How Not To Help Your Book Sell

MichaelZWilliamson · Dec 15, 2009

http://www.amazon.com/review/R1BA0D6J2GS59/ref=cm_cd_pg_pg1?ie=UTF8&cdPage=1

Mods, please move if this is the wrong forum.

All, please finish your drink, swallow whatever you're eating, clear off your desk, move your keyboard so your head doesn't slam into it, and get some popcorn for the show and your anesthetic of choice, because after the choking laughter, your brain WILL start to bleed.

DWSTXS · Dec 15, 2009

That was amazing. Talk about unchecked ego. It's a wonder that she sells any books. ever.
I read a page of the book in question.

Bad.
really, really bad.

OOPS. I hope she doesn't sic the FBI on me now!

MichaelZWilliamson · Dec 15, 2009

I'm not finding ANYTHING on her alleged martial arts prowess--no competition logs, no actual titles, no mentions in magazines that cover tournaments, nothing. And I haven't been able to track down her two "prizes."

She seems to know surprisingly little about law enforcement procedures for someone who claims to have been a cop for a decade, at state and major municipal levels. Which, I always thought, usually meant a degree in Criminal Justice.

If you go to her page, she's been a finalist or nominee for several dozen awards, including things like the Great Internet Romance Writer Of Last Thursday Pink Unicorn Stories of 2008 (top ten finalist).

BenPanced · Dec 15, 2009

Looks like she went to Anne Rice for advice on how to deal with the unwashed masses...

MichaelZWilliamson · Dec 15, 2009

Well, that's understandable, since her prose is perfect, except that which was damaged by her editor.

kellion92 · Dec 16, 2009

I feel a little bad for the writer because she is clearly unhinged. Making even one or two review rebuttals would be ill-advised, but her torrent of posts shows an unbalanced mind. Methinks the lady will need another pseudonym for any upcoming books.

the addster · Dec 16, 2009

MichaelZWilliamson said:
I'm not finding ANYTHING on her alleged martial arts prowess--no competition logs, no actual titles, no mentions in magazines that cover tournaments, nothing. And I haven't been able to track down her two "prizes."

She seems to know surprisingly little about law enforcement procedures for someone who claims to have been a cop for a decade, at state and major municipal levels. Which, I always thought, usually meant a degree in Criminal Justice.

If you go to her page, she's been a finalist or nominee for several dozen awards, including things like the Great Internet Romance Writer Of Last Thursday Pink Unicorn Stories of 2008 (top ten finalist).

Have you checked with the sanctioning body of the Federation of Ill Advised Actions?

MichaelZWilliamson · Dec 16, 2009

I try to avoid that body, myself.

Perks · Dec 16, 2009

Holy god, that's a long way to go to defend such a modestly bad review.

I wonder who she's actually writing for if not the readers? But I like the notion that everyone should buy a copy of every book because the author has a right to a living. That, right there, is a marketing plan with legs.

MichaelZWilliamson · Dec 16, 2009

If only those horrible editors weren't destroying our work to suit their own whims.

I'll confess...an editor DID try that with me, once. He wanted to correct my military nomenclature and procedures. He was not a veteran himself. I heard from a couple of other vets in the same field that he tried the same thing with them.

However, a polite, "No, and this is my field, so I do have a pretty good idea what I'm talking about," did resolve the issue.

CheekyWench · Dec 16, 2009

I watched that thing unfold the other day, and it was like watching a plane crash. I was hoping she had a close enough friend to come yank the keyboard out of her hand and slap her with it. I hope she's calmed down by now.

MichaelZWilliamson · Dec 16, 2009

She finally stopped replying, after a variety of "I know you are but what am I" type posts.

It's now degenerated into a "but Amazon reviews really ARE important, and of course your publisher cares about them. How can you say what we post doesn't matter, you evil author you?"

I'm doing my best to be diplomatic, since I do try to care about as many readers as possible.

Perks · Dec 16, 2009

CheekyWench said:
I hope she's calmed down by now.

I wonder what her publisher would have to say about her little tantrum.

How embarrassing.

MichaelZWilliamson · Dec 16, 2009

The publisher may or may not care. It depends on what percentage of her books are sold on Amazon, and how her sales are affected. Judging from her sales rank (500K or so), it didn't really matter either way.

CheekyWench · Dec 16, 2009

Perks said:
I wonder what her publisher would have to say about her little tantrum.

How embarrassing.

So very embarrassing.
I hope if I ever get to be published, and someone gives me a crap review, I'll ignore it. Or if I feel inclined to say anything, I'll have the restraint enough not to...

... and by restraint I mean leather straps holding my arms down and electrodes on my fingers shocking every digit with electricity every time they hit the keyboard.

MichaelZWilliamson · Dec 16, 2009

You will get bad reviews.

I've had people clearly misidentify my book with another and complain about people and events never mentioned in mine.

I've had people with a clear political axe to grind who obviously never read the book in question.

I've had people not read for content and insist something was never mentioned even when it was discussed repeatedly.

I've had wannabe critics "deconstruct the paradigm" trying to look clever.

And I've had people who just didn't like the book but took the opportunity to assign all kinds of issues to the author (Because every book is a picture of the author's self, right?)

Against that, I've had 5 star reviews from people who are merely book addicts for whom every book is great, thanks can I have more, please?

This, however, is a textbook example of why not to respond to negative reviews.

Perks · Dec 16, 2009

Ms. Sams asserts (and I'm paraphrasing) that a reviewer shouldn't say she didn't like a book, even if she didn't, because a lot of hard work goes in to writing a novel.

Then what is the function of a review?

MichaelZWilliamson · Dec 16, 2009

Perks: to heap praise on the author, of course. Especially an author who's a finalist or winner of At Least 100 internet awards.

CheekyWench · Dec 16, 2009

Perks said:
Ms. Sams asserts (and I'm paraphrasing) that a reviewer shouldn't say she didn't like a book, even if she didn't, because a lot of hard work goes in to writing a novel.

Then what is the function of a review?

It vaguely would sound like the U.S. program of "no child left behind."

No book left behind?

Perks · Dec 16, 2009

MichaelZWilliamson said:
Perks: to heap praise on the author, of course. Especially an author who's a finalist or winner of At Least 100 internet awards.

Oh. I see. That is good to know.

I did check out the reviewer in dispute there, L.B. Taylor, and she reads a lot. But she doesn't, as Ms. Sams accuses, go around trashing authors all over Amazon. She has reviews that cover the entire five-star rating system. She's seems as comfortable with praise as she does with complaint.

RavenCorinnCarluk · Dec 16, 2009

That was so painful, I had to stop reading. But how conceited can you get?

If your editor made the book suck, why would you defend it? Write something else, and sell it to someone else.

MichaelZWilliamson · Dec 16, 2009

She appears not to have issues, but lifetime subscriptions.

icerose · Dec 16, 2009

Is it evil that I'm laughing, really hard? :roll:

Oh my gosh. Switch her to decaf and take her keyboard away!

DWSTXS · Dec 16, 2009

Can you imagine being married to her? You have your first argument, and it lasts for 10 days, at the end of which you seriously want to find a high building and jump off? (While holding her in your arms of course)

MichaelZWilliamson · Dec 16, 2009

I must immediately tell my wife how much I love her.

as for the thread :popcorn:

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