Love Scenes

It happens. For my last novella (I think it's because it was a contemporary), I had to skip all the sex scenes until the entire story was written out. Then I went back and wrote them all in. For some reason, having the entire story typed out helped with the sex scene writing.

I don't write romance, but I do occasionally wind up writing love scenes. And I H-A-T-E it. So much. Although usually when I send stuff to my beta, she says something like, "I dunno what you're so worried about--this works fine."

A few years ago now I did a whole big blog series about writing sex scenes. The post on writing sex without embarrassment is here:

http://www.staciakane.net/2008/07/16/be-a-sex-writing-strumpet-pt-3/


If you'd like to read the whole series, go here and click on Page 3; scroll down to the bottom and read up from there.

(I got so many requests to do so that I compiled the series into book form, and it's available in both ebook and print. The purchase links are on every post, but it is still free on my blog and always will be. The book option is simply for those who wish to own it for easy reference, or who found it helpful enough to want to pay something for it.)

My main problem is that I can't stop thinking about someone reading it. Mainly my (very, very conservative) mother-in-law. All I can think while I'm writing a sexy scene is what she'd think if she read it (He's going to put that where?!?). So no advice for you, but some commiseration at least.

Only thing that'll make it easier is practice practice practice. You'll get desensitized to it being so 'naughty' when you have to read the same g-damn scene 150 times between edits and when it is actually published. Seriously, the c-word used to make me blush as I typed, but now I'm like whatever.

Heck, I don't even like reading them. In most romance novels I've read, the sex scenes do nothing to advance the plot, so I just skim through them. I admire the rare author who manages to advance her plot in the midst of the hanky-panky (and that can more easily happen when a character's sexual fears/hangups are part of the plot to begin with).

I dunno. I don't have this issue so I can't really feel where you're coming from. That being said, I would suggest reading a lot of smutty scenes. After a while, you get a feel for a good sex scene and a bad one. You can tell who enjoys writing them and who is stilted.

Also, if you are so uncomfortable that your books will suffer if you put it in there cause it is just crappy (by your standards), see if you can leave it out. Not every book has to have sex in it. I like reading about sex. But there are tons of people who don't. Don't want anything to do with reading them in a book. And whole spectrum of peeps in between.

I was going to suggest Stacia Kane's book / blog posts, because it is absolutely amazing, but I see the lady herself has already linked to it. So let me just add in my ringing endorsement. Reading Be a Sex-Writing Strumpet made writing sex scenes so much easier, because I know where my focus should be to get those scenes to work for me, and potential readers. Plus Stacia's writing is accessible and funny and she puts it all out there for you, with examples, to really help you see what works. Okay, done with the accolades.

I will also add, I know lots of readers who say they skim the sex scenes, and they certainly are not necessary in all novels. As a reader, I like them, but you have to do what works for you and your story.

There's a school of thought that (paraphrased) reminds writers to be honest.

In sex scenes, the very first question is: Is it honest? (read as: does it make sense?)

How many times have you felt like throwing a book across the room because you're going WTF!?!? They're running from a homicidal (fill in the blank by genre) and they're doing it?

Then again, I've been re-reading Tara Janzen's "Crazy" series, and while there certainly are a couple of WTF (ahem Red Dog and Travis's first encounter) the lead in sells it.

So, I would promote that the lead in should sell the scene. If your scene is feeling awkward, have you led up to it well enough? Build the tension between the protagonists to the point where it is just inevitable they touch... kiss... whatever.

My first few tries at this were epic fails. Mostly because I didn't take my own advice above.

If you are they type of writer that would rather imply the deed than the actual slot A + tab B or whatever approach, then do like they did in old movies, fade to black. Build the kiss, show the emotion, sell the need. Then close the curtains on the happy participants and move to the next scene.

Imagination is an amazing thing. Some of my favorite "sex" scenes had me re-reading to see why I liked it so much and it wasn't any mechanics that sold the scene (exception: Stroke of Midnight - but maybe it was the growl that sold it...) So choreographing a scene (YES should happen) but can be cleaned up in post too.

Which brings up another pet peeve, "Where'd that hand come from?" Or worse, "Where is he again?"

I read a novel (I read about 200+ a year so...) two weeks ago that had me saying the second question. The set up seemed that he was kissing from the front, but well, unless this woman was very flexible, I'd guarantee she'd have a sore neck from cricking it backwards for so long... Nuff said on choreography.


Good luck, read the posts in the link below, Stacia Kane writes amazing books!

I always read my love scenes back to myself and picture each of the character's movements in my head as I go, to make sure what they're doing is technically possible.

I thought I was indifferent to writing love scenes, but they flew off my fingers in my last MS--possibly because I adored my h/h and they secretly adored one another and couldn't stop going at it. LOL

But the h/h in my WIP are in a difficult place to act out their attraction and growing love, so I can tell this might have one love scene that takes place very late in story.

As a result, it's made me doubly conscious that love scenes--what happens, how they characters feel, etc--come directly from the characters, and there's no "right" or "wrong" way to write them. You can be as vague, or as prosy, or as graphic as the story and characters call for (though, if you write category romance, you'll have to match the tone of the line you're targeting).

I also loved Stacia's series and highly recommend it. And as said above, practice. Lots and lots of practice. When I first started writing sex scenes, I struggled with embarrassment while writing them and had a hard time reading them back. But now I can write them without any qualms. And if I don't get hot and bothered in a good way when I read them back, I don't feel like I'm doing my job.

I bought Stacia's series last week, and boy, did it help! I had stopped writing for about a week, just because I was dreading writing the sex scene. I was so glad to find her series!

I finally wrote the scene and ended up enjoying writing it- and I found writing it to be, dare I say, arousing!

Once again, lots of good advice given, and I don't have anything to add really. Just wanted to say that in the beginning I had the same problem, but my reason was simple. I knew (or at least hoped) my mother would be reading the book! Talk about conservative!

But I got past it easily enough, because I didn't want my book to suffer. When I send her my books, I black out the sex scenes.

As for my kids reading it - well, let's just say, I hope they learn something. LOL

Another potential thing you may want to try if you still find yourself having issues over it:

<----- While this book was the first time I wrote some sexytime scenes that people were actually going to read, it's not the first time I've written scenes like that. The difficulty here was making sure that it was good quality so readers would enjoy it. It was difficult, but more like a difficult action scene.

The reason I didn't really have a problem with the content was because I'd already written a few scenes with other characters in random writing journals and the like. If you have a few characters that do get together, but perhaps never get together onscreen (on the pages), then this could be a good way to give them their intimate time and practice for you.

I also once had a college friend essentially dare me to write one for him to read. That made it more difficult because that was one I knew someone was going to read. Not to mention the fact that it was a guy I had a huge crush on and the scene included myself and him in a fictitious setting. But just knowing that made me work harder and push any awkwardness I had out the window. I was a writer, damn it, and there was no way I was going to let a little dare like that scare me. You mentioned you were worried about random people reading it who would react badly to it - perhaps you could try enlisting the help of someone you know doesn't have a problem reading those types of scenes. Then you could write it knowing that A.) you had a reader lined up already and B.) you could get some good feedback out of the bargain.

And as another author said (for the life of me I can't remember, but maybe someone else will) when it comes to putting some of those words down on paper, "Sometimes you just have to write 'nipple'!"

I just bought Stacia's book, too, and what a help it is! I started wtih her blog, but after reading the first post, I ordered it as I'll be referring to it as I edit my current wip.

I enjoyed this thread! Thanks for all the advice. Along the same lines some of the vocabulary used in sex scenes I just don't like...particularly the word "panties". If I use "underwear" instead, will I get dismissed out of hand? I don't know where my aversion stems from, I just find it to be a lame word.

Melinda Moore said:

I enjoyed this thread! Thanks for all the advice. Along the same lines some of the vocabulary used in sex scenes I just don't like...particularly the word "panties". If I use "underwear" instead, will I get dismissed out of hand? I don't know where my aversion stems from, I just find it to be a lame word.

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Use the language that appeals to you. There are common words I absolutely hate in scenes... I hate the way they look on the page, sound in my head and taste on my tongue. They would kill the flow of the scene. I'm prepared to change if my editor feels it's needed, but when writing, I stick to my own words.

Don't forget you can always share your work and get feedback on your love scene. There are some great people on here who will give you constructive criticisms and help point out things you wouldn't have noticed on your own. Or find a beta reader or crit partner who will do the same for you. I have not posted in SYW but I have two very helpful, awesome crit partners who have helped me immensely... and not just with the love scenes

Melinda Moore said:

I enjoyed this thread! Thanks for all the advice. Along the same lines some of the vocabulary used in sex scenes I just don't like...particularly the word "panties". If I use "underwear" instead, will I get dismissed out of hand? I don't know where my aversion stems from, I just find it to be a lame word.

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Ha! I never even thought of this, but I truly hate the word "panties" myself, and I couldn't figure out why until one day, talking to a male friend, the subject came up and he pointed out that there's just no way to say it without feeling like you must be referring to the undergarments of a six year old, and that's exactly what it feels like for me. It sounds like a childish word. I don't really do romance but I don't think this is a much different thing in erotica. My one WIP gets around this because there's no context for underwear- I'm writing Hellenic deities. In another scene I've written, I just didn't mention underwear at all (there was no reason to and to go back and add it would be artificial).

I tend to prefer finding (or when the writer finds) other ways to refer to the underwear ("underwear" usually feels too generic to me, at least in my own writing, I just don't feel that it often works with my writing but doesn't bother me in a lot of other writers) Thong or g-string of course work for butt floss, but of course they're a specific type of unmentionables. There's also descriptions like "the curve of her butt under the smooth satin" or "he slipped his fingers under the edge of the black lace and inched it down her hips" - I know these aren't great but I made them up in a second and you can get the idea.

Even more than "panties" though, I hate "panty", which seems to not be a writers word, thank the gods, but a retail store word. My brother once went to buy his girlfriend a present at Victoria's Secret, but before he bought anything, he made a game of seeing how many times he could get a salesgirl to say "panty"... The hilarious thing was that he was there to buy one of those big, fluffy, covers-everything-and-could-double-as-a-winter-coat bathrobes.

I don't like writing smut (i.e. words not used in polite company) but a sexy scene I am not against! If it's tasteful I appreciate it more because it is hard to do well.

thebird said:

My main problem is that I can't stop thinking about someone reading it.

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I'm like this too. I just try and forget about it (or stick my fingers in my ears and hum).

She_wulf said:

In sex scenes, the very first question is: Is it honest? (read as: does it make sense?)

How many times have you felt like throwing a book across the room because you're going WTF!?!? They're running from a homicidal (fill in the blank by genre) and they're doing it?

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This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine, especially in movies. I get so mad, it's kind of comical. All of my sex/sexy scenes are very organic so there's none of that bizz.

I had issue with The Time Traveler's Wife (which I otherwise love) because Audrey Niffenegger used the words c**t and c**k and it just seemed so crude and crass in an otherwise lovely and well written book. For me it's context, like what words would the characters realistically use? If they're refined, well-learned folks they're less likely to use c**t and c**k. Her word choices were like a wrench in the cogs and it always pulls me out of the story and that is the worst.

... had to rant, there. Carry on!

These last comments remind me of something funny that I encountered recently.

In an MS I just completed I had a scene where the female MC is leaving the room and in internal dialogue the male MC is thinking what a nice butt she has. But I couldn't bring myself to use the word "butt" in the scene. It just didn't feel right. And "ass" definitely didn't feel right because in the story the male characters throw around a lot of swear words just out of habit when talking to each other (naturally, you know) so "ass" felt like a swear word, rather than a compliment. So... I used the word "tush" !!

My crit partners really gave me a hard time over that, and for good reason. I sucked it up and went back and changed it to "behind" !! LOL