The Problem With First-Person Perspective

fedorable1 · Aug 2, 2005

Greetings,

I'm writing a sci-fi novel in first-person perspective, and it is basically a series of recorded logs (like a diary).

The problem I have is that the descriptions of setting and surroundings tends to be extremely brief. Too brief. In any other perspective, the author can take liberties to describe the "majestic hue of the fading sunset, dying with the rise of the moon." Real people, however, just don't talk like that. "The sun set and night fell." Is a bit simpler and more accurate, but that wreaks havoc on your word count after a while.

When people write in their memoirs, downtown is downtown, a rose is a rose, and a lake is a lake. People naturally don't go into detail describing these things, ESPECIALLY if they don't think anyone is going to read it!

Does anyone here have any suggestions on how to bypass this first-person problem? I'd appreciate any advice.

clotje · Aug 2, 2005

OK, you can describe things in detail if your character sees them for the first time. Like describing a person or room or spaceship even.
You might post a chapter (or part of one) and people can have a look at it?

azbikergirl · Aug 2, 2005

What if your protag was a closet poet? He doesn't talk all flowery, maybe doesn't want anyone to know about this side of him, but within the privacy of the diary, he might let this door open a crack, especially if he thinks no one will read it.

La Reine · Aug 2, 2005

Hi Fedorable,

I'm writing something just like that. The diary of an 8 year-old girl. I agree that it wreaks havoc on word count, but it also lets you explain things in very unconventional ways that could give insight into the character's thoughts. One of the main reasons you'd want to write a diary format is to get as close to the character's thoughts as possible.

Also, when she sees something or someone for the first time I tend to describe it more. Or when it's unique, so she's always saying "I've never seen anything like that before" or comparing it to something she has seen before.

maestrowork · Aug 2, 2005

If your protagonist is a writer/poet/creative person, your protagonist could write beautiful prose in his logs. People do that now in their weblogs all the time. It really depends on your character. Obviously, if your first-person narrator is not educated or not very poetic, etc. then yeah, probably your narrative would be a little dry.

Read "Forrest Gump" -- it's told from Forrest's perspective and Forrest is not a very smart person...

But a rose is not just a rose and a lake is not just a lake. If I see something extraordinary beautiful, even if I have seen that lake a thousand times, and if I'm writing about it, I'd probably be a little poetic about the description... descriptions, especially in first-person narratives, are not just descriptions. They set the tone, and also express the feelings and thoughts of the narrator. If a rose is just a rose and a lake is just a lake, obviously the narrator is not feeling anything special about the moment... otherwise, I think the narrator would have used some nice descriptions (not purple prose, mind you) about the setting that evoke strong emotions...

AdamH · Aug 2, 2005

fedorable1 said:
I'm writing a sci-fi novel in first-person perspective, and it is basically a series of recorded logs (like a diary).

The problem I have is that the descriptions of setting and surroundings tends to be extremely brief. Too brief. In any other perspective, the author can take liberties to describe the "majestic hue of the fading sunset, dying with the rise of the moon." Real people, however, just don't talk like that. "The sun set and night fell." Is a bit simpler and more accurate, but that wreaks havoc on your word count after a while.

When people write in their memoirs, downtown is downtown, a rose is a rose, and a lake is a lake. People naturally don't go into detail describing these things, ESPECIALLY if they don't think anyone is going to read it!

I think it all depends on who the character is when figuring how to write his/her memoirs. They just have to be true to the character. I don't think there's a hard fast rule as to how to write a memoir. Even if they don't think that anyone's ever going to read it, doesn't mean they maybe don't find a secret enjoyment in playing with words. Maybe they want to write it more descriptive so they'll always have an accurate memory of the past. Especially if it's something they never want to forget. Even though other people may not read it, maybe your character would like to pick it up and reminisce someday.

It doesn't have to be insanely descriptive. Maybe somewhere in between. Take a gander at "The Diary of Anne Frank". It's a real diary and it's pretty descriptive. Good read too. Or another good novel/memoir is "The Colour Purple". Simpler language because the character is simpler but you can see how the character writes better as the story goes on because she gets older and learns new things.

So it really comes down to, what is your character thinking while they're writing it? WHY is he/she writing it if they don't expect anyone to read it? There has to be a who when writing a memoir. Whether that who is the character themselves, their superior, their kid who they'll never see again, people rarely write something for nothing...but even THAT could be a choice. It's all about the character.

maestrowork · Aug 2, 2005

Or read "Memoir of a Geisha" -- beautiful writing, from the perspective of a Japanese woman.

I agree, just because you're writing a diary that probably no one will ever read doesn't mean you have to be dry about it. It depends. Now, if your protagonist is a dry, humorless, factual person ("a rose is just a rose") then maybe you have the wrong character? I mean, who wants to read dry first-person writing?

Kasey Mackenzie · Aug 2, 2005

The urban fantasy I am working on at the moment is in first person POV and I am having no problems describing things through my character's viewpoint. I am just staying true to her personality and vocabulary, and describing those things she sees for the first time in more depth than those things she's used to. Still, even when we (people in general) see things that we've seen dozens of times before, certain things pop out and grab our attention. Maybe we notice something that's not usually there. Maybe the sun is fluttering through the windows at a different angle and we have a moment of whimsical thought about the way it makes things we've seen a hundred times suddenly look new and almost magical. Either way, just be true to your character and find ways to describe things that don't seem stilted or forced.

NeuroFizz · Aug 2, 2005

One way around this problem is by taking advantage the primary way we remember things--through association. If there is a certain kind of sunset, it might remind the protagonist of an important event from her/his past, and the characteristics of the sunset can be described (briefly), along with a brief recollection. The reminder/recollection can be carefully chosen to build character, give motivation, built sympathy or conflict. It can be very subtle, without using a lot of words. And it can be beautiful both in created image and in flowing prose. Don't forget to use as many senses as possible in the reminder/recollection. We all have indelible memories that are triggered by a smell, an image, a taste, a touch, and many of them can hijack us into full-scene day (or night) dreams. They don't have to be pleasant, either. Sensory inputs can induce anger, jealousy, the desire for revenge. Best of all, they can be neurtral, exposing, for example, an insatiable curiosity.

PattiTheWicked · Aug 2, 2005

I think it depends on the character you're writing about. In Michael Crighton's Eaters of the Dead, the narrative is written by Ahmed ibn Fadlan, who is a diplomat. He chronicles everything in a very simple way to keep his emotional involvement distant. Everything is very matter-of-fact, which makes the more fantastic elements of the story seem even more dramatic. Here's this guy who has spent the whole time saying things like, "and then the camels died, and we spent four months upon a ship, and then we arrived at the land of the Northmen," and then all of a sudden he's talking about beasts and man-eating critters dragging off the corpses of his companions. Periodically he throws in an "I saw this with my own eyes", but for the most part, ibn Fadlan remainus dispassionate about the whole thing, simply because it's his job to be that way. He writes his tale more like a series of news articles than a diary.

Mike Coombes · Aug 2, 2005

Soliloquy. A diary is a place for internal dialogue and reflection.

Also reflect on your 'word count'. If you're relying an a 2k word description of a sunset to pad the story out, maybe you're better off losing it and concentrating on driving events and character(s) forward. It should be the quality of the story, not the number of words, that speaks to the reader.

James D. Macdonald · Aug 2, 2005

Read a number of books written in first person. See how those authors handled the problems.

fedorable1 · Aug 2, 2005

Thanks for the feedback. I'll see if I can expound on the descriptions of things and places the protaganist sees for the first time. For the record, the protaganist is a 15-year-old girl, and she has been in seclusion for most of her life. So, everything is new.

One difficult part I am having is the prologue, which is a military log of a high-ranking official. This would be the complete opposite of the flowery, new experience style of the book's protaganist.

A sample portion of the prologue is as follows: (Ignore the format)

Rise of an Exile: Prologue said:
Operation Reed is underway. After briefing at the United Nations Aerospace Command Center at York, I proceeded to Osiris One—flagship of the Kappa squad.

I was accompanied by Lieutenant Turnquist and Captain Larson, both reputable soldiers. Turnquist, though young and relatively inexperienced, has proven his worth in the little action that he has seen.

"General, the aerospace log indicates that Doctor Marr Vo and his staff are still stationed at Exodus II," Turnquist relayed to me as I adjusted my combat armor.

I stepped onto the airfield, headed toward Osiris One as I addressed the men. "Scramble the Beta and Kappa Squadrons. Relay word to Aerospace Command to form a barricade behind us after we infiltrate the area. No one leaves without my clearance, not even out own ships. Understood?" The question was actually quite hypothetical, as I knew that Turnquist and Larson were on top of everything. Larson is, after all, one of our most esteemed strategists.

I climbed aboard the Osiris One and lead the battalion down the runway. Patrolling the strip was a legion of R.E.C.O.N. Soldiers that have served the United Nations so loyally. Without the Cyborgs, the survival of the humanity following the Lost Terran War would have been in severe doubt.

At 1256 hours we launched, granted clearance through the massive white electrospectrum field that covers the metropolis. For five hours we flew toward the moon, fighting to maintain our vigilance through "The Sleep." With nothing to see but stars and nothing to hear but the engine, The Sleep—or aerosomnia—claims many untrained pilots.

1801 Hours. The squadron landed at the Exodus II research facility on the moon. We immediate secured the area and locked down any travel from the base. We experienced mild resistance, but were able to subdue the insurgents. As of yet, however, we have been unable to locate Doctor Marr Vo himself.

It's way too quick, in my opinion, but I'm not sure how to expand it any. I don't want to just throw in "filler," but it does seem too direct. The narrator of the prologue would probably assume that anyone reading the log would either be in the military, or at least very familiar with it. Thus, he'd probably feel no need to explain what the aircraft look like, or the city, or the lunar base. The end result, however, is that some readers could just bypass the names of the craft and city just to understand the action.

The rest of the novel could be smoothed out, I think, because a teenage girl seeing things for the first time would be more apt to go into detail and talk about her feelings than a Lieutenant General.

La Reine · Aug 2, 2005

The prologue reads like a third person narrative to me. I was also confused by the 'I,' thinking that was the voice of the main protagonist.

James D. Macdonald · Aug 2, 2005

Cut the prologue.

Cathy C · Aug 2, 2005

I agree. Cut the prologue. Since the main body of the book is written in first person, if the prologue isn't through the eyes of that SAME person, it should be either eliminated or "read" by the protagonist later in the book. This is one of the times when a flashback or retrospective can work well.

Writer2011 · Aug 2, 2005

I personally like writing in the first person perspective....It's almost like listening to someone telling you a story...I know there are certain rules and such, but I like writing like that.

Niesta · Aug 2, 2005

In terms of what kind of voice gets used in a personal log:

If you can find yourself a volume of selected journal entries of Lewis and Clark, look at it. Here were two very different men on the exact same expedition, and the contrast in their voices is a revelation. Lewis goes on and on about the philosophical, metaphysical, and moral implications of the wonders they encounter. Clark's entries are more along the lines of: Shot a deer. It's still raining. One of the men has a carbunkle on his butt.
Of course, Lewis is the one who killed himself after they got back...

fedorable1 · Aug 2, 2005

Cathy C said:
I agree. Cut the prologue. Since the main body of the book is written in first person, if the prologue isn't through the eyes of that SAME person, it should be either eliminated or "read" by the protagonist later in the book. This is one of the times when a flashback or retrospective can work well.

Got it. I think that might be best.

maestrowork · Aug 2, 2005

I agree. Doesn't seem like the prologue is needed.

debraji · Aug 2, 2005

Some people write their diaries in the hopes that they will be read by others.

Ann Frank imagined she was writing letters to an imaginary friend, Kitty.

Victor Klemperer wrote I Will Bear Witness to document what was happening to the Jews of Dresden under Hitler.

Civil War soldiers kept diaries as if they knew that historians would someday read them.

Someone seperated from a loved one might keep a diary intended for their eyes. Another might want their descendants to understand them, and use a diary to justify their actions.

In each of these situations, it's natural to explain things that would be obvious to the diarist.

Jamesaritchie · Aug 2, 2005

Prologue

Cathy C said:
I agree. Cut the prologue. Since the main body of the book is written in first person, if the prologue isn't through the eyes of that SAME person, it should be either eliminated or "read" by the protagonist later in the book. This is one of the times when a flashback or retrospective can work well.

Just because the main body of the book is in first person doesn't mean the prologue has to be. I've even pulled that stunt once, and it worked pretty well. First and third person are mixed in all sorts of ways. Prologue in one and the main body in the other, chapters alternating between the two, main body in first person and final chapter in third person, etc. Name a mix, and someone has made it work.

Garpy · Aug 2, 2005

I'm writing a book which mixes 1st and 3rd. The character is a young girl and all the 1st person is done via her diary entries, this then leaves me the luxury of also having 3rd person to develop a decent narrator's voice and describe stuff where i think it's needed. To add to this heady mix, I also have a historian commenting on my main character and her environment, the historian also talks in the first person but also in many ways acts like a second narrator! It's actually a lot of fun to write.

The Problem With First-Person Perspective

Hopeless Romantic

I really do look like this.

Fear the Death Ray

Pumped Up Kicks

Fear the Death Ray

One Hit Wonder?

The grad students did it

Unleashing Hell.

Guru

Your Genial Uncle

Hopeless Romantic

Your Genial Uncle

Ooo! Shiny new cover!

Canada's sweetheart

Hopeless Romantic

Fear the Death Ray

keyboard monkey