Inanimate insanity!

absentnormality · Feb 18, 2009

Based on this months writing challenge from my blog welcome to Inanimate insanity!

You challenge is simple, write a paragraph from the point of view of an inanimate object and post it up for us to see.

To give you an idea here is one of mine:

I took part in the most important of meetings, was there when all the important company decisions were made, knew all the office gossip. Then there was the Christmas party, office Olympics. It was the finals of the triathlon, the runners approached and lept the desks onto me and the cute one from accounting. Things were going so well, till we took a turn to sharp and I hit my leg off the wall. I spun out of control and we lost. I still remember that cute one from accounting looking so pleased that I was injured. Now I sit surrounded by broken office equipment; a printer that only prints blank pages, staplers that refuse to staple, a water cooler missing it's nozzle, and me. I know I've been replaced by now, by a younger more fashionable model, so I sit here remembering days gone by. A time when I used to have 5 wheels.

Have fun.

Rachel · Feb 18, 2009

ooh... its a thread!!! I'll be posting soon. Did you tell the guys at the pub?

:e2writer:

absentnormality · Feb 19, 2009

I came into the pub just after you left to tell.

Greeny has written a paragraph which is in my PM box.... must get her to post it, it's really cool.

Goodchild · Feb 19, 2009

So there I was, sat in the showroom window, feeling pretty darn smug with myself for getting such a prime spot, when in walks this woman. Good grief, she was one fine lady, with long blue-black hair and more curves than a mountain road. I could not wait to feel those bumps on my face, uhuhhuhuhuh. She chatted to Bob, the salesperson, and kept pointing at me. Oh yeah, this was going to be my lucky day alright!
Later on, I was bundled into a van and delivered to the lady's house, where I was promptly set-up in an upstairs room. I couldn't wait 'til night-time when that hot mama climbed onto me uhuhuhuuh!
A few hours passed and the lady walked into my room. She was saying something like "this will be your room". What did she mean? And then she stepped out of view and a decidely obese young man waddled into the room. He eyed me up with a hungry look in his eyes.
"Oh yes," he said. "This looks very comfy. Thank you, mother."
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Greenify13 · Feb 19, 2009

I am there, I am said to be sharp. I am sturdy enough for you, but you do not appreciate my existence. Alas, you have called out cuss words because of me. Your belongings have scratched and chipped me. Much damage has been done, but you come back in apology. I sit here and let you apologize, mending my figure and doctoring me back to beauty. As you walk about your life, I am always here. I am always somewhere, waiting to be abused and tortured with inane objects and abusive people. I stand here, and there are many like me. I hold up your protection, and try to stay steady.

absentnormality · Feb 19, 2009

See, not as hard a task as you might have thought and fairly quick to write *AHEM*Rachel*AHEM*

Now comes the second challenge... guess the object, answers on the back of a postcard folks!
*Re-reads Greeny's* I think it's a shoe... or a plate... nah, a key....

Greenify13 · Feb 19, 2009

I want to guess that AN's is about a chair, and Goodchild's is about a bed...

I have no freakin' clue!

absentnormality · Feb 19, 2009

Yup, you'd be right about mine.

Now I know what yours is about it reads even better. Thats one skilled piece of writing right there. *nods*

Rachel · Feb 19, 2009

I love the spinning. The twirling so fast I couldn’t catch sight of my label in a mirror if I wanted to. Some get dizzy, but I never have. Had I been a human, I would be the type who loved those things called roller coasters. I guess that is why I was so terrified when I started stalling. My friends had talked about it before, but I never listened. I was too shiny and new to care about how it felt to be stopped so suddenly from our kind of speed; or dragged along a sticky mess or almost invisible collection of dirt. I was naïve. And there I was. Sitting on that desk, alone, waiting to see what would happen. I couldn’t stand to be thrown away. Life had just begun, and I could not imagine spending the rest of it in a pile of garbage, never to spin again.
I couldn’t hear, since I don’t have ears like the humans. Being picked up from the desk top was a complete surprise. I was smothered in a damp, red towel, rubbed and dried, and then we were walking. I was swinging by the person’s side. And then I felt the snap, and I knew I was fit snugly into my favorite place again. I heard the slight buzz as I started to rotate slowly, and then faster and faster. If I had lips they would have been smiling. If I had arms I would have throw them up in the air to feel the rush. I was back, and the ride was as smooth as ever.

Well, "ahem" to you, too... AN. That was it.

I had school and, as I'm sure you noticed, it is longer than the others.

So that is why it took so long. (Excuses excuses).
I'm posting it on my blog too, anyway.

Hey! I made it before the deadline!!!

Rachel · Feb 19, 2009

I think I should have added a transitional paragraph...

absentnormality · Feb 19, 2009

Nice work Race, well worth the wait. Not too sure about those excuses though. :poke:

Will post my other one at some point, want to see if we get some more replies first.

Rachel · Feb 19, 2009

No no I want to read!!!! Did you put it on your blog?

BTW: I put links to your blog and this thread on Creare. Hope you don't mind.

absentnormality · Feb 19, 2009

Not a problem, and you have read the other one, the one I put up this week? Remember? The one that ten times better than my silly attempt at the top.

Rachel · Feb 19, 2009

Oh. okay. I thought you meant something entirely new. Hmm... post it anyway.

absentnormality · Feb 21, 2009

Okay, here we go again:

I sit here locked behind this glass and I can not help but think that you are a hypocrite. You refuse to watch football because you see it as a meaningless violent sport, you discipline you children for using violence to solve their problems. And yet. You own me. A "True man's sport" you call it, "natural instinct" you say. "Death." I call it, "Uncalled for" I say. You find it horrifying and disturbing to find a high school student has just shot dead his parents, and yet fail to see the families you rip apart. Above your fireplace hangs the stuffed head of our last victim, never again shall that majestic animal see the loving eyes of a mate, watch the growth of a child or eat with a friend. And you claim this slaughtering is civilised. Be thankful I can not talk, for I would tell you to cancel next weekend, that I no longer want to play my part in your primitive pleasures. I may have been created to destroy lives but I was created to defend you, or feed you... instead I am used for your entertainment and I would rather be shattered into a million pieces than watch another innocent fall because of my use in your random act of mindlessness.

Rachel · Feb 22, 2009

Loved it again. :LilLove:

absentnormality · Feb 22, 2009

I really do like that paragraph. Even if I did have no idea where it was going when I started.

Now, if only I could produce something half as good on UK economics I'd be laughing.

Sneaky Devil · Feb 23, 2009

*looks around the thread* Oh, AN, I am sorry I missed this. *grins and rubs her hands together* I will try to make you proud.

I lay here, cold and lonely. Just waiting...waiting...Then finally you pick me up, your fingers wrap around me, warming me. Your thumb moves over me, pressing into me. I blink again and again. Someone tries to take me and your fingers hold me tighter. I fly through the air and land on the table, knocking over a glass. I feel water seeping into me. You pick me up and dry me off. Turning me over you open me to ensure I am ok. Your fingers wrap around me again and your thumb presses into me once more.

Ok, so this was really lame. I promise I'll do better next time.

absentnormality · Feb 23, 2009

Nice one Sneaks. Short and sweet.

These paragraphs amuse me.

CrownedSun · Feb 23, 2009

Okay, I said I'd do this once I finished my daily writing, so...

I've seen the fate that awaits me. Worn and falling apart, inches from death, my predecessor lies abandoned under the bed. One day, soon I suspect, my Master will take him and dispose of him - though it might be cruel of me, I look forward to that day. The very sight of the old wretch sickens me. Still, at least he lived a long life. I get worked to death every single day, my sole crushed repeatedly into the hot pavement and my upper stretched by this bloated monstrosities humongous feet. It's a horrible process; it builds up my Master, making him leaner and faster, but its tearing me slowly apart. I only wish there was some way I could escape this fate, or at least save those that will come after my time is finished. But, alas, I was created to serve and there is no hope for one such as me other than the oblivion of death.

absentnormality · Feb 24, 2009

Oooh nice one Brandon. Makes you kinda of feel sorry for it.

Greenify13 · Feb 24, 2009

As I roll out over the hard surface, the wrinkles and lumps need soothing. I need to be stretched, I need to be moved. This way and that, oh here we go. Make up your minds, finally I am settled and the hard is no longer so cold. Hard and heavy things above, smooth down my hair and wear down my colors. So pretty I was when stretched out, but now I lay here on the floor worn down, worn out. Dust and dirt itch my hairs, they lay flat and now hard from the pressures. A bath, I was given and I had no itch. But I have been trampled and abused, your wash was no use. My colors have faded, and my days are numbered. Soon I will be replaced with one who is fresh and new, colorful and thick. But until then...

absentnormality · Feb 24, 2009

Ohh... nice Greeny.

Though why is it most of our objects sound depressed?

Greenify13 · Feb 24, 2009

It is not depressed, it has accepted the way of its life, I guess...It understands that it only has so long...Next time I will try for one that is not depressed-sounding...I have had an idea but haven't tried it...

Rachel · Feb 25, 2009

Ooh... you are all so good!

Inanimate insanity!

Queen of sensible stupidity

Stuff and nonsense.

Queen of sensible stupidity

Screaming Audio Terror

Fair Maiden of War.

Queen of sensible stupidity

Fair Maiden of War.

Queen of sensible stupidity

Stuff and nonsense.

Stuff and nonsense.

Queen of sensible stupidity

Stuff and nonsense.

Queen of sensible stupidity

Stuff and nonsense.

Queen of sensible stupidity

Stuff and nonsense.

Queen of sensible stupidity

Tale-spinner

Queen of sensible stupidity

Sun in Shadow

Queen of sensible stupidity

Fair Maiden of War.

Queen of sensible stupidity

Fair Maiden of War.

Stuff and nonsense.