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Old 06-22-2011, 03:46 AM   #1976
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From my current WIP. Kelli is out at Riker's and is waiting to talk to the man that shot her partner. His Public Defender is starting to get under her skin. She has just asked one of the guards what is taking so long and he rushes off to find out.

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Kelli turned, took a deep breath and slowly released it. “Yeah, you do that,” she said under her breath and walked to the other side of the room. She glanced over at the attorney and he was still drumming his fingers on the metal table. “Do you really have to do that?”

He looked up at her and smiled. “Only if it bothers you,” he said and continued drumming.
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Old 06-22-2011, 03:55 AM   #1977
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From my current WIP. Kelli is out at Riker's and is waiting to talk to the man that shot her partner. His Public Defender is starting to get under her skin. She has just asked one of the guards what is taking so long and he rushes off to find out.
LOL. I like it. Good response there at the end.
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Old 06-22-2011, 03:59 AM   #1978
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I love this thread.
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Old 06-22-2011, 06:34 AM   #1979
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Nice one, Ken!

Wrote this today. My MC has had a crappy day.


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I slid the phone into my back pocket, and closed my eyes. Convinced I could taste the putrid smell coming from the door panel next to me, I shoved my face against my knees. After several bouts of compulsive swallowing, I inhaled, my nose mashed tight to the dirty fabric of my BDUs. Too bad the mud, pine, and grass that stained my pants couldn’t also mask the image of that face staring at me through the window.
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Old 06-22-2011, 08:15 AM   #1980
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Oooh, tarak, very vivid. I could almost smell it. Nice! Gross, but a good line.
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Old 06-22-2011, 03:48 PM   #1981
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Yikes! I don't wanna know... but I kind of do...
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Old 06-22-2011, 04:45 PM   #1982
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Coincidence, you could say, but f*ck you, it's magic!!!
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Old 06-22-2011, 09:07 PM   #1983
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Guardian - I think magic explains a lot of things. Like the internet.

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Yikes! I don't wanna know... but I kind of do...
Ask (sort of) and you shall receive. Here's that image. It needs to be creepier though, I think.

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The man stood, unmoving, by the driver's side window. His skin was albino-pale, and sores covered his face. His mouth hung open, exposing small, jagged teeth stained red. He leaned closed, and the window fogged up from his breath.
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Old 06-22-2011, 11:59 PM   #1984
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From my new WIP Eye of the Beholder, I just started today:


"Todd Marchant may not look like much, but he had us chasing our tails for too long.”


Lauren grinned. “Now now he'll have to watch his tail in prison.”
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Last edited by MrWrite; 06-23-2011 at 12:02 AM.
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Old 06-23-2011, 12:02 AM   #1985
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MrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
And this one, also from Eye of the Beholder.



Todd looked at her, hopefully. “What did she say?”


Lauren grinned. “Oh, you don't want to know. I wouldn't want to lower your masculinity any further.”
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Old 06-23-2011, 12:04 AM   #1986
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The man stood, unmoving, by the driver's side window. His skin was albino-pale, and sores covered his face. His mouth hung open, exposing small, jagged teeth stained red. He leaned closed, and the window fogged up from his breath.
Zombie Apocalypse!



Are they gone yet?
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Old 06-23-2011, 12:17 AM   #1987
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Ewww. Very...er...descriptive there Mr Hoss!
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Old 06-23-2011, 12:26 AM   #1988
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Ewww. Very...er...descriptive there Mr Hoss!
No, no, blame credit where blame's credit's due. He was quoting tarak.

Love your lines, MrW.
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Old 06-23-2011, 12:36 AM   #1989
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MrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
Ahh ok. So that's where the blame credit goes.

Thanks jenn, I'm enjoying my new project!
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Old 06-23-2011, 12:46 AM   #1990
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Ewww. Very...er...descriptive there Mr Hoss!

As HJ pointed out, not my lines. that would be tarak. I don't do "Horror", just murder and mayhem.
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Old 06-23-2011, 01:17 AM   #1991
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Not a zombie apocalypse. I swear.
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Old 06-23-2011, 01:23 AM   #1992
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As the first trooper on the accident scene, Frank knew it would be bad, but after twenty years and hundreds of vehicle crashes he was pretty much inured to the sanguine spectacle. However, he had come to hate the civilians who stared, the rubberneckers and looky-loos who slowed down to gawk and say the most stupid-assed things... like this sedan slowing to a creep.

"Wow! Holy Shit! Is everybody all right?"

He knew he shouldn't do it, but some ironic sense of righteous indignation lifted his arm toward the rolling car, his hand gripping the severed head by the blood-matted hair.

"Well, this guy's not doing too good."

As the car sped off, Frank knew he'd be having an uncomfortable meeting with his captain at shift change. But what the hell - it'd been worth it.
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Old 06-23-2011, 01:38 AM   #1993
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Ironmikezero, I love that line. Wish I had done that when I was on the job.
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Old 06-23-2011, 01:55 AM   #1994
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Ken, I can't take credit for the inspiration. I knew a guy on the job who pulled a similar stunt (with a different body part) - and got suspended for five days. Needless to say, he was a squadroom hero and destined to become an urban legend in LE circles.

- Mike
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Old 06-23-2011, 01:59 AM   #1995
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MrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
Mike, I agree that's a great little segment.
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Old 06-23-2011, 03:04 AM   #1996
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Ken, I can't take credit for the inspiration. I knew a guy on the job who pulled a similar stunt (with a different body part) - and got suspended for five days. Needless to say, he was a squadroom hero and destined to become an urban legend in LE circles.

- Mike
It's even better knowing this.
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Old 06-23-2011, 03:05 AM   #1997
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MrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
There's no crime in taking inspiration from real life events and tweaking them to fit in our stories.
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Old 06-23-2011, 03:11 AM   #1998
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heyjude is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsheyjude is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsheyjude is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsheyjude is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsheyjude is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsheyjude is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsheyjude is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsheyjude is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsheyjude is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsheyjude is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsheyjude is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
Oh yeah. Makes it all the better.
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Old 06-23-2011, 03:16 AM   #1999
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MrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsMrWrite is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
One of my all time favourite scenes in my all time favourite sitcoms is based on an incident that actually happened. It makes the scene all the funnier knowing that!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFuYIi5-igc

This is the scene I mean.
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Old 06-23-2011, 03:23 AM   #2000
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That was funny!
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