Does this need italicized?

lemonhead · Feb 6, 2012

When writing in first past, if I say --wonder xyz-- does it need italicized. Technically it's present, but I don't know...it seems natural when I write it. If I changed it to wondered it distances me out of the POV, if I italicize then I'm definitely marking it as her literal thought, not just part of the narrative. I'd prefer not to do that...

Ex: The seven foot chicken squatted and clucked under the florescent glow of the gas station lights. What the hell? Wonder where his hen went.

Chase · Feb 6, 2012

The seven foot chicken squatted and clucked under the florescent glow of the gas station lights. What the hell? Wonder where his hen went.

If you're asking how present-tense thoughts are commonly presented in past-tense narrative, italics are one way, as long as you've made clear it's the narrator's thoughts at first, then consistently presented them in that manner:

First instance: The seven-foot rooster squatted and clucked under the florescent glow of the gas station lights. What the hell? he thought. Wonder where his hen went?

After the first instance, you can safely drop he thought/she thought.

Another way: The seven-foot rooster squatted and clucked under the florescent glow of the gas station lights. "What the hell?" he thought. "Wonder where his hen went?"

(Taking your signature about re-writing to heart, I hyphenated "seven-foot," because "seven feet" won't work there, and I thought establishing the fowl's sex up front might also help.)

Or did I completely miss your intent?

lemonhead · Feb 6, 2012

I just wrote something as stupid as possible for an example, but I guess I'm asking, is it always done this way? In first person. Not third.

The italics in first seem disruptive...except for clearly defined, in the moment literal thoughts instead of thoughts as part of the narrative retelling. Sorry if the question is confusing.

Fallen · Feb 6, 2012

Chase is right. Sometimes it comes down to stylistic choice.

Some publishers will change direct thought patterns to italics, some may not. You're right about the tense shift, which might be enough for some publishers:

The rooster.... squatted and clucked... What the hell. Wonder where his hen went.

I use italics, but I don't use direct thought too often. That's just me.

Until you're ready to start subbing, go with one or the other. There's no reason why you can't ask the publisher you target. But just remember that publishers will proof to their in-house guidelines on such issues anyway.

Cristin_B · Feb 6, 2012

You could get around it by changing the wording a bit:

The seven foot chicken squatted and clucked under the florescent glow of the gas station lights. What the hell? Where did his hen go?

lemonhead · Feb 7, 2012

Fallen said:
Chase is right. Sometimes it comes down to stylistic choice.

Some publishers will change direct thought patterns to italics, some may not. You're right about the tense shift, which might be enough for some publishers:

The rooster.... squatted and clucked... What the hell. Wonder where his hen went.

I use italics, but I don't use direct thought too often. That's just me.

Until you're ready to start subbing, go with one or the other. There's no reason why you can't ask the publisher you target. But just remember that publishers will proof to their in-house guidelines on such issues anyway.

Perfect, this is exactly what I was wondering. Thank you.

BethS · Feb 7, 2012

lemonhead said:
When writing in first past...
Ex: The seven foot chicken squatted and clucked under the florescent glow of the gas station lights. What the hell? Wonder where his hen went.

This is fine. No need for italics.

Chase · Feb 7, 2012

lemonhead said:
I just wrote something as stupid as possible for an example. . . . Sorry if the question is confusing.

No, it was I who am stupid for trying to answer a question involving a chicken with seven feet (which to me is perfect poultry, as I like drumsticks).

Now that it's clear your question is about tense, the answer is simple math:

First-person tense immediately following third-person tense equals fourth-person tense.

Unless, of course, you throw in the chicken feet. Then it becomes eleventh chick-lit tense. Glad I could help.

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