A question for the ladies. - Page 6

scarletpeaches · 11-02-2010, 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nevealane

Question is, how many women will admit to faking it? facts are only as factual as the people taking the survey. If they lie on a survey...well...

As far as women having orgasms... well, i would say that if the hero is going 'downtown' in between I think it is realistic to say a woman may have three "O's" in a session... but it is highly unlikely from penetration alone. Foreplay is key... perhaps give the heroine a certain 'spot' that makes her orgasm more quickly...

it is really about the story itself and is teh character believable to be multi-orgasmic.

O RLY?

First, not every woman likes oral.

Second? Unlikely from penetration alone? No. Just no. So untrue.

SafetyDance · 11-03-2010, 12:54 AM

I think that what we have to bear in mind, as well, is that women writing erotica will have a certain enthusiasm for sex/orgasms that others may not.

Whenever I see this discussion on erotica forums, plenty of the women are orgasming.

When it was discussed on a general women-only forum that I use, far fewer were orgasming with their partners, for whatever reason. A lot of them simply said it never worked for them and so they didn't bother.

SafetyDance · 11-03-2010, 12:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dangerousbill

I've never been clear whether vaginal orgasms exist, so I don't write about them. I'm aware that in some women, the clit is close to the vaginal opening, so it gets stimulated during intercourse. Apparently, in some women, the 'back end of the clit is close to the vaginal wall, where they can actually come from penetration.

But I've never heard a women say once and for all that they can come without some sort of direct clitoral stimulation.

They are doing a lot of research with regards to the g-spot. Most recently, there was a diagram (can't remember where) suggesting that the clitoris extends downwards and so has "arms" around the vagina, so to speak. It'd certainly explain things for me, although I can't speak for every woman.

But then Stephen Fry says that we don't like sex anyway, so... :P

dangerousbill · 11-03-2010, 03:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Firebrain

But then Stephen Fry says that we don't like sex anyway, so... :P

Stephen Fry needs to meet my wife. But only if chaperoned.

Synonym · 11-03-2010, 04:34 AM

Poor Mr. Fry has been hanging around with the 'wrong' women. LOL

Mr Flibble · 11-03-2010, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Firebrain

They are doing a lot of research with regards to the g-spot. Most recently, there was a diagram (can't remember where) suggesting that the clitoris extends downwards and so has "arms" around the vagina, so to speak. It'd certainly explain things for me, although I can't speak for every woman.

Explains a lot for me too.

Quote:

But then Stephen Fry says that we don't like sex anyway, so... :P

Yeah, because we don't generally care for it in the toilets, which means we must not like it....

Quote:

As far as women having orgasms... well, i would say that if the hero is going 'downtown' in between I think it is realistic to say a woman may have three "O's" in a session... but it is highly unlikely from penetration alone.

I'm going to have to o'rly this too I'm afraid.

Satori1977 · 11-03-2010, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dangerousbill

I've never been clear whether vaginal orgasms exist, so I don't write about them. I'm aware that in some women, the clit is close to the vaginal opening, so it gets stimulated during intercourse. Apparently, in some women, the 'back end of the clit is close to the vaginal wall, where they can actually come from penetration.

But I've never heard a women say once and for all that they can come without some sort of direct clitoral stimulation.

Hai! Not sure if we have met.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nevealane

Question is, how many women will admit to faking it? facts are only as factual as the people taking the survey. If they lie on a survey...well...

As far as women having orgasms... well, i would say that if the hero is going 'downtown' in between I think it is realistic to say a woman may have three "O's" in a session... but it is highly unlikely from penetration alone. Foreplay is key... perhaps give the heroine a certain 'spot' that makes her orgasm more quickly...

it is really about the story itself and is teh character believable to be multi-orgasmic.

So not true, at least for all women.

Going back to the OP, which I know is months old, but I would say 3 orgasms on average for every time. I have had more (I think my most was half a dozen), and have had less. Most of the men I had been with didn't make me come even once. I take responsiblity for some of that, but a lot of it was the guy.

Now that I am married (almost 8 years), I am having the best sex of my life. I really think the ease of a woman orgasming depends on many things. One is how well her man knows her. Her body, what turns her on. My husband knows just how, when and where to touch me. He knows what works. Not to say it was always this good. Nope, we had to practice.

And there are still times I don't. Not even once. Maybe I am too distracted and not really in the mood to begin with. Maybe we only have time for a quickie (or for whatever reason it just happens that way), so of course I won't have time. But usally he works at it, very hard. We both do. Trying new things. Different positions. Toys. Whatever to keep it interesting.

And I want to say that I rarely orgasm from clitoral stimulation. My clit is extrememly sensitive, and too much stimulation actually hurts. I can handle a mouth more than fingers, but that is sometimes too much also. I can maybe come once from oral, but it usually takes longer. The best position for me actually? Doggy. No clit stimulation. But play with my nipples during sex? That works. And lots of foreplay.

dangerousbill · 11-03-2010, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Satori1977

Hai! Not sure if we have met.

Were you the female stiltwalker on Hermosa Beach? The one with the rose in her teeth?

Uncarved · 11-19-2010, 08:39 PM

I too hate the "Did you come" question. Honey if you have to ask to know, I didn't.

I'm older now and can still get 1 to 3 in a session. When I was younger I could go all night and have 6 or more.

I know my body well and enjoy sex

That could be a difference or not. I'd think that those that do know know themselves or enjoy sex would have very few if any. Sex is mental anyhow.

Another · 11-20-2010, 04:55 AM

If the question is about the actual orgasm frequency as found in studies, Google finds an article of interest:
One excerpt: "She analyzed 32 studies, conducted over 74 years, of the frequency of female orgasm during intercourse. When intercourse was "unassisted," that is not accompanied by stimulation of the clitoris, just a quarter of the women studied experienced orgasms often or very often during intercourse, she found. Five to 10 percent never had orgasms." Not sure how "often" versus "very often" is defined, but there you go.
Source:http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/17/science/17orga.html

The article also discusses the long standing issue of whether or not female orgasm is "adaptive" in an evolutionary sense, and the relation if any to the odds of getting pregnant.

Perhaps most interesting for writers is how all evolutionary, behavioral, psychological and other data and studies around orgasm (I suppose one could include thread and blog discussions too) affect women's expectations about their own orgasm, and the consequences for them and their mates of achieving or not achieving it. I suggest deciding if and how to weave such issues into a story and character development may be worth pondering as much or more than the normal frequency and range of orgasm.

Another

maggi90w1 · 11-21-2010, 04:51 AM

Reality aside, how interesting is it to read about 8 orgasms (although I find more then 3 over-the-top). In one session? I can not imagine how this could be written without getting repetitive (but then again, I think foreplay is the most interesting part of a sex scene anyway).

PJF · 11-26-2010, 06:39 AM

How about these stats: 70% of men said they had a good time, 80% said they can't remember it though.

Orion11Bravo · 12-13-2010, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synonym

How has this received 52 lookie-loos and only 10 answers??? Perverts.

Guilty. I write YA.

singsebastian · 12-24-2010, 08:51 AM

I just wanted to say...that some fake it just to get their guy away from them. Or so I have read. I've never had one, so I wouldn't know, but since your lady is your lady, than she can bloody well have nine if she well likes. Or you could space them out a bit, or if she was really pissed at her partner she could always say "I lied, I never had that many orgasms! you aren't as good in the sack as you think you are," and then flounce off, happy in her ability to get Revenge on her partner for whatever wrong thing he did to her.

jelly292 · 01-06-2011, 03:31 AM

:-o Nine?...In..in one night? hmm. Sorry but that would be stretching my S.O.D a little too far. However, there are different types of orgasm and you might get away with it if there were one or two 'full body' orgasms, a couple of clitoral ones and few mini 'quakes', perhaps all culminating in a thigh trembler at the end. But, to be perfectly honest, if that happened to me, I would need a few days sleep after, and probably some canesten too.

dangerousbill · 01-06-2011, 04:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by singsebastian

I just wanted to say...that some fake it just to get their guy away from them.

If you study the female body with a little care, there's a few involuntary signs that will assure you it's the real thing.

Frex, how many women can change their taste, just by willing it?

This doesn't count for guys who just wanna fire off Big Bertha and can't take the time to learn how women work.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Bertha_%28howitzer%29

Wayne K · 01-06-2011, 04:08 AM

:

Eve_McFadden · 01-07-2011, 06:57 AM

I think this depends quite a bit on the woman in question and how attentive to her needs and her body her lover is. Also, someone said not all orgasms are created equal, and it's very true. Not every orgasm is going to be of the mind-blowing type, but they will be orgasms none the less. I'd be less concerned about counting how many the woman has an orgasm, and just describing the scene. Let the reader fill it in for themselves.

Victoria · 01-09-2011, 12:37 AM

Bear in mind that the following is from personal experience, and that I realize every woman is unique. On the whole clitoral vs internal orgasm, they do feel very different. Clitoral orgasms are more precise, localized and intense, and more likely to come in multiples. Internal ones rush over every nerve of your skin, undulating, rhythmic pulses deep inside (my husband definitely knows), stealing breath and even the ability to move, god I just want to scream but can't...yep, I prefer internal. Oh, and I've had orgasms in my sleep with NO stimulation at all, and those are really wierd, in a class all their own. Now, my best score was five in an all day session years ago, so I would look at nine with a little skepticism. Not that it isn't possible...

BJThornton · 01-09-2011, 07:12 AM

Quote:

Now, I my thought was... give the reader, who will more often than not, be female, what they want... where the hero is actually concerned with her pleasure.
So I guess, I concluded, and probably wrongly, that two people (as star-crossed lovers, meant for each other... insert cliche here)... would have dynamite sex, with O's aplenty. Is three total believable?

I think three is totally believable. If you want to go for nine, I like EveMcFadden's point:

Quote:

I'd be less concerned about counting how many the woman has an orgasm, and just describing the scene. Let the reader fill it in for themselves.

Once you put a number on it, every woman who reads is going to compare that figure to her own statistics. Maybe the appeal of your multiples could be in the fact that the lady lead can't count them because the pleasure is overwhelming. If you give your reader a night with an orgasm that never seemed to end or something like that, she can interpret for herself how many orgasms that would be.

wax_and_wick · 01-09-2011, 07:51 AM

I've always disliked the multiple orgasms thing - it's a bit cheesy, to me. (Also... some women don't recover very quickly and can't have them.)

That said, it is entirely possible for a woman to orgasm without any physical stimulation at all, such as when dreaming. (Although not a five-star method.) I suppose that what makes a woman orgasm mostly depends on her unique turn-ons more than any specific physical combination (although those are the tried-and-true), so I'm not one to disbelieve non-clitoral orgasms at all.

As others said, the scene is more important than the number of orgasms.

dangerousbill · 01-11-2011, 05:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brindle Chase

How uncommon are female orgasms? I ask, because almost every single one of my beta readers says I have my characters, particularly the females, climax too many times/often.

Since most of us live with just one woman (at a time), it's hard to get a good figure on that. Real people average a lot less sex than formerly thought, more like weekly or twice a month, declining as they get older. The frequency of female orgasms is less, between 30%-60% of the time they have sex. Some women never have an orgasm, a fortunate few several times in a session. It depends on skill, physiology, psychology, work, children, any number of factors.

But real people aren't novel characters. Novel readers are looking for sexual performance that will titillate them and possible stimulate them to seek better from their mates. In a story, the bad lover may just climb on top and pump away until he spooges, leaving the woman bereft and pissed off. The good lover, on the other hand, puts the female's pleasure foremost and makes sure she gets hers at the same time or just before his. The contrast between the two lovers is measured partly by the number of comes the lady has, plus their quality.

One or two orgasms per encounter isn't bad performance in a novel. Three is better than average, and more than that strains credibility, even though many of the women in this very forum report having bucketloads of orgasms during each session. In other words, keep in mind the variety of readers. A woman who never comes will scratch her head over a novel where the heroine comes six or eight times a session.

In novels, too, women are forever coming from penetrative intercourse, even though in the real world, about 25% of woman can make this happen, and not always. But again, you're creating an illusion, not reporting real life.

By the way, the stats in this post come from a recent survey on sex performance over the past few years. I wish I had the source close at hand, so I'm working from memory.

scarletpeaches · 01-11-2011, 06:45 PM

I've just read a novella where a woman had around five orgasms in a row. Just like that. Bam, bam, bam.

How? A guy was inside her, felt her come, told her to come again, she did, the other guy present told her to come, she did...and so on.

Fucking ridiculous. I can't believe novellas like that sell.

Yes, women come more than once in a session, but on command, immediately after her previous orgasm, five or six times in a row? Nuh-huh.

jenrising · 01-11-2011, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scarletpeaches

Yes, women come more than once in a session, but on command, immediately after her previous orgasm, five or six times in a row? Nuh-huh.

That is utter nonsense, I agree. Though, I wonder if one could be conditioned to come on command.

Hmmm, am now thinking back to college courses and thinking of story ideas. Where can I get a book on behavioral psychology and a bell?

scarletpeaches · 01-11-2011, 08:36 PM

I think someone could be conditioned to come on command, but not their first time with a new partner/new threesome. Not that many times. Not so soon after each previous orgasm.

There wasn't enough emotional investment for me, as a reader, to believe this woman loved those men so much they could say "Come for me," and have her do so before the words had even left their mouth.

It was borderline porn. Badly-written porn, at that.

11-20-2010, 04:55 AM	#135
Another Forever Learning Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: SF Bay Area Posts: 149	Orgasm Studies, and Beyond If the question is about the actual orgasm frequency as found in studies, Google finds an article of interest: One excerpt: "She analyzed 32 studies, conducted over 74 years, of the frequency of female orgasm during intercourse. When intercourse was "unassisted," that is not accompanied by stimulation of the clitoris, just a quarter of the women studied experienced orgasms often or very often during intercourse, she found. Five to 10 percent never had orgasms." Not sure how "often" versus "very often" is defined, but there you go. Source:http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/17/science/17orga.html The article also discusses the long standing issue of whether or not female orgasm is "adaptive" in an evolutionary sense, and the relation if any to the odds of getting pregnant. Perhaps most interesting for writers is how all evolutionary, behavioral, psychological and other data and studies around orgasm (I suppose one could include thread and blog discussions too) affect women's expectations about their own orgasm, and the consequences for them and their mates of achieving or not achieving it. I suggest deciding if and how to weave such issues into a story and character development may be worth pondering as much or more than the normal frequency and range of orgasm. Another

12-24-2010, 08:51 AM	#139
singsebastian New kid, be gentle! Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 396	I just wanted to say...that some fake it just to get their guy away from them. Or so I have read. I've never had one, so I wouldn't know, but since your lady is your lady, than she can bloody well have nine if she well likes. Or you could space them out a bit, or if she was really pissed at her partner she could always say "I lied, I never had that many orgasms! you aren't as good in the sack as you think you are," and then flounce off, happy in her ability to get Revenge on her partner for whatever wrong thing he did to her. __________________ 95% would cry if they saw ROBERT PATTINSON standing on top of a sky scraper about to jump. If your one of the 5%, who would sit there eating pop corn saying "DO A FRONT FLIP!!" copy and paste this in your signature >D

01-09-2011, 12:37 AM	#144
Victoria practical experience, FTW Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Columbia, MO Posts: 910	Disclaimer: TMI coming up Bear in mind that the following is from personal experience, and that I realize every woman is unique. On the whole clitoral vs internal orgasm, they do feel very different. Clitoral orgasms are more precise, localized and intense, and more likely to come in multiples. Internal ones rush over every nerve of your skin, undulating, rhythmic pulses deep inside (my husband definitely knows), stealing breath and even the ability to move, god I just want to scream but can't...yep, I prefer internal. Oh, and I've had orgasms in my sleep with NO stimulation at all, and those are really wierd, in a class all their own. Now, my best score was five in an all day session years ago, so I would look at nine with a little skepticism. Not that it isn't possible...

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11-03-2010, 12:54 AM	#127
SafetyDance L'Oreal. He's worth it. Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: England Posts: 527	I think that what we have to bear in mind, as well, is that women writing erotica will have a certain enthusiasm for sex/orgasms that others may not. Whenever I see this discussion on erotica forums, plenty of the women are orgasming. When it was discussed on a general women-only forum that I use, far fewer were orgasming with their partners, for whatever reason. A lot of them simply said it never worked for them and so they didn't bother.

11-21-2010, 04:51 AM	#136
maggi90w1 New kid, be gentle! Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Germany Posts: 740	Reality aside, how interesting is it to read about 8 orgasms (although I find more then 3 over-the-top). In one session? I can not imagine how this could be written without getting repetitive (but then again, I think foreplay is the most interesting part of a sex scene anyway).

11-26-2010, 06:39 AM	#137
PJF New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 16	How about these stats: 70% of men said they had a good time, 80% said they can't remember it though.

01-06-2011, 03:31 AM	#140
jelly292 Runs with scissors... Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 3	:-o Nine?...In..in one night? hmm. Sorry but that would be stretching my S.O.D a little too far. However, there are different types of orgasm and you might get away with it if there were one or two 'full body' orgasms, a couple of clitoral ones and few mini 'quakes', perhaps all culminating in a thigh trembler at the end. But, to be perfectly honest, if that happened to me, I would need a few days sleep after, and probably some canesten too.

01-06-2011, 04:08 AM	#142
Wayne K Banned Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 21,681	:

01-07-2011, 06:57 AM	#143
Eve_McFadden New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 11	I think this depends quite a bit on the woman in question and how attentive to her needs and her body her lover is. Also, someone said not all orgasms are created equal, and it's very true. Not every orgasm is going to be of the mind-blowing type, but they will be orgasms none the less. I'd be less concerned about counting how many the woman has an orgasm, and just describing the scene. Let the reader fill it in for themselves.

01-09-2011, 07:51 AM	#146
wax_and_wick she sells seashells Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: by the seashore Posts: 123	I've always disliked the multiple orgasms thing - it's a bit cheesy, to me. (Also... some women don't recover very quickly and can't have them.) That said, it is entirely possible for a woman to orgasm without any physical stimulation at all, such as when dreaming. (Although not a five-star method.) I suppose that what makes a woman orgasm mostly depends on her unique turn-ons more than any specific physical combination (although those are the tried-and-true), so I'm not one to disbelieve non-clitoral orgasms at all. As others said, the scene is more important than the number of orgasms.

01-11-2011, 06:45 PM	#148
scarletpeaches Banned Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 48,359	I've just read a novella where a woman had around five orgasms in a row. Just like that. Bam, bam, bam. How? A guy was inside her, felt her come, told her to come again, she did, the other guy present told her to come, she did...and so on. Fucking ridiculous. I can't believe novellas like that sell. Yes, women come more than once in a session, but on command, immediately after her previous orgasm, five or six times in a row? Nuh-huh.

01-11-2011, 08:36 PM	#150
scarletpeaches Banned Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 48,359	I think someone could be conditioned to come on command, but not their first time with a new partner/new threesome. Not that many times. Not so soon after each previous orgasm. There wasn't enough emotional investment for me, as a reader, to believe this woman loved those men so much they could say "Come for me," and have her do so before the words had even left their mouth. It was borderline porn. Badly-written porn, at that.