First Paragraphs - share yours!

Stirlander · Aug 3, 2012

I feel like first paragraphs are extra important in short stories. There's just a lot of ground to cover in a much smaller amount of space than a novel would give you, so a lot that has to happen straight out of the gate in a shorter piece.

So, I'm curious to see how people begin there stories. So here's a "post the first paragraph" thread.

Smish · Aug 3, 2012

MOD NOTE

I don't have a problem with this thread so long as there is NO CRITTING. The Share Your Work section is for receiving critiques. Also, huge chunks of your writing should not be posted in this thread (or any non-password-protected slice of the internet). Protect your work.

Carry on.

Stirlander · Aug 3, 2012

Right, I saw a "First three sentences" in the novel category and thought it'd be cool to see how writers here introduce a story in just the first few sentences of a short piece of fiction. Do they introduce characters mostly? Place? Does the action begin immediately? Kind of a curiosity thing.

Smish · Aug 3, 2012

Stirlander said:
Right, I saw a "First three sentences" in the novel category and thought it'd be cool to see how writers here introduce a story in just the first few sentences of a short piece of fiction. Do they introduce characters mostly? Place? Does the action begin immediately? Kind of a curiosity thing.

It's cool. I've just been around long enough to know clarification is necessary in these types of threads.

Stirlander · Aug 3, 2012

Makes sense. Leave it to the newcomer to try and collapse the social order

blacbird · Aug 3, 2012

The boy sat on the front steps, letting the warm September breeze ruin the careful combing of his hair. From inside came the voices of his parents, still arguing.

caw

Jamesaritchie · Aug 4, 2012

When Rafe Harrison stepped off his Harley in front of Pogo’s, he couldn’t help glancing across the street toward Lila’s house. Sure enough, there she was, sitting out in the porch swing, just as she did every Friday and Saturday evening. When she first started doing that, Rafe thought maybe she was pining away for him, hoping they could get back together. Then he got a better look at her face, and it wasn’t longing written on it. As his grandmother used to say, “If looks could kill. . .”

Smish · Aug 4, 2012

I write for kids, so not sure how helpful any of my first paragraphs will be to you. But here's one:

The stage is varnished to perfection, but backstage is a disaster zone. A thick layer of dust coats the props and costumes. The cardboard livestock from the drama club’s production of Charlotte’s Web stare at me, silently clucking and mooing. I don’t like the look in the cow’s eyes, so I turn to face the curtain. It’s thick and faded and older than Gramps – with more wrinkles, too. I watch the dust particles rise and fall through the air. My nose twitches. A sneeze is coming; I just don’t know when.

Rufus Leeking · Aug 4, 2012

Next to me two teens are making out, the boy groping her butt. Once I guess I frowned at another young couple down here. The girl stepped up in my face, “What are you looking at, huh?” Spit flew out, “Why are you looking at us?” Since then I look away.

(actually this is several short paragraphs)

Josie Cloos · Aug 4, 2012

[FONT=&quot]My oldest son, Marcus, was sitting at the kitchen table flipping through a scrapbook of press clippings. It's something he liked to do from time to time.

[/FONT]

triceretops · Aug 4, 2012

Through a mist of nausea, Avalon felt the bed roiling under her. Loud, harsh voices crashed in her mind, screaming out warnings. She tried to push up from the bed, but her arms refused to obey. Her legs were like lead. When she opened her eyes for a moment, she could see white beams flitting about. She heard the words, “Secure the scene.”

CJacobo · Aug 5, 2012

Stirlander said:
I feel like first paragraphs are extra important in short stories. There's just a lot of ground to cover in a much smaller amount of space than a novel would give you, so a lot that has to happen straight out of the gate in a shorter piece.

So, I'm curious to see how people begin there stories. So here's a "post the first paragraph" thread.

Here is a first draft version of the opening of my short stories:

"Justice was dead in Karlsbad. It was dead and what took its place was a grey shadow, a lingering stench, a bitter aftertaste. Justice was dead in Karlsbad, and the Russians killed it."

TumbleHome · Aug 5, 2012

Virgina had been toeing the sidewalk carefully in her new heels and checking her phone for the past 15 minutes before the black sedan pulled up a little too quickly to the curb in front of her. She straightened and smiled, lowering her posture down a few inches to level with the tinted window of the passenger side. She held that smile for just long enough that it began to ache seconds before the window finally slid down.

Buffysquirrel · Aug 8, 2012

You didn't specify whether published or unpublished. This is the first para of a story I somehow convinced an editor to buy.

The cat has at least a hundred names and possibly as many as a thousand. He sits at the bottom of the steps while she climbs to the room with the glass wall. Once he followed her, kitten-fluffy, snake-fast, followed ahead of her to the first lead door. Time and patience has taught him to sit and wait for her return. He only miaows. Then turns, Grimalkin-grey, puss-soft, away.

exhale · Aug 8, 2012

Here is one I am working on, first draft

It wasn't the best of times, neither was it the worst. Everything was normal and nothing ever happened. A multitude of thoughts did not run through his mind. There were no thoughts and even if they had been they wouldn't be running because his mind was out of shape. A steady monotone sound, like that often emitted by old electronic equipment sounded in his ears. It never let up.

rhervey · Aug 29, 2012

Was working on this first draft a couple of weeks ago. Current events have me looking at this short story with a new perspective:

I had reached the bridge too late. The outer bands of the hurricane had caused the middle sections of the venerable, old bridge to collapse, washing away my only way off the island. I had no choice now. I had to find any shelter I could and hunker down and ride out the pounding wind and rain.

jaksen · Aug 29, 2012

Are these published stories, or various WIPs?

ZaWolf · Aug 30, 2012

From a Sci-Fi short I'm busy with..

With a distant view from out in the wastes, the city, like all cities, looked like a pale-stone monolith, a concrete monster squatting in the sand and glinting in the harsh sun with the razor wire that wrapped its walls.
From the inside it was more human, if no less ugly.

Prisoner24601 · Aug 30, 2012

Here's the start to a story I'm shopping around at the moment and trying to find a home for:

In the three years Gracie worked third shift at the Pink Panther Truck Stop she'd seen some mighty strange things. Some might have thought that a disembodied hand inching its way down the cracked Formica countertop would have been the weirdest, and it was, but not by much.

cathyfreeze · Aug 30, 2012

These do a great job, and it's interesting to read the varying ways they create tension and interest, but if we can't discuss them, i fear i can't see a reason to post them. Can we move thread to a place where we *can* discuss? Not individual critique, per se, since i don't generally want to say 'don't be redundant' or such, but i'd love to dissect them severally for, as Stirlander says,

Do they introduce characters mostly? Place? Does the action begin immediately?

and other critiquerly things. And why those specific things done work for me. I'd love to hear why things work for the readers of this thread....

Buffysquirrel · Sep 1, 2012

Well, I like Prisoner24601's because it feels friendly, like someone I know is sitting opposite me and telling me a story. And because there's a disembodied hand.

Al Stevens · Sep 1, 2012

A song plays through the radio in a parked car on a cold, windy night in the center of a city somewhere. The sad refrain of a wayward loser pours out of the small radio speaker embedded in the dashboard of the car. The driver does not fully understand the lyrics, but he listens as he waits in the car for his colleagues to return.

The song foreshadows his destiny.

Izz · Sep 2, 2012

cathyfreeze said:
These do a great job, and it's interesting to read the varying ways they create tension and interest, but if we can't discuss them, i fear i can't see a reason to post them. Can we move thread to a place where we *can* discuss? Not individual critique, per se, since i don't generally want to say 'don't be redundant' or such, but i'd love to dissect them severally for, as Stirlander says, and other critiquerly things. And why those specific things done work for me. I'd love to hear why things work for the readers of this thread....

Hi cathy

As Smish says, this thread is for purposes of sharing only. If there's something you particularly love about an example, then by all means say it, but this isn't the place for dissection. Think of it as a place where you can come when you're really excited about a story project you're working on, or even a story you've sold, and want to share some of it. After all, excitement shared is excitement doubled, right?

That's not to say you can't dissect paragraphs privately, for your own benefit.

If you are feeling the need to critique openings, there's the 'Hook me in 200 words or less' thread in SFF SYW, which is open to short story openings as well as novel opening, afaik.

Colter · Sep 5, 2012

What the hey... Figured I'd throw one out there for fun.

Scotty Ray and I were half way to the top of Myers Hill, the pedaling growing tougher with each passing second. I had scaled the hill numerous times before but the added burden of my backpack was making the going considerably tougher than usual. Forty feet from where the blacktop finally leveled, I conceded defeat and began walking my bike the rest of the way. Scotty Ray, his bike jerking left and right with each determined crank of the pedals, continued his trek to the summit.

cartmanking68 · Sep 28, 2012

There had not been any humans around all morning. There have been fewer and fewer on the streets in the last few days. But the total absence of them gave Victor a strange sense of peace, at least for the time being. No noise from the cabs and buses or the incessant talking he heard even from the very back of the alley. At times he questioned his decision to remain in the city but it still seemed like the best place to disappear.
Unpublished and WIP

First Paragraphs - share yours!

Stirlander

Sagebrush Rebel

Smish

Reads more than she writes.

Stirlander

Sagebrush Rebel

Smish

Reads more than she writes.

Stirlander

Sagebrush Rebel

blacbird

Jamesaritchie

Smish

Reads more than she writes.

Rufus Leeking

Josie Cloos

triceretops

CJacobo

Writer of Words, Words, Words

TumbleHome

Inconsequential. Also: short.

Buffysquirrel

exhale

rhervey

jaksen

Caped Codder

ZaWolf

Prisoner24601

One Mouthy Broad

cathyfreeze

I lost my fever! I need it back!

Buffysquirrel

Al Stevens

Izz

Doing the Space Operatic

Colter

cartmanking68