random thoughts on expositional poetry

William Haskins · Jun 15, 2005

sometimes confessional poetry can be compelling. most of the time it's not. such is the case with a lot of novice poetry, including some of what gets posted on sites like this.

it ends up big on exposition (telling) and short on metaphorical weight (showing). so, i'd like to recommend a little exercise that might illuminate this trap that so many young poets fall into.

let's take a sample line of what one might find in this highly personal style of poetry:

when you left me, my life was over.

okay, sure it's a basic (and somewhat horrible) example, but not totally unrealistic. now, imagine you had no words at your disposal with which to express this sentiment.

imagine, instead, you had to draw it. you look within yourself and see the emotion embodied in your "life being over" as, say, a lonely figure driven to the edge of a cliff. a dead end. it seems like there is no possibility of moving forward, only falling.

now, you have created a metaphorical vehicle for that emotion. and it can be visually evocative and emotionally powerful in a way that expositional whining simply cannot. armed with this visual representation, you can now use language again, but this time in a different, more poignant way.

when you walked out my door,
you took the world with you and
left me perched on this precipice, peering
down on nothingness
afraid to fall.

again, quick (and fairly lame) example. but this time, it connects both writer and reader in a common visual realm.

and that's a good thing.

-william

Sarita · Jun 15, 2005

Excellent post! Can we rename it to POETRY PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT COURTESY OF WILLIAM HASKINS....

No really, I'm guilty as charged. Painting is one of the ways I've opened up my poetry. Take for example the painting I had in my profile... I wrote a thousand poems about that theme, then I painted it. The clarity came crashing through. Love and making it, is sweet. When it feels a certain way, you can't resist it, like a dragon fly drawn to orchids. That dragon fly can get nourishment from any flower, but to pick the orchid... ahhhh the best of the best. Isn't that what we all want in love?

Okay, I'm rambling. Can I be your padawan, Master Haskins?

maestrowork · Jun 15, 2005

Good post, Haskins. The same "show not tell" concept in story writing can be applied to poetry as well. The best poetry/story is evocative and provocative. I try to do that in my own writing -- sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail. You take a simple concept, then expand it using metaphorical details to evoke that theme... that's powerful, I think.

Cassie88 · Jun 15, 2005

Great post, Will. Thanks!!

Paint · Jun 15, 2005

Guilty as charged, William. Being a blunt person (I like to call it honest) I get in trouble with this.
Some of the people in this forum have not had formal training in poetry (me-couldn't put the paint brush down) and a post like this is welcome information. I did get a critique, not here, telling me the poem was too personal and would not be understood. So that 'common visual realm' is very important.
It's a very good thing. Why be here otherwise?
Paint

mommie4a · Jun 15, 2005

Very instructive post not only for poets or wanna be poets, but for us narrative nonfiction writers trying to get the best storytelling elements out of every fact and observation.

You might have to start charging, William.

Godfather · Jun 15, 2005

in awe.

william. you have just saved any beginner poets from falling over the precipice their staring over. and myself too, i always knew those poems weren't.... great, but you, you laid it down plain and simple. you got your message across, that's what a poet does, no?

thank you william.

dare i?
:Lecture:

i dare.

William Haskins · Jun 15, 2005

you crazy kids.

Vanessa · Jun 15, 2005

This is all good indeed for the mind that needs to concentrate on the technical formality of writing poetry, instead of creating from the heart. Personally, I believe that poetry is something that is described by its writer. It's a form of literature that depicts the writer's mind. How can anyone critique something so personal? One either appreciates it or they don't. Again although good points are covered here, I believe that poetry is a free form of expression and should always be that way.

William Haskins · Jun 15, 2005

Again although good points are covered here, I believe that poetry is a free form of expression and should always be that way.

this is not the issue at hand, however. i think we can all agree that poetry is a free form of expression.

my contention is that language, in its deadest and lowest form (the buzzing conversation of convenient, pedestrian words) is actually an oppressive force that restricts the very freedom you speak of.

now, no one will dispute that poetry is constructed with words, but we must first escape language before we can tame it enough to truly open a window into our soul.

so what i suggest is a mental metaphor machine.

free ourselves from the expositional by rejecting the overt and explicit. since poetry, like other forms of writing, functions at its best when it's visual, then we go to that realm. we imagine the emotion, not by its name, but rather by its symbolic significance. once we have established in our own mind our pain as a stormcloud, our lovemaking as the blooming of a flower or our loneliness as a distant universe with one star in the sky, then we have our poem. it doesn't require language. we can hold it inside and feel its full power.

but we do have readers to think about, so we then go back and pick and choose the lively words, the beautiful words, the heavy, the dark, the light, the sad words. and we rebuild the poem from the foundation of a mental image -- into a string of words become far more than the sum of their parts.

hey, i encourage freedom. but freedom is found away from the well-worn path of empty cliches, dead-obvious words and language that could be from a radio commercial.

-william

maestrowork · Jun 15, 2005

My issues with a lot of poems are: word choices, rhythm/cadence, and complexity.

Frex, I try to pack a lot of feelings and emotions and meanings in as few words as possible (carefully chosen words, strong words, vivid words, metaphorical words)...

What do you think about that, in terms of the "language" of poetry?

William Haskins · Jun 15, 2005

i think that's dead on. i address that in the second response in this post:

http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=111335&postcount=10

mommie4a · Jun 15, 2005

This is a tough one for me, William. The points you raise in your most recent post, for a few reasons. First of all, I'm into nonfiction and while narrative nonfiction borrows from poetry and fiction, I respect clarity yet don't feel that metaphors are always clear.

Now, maybe that depends on the writer and the reader. And some writers - in whatever genre - decide that certain audiences might be excluded because of the language used and the writer is okay with that. Remember the brouhaha with Jonathan Franzen and Oprah and not wanting to appeal to folks who read what Oprah recommends?

But sometimes the topic is something I want to pursue but I know the audience must be addressed in a certain way, a way that doesn't obfuscate the information. That doesn't mean my writing can't be poetic, but I have to be careful that they'll understand.

And, as a novice poetry reader and not even a novice poet, some metaphors in poetry drive me nuts because I just don't get it. Does that mean I need to read more poetry, less poetry - or I'm not meant to read poetry? I don't know.

I guess I hate the idea that poetry would be inaccessible to people because the presentation, the genre, is over their heads. And I guess I would never want to suggest that there be a Chicken Soup kind of poetry for everyone because that seems to play to the lowest common denominator.

I guess I just want everyone to get along.

No wait, that's for another thread.

I guess I just want everyone to have a chance to "get" poetry and want to believe that it can be accessible to anyone who wants to give it a try.

maestrowork · Jun 15, 2005

Jill, I think part of the allure of poetry (for me anyway) is the deeper meanings behind the actual words. Sure, we can have poetry that talks about the beauty of the sun, the moon, of people. But I myself am drawn to the ones that have deeper meanings, and you really have to dig to understand what and how the poet was feeling when he/she wrote it... I think that's VERY sexy.

In fiction, we call it subtext -- not everything has to be spelled out. But when the readers get it, it's very powerful.

I admit, sometimes my poetry can be really cryptic -- like "WTF is the meaning of this?" I have people say to me, "Well, I think I get what your poem means..." and they're most often wrong. LOL.

In fiction, sometimes I go overboard with complexity and subtexts. Some people prefer everything to be clear and explained.

I don't know... I think once you get to the deep and metaphorical, you are approaching art.

mommie4a · Jun 15, 2005

I agree, completely. There's much poetry I enjoy even when I know I'm not getting it all. And as a writer, I love the challenge of writing in the subtext. No question about either of those points.

Again, I think this has more to do with my frustration when I don't get it. I guess I just have to keep reading and working at it and bugging William.

William Haskins · Jun 15, 2005

i don't think what i suggest builds any walls between writer and reader. on the contrary, i think it tears down walls, by bridging my experience with yours, but (and this is important) elevating it above common conversation.

cliches, for instance, were at one time poignant. can you imagine the very first time someone ever heard someone say their heart was broken. if you forget you've heard it a million times, it's a quite powerful phrase.

but to us it's dull and empty, rendered by use to almost meaninglessness.

if you read it in a poem, the little jill inside you might say, "hell, everyone's had their heart broken. so what?"

but if you truly encounter a freshly unique and powerful metaphor, you will be jolted from a sort of linguistic complacency and suddenly, you'll have a empathetic response to the writer's experience, and (this is huge!), it will make you see your own pain or joy through new eyes.

mommie4a · Jun 15, 2005

William Haskins said:
if you read it in a poem, the little jill inside you might say, "hell, everyone's had their heart broken. so what?"

but if you truly encounter a freshly unique and powerful metaphor, you will be jolted from a sort of linguistic complacency and suddenly, you'll have a empathetic response to the writer's experience, and (this is huge!), it will make you see your own pain or joy through new eyes.

As a writer and reader, I appreciate this point since, as a writer, one thing I always have in my mind is making the reader feel or see something he or she has never felt or seen before in the way my writing has made him or her feel or see.

William Haskins · Jun 15, 2005

mostly, my first post was just me thinking out loud. none of it really means anything anyway.

Pat~ · Jun 15, 2005

Some good points, mommie4a. I, too, am a non-fiction writer and enjoy writing poetry--but probably would never post my poetry because I fear my metaphors aren't complex enough! I also rarely write free verse, preferring the less popular traditional forms. I'm doomed to obscurity, I know. :Shrug:

I like the idea of more show, less tell, and employing the senses...but I also really want to communicate to the reader. And heavy use of metaphor might actually hinder that communication. I mean, I might be writing about my life being over and the other guy reads about my standing at the cliff and has a totally different perception of the experience...for all I know he's a hang-glider and thinks the adventure is just beginning.

So, I use metaphor, but very sparingly. (But neither do I whine.)

maestrowork · Jun 15, 2005

William Haskins said:
but if you truly encounter a freshly unique and powerful metaphor, you will be jolted from a sort of linguistic complacency and suddenly, you'll have a empathetic response to the writer's experience, and (this is huge!), it will make you see your own pain or joy through new eyes.

Yes. People PMed me about my Venus Fly Trap piece -- another take of the savage nature of sex/lust/love. Once they get it, it can be phenomenal and powerful. It touches people on a primal yet intellectual level -- it's just awesome. And that's very satisfying for both the poet and the readers.

brokenfingers · Jun 15, 2005

Damn. The things I miss when I'm busy as hell.

Haskins you're right on about everything you said. Very well articulated.

You were able to put into words a lot of things I felt about poetry and the way I try to write poetry.

Excellent post.

(Damn that Haskins!)

William Haskins · Jun 15, 2005

(But neither do I whine.)

yeah i figured that one would come back on me at some point.

Cassie88 · Jun 15, 2005

A lot of Emily Dickenson is difficult to understand, but she can make you see a rose or a sunset like it's the first time. She can make you re-feel a "broken heart" like it just happened. There are some writers that can write poetry without using a lot of metaphor, but it's rare and if they're not giving us metaphor, they're giving us something else. Although, I can't for the life of me, think of an example.

Cassie88 · Jun 15, 2005

Who's the poet that wrote that short poem about eating the piece of fruit? Ya gotta cut me some slack, I'm tired.

Cassie88 · Jun 15, 2005

Maybe it wasn't fruit! lol You know it's got that line...."you were...saving..." something like that.

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