Cooking for picky eaters...

A.V. Hollingshead · Feb 26, 2013

In a reversal of the standard trope, it's my parents who are the picky eaters and I'm the one who does all the cooking. My father does not like: eggs, milk, yoghurt, butter, or anything in any way sweet. My mother does not like: red meat, spiciness, seafood. Neither of them like squash, fruit-in-savoury-dishes, or 'bits' in their food (which includes things like wild rice and whole grain bread).

Cooking for them is trying to come up with twenty different ways to redress chicken, when I can't use half of the vegetables out there, too many spices, any dairy except cheese, or any grains that aren't as white as the meat. I can usually get a little vegetarian stuff in there... my parents both like lasagna (as long as it doesn't have beef) and ziti and manicotti, but those are all basically the same thing with three different shapes of pasta. My mum is trying gnocchi for the first time tomorrow night... cross your fingers!

Anyone else have kids, friends/roomies, spouses, or parents who make meal planning a creative exercise?

BethEllyn · Mar 6, 2013

oh hey, I'm from LI too! I can relate to this, although sometimes I drive people crazy with my pickiness as well (used to eat anything as a kid, now I'm a vegetarian and certain foods disgust me lol). Everyone in my family has different tastes, so if I'm cooking I'll just spend awhile scanning through Food Network website for ideas lol

Lady MacBeth · Mar 6, 2013

Try the Allrecipes website. You can do a refined search based on certain ingredients. Good luck!

cornflake · Mar 6, 2013

Maybe try it the other way?

Ask each for a list of 10 things they like or would be willing to try - or, to prevent the list from being what you already have, or four things and 'I can't think of anything else' - make up a big list and ask them to check off what they'd be willing to try.

Like, you know there won't be sweet/savoury or dairy or what have you else, so take a walk round the market and farmer's market and make up a list.

Put down like, beans, pasta, all different types of veg, etc., etc. You know some things they'll check off, but they may surprise you and you may surprise yourself finding some new things.

Then think about new combos, regular stuff with a new item, etc. Like, if they like those pastas, would they like veg lasagna, or baked ziti with ricotta in, or would they like spaghetti with something interesting, or would they like a stew or perhaps some non-spicy baked enchiladas or burritos, with beans and cheese or baked sweet potatoes with I dunno, or a potato and other veg gratin with stock and no dairy, or etc.

EMaree · Mar 7, 2013

Wow, that's rough -- that's a huge list of things. Interesting to see how they both contradict each other, as well, with your dad hating sweet things and your mum hating spicy.

My other half will not eat anything containing onions or tomatoes, anything wholegrain, or bread with flour on it, lamb, or most fruits.

The onions and tomatoes are the only ones that I find very inconvenient, but I can substitute onion powder instead of onions, and sometimes a small amount of tomato puree for the tomatoes.

He can't stand the smell of tomato or onion heavy dishes, either, so I only get to break out the bolognese, lasagne or chilli con carne when he's on night shift.

Maryn · Mar 7, 2013

I'm with cornflake and Lady MacBeth. (Just saying those two together amuses the hell out of me.)

Use allrecipes or other recipe-gathering sites to put together a long list of things you'd be willing and able to make which don't overtly ignore their picky tastes. Don't include anything you already make. Be sure to include meals which are reasonably healthy--low in fat and salt, incorporating whole grains without it being visible "bits," able to include vegetables invisibly--and let them check off items they'd be open to trying.

Things I'd include in such a list:

Cheese ravioli with only a drizzle of tomato-based sauce
Chicken or turkey stew with potatoes, carrots, celery, peas, using commercially-made low-fat gravy
Chicken Parmesan
Field greens or green salad with grilled chicken, caramelized onion, goat cheese, and fresh pear or grapes, blue cheese dressing, any ingredients one finds objectionable not put on the plate
Lemon chicken
Pasta with home-made sauce (easier than you'd think) and turkey meatballs
Turkey or chicken burgers, with cheese (and invisible pureed veggies!) mixed into the patty for extra flavor
Mediterranean pizza--white-bread crust topped with sauteed mushrooms, sun-dried tomatoes, feta cheese, wilted spinach
Chicken-Pesto pizza--white- or whole wheat-bread crust topped with pesto sauce, slices of grilled chicken, artichoke hearts, and a mix of Fontina and low-fat Mozzarella cheeses
Split pea soup--puree the veggie and bacon bits--and artisan grilled cheese sandwiches with hearty bread and first-rate cheese
Turkey meat loaf with oodles of hidden pureed vegetables in the mix
Chinese chicken with whatever vegetables they like, in whatever Asian sauce they like
Chicken Stroganoff with mushrooms and low-fat sour cream
Chicken Alfredo made with grilled chicken and packaged pasta with Alfredo sauce (you've got to have stuff that's fast and easy, right?)
Red clam sauce over whole-grain pasta--using an immersion blender if the bits of veggie are going to bother either of them. It does not taste strongly clammy, BTW, and I got the recipe right here at AW from SilverKing.

We've been eating reasonably healthy in terms of fat, salt, and red meat for a long while now. It takes a bit of extra effort, but cooking the dishes Mr. Maryn can eat is no longer a big deal. I can put a good meal on the table in under an hour, often in 30 to 40 minutes.

Maryn, who has made herself hungry

A.V. Hollingshead · Mar 7, 2013

Admittedly, I don't know that my parents care too much the 'healthy' part of a mealplan; my mum would eat cake for dinner every day if my dad ate sweets. The current meal for the month includes two manicotti/ravioli-esque dishes, always three- or four-cheese with tomato sauce, about ten chicken dishes (and my mum doesn't seem to like the dark meat, so it's often wings and breast), cheese fondue, and one day where I just make a caesar salad since for some reason neither of them mind that. My mum is allergic to seafood, and my dad doesn't like alfredo sauce since it tastes too milk-y for his liking. I've tried making it with more cheese or chicken broth, but if it has any milk or cream, he just doesn't seem to like it.

I could probably get away with whole wheat bread, though. I may try that for croutons or pizza (even though my parents like chicken, they don't like chicken on pizza [why? I couldn't say...], so we usually have cheese or mushroom pizza... I'll admit that I don't like mushrooms so it usually ends up being cheese ^^;

. I might be able to make a chicken stew (my mum doesn't like turkey); my mum has a passionate hatred of *beef* stew, but perhaps she'd like chicken stew. I can't see why my dad wouldn't like it. And chicken parmesan and chicken stir-fry (I make it with ramen noodles, snow peas, carrots, bell peppers, and those miniature corn things in a garlic-soy sauce) are already on the list. A vegetable soup might be feasible, as well. Maybe not pea soup, but I think they both like tomato soup - and I could definitely do a 'fancy' grilled cheese of sorts.

I'm not sure either of my parents like goat cheese... maybe I'll just cook something with it without telling them and see if they like it.

At this point I'm convinced half of their picky habits are more in their heads than in their stomachs.

EMaree · Mar 7, 2013

A.V. Hollingshead said:
The current meal for the month includes two manicotti/ravioli-esque dishes, always three- or four-cheese with tomato sauce, about ten chicken dishes (and my mum doesn't seem to like the dark meat, so it's often wings and breast), cheese fondue, and one day where I just make a caesar salad since for some reason neither of them mind that.

Come to think of it, I've never made a ceasar salad even though I really like them (chicken ceasar wraps are a favourite). I'll have to do so some time, maybe for lunch at the weekend.

I could probably get away with whole wheat bread, though. I may try that for croutons or pizza (even though my parents like chicken, they don't like chicken on pizza [why? I couldn't say...], so we usually have cheese or mushroom pizza... I'll admit that I don't like mushrooms so it usually ends up being cheese ^^;. I might be able to make a chicken stew (my mum doesn't like turkey); my mum has a passionate hatred of *beef* stew, but perhaps she'd like chicken stew. I can't see why my dad wouldn't like it.

But chicken on pizza is great! It's basically mozarella-stuffed chicken with less effort. I'm fond of chicken and peppers, myself, though bell peppers are kind of pricey over here.

I wasn't too sure about mushrooms until people kept making me try them in different forms -- buttered, fried, in an omlette -- and now I really like them.

It's a shame your mum hates beef stew, that's quickly becoming a staple meal for me. Casserole beef, seasonal veg, and a few hours in the slow cooker...

At this point I'm convinced half of their picky habits are more in their heads than in their stomachs.

I was really negative about trying new things growing up until I made friends with a young chef who insisted on cooking extravagant meals for his friends all the time. I'd been living a life of packet ramen, packet pasta, and microwaveable or out-of-a-box meals for years after leaving home and I was too grateful about the fancy meals to be uneasy about new food.

Now I'm much more comfortable trying new things. I feel like a real adult!

LJD · Mar 7, 2013

EMaree said:
My other half will not eat anything containing onions or tomatoes, anything wholegrain, or bread with flour on it, lamb, or most fruits.

The onions and tomatoes are the only ones that I find very inconvenient, but I can substitute onion powder instead of onions, and sometimes a small amount of tomato puree for the tomatoes.

He can't stand the smell of tomato or onion heavy dishes, either, so I only get to break out the bolognese, lasagne or chilli con carne when he's on night shift.

Onions and tomatoes are the main problem I have with my boyfriend too. And it's mainly the onions. I swear, almost every recipe I want to make has onions, and I have to leave them out, or just not make the recipe if I think that will compromise it too much. I don't think he'd consider onion powder an acceptable alternative. Though I'm not sure he'd actually notice if I didn't tell him. He hates onions so much that I have to brush my teeth if I want to kiss him after eating them

For tomatoes, it's just chunks of cooked tomato. I make lots of things with tomato sauce and paste.

He also refuses to eat all types of soup (and not just because a lot of the ones I make have onions). So I have soup at lunch.

The above makes him sound pretty picky, but he'll eat almost anything else, except for olives, grapefruit, and shellfish, but those aren't a big deal.

Lady MacBeth · Mar 7, 2013

Let us know what you decide.

Unimportant · Mar 7, 2013

Y'all are way nicer than me. If I were in the OP's place, I'd make a huge massive batch of something they both ate and feed it to them every day for two weeks, while each day making myself a delicious curry or pizza or whatever, and let them choose between trying new things and accepting my cooking, or eating the same damned thing every day for the rest of their lives.

Wow, I'm so glad my spouse is willing to try anything at all, and has very adventurous taste buds!

MaryMumsy · Mar 7, 2013

Unimportant said:
Y'all are way nicer than me. If I were in the OP's place, I'd make a huge massive batch of something they both ate and feed it to them every day for two weeks, while each day making myself a delicious curry or pizza or whatever, and let them choose between trying new things and accepting my cooking, or eating the same damned thing every day for the rest of their lives.

Wow, I'm so glad my spouse is willing to try anything at all, and has very adventurous taste buds!

The OP doesn't say how old the parents are. IMO, if they are younger than 70, they should try one new thing per week. If, after having it a few times, they still don't like it, then so be it. It could be they remember a Mom or Grandmom cooking something they disliked. And it might not be the food at all, just how it was cooked in their youth.

MM

EMaree · Mar 8, 2013

MaryMumsy said:
And it might not be the food at all, just how it was cooked in their youth.

MM

For me, this is one of the most interesting things about people disliking food. I love finding out why people hate a food.

The other half hates the texture of onions more than the taste, and I suspect he hates both tomatoes and onions because his mum does. That's a fairly standard story.

My chef friend, on the other hand, hates Rogan Josh because his mum cooked it for him every week when he was a kid. Again, pretty normal.

But he also hates milk because a relative gave him milk and boiling water in his cornflakes once, and milk and whiskey when he hit drinking age. And he hates greek yoghurt because his gran slathered it to try and cure severe sunburn. It curdled on his skin.

Oh, and one of my aunts won't let anyone cook lamb in her house because the last time she cooked it it filled the house with the smell of burning bone. (Can't remember why, maybe the gas flame caught the bone.)

...Now I'm tempted to make a topic for strange why-I-hate-this stories.

Ken · Mar 8, 2013

... am a picky eater myself. In a position to offer some advice as such. (Feel free to scoff at it.)

Make something with 20 ingredients in it and there'll be 20 possiblities your dinner guest may not like it.
Make something with just a few, and there'll be just a few possibilities they may not.
Keep it simple in short.
G'luck.
And remember. The important thing is the company and sharing good cheer.

MaryMumsy · Mar 8, 2013

EMaree said:
For me, this is one of the most interesting things about people disliking food. I love finding out why people hate a food.

Oh, and one of my aunts won't let anyone cook lamb in her house because the last time she cooked it it filled the house with the smell of burning bone. (Can't remember why, maybe the gas flame caught the bone.)

...Now I'm tempted to make a topic for strange why-I-hate-this stories.

Ken said:
... am a picky eater myself. In a position to offer some advice as such. (Feel free to scoff at it.)

Make something with 20 ingredients in it and there'll be 20 possiblities your dinner guest may not like it.
Make something with just a few, and there'll be just a few possibilities they may not.
Keep it simple in short.
G'luck.
And remember. The important thing is the company and sharing good cheer.

Good advice, Ken. But if you are the one doing the cooking on a daily basis it can get difficult.

I don't hate eggplant (aubergine), but I won't cook it. I tried once in my newlywed days. It was such a fiasco I even had to throw out the pan. Now I just get it in restaurants.

MM

Unimportant · Mar 8, 2013

Ken said:
... am a picky eater myself. In a position to offer some advice as such. (Feel free to scoff at it.)

Make something with 20 ingredients in it and there'll be 20 possiblities your dinner guest may not like it.
Make something with just a few, and there'll be just a few possibilities they may not.
Keep it simple in short.

I liked that philosophy, till I made a classic roast beef dinner (which I thought was fool proof) and nearly all the spouses of my dinner guests turned out to be vegetarians. D'oh!

A.V. Hollingshead · Mar 9, 2013

MaryMumsy said:
The OP doesn't say how old the parents are. IMO, if they are younger than 70, they should try one new thing per week. If, after having it a few times, they still don't like it, then so be it. It could be they remember a Mom or Grandmom cooking something they disliked. And it might not be the food at all, just how it was cooked in their youth.

MM

I've managed to get them to agree to a 'one new thing a month' policy. For both months I've tried this, only my dad ended up liking what I made. But oh well, at least someone was happy!

There was a troubling moment when you said 'how old the parents are' where I genuinely could not think of how old my parents are. After a moment's thought and a bit of math: 43 and 50. So yeah, pretty young. From the horror stories my mother tells me about celery jello with chunks of carrot floating in the middle, your assumption may be correct for her, at least. My grandma is a lovely lady, but I must admit that I cringed whenever she cooked for us as kids. Then again, I've met and eaten with my great-grandmother and that was an experience only Lovecraft could recount, so I think cooking skill just increases exponentially with each generation in my family. If I ever have a daughter, she'll have her own show on the Cooking Channel.

I definitely understand, though. I was convinced for years that I didn't like steak simply because every time my mum tried to cook it she cooked it just a bit past well-done and it was like trying to swallow three sticks worth of beefy chewing gum.

Ken · Mar 9, 2013

Unimportant said:
I liked that philosophy, till I made a classic roast beef dinner (which I thought was fool proof) and nearly all the spouses of my dinner guests turned out to be vegetarians. D'oh!

... not a vegetarian myself, but I don't eat red meat. Just chicken, turkey, and fish. (Is there a term for that?) You'd have difficulty with me too as such ;-)

MaryMumsy said:
I don't hate eggplant (aubergine), but I won't cook it. I tried once in my newlywed days. It was such a fiasco I even had to throw out the pan. Now I just get it in restaurants.

... ah. Eggplant. Can relate. Back when I was a teen, I used to love eggplant parmesan heros at pizza shops. As an adult I figured I'd try to make just the eggplant alone. So I bought an eggplant and tried to boil it and eat it like a piece of meat, as that what it tasted like on the hero. Big disappointment. Kinda tasted horrible, to be honest. Haven't repeated the experiment since. So I guess "simple" isn't always the ideal like you say.

PorterStarrByrd · Mar 9, 2013

The best way to handle this is to cook chicken using the British cook book. Boil it. Add side dished of canned peas and mashed potatoes. Never vary the menu.

After some weeks or so of repetition of this they will either starve to death or come up with ideas to satisfy a wider palate.

stormie · Mar 9, 2013

A.V.--you mentioned whole wheat pizza or bread for them. Try white whole wheat (King Arthur, I find, is the best). My young adult sons don't like whole wheat but will eat the pizza or bread I make with white whole wheat flour. It's a milder taste.

jennontheisland · Mar 9, 2013

Green eggs and ham.

If they won't eat it, they don't get dinner that night. From then on, they don't get to say they don't like something they haven't tried. And if they pull the "I tried that years ago and didn't like it" it doesn't count. They have to try everything you make at least once.

EMaree · Mar 9, 2013

jennontheisland said:
If they won't eat it, they don't get dinner that night. From then on, they don't get to say they don't like something they haven't tried. And if they pull the "I tried that years ago and didn't like it" it doesn't count. They have to try everything you make at least once.

I find this method doesn't work so well with adults, especially stubborn ones. You can't just force them to eat a meal they don't like -- if I tried that on on my other half, he'd just go phone for a takeaway or throw a pizza in the oven.

(Or, more reasonably, I could ask him to 'try' what I'm cooking... and then end up cooking him something else when it gets chewed obligingly for ten seconds and then spat out.)

jennontheisland · Mar 9, 2013

EMaree said:
(Or, more reasonably, I could ask him to 'try' what I'm cooking... and then end up cooking him something else when it gets chewed obligingly for ten seconds and then spat out.)

Seriously? You'd cook an entire separate meal for him? He'd starve to death in my house.

LJD · Mar 9, 2013

EMaree said:
I find this method doesn't work so well with adults, especially stubborn ones. You can't just force them to eat a meal they don't like -- if I tried that on on my other half, he'd just go phone for a takeaway or throw a pizza in the oven.

(Or, more reasonably, I could ask him to 'try' what I'm cooking... and then end up cooking him something else when it gets chewed obligingly for ten seconds and then spat out.)

Yes, I don't see how you can force an adult to eat something. But if someone is so picky that cooking for them is a nightmare, they can look after their own damn meals. Why should you have to put up with that?

I think it's pretty reasonable to cater to a few dislikes. (Though the onion thing is really irritating for me. It's just one food, but it's in almost everything I want to make!) But if the list of foods that they refuse to eat is at least as long as what they will eat, then it's just too much hassle.

I do find it quite frustrating that my boyfriend has not tried a single soup I've ever made in the past 6 years. His hatred of soup is completely ridiculous to me. However, he's willing to try nearly else (as long as it has no onions), so I feel like I shouldn't be pissed at him for this. I would hate to be pressured to eat the very few foods that I can't stand/make me gag (liver, and broccoli/rapini in most forms); however, none of those are as all-encompassing as SOUP.

jennontheisland · Mar 11, 2013

Cut the onions so small he can't see them. Or grate them. (swim goggles) He'll eat it, love it, and wonder why it tastes so good. Or, use large chunks and fish them out before you serve it.

I pulled that on my ex-FIL more than once with more vegetables than he'd ever eaten in his life. Garlic! Who the hell cooks without garlic. He was absolutely sure it was horrible, awful, made everything taste bad. "Best Christmas gravy ever!" He went on and on until I told him the reason it tasted so good was because of the 8 cloves of garlic in it (I was feeding 25). He never said a peep about garlic from then on.

Cooking for picky eaters...

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