"Hiss" as a dialogue tag

pandaponies · Mar 8, 2012

You know, I've read a lot of disparaging of dialogue tags online, and 99% of the time I agree. "Said" is invisible and is all you need 95% of the time for clarity - I agree. Ridiculousness like "ejaculated" and "queried" and "uttered" should never happen. I agree. But there's one particular word that everyone all over the internet seems to love to hate, and that's "hiss." And really, you know, that one... I just don't see it.

Yes, 100% literally, a hiss is a sound that a snake or an angry cat makes, but when I read it as a dialogue tag, the tone that comes to mind is a really fierce, angry whisper. It's not snapping (or "barking," as in "barking orders," which seems to be just fine with everyone?); that's too loud. Just saying "whispered" seems stupid. I think of "hiss" being used more like... ex. when characters are sneaking around in an enemy base and one gets too far ahead and the other is like (random shitty example off the top of my head but you get it lol),

Mary swept a frantic eye over the room, still clutching the tattered book to her chest. Jacob? Where was Jacob?

A footstep sounded. There! Foolhardy as always, he'd darted out into the open and started down the corridor. Her stomach clenched.

"Get back here!" she hissed, shrinking into a hollow behind one of the columns. "Are you trying to blow our cover?"

that honestly reads better to me than

"Get back here!" She shrank into a hollow behind one of the columns. "Are you trying to blow our cover?"

I don't know. It just... doesn't offend me when not overused. At all. And I guess I wonder why I seem to be the only one.

suzie · Mar 8, 2012

It doesn't offend me either, lol x

mirandashell · Mar 8, 2012

The only problem I have with it is that you can't hiss a sentence with no sibilants.

pandaponies · Mar 8, 2012

But you can't technically bark a sentence either, or snap it, or whimper it... ("I want to go home," whimpered the child).

I want to know what alternatives people would use besides dropping it altogether or saying "whispered angrily," hahaha. An angry whisper sounds enough like a hiss to me (cats hiss and it's not an SSSSS sound, just a weird kind of breathiness) to where I feel like it works and alternatives sound even dumber.

Rhoda Nightingale · Mar 8, 2012

mirandashell said:
The only problem I have with it is that you can't hiss a sentence with no sibilants.

^Yeah that. If you want to "hiss" something, you need words with an S sound.

...unless I'm completely misunderstanding the meaning of that word.

amschilling · Mar 8, 2012

The thing is that 95-99% dialog tags aren't needed, but the other 1-5% of the time they're fine. I wouldn't stress it too much. I've seen "hissed" used a lot as a tag, along with other impossible things. As long as it forms an image in the reader's mind, being technically correct or possible doesn't bug me.

I view it kind of like adverbs. Adverbs are bad/weak/etc. But once in a while you use one that you just can't cut.

Danika · Mar 8, 2012

You're going to hear every opinion about this one. I know what you mean when you say hiss, we're talking a tense, sharp whisper. "Hiss" is certainly more succinct than "she whispered tensely" or any other nonsense like that. On this one, I think you need to trust your instincts, at least in rough stages. What reads better to you? After that, what reads better with your testers?

mirandashell · Mar 8, 2012

Maybe you have seen it used a lot but that don't make it right. It always pulls me out of the story.

Besides which, it's usually not needed. The context should make it obvious what volume is needed.

pandaponies · Mar 8, 2012

amschilling said:
As long as it forms an image in the reader's mind, being technically correct or possible doesn't bug me.

I view it kind of like adverbs. Adverbs are bad/weak/etc. But once in a while you use one that you just can't cut.

See, I agree.

And personally - so far - I have no "hiss" dialogue tags in my own manuscript. But it's not one I feel like I would NEVER EVER USE EVER. The whole subject makes me go "Hmmm."

Isilya · Mar 8, 2012

Danika said:
You're going to hear every opinion about this one. I know what you mean when you say hiss, we're talking a tense, sharp whisper. "Hiss" is certainly more succinct than "she whispered tensely" or any other nonsense like that. On this one, I think you need to trust your instincts, at least in rough stages. What reads better to you? After that, what reads better with your testers?

^I think I will be using a version of this.(bolding mine) Whispered sharply

It captures it for me.

I agree with wht a few above have said. Only use these kind of tags (hissed, barked etc) if the feeling can't be easily captured any other way

Rubay H. · Mar 8, 2012

It read fine for me. I didn't really notice it when I was reading.

:tongue

Well, you're going to get a lot of opinions on this one! Just do what feels right and listen to your beta readers.

Haggis · Mar 8, 2012

mirandashell said:
The only problem I have with it is that you can't hiss a sentence with no sibilants.

Yep. This.

pandaponies said:
But you can't technically bark a sentence either, or snap it, or whimper it... ("I want to go home," whimpered the child).

I'm not all that fond of those either.

pandaponies · Mar 8, 2012

Isilya said:
^I think I will be using a version of this.(bolding mine) Whispered sharply

It captures it for me.

I agree with wht a few above have said. Only use these kind of tags (hissed, barked etc) if the feeling can't be easily captured any other way

See, in my personal humble opinion, lol, whispered sharply sounds even worse than hissed. I don't know. To each his own, as always!

I want the opinions! Bring 'em on!

Again, SO FAR I haven't used it in my manuscript, but I feel like I might use it someday under the right circumstances. I don't hate it. It would just depend. *strokes chin*

Hansey · Mar 8, 2012

I like "hissed" as a dialogue tag, but it has to be exactly the right word for the sound you're trying to convey, and those situations are not usually that frequent. Seeing it once or twice wouldn't bother me much, but if characters were constantly hissing their dialogue it would certainly put me off (unless the character is a talking snake).

For the record, one of the definitions of "hiss" at dictionary.com is "to utter with a hiss" so it seems perfectly reasonable for use as a dialogue tag.

Dawnstorm · Mar 8, 2012

The argument that you can't hiss without sibilants has never convinced me in the first place.

First, you'd have to define "hissing" as the sound that sibilants make; and that's too arbitrarily narrow for me. To me, it's a sharp sound of air escaping. Any unvoiced fricative can do that (that includes "h" and "f"). In an urgent whisper, every vowel will hiss (as it's voiced quality is reduced).

Second, if I accept that the only hissable sound is a sibilant, I'd have to say that - technically - you can't hiss sentences even should they contain sibilants. You can only hiss the sibilants. Maybe if the sentence were to contain mostly sibilants the sentence would "hiss", but then it would be completely independent of the mode of articulation, and that's clearly not the intention behind most of the usage.

So I'm not really convinced by the you-need-a-sibilant-to-hiss argument. If you folks want to have your character hiss sibilant-free sentences, by all means do so. It's entirely appropriate.

RobJ · Mar 8, 2012

There are multiple dictionary definitions for hiss. One is:

to whisper something in an urgent or angry way

which is consistent with how it's often used as a dialogue tag and doesn't require a sibilant. (Dictionary example: ‘Get back!’ he hissed).

Some dictionaries, particularly smaller ones, only carry the more basic definition, which may explain why some people believe it requires a sibilant.

Google the definition above for discussion about the use of hiss.

Crayonz · Mar 8, 2012

Nope, no "hissed," not ever. Whenever I come across it in novels I think the character turned into a snake somehow... I despise "barked," as a dialouge tag as well.

Of course, each to his or her own.

pandaponies · Mar 8, 2012

Dawnstorm and Rob J, I LIKE you guys! ;D

And like I said earlier... cats hiss. There is no sibilant in a cat hiss. In fact it's more of a prolonged aspiration / an H sound.

totopink · Mar 8, 2012

See, I don't mind dialogue tags unless they're completely ridiculous. "Exclaimed" is one I hate, so is "bawled". "Laughed" is a bad one as well because I can't actually imagine someone laughing and talking at the same time. Actually, now I think about it, there is rather a lot I don't like so I will stop listing them all.
"Hissed" isn't one of them though because I understand the tone of voice the writer was trying to convey when they used it. It doesn't bother me or pull me out of the story. It has never even crossed my mind to think about whether they would actually be able to hiss the sentence in particular.
If I can easily imagine the tone of voice the writer was describing, then I don't mind the dialogue tag. I find it a lot easier to imagine how someone would sound hissing as they talked than bawling as they talked. That could just be me, though.

Debio · Mar 8, 2012

I'm new. Still making lots of beginner mistakes in my writing. At least I am starting to become aware of them. So take this opinion with a grain of salt, or yell at me, I can handle it.

Hiss, like any dialog tag can and often is overused. This is one of my weaknesses as well. I spent to many hours playing MUDS in college with their "grin evilly" "smiled" "growled" types of expressions, so I have to constantly go back and remove them.

That said, I think that hissed would be entirely appropriate in some situations. By all means use it. When you get called on it in your critiques, give it another look. When I see it used, I don't imagine a snake, I imagine a very intense exclamatory whisper. I would not like it if the whole conversation was hissed.

Finally, Hiya Haggis, we haven't met, but I've lurked a long time and seen you around. I have to say, that I do love me some ugly dogs, but if I saw your avatar for real? I'd be running to stock up the bunker.

CrastersBabies · Mar 8, 2012

I don't mind "hissed," but for me, it's one of those words you can use once and then you're done with the hissing.

I used "muttered" once. I guess I could have said, "said under his/her breath." But, when you're trying to keep your word count low and write with a bit of efficiency, you have to pick your battles.

dpaterso · Mar 8, 2012

pandaponies said:
"Get back here!" she hissed, shrinking into a hollow behind one of the columns. "Are you trying to blow our cover?"

Yup, works for me.

But no more than 3 "hisses" per novel.

-Derek

Captcha · Mar 8, 2012

I'm fine with judicious use of 'hissed', and I don't think it requires sibilance.

I certainly prefer it to 'whispered sharply'. To me, that just seems like somebody getting so caught up in following one rule that they ignored a couple others ('keep adverbs to a minimum' and 'work towards brevity'.)

Mr Flibble · Mar 8, 2012

mirandashell said:
The only problem I have with it is that you can't hiss a sentence with no sibilants.

You aren't trying hard enough

I have personally hissed the phrase 'You little fucker'

It implies a tone that has nothing at all to do with the sibilance of the phrase.

it's like 'rolled their eyes'. If you're going to be picky about it, then no, no one rolls heir eyes across the room. But everyone knows what you mean when you say it. It's a turn of phrase that is perfectly acceptable. Unless you're a writer, when apparently it isn't.

Snitchcat · Mar 8, 2012

Personally, I have no problems with any dialogue tag that fits. On the other hand, I will question the excessive use of superlatives and adverbs in these tags. IMO, use the appropriate dialogue tag and let the reader decide how to interpret it.

"Hiss" as a dialogue tag

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