

Burninator!

NRoach

PetGabM