Parents of Daughters Ages 0-10

jenngreenleaf · Aug 9, 2008

Good morning AW'ers!

I'm writing The WonderDads Handbook for Raising a Girl Ages 0-10: A Month-by-Month Look at What to Expect, Developmental Tips, and Ideas For Activities. This book is going to be broken down into years, and then further broken down into months (bite-sized bits easily ingested by fly-by reader dads).

Here's what I'm looking for:
1: One or two sentences about your 0-10 year old daughter. Example for a three month old, "My daughter did not transition well from bassinet to crib until we started playing a CD with ocean sounds." That sort of thing.
2: A one or two paragraph "this is what I experienced with my [insert age] daughter during this [insert event, activity, or milestone]" type of description that I can pull quotes or other reference material from.

This book is a guide for dads, but it doesn't necessarily have to be quoted by dads or first-person stories from dads. It's meant to serve as a go-to guide when things come up that confuse, frustrate, or perplex dads while raising their daughters alone, or with a co-parent.

Anyone game?

Stacia Kane · Aug 9, 2008

I have two daughters, currently ages 3 and 7. I'm game. You just want sentences on anything? Are there particular topics you want?

My youngest screamed bloody murder in her carseat, from birth until about 2 months. We finally bought a CD of ocean sounds (yep, your example above reminded me) and that helped, but it took a couple of months before she really got comfortable with it. A few times she got so hysterical we had to pull over and take her out of the carseat until she calmed down.

jenngreenleaf · Aug 9, 2008

Thanks for responding! Yes, this will work great! I'm looking for "real life" examples of what dads can expect and things like that. So, if he's expecting life to be grand when putting his daughter in a carseat, your example will shed some light on that reality.

How long did it take for her to get out of this phase?

Do you have special projects you enjoy doing with your daughters? A sport, craft, outing, or any other kind of activity would be great.

Thanks, again!

Perks · Aug 9, 2008

I've got two daughters - 5 and 9. Let me talk to the man and I'll get back to you with some quotes.

kristi26 · Aug 9, 2008

I've got one daughter (and two sons, ages 8 and 5). She's 2 1/2 years old now.

When we brought our daughter home from the hospital, she wanted nothing to do with anyone except Mommy. She didn't even want to look at Daddy. It wasn't until she was closer to 4-5 months that she realized "Daddy can be fun too."

Our daughter hated the bath from the first moment she entered the water. I thought it was just something she would do the first time and then she'd love it the next. I was wrong. She screamed like we were killing her at every single for six months. And then one day, she loved it. For the next couple of months, she'd laugh and play in the tub, having a grand time. Then she switched again. She hated it so much that my husband and I took turns taking her in the shower with us. We learned an interesting lesson in this. Little girls can be wishy-washy.

If I think of anymore to add, I'll come back.

jenngreenleaf · Aug 9, 2008

Perks said:
I've got two daughters - 5 and 9. Let me talk to the man and I'll get back to you with some quotes.

GREAT! Thank you!

jenngreenleaf · Aug 9, 2008

kristi26 said:
I've got one daughter (and two sons, ages 8 and 5). She's 2 1/2 years old now.

When we brought our daughter home from the hospital, she wanted nothing to do with anyone except Mommy. She didn't even want to look at Daddy. It wasn't until she was closer to 4-5 months that she realized "Daddy can be fun too."

Our daughter hated the bath from the first moment she entered the water. I thought it was just something she would do the first time and then she'd love it the next. I was wrong. She screamed like we were killing her at every single for six months. And then one day, she loved it. For the next couple of months, she'd laugh and play in the tub, having a grand time. Then she switched again. She hated it so much that my husband and I took turns taking her in the shower with us. We learned an interesting lesson in this. Little girls can be wishy-washy.

If I think of anymore to add, I'll come back.

Thank you for responding! Is there anything about her development now that differs from the development of your sons when they were her age? Do you notice that she's interested in different activities at this age in comparison to your sons at this age?

I really appreciate your time!

kristi26 · Aug 9, 2008

She's very interested in being "a mommy." She loves dolls and loves to share her food, which is very cute. She can count to ten but she still doesn't know all of her colors. She is slightly more dramatic than her brothers. You know, everything's a big event.

jenngreenleaf · Aug 9, 2008

Very interesting! Thank you for sharing! Did you notice a difference in how out-going or shy she was/is compared to her brothers at that age? Or were they all pretty much the same across the board?

Jersey Chick · Aug 9, 2008

When my daughter (who's now nearly 8) was about a year old and we took her off formula to put her on milk, she wanted nothing to do with milk. Wouldn't drink it at all. Then I started spiking it with vanilla extract. It worked like a charm and I could decrease the amount of vanilla until we got to the point where she didn't miss it when I stopped putting it in.

Now my son... didn't have a problem getting him to drink milk - which he prefers now over juice. But if only we could get him to eat....

kristi26 · Aug 9, 2008

jennhollowell said:
Very interesting! Thank you for sharing! Did you notice a difference in how out-going or shy she was/is compared to her brothers at that age? Or were they all pretty much the same across the board?

She is a little more shy than her brothers and slower to warm up to strangers. I actually have relatives that live out of state (and visit irregularly) who she won't say more than two words to. The other day, I was on the phone with my aunt and DD was talking to me. My aunt couldn't believe it was her!

Another thing I thought of: My middle son weaned (from nursing) at thirteen months on his own with no trouble. He never really looked back. My DD just weaned, at 30 months, about 4 weeks ago. She still asks for it sometimes. The first time, she cried and cried like I'd broken her heart. I felt so bad. Now she takes the offered chocolate milk instead without much resistance. But she still misses it. Another thing that happened when my son weaned was that he didn't really want to cuddle with me as much as he did before. My daughter still loves to cuddle despite losing the nursing.

Stacia Kane · Aug 10, 2008

Both our girls are fascinated by Daddy's facial hair. They like to play with it when he doesn't shave.

He grows a beard occasionally. When Faerie was, oh, a year and a half or so, he'd hold her in his lap and she'd scritch her fingernails over the beard and giggle like crazy. She was disappointed when he shaved it, but he re-grew it six months later or so and she didn't like it as much. When he shaved it that time she grinned and said, "Now I can see your cheeks!"

Sometimes they ask him to regrow it again; sometimes he asks them if he should and they say no. But they find the whole process really interesting, so that might be something fun for Dads to try when the girls are a little past infancy.

jenngreenleaf · Aug 10, 2008

This is great information, guys, thank you so much for sharing this with me!

WendyNYC · Aug 10, 2008

My daughters were both terrified of public toilets when they were just out of diapers, especially the ones that flush automatically. (It IS startling!) I started carrying post-its in my purse and would tape one up over the sensor before they sat down and viola, no scary flush.

jenngreenleaf · Aug 10, 2008

What an excellent tip! And, yes, they are startling! My son is still terrified of them, so I think I'm going to try this with him - I never saw a little person scurry so quickly out of a stall in my life.

Mom'sWrite · Aug 10, 2008

Our daughters are 7 and 8 years old. The single quote I could extract from my husband about raising our daughters involves cradling his head in hands and moaning, "I'm in so much trouble."

jenngreenleaf · Aug 10, 2008

LOL Yes, that's so very true!! LOL

jenngreenleaf · Aug 11, 2008

P.S. Sorry guys - I forgot to mention that, if you prefer, you can emal responses to me at writerjennh [at] aol [dot] com. Thank you so much for your interest and your help with this project!

Elladog · Aug 11, 2008

My daughter turned two in June, and has always been a bit of a daddy's girl. This worked well for us because I was breastfeeding so already had my built-in baby time, so it was nice that she always really enjoyed time with him, too. He has always been a very hands-on, diaper changing, late-night rocking, down on the floor playing kind of dad.

We're finding this age interesting as up til now most of her toys have been the gender-neutral infant stuff, and now we're getting into more of the dolls vs trucks stuff. We don't try to guide her preferences and right now she's at a place where she will happily don a tutu and hockey helmet while driving her Barbie in a toy backhoe to the fishin' hole. She can name about a dozen different kinds of trucks and tractors, and loves ballerinas and fairies. I think there was a point when my husband had some concerns about whether he could have the kind of relationship with a little girl that he might have had with a son, but it becomes more and more obvious every day that it's not about a father and a daughter, it's about these two specific people and the indescribable depth of love they have for each other.

As we learn this parent thing, we've both discovered some new skills we had no idea we had - for him we've learned he is brilliant at making up on-the-spot words to songs that actually rhyme, unfailingly asks just the right questions to extract the information we need ("but where was the butterfly before it was in your mouth?") and makes the world's best scrambled eggs & cheese.

Oh, and I'll second the vanilla extract in the milk thing, works beautifully.

heyjude · Aug 11, 2008

I have a daughter, now age 5.

My hubby made fun of me for saying that the baby could hear him in utero. Literally made fun of me. I made him talk to her, play his guitar, etc. He thought it was a waste of time. Until. The birth went badly, we had an emergency c-section, and I was out cold for hours. The baby wouldn't stop screaming, so my husband tentatively said her name. She stopped screaming instantly. Every time he talked to her, she quieted and watched him. He was the only one that could keep her calm.

He talked to my belly lots with the second baby.

And now he tells everyone that dads make a huge difference!

jenngreenleaf · Aug 11, 2008

Elladog said:
My daughter turned two in June, and has always been a bit of a daddy's girl. This worked well for us because I was breastfeeding so already had my built-in baby time, so it was nice that she always really enjoyed time with him, too. He has always been a very hands-on, diaper changing, late-night rocking, down on the floor playing kind of dad.

We're finding this age interesting as up til now most of her toys have been the gender-neutral infant stuff, and now we're getting into more of the dolls vs trucks stuff. We don't try to guide her preferences and right now she's at a place where she will happily don a tutu and hockey helmet while driving her Barbie in a toy backhoe to the fishin' hole. She can name about a dozen different kinds of trucks and tractors, and loves ballerinas and fairies. I think there was a point when my husband had some concerns about whether he could have the kind of relationship with a little girl that he might have had with a son, but it becomes more and more obvious every day that it's not about a father and a daughter, it's about these two specific people and the indescribable depth of love they have for each other.

As we learn this parent thing, we've both discovered some new skills we had no idea we had - for him we've learned he is brilliant at making up on-the-spot words to songs that actually rhyme, unfailingly asks just the right questions to extract the information we need ("but where was the butterfly before it was in your mouth?") and makes the world's best scrambled eggs & cheese.

Oh, and I'll second the vanilla extract in the milk thing, works beautifully.

This is very interesting because I've heard a lot of parents saying it would be more difficult for a father to bond if the mother breastfeeds. I love hearing that this is just a myth. I nursed my children and didn't notice a problem with them bonding with their father - nice to know we weren't the only ones!

Thank you for this information! (I wish I had known about the use of vanilla YEARS ago! LOL)

jenngreenleaf · Aug 11, 2008

heyjude said:
I have a daughter, now age 5.

My hubby made fun of me for saying that the baby could hear him in utero. Literally made fun of me. I made him talk to her, play his guitar, etc. He thought it was a waste of time. Until. The birth went badly, we had an emergency c-section, and I was out cold for hours. The baby wouldn't stop screaming, so my husband tentatively said her name. She stopped screaming instantly. Every time he talked to her, she quieted and watched him. He was the only one that could keep her calm.

He talked to my belly lots with the second baby. And now he tells everyone that dads make a huge difference!

What a sweet story!!!! I'm a firm believer in baby-belly talk, music, and singing.

Thank you for sharing!!!

jannawrites · Aug 12, 2008

Perks said:
I've got two daughters - 5 and 9. Let me talk to the man and I'll get back to you with some quotes.

Ditto (except mine are 5 and 3). I'll come back with somethin'.

jenngreenleaf · Aug 13, 2008

jannawrites said:
Ditto (except mine are 5 and 3). I'll come back with somethin'.

Excellent! Thank you!

jannawrites · Aug 14, 2008

jannawrites said:
Ditto (except mine are 5 and 3). I'll come back with somethin'.

I had just a few minutes to speak with misterwrites last night, and they were fruitless.

But, in lieu of his answer, I'll give you one for him. Hope it helps.

He's been working two jobs and a lot of hours, and he's concerned about the small amount of interaction he has with them. He knows how crucial a father's presence is for girls (for their esteem, for their development), and how impressionable they are when small. That being the case, he makes that much more effort when they are together.

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