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#5251 |
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Potterhead Gleek
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 14,604
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God, I love it when I find a song that fits a future scene SO well and has lyrics that could inspire things like dialogue and setting.
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#5252 |
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My Protagonists Hate Me
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cirque des Tenebres
Posts: 6,981
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Hi guys. Managed to see Potter today. I'm no longer thinking straight, but I'm going to try forcing myself to write. This will be great fun.
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Weeping (dark fantasy) In revisions Lifelike (fantasy) Drafting Oh, I also review books. Sometimes I mention zombies even though the books have nothing to do with zombies. |
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#5253 |
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Hwee kaptoored eet for kayhosssssss
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: The Eye of Terror
Posts: 36,631
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Untrue!
I got my brother - who is a huge GRRM fan - a boxed Game of Thrones game! ![]() And he liked it a lot. There's also the GRRM Game of Thrones RPG game, which I hear is extraordinarily detailed, but suffers from the fact that there's nothing to do. I mean, sure, you COULD try to kill plot characters out of canonical sequence, but that's kinda boring. Same problem as the Babylon 5 RPG has.
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Shattered Sky: Draft 6, done! Worldshard: 85,000/85,000 (Draft 1: DONE!) River7: 25,000/??,000 words Read my blog: Quantum Spin Plates Tweets from the Future: Follow my characters. BUY MY BOOK HERE! |
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#5254 |
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Queen of Adverbs (unfortunately)
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Victorian London
Posts: 9,213
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Para? Are you about? Also to anyone else: could you perchance give me some feedback on my query?
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Letters to Oliver: querying. Sent: 43 Rejections: 26 Fulls: 4 Partials: 1 A Terror of Darkness: v. 4.0 - 67k - waiting for beta comments And then I met a man called the Doctor. A man who could change his face. And he took me away from home in his magical machine. He showed me the whole of time and space. I thought it would never end. BLOGGER! YOUTUBE! |
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#5255 |
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useless idiot
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Bristol, England
Posts: 9,088
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*pop!*
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#5256 |
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Hwee kaptoored eet for kayhosssssss
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: The Eye of Terror
Posts: 36,631
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Le gasp!
So, Para, I'm in a rock and a hard place. Do I get the Altered Carbon audiobook for free...or the Song of Ice and Fire audio book for free? I can't get both. Hems. Haws.
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Shattered Sky: Draft 6, done! Worldshard: 85,000/85,000 (Draft 1: DONE!) River7: 25,000/??,000 words Read my blog: Quantum Spin Plates Tweets from the Future: Follow my characters. BUY MY BOOK HERE! |
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#5257 |
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Queen of Adverbs (unfortunately)
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Victorian London
Posts: 9,213
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Hallo there!
Okay, so very early draft, but not sure what needs fixing, exactly. *snipped*
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Letters to Oliver: querying. Sent: 43 Rejections: 26 Fulls: 4 Partials: 1 A Terror of Darkness: v. 4.0 - 67k - waiting for beta comments And then I met a man called the Doctor. A man who could change his face. And he took me away from home in his magical machine. He showed me the whole of time and space. I thought it would never end. BLOGGER! YOUTUBE!Last edited by Kyrie; 07-17-2011 at 01:36 AM. |
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#5258 |
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useless idiot
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Bristol, England
Posts: 9,088
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#5259 |
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Hwee kaptoored eet for kayhosssssss
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: The Eye of Terror
Posts: 36,631
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The first paragraph strikes me as an understatement in terms of 'bad things'. Maybe 'lives in fear of the simmering tensions between the whoosits and the whatinininnies' and such might be a more muchy wordification.
If the government is that down on superstitions, why would Rose (who is clear headed enough to be scared of oncoming political threats) blab about it? Make it more clear how the information got out. Avar's character seems a bit hard to pin down, as does why he pulls out. Plus, I could stand to know why him leaving makes her think she'll be alone forever. Like, if she had had zero luck in the love game before then, and their relationship starts to grow, THEN he leaves, I can see her being more forelorn. As it is, you need more focusing on the interpersonal conflicts that will be driving the emotional core of the story. You have the external problem (prison and what not), but that other stuff I said feels fuzzy and ill defined.
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Shattered Sky: Draft 6, done! Worldshard: 85,000/85,000 (Draft 1: DONE!) River7: 25,000/??,000 words Read my blog: Quantum Spin Plates Tweets from the Future: Follow my characters. BUY MY BOOK HERE! |
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#5260 |
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Hwee kaptoored eet for kayhosssssss
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: The Eye of Terror
Posts: 36,631
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Annnd since I already read Altered Carbon, I think I'll get A game of thrones.
__________________
Shattered Sky: Draft 6, done! Worldshard: 85,000/85,000 (Draft 1: DONE!) River7: 25,000/??,000 words Read my blog: Quantum Spin Plates Tweets from the Future: Follow my characters. BUY MY BOOK HERE! |
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#5261 |
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Queen of Adverbs (unfortunately)
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Victorian London
Posts: 9,213
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Okay, thanks Zoom. Yeah, I wasn't too happy with that last line. Mostly it's because she's got her family locked away and then he leaves too, but I feel like it's a sentiment I'd need a lot more time to tackle.
Thanks for the feedback!
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Letters to Oliver: querying. Sent: 43 Rejections: 26 Fulls: 4 Partials: 1 A Terror of Darkness: v. 4.0 - 67k - waiting for beta comments And then I met a man called the Doctor. A man who could change his face. And he took me away from home in his magical machine. He showed me the whole of time and space. I thought it would never end. BLOGGER! YOUTUBE! |
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#5262 |
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Hwee kaptoored eet for kayhosssssss
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: The Eye of Terror
Posts: 36,631
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You're velcome!
__________________
Shattered Sky: Draft 6, done! Worldshard: 85,000/85,000 (Draft 1: DONE!) River7: 25,000/??,000 words Read my blog: Quantum Spin Plates Tweets from the Future: Follow my characters. BUY MY BOOK HERE! |
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#5263 |
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My Protagonists Hate Me
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cirque des Tenebres
Posts: 6,981
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I wish I could be helpful, Ky, but I know absolutely nothing about querying (and am terrified of the day I have to write one for fiction). I do like the beginning as a hook though. Especially the second sentence--that made me laugh.
Now, to work my butt off on a nonfiction query. -vanishes for awhile-
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Weeping (dark fantasy) In revisions Lifelike (fantasy) Drafting Oh, I also review books. Sometimes I mention zombies even though the books have nothing to do with zombies. |
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#5264 | |
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Buzz
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The Land of the Long White Cloud
Posts: 2,306
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Quote:
![]() Welcome to the dark side.
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WIP River Kings Mae's Story (Title to change, but is better than untitled with glaciers) "First lesson, stick em with the pointy end." My blog: http://noguessing.blogspot.com/ |
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#5265 |
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Hwee kaptoored eet for kayhosssssss
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: The Eye of Terror
Posts: 36,631
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I'll just assume everyone will be sad and dead by the end!
GENIUS.
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Shattered Sky: Draft 6, done! Worldshard: 85,000/85,000 (Draft 1: DONE!) River7: 25,000/??,000 words Read my blog: Quantum Spin Plates Tweets from the Future: Follow my characters. BUY MY BOOK HERE! |
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#5266 |
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#teampeeta
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Somewhere Only We Know...
Posts: 2,066
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Hmmm... I was reading through Karlas blog (... stalker), and she mentioned something about the the three act structure, and now I'm reading through all these posts about it that the search gave me, trying to find out what exactly it is. It's supposed to help plot out a novel or something, and I could really use that right about now. I have to make a five hour drive tomorrow, and I'd like something to do.
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#5267 |
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A place where dreams are born
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: In your head. I'm the little voice you hear all the time. And you thought that was your conscience!
Posts: 5,546
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"Writing is easy: All you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead." ~Gene Fowler WIPs ![]() Awaking Melody: 93k/110k ![]() OLS: Editing My Website/Personal Blog A BookGirl's Reviews |
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#5268 |
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#teampeeta
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Somewhere Only We Know...
Posts: 2,066
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Okay. Thanks so much! That saved me a few hours. :P
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#5269 |
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useless idiot
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Bristol, England
Posts: 9,088
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Like the query, Kyrie. I think you need to maintain the emphasis on failure all the way through the query. At the moment the fear of being alone, while understandable, comes a little bit out of the blue at the end. If her defining trait is that she screws up everything, her worst fear should be failing again and getting her whole family killed. Does that make sense?
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#5270 |
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Buzz
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The Land of the Long White Cloud
Posts: 2,306
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Guys, on character ages, is fourteen, twelve and eleven too young for YA viewpoint characters?
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WIP River Kings Mae's Story (Title to change, but is better than untitled with glaciers) "First lesson, stick em with the pointy end." My blog: http://noguessing.blogspot.com/ |
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#5271 |
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#teampeeta
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Somewhere Only We Know...
Posts: 2,066
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I had a question on ages, too. People told me 13-18 (some people said up to 20) is YA ages. I don't know for sure, though.
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#5272 |
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useless idiot
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Bristol, England
Posts: 9,088
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Honestly, yes. Children tend to "read up", reading about characters who are older than they are. It's going to be tough to persuade a 17-year-old reader to read about 11 and 12-year-old protagonists. Even the 14-year-old protagonist is kind of pushing it. I would expect 15 to be about the minimum for a YA protagonist.
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#5273 |
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Buzz
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The Land of the Long White Cloud
Posts: 2,306
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Okay, thanks Taylor and Para.
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WIP River Kings Mae's Story (Title to change, but is better than untitled with glaciers) "First lesson, stick em with the pointy end." My blog: http://noguessing.blogspot.com/ |
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#5274 |
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Hwee kaptoored eet for kayhosssssss
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: The Eye of Terror
Posts: 36,631
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MG is good for 12-14 though!
__________________
Shattered Sky: Draft 6, done! Worldshard: 85,000/85,000 (Draft 1: DONE!) River7: 25,000/??,000 words Read my blog: Quantum Spin Plates Tweets from the Future: Follow my characters. BUY MY BOOK HERE! |
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#5275 |
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Hwee kaptoored eet for kayhosssssss
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: The Eye of Terror
Posts: 36,631
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![]() Teehee
__________________
Shattered Sky: Draft 6, done! Worldshard: 85,000/85,000 (Draft 1: DONE!) River7: 25,000/??,000 words Read my blog: Quantum Spin Plates Tweets from the Future: Follow my characters. BUY MY BOOK HERE! |
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