Ray's House of Love (Volume II)

[Russ Mars]

Sassy, being that you live there, maybe you can answer this for me: In Alabama, when a man divorces his wife, is she still his cousin?

[NeuroFizz]

Sass, the man needs your friendship through this mess. You are best to step away from this woman (sever all contact if you wish). That's the best way to support the "nice guy" and minimize your involvement in the drama that is unfolding. If you continue to be in contact with both, you may be seen as a go-between, or as a conduit for the nastiness.

And I'll say it again...nice guys seem to bring out the selfishness in women to the point the girls eventually feel the guy's services are no longer needed (as in chew him up and spit him out--or at least chew up his bank account). I've run out of digits to count direct evidence of this (including my own large big toe).

[Russ Mars]

In my experience, in just about any marriage or love relationship that comes apart, rarely is there a single guilty party. There's his side of the story and there's hers. Somewhere in between may lie the truth.

I've learned to keep my nose out of others' marriage bed, especially when the sheets get split.

[sassandgroove]

Thanks you all. Komnena, Hubby's friend's main concern has been what is best for their two children. Now I don't know what he may say just to my husband, but in my presence he has not said one bad thing about her and has said he just wants to make sure the kids stay in a good school and have some kind of normal. He also was blindsided by her leaving, which means she never followed my advice. They went to counseling a few years ago and he thought they were fine. And she didn't even tell him to his face. He said he asked her on a weekend what was bothering her and she just said she was tired, then she called him at work on that Monday from her mother's house to tell him she left.

Fizz, thanks, I know you have first hand experience. I haven't been in contact with her since she left him. HE's been at our house a lot, which is actually nice because in the last couple years he hasn't had much chance to hang out with hubby. He is calling my hubby more often to. What angers me in addition to the way she is treating him, is that I went out of my way to be her friend all this time and at first, before I knew how she was going to be in this process, I thought I would still try. But she hasn't spoken to me at all, and I know it is becuase I advised her to work on it and she isn't. She's run to her shallow little girl friends who feed her ego. So I am more than happy to support my hubby's friend and cut her off.

And Russ, I know that about relationships, but the thing is, I know her side of the story from before she left, when she would call me crying. As I said, they were never "meant to be" but he's a nice guy who works hard and means well. Leaving him is fine, twisting the knife as she does it is not.

[Maryn]

Hello from Maine. Long day's driving--well, riding--starting off with a local detour which cost us the better part of an hour due to an overturned trailer which closed the highway. We havin' fun yet?

Tomorrow's drive should be far shorter and we'll reach our rental house by five or so. This is the rare occasion when Mr. Maryn takes time to read and starts to sleep well again. He's checking his work email, but that's just to keep from slashing his wrists on his return.

In New Hampshire and Maine they have signs warning you about moose crossings. It would be cool to see one.

Sassy, it sounds to me like this woman has no need of you, so you might as well wash your hands of her, too.

I started a terrific novel in the car--anybody read Perdido Street Station?

Maryn, following Kid Two's reading recommendation

[sassandgroove]

Cool to see a moose as long as you don't collide with it. Be safe and have fun.

[Trevor Bruhn]

I hope those jokes about the Maine state bird being the mosquito are shelved by the middle of June. That's more inland than coastal, too (remebering a 3 day canoe trip on one of the Penobscot brances over Memorial Day...quite a few years ago).
Sounds like Sass is steeing a steady course thru her rapids.
Trevor, feathering the paddle

[mario_c]

I heard it's horsefly season up there as well. Bring a fresh bottle of Sportsmen Off (my summer cologne ).

[Maryn]

I bought Deep Woods Off. I hope that's enough. I'm usually a mosquito magnet. A couple days before we left, I noticed a big old weed hiding inside a flowering bush which had outed itself by getting taller than the bush. It had rained recently so it was a good time to yank it. In the three minutes I was outside doing that, I got five or six bite, which welted like somebody'd stuck nickels under my skin.

Maryn, Benedryl gel's best customer

[Russ Mars]

I feel your pain, Maryn. I have type O blood, which is like crack to mosquitoes, and I figure I'm also an O secretor, since about 80% of us are secretors. Mosquitoes get one whiff of me and invite all their relatives to the all-you-can-eat buffet.

[sassandgroove]

I didn't know that. I wear off when I walk the dogs in the morn but in the evening if I step out for a moment I get bit several times. At least I don't welt up.

Thanks all for letting me rant. I feel much better.

[Maryn]

Sassy, we're happy to listen. We know it helps just to blurt it out.

I'm type O, too, Russ. Are you my secret twin, separated at birth?

We're at the rental house in Maine, which is way, way too much house for two people. My sister and brother and their spouses should never have bailed, because this place is awesome. Two full kitchens, four living areas, sauna, solarium, observatory with telescope, crow's nest overlooking the Atlantic, fireplace in the master bedroom, huge deck... I could get used to this! And Mr. Maryn's happy because they show every Red Sox game.
]
Maryn, who will hike tomorrow, no doubt

[Russ Mars]

Originally Posted by Maryn

I'm type O, too, Russ. Are you my secret twin, separated at birth?

We're at the rental house in Maine, which is way, way too much house for two people. My sister and brother and their spouses should never have bailed, because this place is awesome. Two full kitchens, four living areas, sauna, solarium, observatory with telescope, crow's nest overlooking the Atlantic, fireplace in the master bedroom, huge deck... I could get used to this! And Mr. Maryn's happy because they show every Red Sox game.
]

It's no secret on MY side of the family, but YOUR side just doesn't want to admit it. I think they're ashamed of me. You should invite me to that awesome house you're staying in to make up for it.

Russ, packing right now and holding breath until invitation arrives.

[Maryn]

Get into your car, my friend. It's about six hours north of Portland, almost as east as you can go in the US.

We thought that some time this week we should drive that extra 40 minutes and visit the farthest point east. But tomorrow we'll check out the immediate area, and the next day we will backtrack and hike in Acadia. You know, the "forest primeval, the murmuring pines and the hemlocks." We went past it, but it's only a 90-minute drive.

We stopped at the L.L. Bean store today--bigger than some shopping malls--and I saw a mosquito-repellent shirt and pants guaranteed for 60 washings. I was tempted. But they were expensive, and I needed a windbreaker more. The ones I bought us at Target, we've discovered, are water repellant, but not waterproof. Worthless.

Mr. Maryn doesn't like how I'm cheap with myself and strongly urged me to get the L.L. Bean windbreaker I liked, which cost three times what the Target one did.

We are well into the second bottle, so forgive the rambling.

Maryn, watching baseball

[sassandgroove]

Your hubby sounds like mine.

[Russ Mars]

Maryn, your mention of L.L. Bean just triggered the following grammar rant:

L.L. Bean has great products (I have a few of their shirts that I just love), and the image they've built over the years is quite upscale. Their target market, I'd say, is the yuppie (do we still use that term?) market—well educated, professional, worldly—perhaps even a bit pretentiously snobbish and superior depending on one's perspective.

Not long ago, I read this in one of their ads: There's something far bigger than myself out there. That, of course, is SO grammatically incorrect and is reflective of anything but a good education or anything superior. Blame it on the ad agency? They probably made hundreds of thousands of dollars coming up with that. Blame pop culture and the overall bastardization to the English language?

When I hear or read 'myself' used like that, I cringe and my teeth ache. I hear it so often from people who should really know better. It seems many think it sounds more formal and proper, but it's just wrong and makes the user sound nothing but pretentious and quite ignorant, in my humble opinion.

Forgive me. Maybe I'm just grumpy because on the heels of talking about mosquitoes, I came in about an hour ago after a mere six or seven minutes outside with about a dozen quarter-size mosquito-bite welts on my head, face, neck and arms. I swear, I might as well have FREE LUNCH tattooed on my forehead.

[sassandgroove]

I used to work for a tradeshow display company. One possible client sent artwork pertaining to fire safety that said, "Avoid this from happening." above a blazing inferno. I pointed out how wrong it was and the sales guy just said "we have bigger fish to fry." I was so mad but it turns out he was still trying to get them as clients, he did eventually get them to change it. I started a thread about it here in the grammer room.

[mario_c]

They figure, "Hey, our customers can't read anyway. If they hear our catchphrase enough times, we win."

So anyway, a couple days ago I rescued a turtle from the road. Today I drove to my friend's pig roast in NJ and had a great time with about 50+ current and new pals. Life is excellent.

[Maryn]

Save turtles, but roast pigs. I don't know about that. Turtle soup is excellent--but then, so is roasted pork.

Russ, I could have accepted something bigger than my self, although I'd have preferred one's self. But myself? Just plain wrong. And there's not a thing wrong with plain old me.

Maryn, with whom there's plenty wrong

[sassandgroove]

Me me me.

[mario_c]

We have a vegetarian in the house. I only had a little roast pig and honestly, it was just meh. It was a 70 pounder, so there was tons, but it didn't stay hot long...I didn't have skin, which if properly roasted is incredibly crunchy and yummy like bacon (which is the belly meat, I guess). But they didn't do it right, so it was leathery.
But they had lots of desserts and veggie spreads. And wine - very important.
I have never had turtle soup.

[Maryn]

I had turtle soup in New Orleans, complete with a thousand-year-old waiter going from table to table asking if you'd like a splash of sherry in your turtle soup.

Family businesses don't make old employees retire, just find something they can still do.

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to enjoy myself in New Orleans again, knowing that not far away are thousands of families who have not, and will never, recovered from Katrina.

So, we went hiking today. We are old, and I am both clumsy (fell over a tree root, skinned my leg up a little) and tasty (five mosquito bites despite whole-body dipping in Deep Woods Off, plus spraying my clothes with it). It was quite lovely nevertheless, the woods and cliffs very nearly deserted. We did have to turn back at one point, where the trail was so boggy we could not cross it without wading. Apparently they're laying boards over the low-lying areas, but this section was incomplete.

Maryn, itchy but happy

[mario_c]

I had a wonderful time in N'Orleans - well, at the Jazz Fest, and my last night or so there. My first two nights there were a horror for all sorts of reasons. I hear you about the awful poverty in the city - arriving at and leaving the JF you walk through some pretty tough neighborhoods, and everywhere is the familiar X on houses where the flooding took the hardest toll. It's humbling and unnerving.
But I have some fond memories of the city, especially Frenchman Street after hours, and most of the cafes all over the Quarter (not the touristy/sleazy neighborhoods like Bourbon St though). And the spirit of joy and friendliness in the city is for real.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the turtle in sherry. BTW I had to rescue that stupid turtle again...the road from my house to the highway is sandwiched between two swamps with no shoulder, and all sorts of wildlife traverse it all the time. I made sure it was facing the Sound, I hope it stays contentedly on that side during the daytime.
And yay for hiking! I haven't done any trail riding due to a busted gear on my bike, which makes it a workshop experiment essentially. I'm losing my appetite for the outdoors in my old age...

[Trevor Bruhn]

I had a fine Father's Day outing with son and grandson, on Whidbey Island in Deception Pass state park. Throwing sticks for the dogs to chase in the surf, listening for Navy jets overhead (just one, Russ, and only for a minute). Time enough to look into Perdido Street tomorrow.
Trevor, daring to eat a peach

[Maryn]

Good morning, everyone. We started with fog heavy enough that we had no horizon over the ocean. It was eerie and other-worldly.

As we live here a bit longer, we're finding minor flaws with the house. The TVs, for instance, are all fairly small (the largest is no bigger than a coffee table book) and poorly placed, so it's not really possible to watch TV for an evening's entertainment. Kind of makes bringing all those DVDs pointless.

Although, as Mr. Maryn pointed out, not only do you not come to a place like this to watch TV, but there's always sex as an alternative activity.

I slept pretty late today, since the morning sun didn't spill into the bedroom. Cool!

Maryn, drinking coffee