Few dialogue questions

I'll take on the second part first. I don't believe radio replies need to be italicized. It's not an internal thought, it's someone speaking. However, if you want to make it obvious which person is speaking without having to resort to dialogue tags (radio guy said, etc.), then you probably could make a stylistic choice to use italics for the person being heard over the radio. Mind you, this then eliminates being able to use italics to denote thoughts, because it could confuse your readers. I think as long as you set up the scene so that the reader knows who's physically present and who is just a voice over a radio, you shouldn't need to use italics.

As for thoughts, I've seen it done both ways. I much prefer thoughts in italics. It's another case of being able to differentiate without resorting to dialogue tags.

If something is said out loud, it should be in quote marks. Thoughts can be stated without quote marks and then attributed, or italicized, but the 'replied back' thing would bother me more.

Ivonia said:

When a character is thinking something, does it need to be italicized, or just write that they were thinking that ("So this is what happened" John thought to himself)?

Click to expand...

I've seen it done both ways: either italics or a thought tag. But AFAIK, you only use quote marks for speech; don't use them for thoughts.

To my mind, using italics instead of an attributor gets you closer into the mind of the viewpoint character--which may or may not be what you want to do in a given scene.

but I'm not sure what the "rule" is for talking over the phone/radio (when the other person talking isn't in the same scene/area).

Click to expand...

I think the rule would just be: make it clear who's speaking. If you do that, then you'll be okay.

The way I understand it, internal monologue is not italicized but an exact quote of a character's thoughts would be.

Example:

George knew he had blown the job interview despite all his preparation. He'd read all the right interview guides and done his research. Heck, he'd even shined his shoes. If only I hadn't spilled coffee down the interviewer's dress. Maybe he could get a job at a dry cleaners.

Is somebody responding to their thoughts? Thoughts, italics. Spoken, quotes. Internal dialogue, either. Nothing is set in stone, but industry standards are as they are. Sometimes thoughts aren't in words but mental actions, even. Oh, and talking to one's self is okay, says the therapist. It's when one responds that there is a problem.

These weren't your questions, but I have answers.

"John thought to himself": If John can think to anyone but himself, he has a strange nervous system. Just say he thought.

"Replied back": Every reply is a reply back. A speaker simply replies, that's all.

Definitely get rid of "replied back." Just "replied."

Ivonia said:

Okay, I think I have it figured out now. One other question, what about, a recording? Would that be italicized or not?

Say a character finds a cassette tape by a dead body, and decides to play it back to see what they said before they died. Would that be italicized or just quoted?

Click to expand...

Nothing is italicized except for thought. Any speech that can be heard with the ear, or read with the eye (as in a diary your character might find, or an IM session online) would be in quotes. Italics has nothing to do with presenting the sound quality of the human voice over a tape or a radio.

If you have to quote a long passage, you'd set it off by indenting the left and right margins so that the block is tighter than the regular narrative. If that long passage goes on for several paragraphs, you'd put a (") at the beginning of each paragraph, but you wouldn't close the quote at the end of every paragraph. You'd only have one closing quote at the very end of the block.

If you are presenting lyrics or poetry, which isn't punctuated the same as ordinary prose, and in which line breaks might be important to preserve, you'd set it off again with greater indentation. You have a little creative freedom to present lyrics or poems the way you see fit, as long as it's consistent throughout the book. But you shouldn't put them in italics.

The only other time italics is used, except for thought, is for single words that need emphasis. Instead of bolding or capsing an emphasized word, you'd put it in italics.

Italics

Depending on the in-house rule, such things as letters or journal entries can also be italicized, instead of set off with indents. Italics are also often used for emphasis, and should be used for such things as titles and ship names. The carrier Ticonderoga, or The Random House Dictionary for example.

Vomaxx said:

Definitely get rid of "replied back." Just "replied."

Click to expand...

I said that first!

I am in the middle of the John Sandford Prey series and I just read a scene with hand radios. The author did use italics, but there were about 25 people on the hand radios. He used speech tags when he wanted to attribute a phrase to a specific person, but it seemed like the rest didn't matter who they were said by, just that they came from the radio. I think that is why he used italics, to differentiate. If you want, PM and I can reply with a page or so of the dialogue, so you can see what he was doing.

italics

Ivonia said:

Hmm, I have quite a few ships for the story I'm writing about. Should I also italicize the name of the fleet they belong to as well? Or just the specific ships?

Click to expand...

No, just italicize the names of specific ships.

'Hmm ... how do I do it again?' Ray thought to himself.

"Oh, that's right, I use apostrophe's and italics," he said aloud."

An editor told me to try it and I liked the style of it. Makes it clear that it is thought and not regular dialogue. It could be bad to read a line of dialogue, thinking the character is saying it out loud, and then read, "he thought," at the end. That could confuse your senses.

Apostophes

Ray Dillon said:

'Hmm ... how do I do it again?' Ray thought to himself.

"Oh, that's right, I use apostrophe's and italics," he said aloud."

An editor told me to try it and I liked the style of it. Makes it clear that it is thought and not regular dialogue. It could be bad to read a line of dialogue, thinking the character is saying it out loud, and then read, "he thought," at the end. That could confuse your senses.

Click to expand...

As an editor, I'd remove the apostrophe marks. The lack of quotation marks let's the read know it isn't regular dialogue. No quotation marks, no speech aloud. I think every reader knows this. So do the words "Ray thought."

Plus, there's no apostrophe in apostrophes.

'

scarletpeaches said:

Plus, there's no apostrophe in apostrophes.

Click to expand...

My eyes went right over that without registering anything wrong. Good catch.

scarletpeaches said:

Plus, there's no apostrophe in apostrophes.

Click to expand...

I noticed that, and "thought to himself" (redundant), and "said aloud" (redundant). It occurred to me that these breaches might be a deliberate exercise of Ray's sense of humor.

Dang

reph said:

I noticed that, and "thought to himself" (redundant), and "said aloud" (redundant). It occurred to me that these breaches might be a deliberate exercise of Ray's sense of humor.

Click to expand...

No doubt about it. I gotta get new batteries for my internal editor.

I use italics for radio, plain text if the dialogue is in person or through a visual medium. I generally build thoughts straight into the text without formatting. E.g.

Frowning at her reflection, she ran her fingers through her windswept hair and practised a winning smile or two. ‘Oh, Mr Spacejock, you’re so handsome!’ she squeaked, batting her eyelids. Stifling a laugh, she put the compact away and picked up the heavy briefcase. The bastard wouldn’t know what hit him.

Click to expand...

I don't like 'replied', and never use it. If they're talking to each other, replied is implied.

I prefer to use a dialog beat: The operator raised his voice. The radio crackled. Something to clue the reader in without being too obvious.

I have a hand-written letter in one of my newest works, and I italicized it because I wanted to give the impression of a quick, personal note; it's also indented to further off-set it. If I have to change it, I'll change it; if not, good deal. I like the way it makes the letter seem more personal, especially since the subject matter (of the letter) is so intense.

Is this wrong, then?

WVWriterGirl said:

Is this wrong, then?

Click to expand...

Nothing's wrong when you're the writer ;-)

Large slabs of italics can be hard to read, but I used exactly the same device in my current WIP. The epilogue is a hand-written note, in italics.

Letter

WVWriterGirl said:

I have a hand-written letter in one of my newest works, and I italicized it because I wanted to give the impression of a quick, personal note; it's also indented to further off-set it. If I have to change it, I'll change it; if not, good deal. I like the way it makes the letter seem more personal, especially since the subject matter (of the letter) is so intense.

Is this wrong, then?

Click to expand...

No, there's nothing at all wrong with doing it your way. This really falls under "in-house rule," but most editors let the writer decide how to do something like a letter.