Should I break up with them?

[Escape Artist]

My characters, that is. Not all of them, just three of them. Still, they're my favorites. The ones I think about most and want to write their story, but I just can't seem to figure out what their story is. Sometimes I wonder if I should just "dump" them and try to move on to other characters.

The problem, I believe, is that I'm trying to give all of them a happy ending and it just isn't happening and there's this stupid part of my brain that is upset by that. You know, that they can't all get what they really want. It's silly because they're not real, it's not as if I'll ruin someone's life if one of them isn't all peaches and cream by the end of the story, but it feels like that sometimes. They feel real to me.

I'm thinking about doing a little "It's not you, it's me" routine with them, you know, like a character Q&A type thing and see where that goes. 'Cause right now, I just want to part ways and try to move on to characters that I can be more objective about...

Have any of you struggled with this? Gotten so attached to a particular character (or characters) that you can accept nothing less than absolute happiness for them? What's silly is that no matter what story I write them into, they're still the same people with the same personalities and all, but depending on the circumstances of the story, they'll react differently and the endings are all different. Like they're my lab rats or something, lol.

[bektamun]

Maybe you need a trial separation more than the finality of a divorce. I have yet to encounter this type of problem myself, but I can see it happening in the future.

Another suggestion is to write something just for them. A quick little story that gives them a happy ending. The characters get closure and so do you. Don't think too much about it, just write.

Sorry I can't be more helpful.

[Escape Artist]

Originally Posted by bektamun

Another suggestion is to write something just for them. A quick little story that gives them a happy ending. The characters get closure and so do you. Don't think too much about it, just write.

Sorry I can't be more helpful.

That's an intriguing idea, actually. I just want some closure and so do they so a short story giving everyone a happy ending sounds like a great way to do that. I'll start on it tonight and let y'all know what comes of it...

[Michael Davis]

Been through the same thing. Hard to bring darkness down on someone you've been saddled next to throughout 90000 words. Each time I've had to snuff out a character I like it's been a major struggle.

Going through it right now with a sequel to my Off world novel FINAL SOLUTION. A dark character has a soul altering event in part 1 and the reviewers who gave the book 5 stars have cited how they warmed to his revelation, yet the sequel cries out for him to bite the bullet in a heroic fashion. Muse calls for his demise, story too, and I'll probably go that way but boy its hard.

[Chasing the Horizon]

I'm very attached to some of my characters, but I've never found that it makes it difficult to write. If anything, it's the opposite, and my devotion to them makes me keep going when the writing becomes difficult.

Of course I wouldn't kill my favorite characters or give them an unhappy ending (books I love have a nasty habit of killing my favorite character at the end, and the least I can do as a writer is not inflict the same thing on myself). That doesn't damage the story, though, because the story was planned from the beginning for certain characters to survive. Readers generally want a happy ending too, so it's not like they're going to be disappointed when, after 100k+ of horrible struggle, the characters finally get what they want.

*shrug* Guess I'm having trouble understanding what the problem is. You're the writer. Give the story the ending you want it to have, and plot it so that your choice ending feels natural.

[Susan Littlefield]

No. I make my main characters suffer until the almost bitter end, after which time they may or may not get a happy ending. It all depends on how they behave.

As for your characters, just show them everything is not always hunky dory.

[Lycoplax]

I'm not the happy ending type, myself. What I strive for is to give my characters closure, and some sort of reward for all the suffering I put them through. Most of my endings turn out on the bittersweet side of things.

When I get attached to a character, I make them suffer more. Because through suffering, they break down, then build back up more awesome than before.

I support your Q&A notion. I do that with mine sometimes when they're being difficult. As for giving your characters everything, try to parse out what really matters most to them. Give them that as their happy ending. Let the rest of the world burn, as long as they have what matters. (A serious exaggeration, but I hope it gets the idea across.)

[Escape Artist]

Originally Posted by Chasing the Horizon

I'm very attached to some of my characters, but I've never found that it makes it difficult to write. If anything, it's the opposite, and my devotion to them makes me keep going when the writing becomes difficult.

Of course I wouldn't kill my favorite characters or give them an unhappy ending (books I love have a nasty habit of killing my favorite character at the end, and the least I can do as a writer is not inflict the same thing on myself). That doesn't damage the story, though, because the story was planned from the beginning for certain characters to survive. Readers generally want a happy ending too, so it's not like they're going to be disappointed when, after 100k+ of horrible struggle, the characters finally get what they want.

*shrug* Guess I'm having trouble understanding what the problem is. You're the writer. Give the story the ending you want it to have, and plot it so that your choice ending feels natural.

Sometimes even I have trouble understanding what the problem is.

Basically what it is is that there are two men who love the same woman and she loves them in return - so for the happy ending I want, they'd need to all be together. Now, the men are not romantically involved with each other (even though they've definitely the potential to become very good friends) so this causes a lot of problems. Meanwhile, the woman is stuck with feelings of wondering if she's selfish for wanting both of them, wondering why she can't choose, feeling that it isn't fair for her to ask them to share her, etc. Plus, all the social flak that they'd catch for even entertaining the notion of such an arrangement. But for these guys, the thought of being without her is traumatic, and for her, she'd rather walk away from both than have to choose between them. She genuinely loves them both and they each fill very different voids in her life and heart. So I guess it's just the daunting nature of such a thing that has me worried - How the heck can I pull off an HEA for a threesome?

Originally Posted by Lycoplax

I'm not the happy ending type, myself. What I strive for is to give my characters closure, and some sort of reward for all the suffering I put them through. Most of my endings turn out on the bittersweet side of things.

When I get attached to a character, I make them suffer more. Because through suffering, they break down, then build back up more awesome than before.

I support your Q&A notion. I do that with mine sometimes when they're being difficult. As for giving your characters everything, try to parse out what really matters most to them. Give them that as their happy ending. Let the rest of the world burn, as long as they have what matters. (A serious exaggeration, but I hope it gets the idea across.)

Yeah, I can see the need to figure out what really matters to them, and I guess in this case, maybe exclusivity doesn't matter so much to these men as just being with her. The one guy does need to learn some humility and he'd definitely be humbled by the girl's need for not just him, but another man - to realize that he can't be everything to her. The other guy needs to see that he's valuable and special and worth fighting for. And the girl? She needs to learn that life isn't fair, no matter how much she'd like for it to be.



You know, I think this threesome thing is just the ticket to give them all what they need...

[Shirokirie]

I love mine; stuck with them for nearly ten years. Am I hesitant to kill them off or have bad endings for them?

Hell no.

You see, a character changes to facilitate a story. Their actions and behaviours all feed into this one plot, and any sub-plots with it. The story shouldn't even change to suit the characters. Or else the big evil commits suicide and everyone lives kosher. I mean it can be that kind of boring kos the author can't let the char's go.

I'm not saying that good endings aren't possible or shouldn't happen. But rather if it's the natural inclination of your story, don't bother trying to fight it.

Edit:
Oh, a threesome. You mean to say you got all tied in knots over a bigamous relationship? Dude, just do it. There are fetishes and arrangements out there 'worse' than bigamy and threesomes. And I'd totes read about that. Without question.

[Beachgirl]

Originally Posted by Escape Artist

How the heck can I pull off an HEA for a threesome?

We pull off HEAs for threesomes all the time in the Romance and Erotica forums here at AW. Come on over - we'll pour you some wine and save you a seat!

[Chasing the Horizon]

Originally Posted by Shirokirie

Edit:
Oh, a threesome. You mean to say you got all tied in knots over a bigamous relationship? Dude, just do it. There are fetishes and arrangements out there 'worse' than bigamy and threesomes. And I'd totes read about that. Without question.

I second this.

I have a way "worse" arrangement in my current WIP. Polyamorous relationships are fun and not that uncommon.

[Shirokirie]

Originally Posted by Chasing the Horizon

I have a way "worse" arrangement in my current WIP. Polyamorous relationships are fun and not that uncommon.

Try out two accounts of incest; one being a bigamous relationship where the youngest uncle and oldest nephew get into it with the same woman.
And one tall side of man-sexes-otherworldy-she-beast--and falls in love with her to boot.

I have no shame.

A regular threesome is kosher. Trust me.

[Escape Artist]

Originally Posted by Shirokirie

Oh, a threesome. You mean to say you got all tied in knots over a bigamous relationship? Dude, just do it. There are fetishes and arrangements out there 'worse' than bigamy and threesomes. And I'd totes read about that. Without question.

Yeah. (where's a smiley for a sheepish grin when I need one?) I guess I have some kind of archaic "wrong" alarm that goes off at the thought of a threesome living happily ever after. Which is no surprise - I come from a religion that says the only right way to be is one man, one woman, period, and they have to be married at that. But my characters don't always go by that. They're an outlet for my more rebellious side...

Originally Posted by Beachgirl

We pull off HEAs for threesomes all the time in the Romance and Erotica forums here at AW. Come on over - we'll pour you some wine and save you a seat!

I know. I need to come over to the romance and erotica boards and I have before, but...

Okay, I have a confession to make. When I wrote my first novel and realized it was romance (my friends and relatives called it erotica because of all the explicit sex in it, but it still had an HEA, so it was romance in that way - so erotic romance, I guess?), I was a little freaked out. I've never, ever read romance (aside from Twilight) so where had the one I'd written come from? I mean, sure, I loved all the Disney movies where boy meets girl and they lived happily ever after, but then I grew up and love isn't like that, and well... I was a little resentful. It felt kind of like I'd been lied to or something. I know that's silly, but it's the way I felt. And then I was angry at myself for having written something like that when I knew it wasn't possible in real life. And then there were the hard and fast rules I'd heard about for romance and that turned me off. I didn't want to feel restricted by rules. And then there's the whole stigma with romance, the worry that people in general think "Well, that's all women can write is romance," and I didn't want people to think that of me. To label me as "just another female romance writer" and act like that's not a real author.

Have any of you romance writers out there struggled with this? Have any of you not grown up as avid romance readers and then wrote your first novel and been shocked that it was romance? I guess I never knew it was in me and now that it is (because let's face it - it's the romantic relationship that I love to write about and love to have front-and-center in my novels whether the setting is sci-fi, real life or fantasy), I'm a little scared and somewhat ashamed. I shouldn't be, I know that, but these feelings are still there and I'm not sure how to deal with them. And as far as the lying aspect...

The books I loved growing up were the ones that made me appreciate my own life - books about the Holocaust, books like 1984 and The Road. At the end, I could say, "Well, my life is much better than that," and feel happy. But romance? It feels like selling a dream that can never come true. I remember after I wrote that first novel that I was immediately struck with how unfulfilling my own marriage was in comparison to the relationship between my two leads, and it was depressing. I don't want to depress my readers, and maybe romance readers don't feel that way after they read one. But I just imagine a woman reading a book about a man who's attentive and willing to compromise and romantic and passionate and spontaneous and then she has to live with a man who doesn't care that all the romance has gone out of their relationship, who doesn't help around the house and is content to sit in his recliner while she washes dishes, and that just hurts. And I don't want to hurt my readers. I've always wanted my writing to help or encourage people in some way, and I guess the way other books have always helped me is to show me a horrible life that way mine can feel good in comparison and I can be thankful but romance just has me wishing things were better.

Can anyone relate?

[Lycoplax]

Originally Posted by Escape Artist

I've never, ever read romance (aside from Twilight) so where had the one I'd written come from? I mean, sure, I loved all the Disney movies where boy meets girl and they lived happily ever after, but then I grew up and love isn't like that, and well... I was a little resentful. It felt kind of like I'd been lied to or something. I know that's silly, but it's the way I felt. And then I was angry at myself for having written something like that when I knew it wasn't possible in real life. And then there were the hard and fast rules I'd heard about for romance and that turned me off. I didn't want to feel restricted by rules. And then there's the whole stigma with romance, the worry that people in general think "Well, that's all women can write is romance," and I didn't want people to think that of me. To label me as "just another female romance writer" and act like that's not a real author.

Have any of you romance writers out there struggled with this? Have any of you not grown up as avid romance readers and then wrote your first novel and been shocked that it was romance? I guess I never knew it was in me and now that it is (because let's face it - it's the romantic relationship that I love to write about and love to have front-and-center in my novels whether the setting is sci-fi, real life or fantasy), I'm a little scared and somewhat ashamed. I shouldn't be, I know that, but these feelings are still there and I'm not sure how to deal with them. And as far as the lying aspect...

The books I loved growing up were the ones that made me appreciate my own life - books about the Holocaust, books like 1984 and The Road. At the end, I could say, "Well, my life is much better than that," and feel happy. But romance? It feels like selling a dream that can never come true. I remember after I wrote that first novel that I was immediately struck with how unfulfilling my own marriage was in comparison to the relationship between my two leads, and it was depressing. I don't want to depress my readers, and maybe romance readers don't feel that way after they read one. But I just imagine a woman reading a book about a man who's attentive and willing to compromise and romantic and passionate and spontaneous and then she has to live with a man who doesn't care that all the romance has gone out of their relationship, who doesn't help around the house and is content to sit in his recliner while she washes dishes, and that just hurts. And I don't want to hurt my readers. I've always wanted my writing to help or encourage people in some way, and I guess the way other books have always helped me is to show me a horrible life that way mine can feel good in comparison and I can be thankful but romance just has me wishing things were better.

Can anyone relate?

I can't say I've written any actual romance. I've written stories with romantic elements, but not enough to command a romance genre label. But as a fellow worried writer, I can say that it's not as bad as you think.

"All women can write is romance"? "not a real author"? Yuck! Where on earth did you get that notion, and where can I find the sexist responsible to hurt them? Don't let that get you down. If romance is what you want to write, then write it. If you're published, and people buy your stuff, that makes you a real author. It doesn't matter your gender or genre. It's true that female writers are more popular in romance, since the crowd doing most of the reading is female. But from my days working in a bookstore, I recall at least one 'female' romance author being a pen name, where the actual person writing it was a man, but it's been so long, I don't remember who it was anymore.

It's also true that a lot of romance is comfortable escapism. Perfect couple gets the perfect relationship in the end, etc, etc. Relationships in reality are hard. (I married a Navy guy, for instance. He isn't even out on a ship yet and I barely see him, I have to make all the icky phone calls, balance the checkbook, do all the housework, AND find the time to get groceries when he has the car 80% of the time or more. We have a solid relationship, and even that has stress. His performance in class has slipped, so he has mandatory study that takes more of his time. If he can't pass his stuff, the Navy won't hesitate to dismiss him. And with his job will go the house.) I can see why the convenient happily-ever-afters are appealing. But that doesn't mean you have to write that way. Write a realistic romance! If you don't like what romance is, reinvent it! Make it an encouraging story, one that puts the everyday trials of normal life into perspective! There is absolutely no rule saying you have to write just like everyone else. Your book might just breathe some fresh air into the genre.

The whole reason I love to write is that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that can tell you how something must be done. (Excluding things like spelling and grammar of course.) It's your story, and no one else's. You make it what you want it to be.

[Beachgirl]

Escape - Yes, I completely relate. Right down to the religion telling you it's wrong with a capital W.R.O.N.G. I was afraid to tell anyone what I was writing about for a while.

Most of my life I read Stephen King, science fiction, Clive Cussler, Christian Fiction, etc. In other words, just like you I never imagined myself writing erotic romance. I mean, OH MY GOD! WHAT WOULD PEOPLE THINK???

When I started my first story, it was supposed to be an environmental mystery/suspense with a snarky female MC and a little romantic element thrown in. Imagine my surprise when she fell hard for the male MC and he busted out with fur and fangs by turning into a panther! I'm staring at the page thinking WTH?!?

I actually had to put that story on hold and think about it for a while. But it sparked an interest to write romance. So I read romance - a lot of romance. Turns out I kinda liked the paranormal erotic genre quite a bit.

That spurred another story. That turned into a sci-fi shifter romance and will be coming out in August. Its the first story I ever actually finished. Huge departure from the books I thought I'd write, but there ya go.

I wrote another one after that and shortly into it realized I was writing the prequal to that wayward first story. Now it's turned into a paranormal menage series. Who knew?

Do I worry about how I will be perceived as an author because of what I write? I did. Now, however, I've decided I'm going to write what makes me happy. If others want to look down at me or dismiss me because of it, that's their problem, not mine.

I am still amazed, not to mention dazed and confused, that I'm writing in this genre. But it works for me. I might write in a different genre someday, maybe YA, maybe something else, but I'm not worried about it.

My advice? Write what makes you happy. Write what's in your heart and where the story takes you. Don't worry about why you're writing whatever type of genre it is. And definitely don't worry about how you will be perceived. Its your story. No one else should tell you how it ends.

[Filigree]

This, a million times, this.

Find the genres that make your mind sing while you're writing them. Looking back I should have guessed I'd end up writing erotic romance, but I was a SF&F nerd who looked down on the 'New Romance' novels of the mid-eighties. Now the market and I have caught up to each other, and I couldn't be happier.

[Escape Artist]

Well I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who's struggled with their identity as a writer and I guess I've been kind of fighting it for awhile. I tend to worry about others' opinions more than I should.

Anyway, I'm feeling much much better now - thanks, guys! - about the whole thing and especially about this particular story. I think I was trying to force them into what I thought was the "right" HEA. And my FMC wasn't having it, lol. I'd tell her why this one guy was better for her and she'd fall for the other one and vice versa. If I told her she could pick either one, but she had to be with just one, she'd want both of them. So I guess the three of them are just meant to be. ( <------- we need a threesome smiley like this with kisses from both sides )

Thanks again everyone and I'm really excited now to work on the story - I'll be checking in to the romance section soon and break down and start borrowing romance books from the library. Wish me luck!

[Beachgirl]

Originally Posted by Escape Artist

Well I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who's struggled with their identity as a writer and I guess I've been kind of fighting it for awhile. I tend to worry about others' opinions more than I should.

Anyway, I'm feeling much much better now - thanks, guys! - about the whole thing and especially about this particular story. I think I was trying to force them into what I thought was the "right" HEA. And my FMC wasn't having it, lol. I'd tell her why this one guy was better for her and she'd fall for the other one and vice versa. If I told her she could pick either one, but she had to be with just one, she'd want both of them. So I guess the three of them are just meant to be. ( <------- we need a threesome smiley like this with kisses from both sides )

Thanks again everyone and I'm really excited now to work on the story - I'll be checking in to the romance section soon and break down and start borrowing romance books from the library. Wish me luck!

I'm so glad you've gotten more comfortable with your story and decision and I wish you tons of luck!

And yes, yes we do need one of those smilies.