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Tightening

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DwayneA

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Someone who reviewed the short story I posted, "Extinguished Soul" said something about "tightening", whatever that means, saying that there were parts that were "heavy". Frankly I'm confused. Can someone explain to me what is meant "tighening"?
 

Kalyke

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Ask them. I know for me, tightening means to go back and remove extraneous thoughts and words, and make it a "Cleaner" piece. Heavy confuses me because it could mean too ponderous, or trudging, you know like walking through mud, or way to "brainy." Like: "woah, heavy man, you're blowing my mind..." Or, maybe depressing.

Remember: Opinions are like Assholes; everyone has one. Have you gotten any other feedback pointing out similar problems? A consensus generally points to a real problem, an odd man out situation generally points to subjectivity.
 

Kateness

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There are two parts of what I consider tightening; the first I find easier than the second.

The first involves removing extraneous words. One of the ones I'm most prone to overuse is "that". A good number of instances in which I use it, it doesn't change the meaning of the sentence in question, and can easily be removed. Everyone has their own personal word-demons.

The second is more difficult, and involves removing repetitiveness and finding the best way to express any particular thought. For example, if you have someone saying (for example), "I can't believe how annoying this is", then you probably don't need to say afterward that they're stressed out or annoyed. You only need to do it once.

I would imagine that parts that are "heavy" (to me, at any rate) would involve lots of long sentences where a lot of information was dumped all at once. Spread that information out over multiple paragraphs and/or consider whether it's really necessary
 

Ruv Draba

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You can "tighten" a story at every level.

Tighten cast by consolidating roles, so that the messenger from scene six becomes the goofy landlord from scene four. This saves the need for extra names, descriptions and relationships.

Tighten the plot by reducing how much premise/exposition you need to explain your story. If household bleach is just as good a murder weapon as rare fugu poison, using the bleach will require less explanation.

Tighten story by deleting scenes that are slow, meandering or uninteresting. Move the essential stuff to another scene.

Tighten scenes by deleting unnecessary descriptions, events that don't lift the tension or advance the plot.

Tighten text by simplifying sentences, using more evocative verbs, fewer adjectives/adverbs, less waffle or repetition.
 

DwayneA

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You can "tighten" a story at every level.

Tighten cast by consolidating roles, so that the messenger from scene six becomes the goofy landlord from scene four. This saves the need for extra names, descriptions and relationships.

Tighten the plot by reducing how much premise/exposition you need to explain your story. If household bleach is just as good a murder weapon as rare fugu poison, using the bleach will require less explanation.

Tighten story by deleting scenes that are slow, meandering or uninteresting. Move the essential stuff to another scene.

Tighten scenes by deleting unnecessary descriptions, events that don't lift the tension or advance the plot.

Tighten text by simplifying sentences, using more evocative verbs, fewer adjectives/adverbs, less waffle or repetition.

can you give some examples so I'll better understand. It would be greatly appreciated!
 

Ruv Draba

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can you give some examples so I'll better understand. It would be greatly appreciated!

Tightening cast: John, 11 is the main character. In scene 3, a policeman comes to tell him that his mother was hit by a car. In scene 5, a social worker comes to take him into foster care until his mother recovers. If we make the social worker the policeman, that's one less character we have to write and one less character the reader has to remember.

Tightening plot: Professor Cornbluth is strangled in his kitchen, using mountain-climbing rope. But the rope isn't a special clue about the murderer -- it's just something Cornbluth had in the house. So replace the rope with a dog-lead snatched from behind the kitchen door and that's one less piece of confusion in the plot.

Tightening story: Say there's a subplot in which Laura's mother divorces her father. In scene 23, Laura's mother calls her to say she's thinking of leaving Laura's father. Laura tries unsuccessfully to argue her out of it. In scene 27, Laura's mother arrives on her doorstep, asking for a place to stay. If nothing else has happened in the subplot in the meantime, it may work better to delete scene 23, and just keep scene 27.

Tightening scene: Scene 12 opens with 500 words describing the weather, but it's just a mood-setter, and has no bearing on the characters, situation or subsequent plot. Cutting it back to 100 words may yield the same mood and spare the reader 400 words of tedium.

Tightening text:
Jane was distraught. She paced back and forth, and didn't know what to do. Her heart hammered, sweat beaded her brow and her palms were clammy. "What shall I do? What shall I do?" she wailed. But she had no idea.
There's a lot of redundancy in the paragraph above, and a mixture of showing and telling. We could replace with:
Palms clammy, Jane paced, her heart hammering four beats with every step. "What shall I do? What shall I do?" she wailed. But no ideas came.
Hope that helps.
 
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Linda Adams

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This article bears reposting: http://fmwriters.com/Visionback/Vision45/Workshop.htm It gives excellent examples of how sentences can be shortened. It does take a bit of practice at it, so don't worry if it's a little hard to do in the beginning. We get people all the time here who have a 200K monster they have to cut and swear everything is needed--until people start pointing out how they can trim it down.

I'd also add to look for repetitions: Places where you've said the same thing, and a few paragraphs later, you say the same thing again. Sometimes it's easy to forget your said it and then say it again; other times, it's because you want to emphasize the point, but instead it overemphasizes it. My former co-writer wouldn't like a sentence and instead of rewriting it, he'd add a second sentence that repeated the first one! An example from the co-written novel I did: It was cold out and there were bad guys lurking behind the trees. There were numerous examples of saying that throughout. I also had places where I said something, and said it again in the same paragraph.
 

FallenAngel

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Tightening cast: John, 11 is the main character. In scene 3, a policeman comes to tell him that his mother was hit by a car. In scene 5, a social worker comes to take him into foster care until his mother recovers. If we make the social worker the policeman, that's one less character we have to write and one less character the reader has to remember.

Tightening plot: Professor Cornbluth is strangled in his kitchen, using mountain-climbing rope. But the rope isn't a special clue about the murderer -- it's just something Cornbluth had in the house. So replace the rope with a dog-lead snatched from behind the kitchen door and that's one less piece of confusion in the plot.

Tightening story: Say there's a subplot in which Laura's mother divorces her father. In scene 23, Laura's mother calls her to say she's thinking of leaving Laura's father. Laura tries unsuccessfully to argue her out of it. In scene 27, Laura's mother arrives on her doorstep, asking for a place to stay. If nothing else has happened in the subplot in the meantime, it may work better to delete scene 23, and just keep scene 27.

Tightening scene: Scene 12 opens with 500 words describing the weather, but it's just a mood-setter, and has no bearing on the characters, situation or subsequent plot. Cutting it back to 100 words may yield the same mood and spare the reader 400 words of tedium.

Tightening text:
Jane was distraught. She paced back and forth, and didn't know what to do. Her heart hammered, sweat beaded her brow and her palms were clammy. "What shall I do? What shall I do?" she wailed. But she had no idea.
There's a lot of redundancy in the paragraph above, and a mixture of showing and telling. We could replace with:
Palms clammy, Jane paced, her heart hammering four beats with every step. "What shall I do? What shall I do?" she wailed. But no ideas came.
Hope that helps.

Excellent post. This helped me clear up questions I had.
 

bonitakale

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What Ruv said. It's great!

Another thing I'd add is that you may have spent too many words on what's not important and not enough words on what is. For instance, if you were writing a short story about Abraham Lincoln's assassination, you shouldn't, generally, spend as much time talking about getting dressed for the theater as you would about Lincoln's being shot--even though getting dressed might have taken a lot more time in reality.
 

Lady Ice

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Someone who reviewed the short story I posted, "Extinguished Soul" said something about "tightening", whatever that means, saying that there were parts that were "heavy". Frankly I'm confused. Can someone explain to me what is meant "tighening"?

'Tightening' means making your sentences, and writing as a whole, clearer and more focused.

This is a sentence I'd probably call 'heavy':
'Mary, tired from Anna's party where she'd had a lot to drink and the room had been spinning around, was pleased to reach the door. She tried the handle but she couldn't open it, try as she might. Perhaps Bill had locked it, she wondered.'

It's dull and tiring to read. All I'm saying is that Mary's come back from a party feeling a bit ill and wants to go home. Instead of focusing on the present (outside the house) I wander off for a bit and talk about Anna's party, which we don't really need to know about.

This is a 'tightened' version of that line:
'Wishing she hadn't drunk so much at the party, Mary tried the handle but she couldn't open the door. Bill must have locked it.'

It focuses on the present, conveying all the information we need to know, and is easy to read. I've cut it down so you don't have all those extra baggy words.
 

Susan Coffin

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Dwayne,

I also suggest getting Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King. It's an excellent resource for learning what it takes to edit you material to publishable standards.
 
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dpaterso

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An editor asked me to apply the 10 percent rule to a story I'd submitted. He didn't specify any particular area -- he just wanted a less wordy story with fewer superfluous details. Turned out he was right, it made for a better, smoother story. This could give you a target to aim for, e.g. if your story is 10K words then trim 1,000 words.

-Derek
 

Susan Coffin

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An editor asked me to apply the 10 percent rule to a story I'd submitted. He didn't specify any particular area -- he just wanted a less wordy story with fewer superfluous details. Turned out he was right, it made for a better, smoother story. This could give you a target to aim for, e.g. if your story is 10K words then trim 1,000 words.

-Derek

Excellent advice.
 
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