Teens Writing for Teens - Page 6

Red.Ink.Rain · 01-28-2009, 03:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rachel

I'm doing this with Cliche now. I'm just revising the query over and over as I write, and hopefully it will be perfect by the time I send it out.
I suppose I should post it in the SYW forum but I'm afraid of certain folks over there.

If you'd like someone to look at it who won't tell you that you suck (not that people around here do) I've a pretty good eye for the nit-picky stuff. I was an intern at a newspaper - I did a lot of editing.

Horserider: I know! What's up with that? We can write 400 pages of readable, grammatically correct plot, but not a 200 word summary. *smacks forehead*

The Kidd · 01-28-2009, 04:07 AM

I agree with Kosse. I just turned twenty a few weeks ago but don't I count too D:?

KosseMix · 01-28-2009, 08:17 AM

Definitely! Come join us!
*hugs*

Red.Ink.Rain · 01-28-2009, 08:18 AM

I'll be twenty in a year or so...DANG that sounds so old. I don't feel like I should be twenty...I don't even feel like I should be 16. I still suck at driving. :P

KosseMix · 01-28-2009, 08:30 AM

*looks at WIP*
It's about 1k away from 50k, and pretty close to the ending. got to resolve the main problem right now, resolve a thread, then resolve the final thread

/ambiguity

5k more?? 10k more?? WEWT

Red.Ink.Rain · 01-28-2009, 08:33 AM

By the way, Kosse, the little blurb in your signature totally cracks me up. Like the honest-to-goodness ROTFL kind of cracking up.

KosseMix · 01-28-2009, 09:02 AM

Ha ha, that's the crazy kid at the end of the book. He has moments like those often.
Actually, all the kids at that children's home tend to be kind of. . . loopy.

Quote:

I grimaced. “Camilla, what were you reading?”

“Oh, I’ll show you. But I wasn’t really reading it—and no, Resse, I’m not illiterate! It’s just in a different language. I was looking at all the symbols.” She grabbed my hand and led me to the book she’d been flipping through. It was, indeed, written in another language—it looked like the language you’d see old scrolls in, like the ones framed behind glass in the academy.

“That’s odd,” I said. “I wonder where it’s from.”

“I don’t know, but it should be in Script.”

I looked at her. “What do you mean?”

“How do they expect us to read it, if they write it in weird symbols like that?”

“They didn’t expect us to read it.”

“Then why bother writing it if no one’s going to read it?”

Resse pressed his hand against his face. “Gods, Camilla, you and Vane are going to make him think all of us are either stupid or crazy. You don’t think I’m that way, do you Isore?”

I shook my head.

“What? So I am?” Camilla demanded, hands on her hips.

“I didn’t say that!” I said. Gods, these kids were crazy!

She laughed and flicked a hand at me. “Oh, I know, I’m just giving you a hard time.”

“How old are you guys?” I asked.

“Why? You think we act like little kids?” asked Camilla, her eyes narrowing.

“You got to try and find insult in everything, huh?” Resse said. “I’m thirteen. Two more years for me. She’s twelve.”

“I can tell him my age!”

“I’m twelve also,” I said. “What about Vane?”

“He’s. . .uh, I don’t even know. How old is Vane?” Resse asked Camilla.

“Now you want my opinion?”

“Hence why I asked you.”

“You’re an ass, Resse. They should have named you Rasse, for rat’s ass.”

“There’s an –e at the end of my name, if you’ve forgotten.”

“It’s all right,” I said, fighting back a sigh, “I don’t care that much."

Cale · 01-28-2009, 09:39 AM

To Kosse, now that i know what a beta reader is, i would definately review your book!
i might not be able to help with all the technical stuff, but i could tell you if the story works, makes sense etc. also i have a sister who reads tons of books who would probably be interested in reading as well!
hopefully i could be of use. just PM me if you want me to help.

KosseMix · 01-28-2009, 09:43 AM

Most definitely! Your time would be greatly appreciated

Red.Ink.Rain · 01-28-2009, 10:42 AM

Eeep! There's a Camilla in my book too! Although she's a very minor character. But still.

KosseMix · 01-28-2009, 10:45 AM

She's a minor character in my book, too. She only shows up at the children's home.

Red.Ink.Rain · 01-28-2009, 10:47 AM

Nice.

Mine is a housekeeper who is a habitual liar. Lol.

KosseMix · 01-28-2009, 11:01 AM

What's your book about?

Red.Ink.Rain · 01-28-2009, 11:13 AM

Oi, great question. I'm working on a query summary as we speak.

Basically, it's a dystopian YA about a society completely obsessed with perfection and control. It's a society where marriages are arranged so that the partners produce the best offspring genetically possible. It's a society where any children with "defects" (birthmarks, strange colored eyes, lower-than-average IQ, deformities) are killed between the ages of 0-3. And it's about a Defect who lived.

Simultaneously, it's about a girl with a long history of perfection, wealth, and power. It's about about the deception and emptiness of beauty. It's about someone who is looking for more.

And when this boy and girl meet, it's about true love.

Horserider · 01-28-2009, 04:08 PM

Interesting Red.Ink. I need to finish the second edit of Andra, add the new chapter one and edit it all over again so it will make sense. Then I need to start looking for a beta.

I tried working the information from chapter one into chapter two and well...it's a little too hurried. Too much info and to little space. Darn it.

maimai · 01-28-2009, 05:18 PM

Kosse, your excerpt made me laugh. You definitely have me hooked.

And Red, that sounds wicked awesome. The idea of a society like that is just...no words there. I would so read it.

Horserider · 01-28-2009, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Oi, great question. I'm working on a query summary as we speak.

Basically, it's a dystopian YA about a society completely obsessed with perfection and control. It's a society where marriages are arranged so that the partners produce the best offspring genetically possible. It's a society where any children with "defects" (birthmarks, strange colored eyes, lower-than-average IQ, deformities) are killed between the ages of 0-3. And it's about a Defect who lived.

Simultaneously, it's about a girl with a long history of perfection, wealth, and power. It's about about the deception and emptiness of beauty. It's about someone who is looking for more.

I just figured out what that reminds me of! The Giver. It's a great book. Similar world, but a completely different plot I assume. On second thought, The Giver is only slightly like your world. Never mind.

Red.Ink.Rain · 01-28-2009, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maimai

Kosse, your excerpt made me laugh. You definitely have me hooked.

And Red, that sounds wicked awesome. The idea of a society like that is just...no words there. I would so read it.

Yay! Good to know.

As soon as I have a real summary I'll post it for you guys. I just suck at query letters.

Horserider: LOL, don't worry, it is a little bit like the Giver. The way I'm describing it in my query letter is Scott Westerfeld's Uglies meet Neal Shusterman's Unwind.

KosseMix · 01-28-2009, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red.Ink.Rain

Oi, great question. I'm working on a query summary as we speak.

Basically, it's a dystopian YA about a society completely obsessed with perfection and control. It's a society where marriages are arranged so that the partners produce the best offspring genetically possible. It's a society where any children with "defects" (birthmarks, strange colored eyes, lower-than-average IQ, deformities) are killed between the ages of 0-3. And it's about a Defect who lived.

Simultaneously, it's about a girl with a long history of perfection, wealth, and power. It's about about the deception and emptiness of beauty. It's about someone who is looking for more.

And when this boy and girl meet, it's about true love.

That sounds awesome...I want it!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by maimai

Kosse, your excerpt made me laugh. You definitely have me hooked.

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it

Guess what? I finished my book last night! I just kept going and going until the end...

Red.Ink.Rain · 01-28-2009, 07:13 PM

YAY KOSSE!!!

And since I wrote 3k last night on CoS, I think I'm going to focus on writing the query today. Because you guys are being so awesome about that crappy summary I just threw together, I feel like you deserve to know what the story is really about. :P

KosseMix · 01-28-2009, 07:13 PM

Now all the happy fun rewrites... I'm going to enjoy this part

Red.Ink.Rain · 01-28-2009, 07:16 PM

I actually like revising. It's like putting a lumpy gray hunk of rock into the polishing machine and ten minutes later finding out that you actually have something pretty under there.

EDIT: Oh, there's actually a very small excerpt of CoS on my blog: http://kristin-briana.livejournal.com

It's not much, just a short almost-summary I put together one day. It was going to be the prologue, but I ended up trashing it because it didn't move the story along at all.

Horserider · 01-28-2009, 07:20 PM

Yay! Great job Kosse!

I hate editing even though I've only gone through one and a half edits on Andra. It's just not going well. I start feeling like my work's not good enough, you know how we're always harder on our own work? I am at least.

Red.Ink.Rain · 01-28-2009, 07:41 PM

Side note: The water in the dorm showers was cold this morning.

It's January, and I live in Colorado. WE CANNOT HAVE COLD SHOWERS. WE WILL DIE OF HYPOTHERMIA.

Another side note: No quiero ir a mi clase de espanol. Tengo que hacer un examen, y no me gusta.

Metaphor · 01-28-2009, 08:22 PM

No me gusta nada los examenes! Son demasiado dificiles.

And cold water??? OMG! Tell me if you die of hypothermia, yeah? :P

CoS sounds really exciting - just my sort of thing

Can't wait until it's published... :P

So how are everyone's WIPs going?

01-28-2009, 04:07 AM	#127
The Kidd Not an actual kid...or goat. Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: With the eels... Posts: 2,812	I agree with Kosse. I just turned twenty a few weeks ago but don't I count too D:? __________________ My Blog WIP: Miraculous Mr. D: MG Fantasy>: 36k/45k (Untitled Kelpie story) Paranormal Romance>: 3.5k/50k

01-28-2009, 08:17 AM	#128
KosseMix fixing a limp query... Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Westmont Posts: 760	Definitely! Come join us! hugs __________________ "I have great faith in fools. My friends call it self confidence." - Edgar Allen Poe

01-28-2009, 08:18 AM	#129
Red.Ink.Rain Not your kid brother's YA Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Your face Posts: 8,965	I'll be twenty in a year or so...DANG that sounds so old. I don't feel like I should be twenty...I don't even feel like I should be 16. I still suck at driving. :P __________________ City of Shadows: The only thing worse than a defect who is allowed to live is a defect who dares to love. Strange and Beautiful: Magic never comes cheap. Seven: In Dead Horse, Colorado, his story repeats itself. blog ~ book trailer ~ twitter

01-28-2009, 08:30 AM	#130
KosseMix fixing a limp query... Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Westmont Posts: 760	looks at WIP It's about 1k away from 50k, and pretty close to the ending. got to resolve the main problem right now, resolve a thread, then resolve the final thread /ambiguity 5k more?? 10k more?? WEWT __________________ "I have great faith in fools. My friends call it self confidence." - Edgar Allen Poe

01-28-2009, 08:33 AM	#131
Red.Ink.Rain Not your kid brother's YA Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Your face Posts: 8,965	By the way, Kosse, the little blurb in your signature totally cracks me up. Like the honest-to-goodness ROTFL kind of cracking up. __________________ City of Shadows: The only thing worse than a defect who is allowed to live is a defect who dares to love. Strange and Beautiful: Magic never comes cheap. Seven: In Dead Horse, Colorado, his story repeats itself. blog ~ book trailer ~ twitter

01-28-2009, 09:39 AM	#133
Cale figuring it all out Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Australia Posts: 70	To Kosse, now that i know what a beta reader is, i would definately review your book! i might not be able to help with all the technical stuff, but i could tell you if the story works, makes sense etc. also i have a sister who reads tons of books who would probably be interested in reading as well! hopefully i could be of use. just PM me if you want me to help.

01-28-2009, 09:43 AM	#134
KosseMix fixing a limp query... Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Westmont Posts: 760	Most definitely! Your time would be greatly appreciated __________________ "I have great faith in fools. My friends call it self confidence." - Edgar Allen Poe

01-28-2009, 10:42 AM	#135
Red.Ink.Rain Not your kid brother's YA Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Your face Posts: 8,965	Eeep! There's a Camilla in my book too! Although she's a very minor character. But still. __________________ City of Shadows: The only thing worse than a defect who is allowed to live is a defect who dares to love. Strange and Beautiful: Magic never comes cheap. Seven: In Dead Horse, Colorado, his story repeats itself. blog ~ book trailer ~ twitter

01-28-2009, 10:45 AM	#136
KosseMix fixing a limp query... Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Westmont Posts: 760	She's a minor character in my book, too. She only shows up at the children's home. __________________ "I have great faith in fools. My friends call it self confidence." - Edgar Allen Poe

01-28-2009, 10:47 AM	#137
Red.Ink.Rain Not your kid brother's YA Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Your face Posts: 8,965	Nice. Mine is a housekeeper who is a habitual liar. Lol. __________________ City of Shadows: The only thing worse than a defect who is allowed to live is a defect who dares to love. Strange and Beautiful: Magic never comes cheap. Seven: In Dead Horse, Colorado, his story repeats itself. blog ~ book trailer ~ twitter

01-28-2009, 11:01 AM	#138
KosseMix fixing a limp query... Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Westmont Posts: 760	What's your book about? __________________ "I have great faith in fools. My friends call it self confidence." - Edgar Allen Poe

01-28-2009, 11:13 AM	#139
Red.Ink.Rain Not your kid brother's YA Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Your face Posts: 8,965	Oi, great question. I'm working on a query summary as we speak. Basically, it's a dystopian YA about a society completely obsessed with perfection and control. It's a society where marriages are arranged so that the partners produce the best offspring genetically possible. It's a society where any children with "defects" (birthmarks, strange colored eyes, lower-than-average IQ, deformities) are killed between the ages of 0-3. And it's about a Defect who lived. Simultaneously, it's about a girl with a long history of perfection, wealth, and power. It's about about the deception and emptiness of beauty. It's about someone who is looking for more. And when this boy and girl meet, it's about true love. __________________ City of Shadows: The only thing worse than a defect who is allowed to live is a defect who dares to love. Strange and Beautiful: Magic never comes cheap. Seven: In Dead Horse, Colorado, his story repeats itself. blog ~ book trailer ~ twitter

01-28-2009, 04:08 PM	#140
Horserider Ever onward Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: The TARDIS with David Tennant Posts: 19,109	Interesting Red.Ink. I need to finish the second edit of Andra, add the new chapter one and edit it all over again so it will make sense. Then I need to start looking for a beta. I tried working the information from chapter one into chapter two and well...it's a little too hurried. Too much info and to little space. Darn it. __________________ \| Blog \| Twitter \| I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. ~The Book Thief WIPs: Heartbreaker - writing Currently Reading: Clockwork Princess by Cassandra Clare

01-28-2009, 05:18 PM	#141
maimai New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: US Posts: 37	Kosse, your excerpt made me laugh. You definitely have me hooked. And Red, that sounds wicked awesome. The idea of a society like that is just...no words there. I would so read it.

01-28-2009, 07:13 PM	#145
Red.Ink.Rain Not your kid brother's YA Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Your face Posts: 8,965	YAY KOSSE!!! And since I wrote 3k last night on CoS, I think I'm going to focus on writing the query today. Because you guys are being so awesome about that crappy summary I just threw together, I feel like you deserve to know what the story is really about. :P __________________ City of Shadows: The only thing worse than a defect who is allowed to live is a defect who dares to love. Strange and Beautiful: Magic never comes cheap. Seven: In Dead Horse, Colorado, his story repeats itself. blog ~ book trailer ~ twitter

01-28-2009, 07:13 PM	#146
KosseMix fixing a limp query... Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Westmont Posts: 760	Now all the happy fun rewrites... I'm going to enjoy this part __________________ "I have great faith in fools. My friends call it self confidence." - Edgar Allen Poe

01-28-2009, 07:16 PM	#147
Red.Ink.Rain Not your kid brother's YA Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Your face Posts: 8,965	I actually like revising. It's like putting a lumpy gray hunk of rock into the polishing machine and ten minutes later finding out that you actually have something pretty under there. EDIT: Oh, there's actually a very small excerpt of CoS on my blog: http://kristin-briana.livejournal.com It's not much, just a short almost-summary I put together one day. It was going to be the prologue, but I ended up trashing it because it didn't move the story along at all. __________________ City of Shadows: The only thing worse than a defect who is allowed to live is a defect who dares to love. Strange and Beautiful: Magic never comes cheap. Seven: In Dead Horse, Colorado, his story repeats itself. blog ~ book trailer ~ twitter Last edited by Red.Ink.Rain; 01-28-2009 at 07:19 PM.

01-28-2009, 07:20 PM	#148
Horserider Ever onward Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: The TARDIS with David Tennant Posts: 19,109	Yay! Great job Kosse! I hate editing even though I've only gone through one and a half edits on Andra. It's just not going well. I start feeling like my work's not good enough, you know how we're always harder on our own work? I am at least. __________________ \| Blog \| Twitter \| I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. ~The Book Thief WIPs: Heartbreaker - writing Currently Reading: Clockwork Princess by Cassandra Clare

01-28-2009, 07:41 PM	#149
Red.Ink.Rain Not your kid brother's YA Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Your face Posts: 8,965	Side note: The water in the dorm showers was cold this morning. It's January, and I live in Colorado. WE CANNOT HAVE COLD SHOWERS. WE WILL DIE OF HYPOTHERMIA. Another side note: No quiero ir a mi clase de espanol. Tengo que hacer un examen, y no me gusta. __________________ City of Shadows: The only thing worse than a defect who is allowed to live is a defect who dares to love. Strange and Beautiful: Magic never comes cheap. Seven: In Dead Horse, Colorado, his story repeats itself. blog ~ book trailer ~ twitter

01-28-2009, 08:22 PM	#150
Metaphor twiftie Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: UK Posts: 2,592	No me gusta nada los examenes! Son demasiado dificiles. And cold water??? OMG! Tell me if you die of hypothermia, yeah? :P CoS sounds really exciting - just my sort of thing Can't wait until it's published... :P So how are everyone's WIPs going? __________________ EDITING: Rebellion: YA romantic paranormal thriller, 54k WRITING/PLOTTING: Untitled: YA contemporary romance,3.5k I'm a twiftie. Check out our teen-perspective blog on writing.

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