The Old Neverending PublishAmerica Thread (Publish America)

[Kevin Yarbrough]

As Cucumber, He- Who- Did- Not- Become- Pickle rides into town on his Harley that runs on brine he spots The Pickler flying high over head in his plane and anger builds in him. Cucumber not only was behind The Pickler when they were going through the pickle machine when it was struck by lightning turning an ordinary pickle into The Pickler, but also thought he would be smarter than The Pickler when he sent his manuscript to PA. The rage at not becoming a superhero, the rage of being published by the biggest joke in the publishing world, Cucumber now sets off for a life of revenge. There are a few people who could help him and it is now that he seeks them out.

ZaZinator-- The drinking man that can out belch anybody and get free beer wherever he goes. His secret weapons, a jar of pickled pigs feets and a water gun that squirts out alcohol that will knock any person to their knees.

The Chang-e-ling-- A man of many disguises. His super speed alows him to change outfits faster than Ed Williams at a groupie convention.

With the help of these two and Cucumbers own special weapon, his trusty PA book called "Boomerang". Cause no matter how many times he tries to get bookstores to stock it, it always comes back, he will destroy The Pickler once and for all.

Can the Cucumber and his friends stop The Pickler? Will The Pickler survive to defend the literary world once again? Or will the tusty "Boomerang" turn our beloved hero into relish?

[Ed Williams]

....a good "The Pickler" rendering would be much, much, MUCH appreciated...

[Sher2]

Originally Posted by Sparhawk

OK, so I'm guilty, again, of trying to impose some reality. But SHeesh!! I don't want people getting schnookered by an over eager entrepreneur with no real idea wtf is going on. Maybe I'm wrong, but my gut tells me that the due dilligance has not been performed.

Well, at least you're trying. I'd say your gut is right on, meaning the only thought that has gone into this hare-brained scheme is that of selling a few copies to somebody besides Mom and Dad. Is it just me, or does it get scarier in Poz every day?

[reph]

Originally Posted by James D. Macdonald

In other news: Atlanta Nights has sold 28 copies retail. (Amazon, BN.com, and brick-and-mortar.)

Plus a few through direct orders to lulu, no? (Aren't those retail?)

[lindylou45]

Originally Posted by T42

Well, unfortunately because I made the mistake of going with PA on my book he has this "I told you attitude" most of the time and now it's like he thinks it is a waste of time to try to get my book back. Okay, maybe he thinks it's a waste of time to talk about it online all the time...who knows what he thinks....I think I need to get the vet over here and have him put down

Horse tranqs work wonders I've been told!

[lindylou45]

Originally Posted by Sher2

Clearly, I am still cruising, not working. I am PAthetically addicted.

oooh, Pathetically Addicted, I like that. Can I put that on my website?

[Sher2]

Originally Posted by Kevin Yarbrough

Can the Cucumber and his friends stop The Pickler? Will The Pickler survive to defend the literary world once again? Or will the tusty "Boomerang" turn our beloved hero into relish?

Somebody told me Moe-randa just bought a Salad-Shooter.

[James D. Macdonald]

Originally Posted by realitychuck

Interesting, especially in light of the same numbers for PA authors on the NY Times ad last year. Fourteen sales this year was, IIRC, more than all their sales combined (and it was later in the year).

Not strictly true, Chuck.

Ingram's reported sales of PA's thirty best sellers (per the NYT ads):


In A Nutshell : Crisis and How We Moved Forward, Volume One 2004 sales=76

The Fairy Chronicles Book One : Marigold and the Feather of Hope 2004 sales=54

Heroes are Hard to Find 2004 sales=28

The Zookeeper's Daughter 2004 sales=17

By the Water's Edge 2004sales=15

What a Life: How the Vietnam War Affected One Marine 2004 sales=14

The other 24 PA best sellers sold fewer through Ingram in a year than Atlanta Nights sold in three months.

[keltora]

Originally Posted by AnneMarble

But I was only 12 when I first started subscribing. I definitely wasn't ready to be published by then time I turned 13. I did stop subscribing to it after a while. But they kept sending me issues. I wasn't going to complain. It was more interesting then Newsweek.

I like getting it now and then, anyway. Some people like thumbing through Vogue. I'd rather read about different types of writing. Also, keeping the magazine around reminds me to keep writing.

If someone I know has an article in it, I look at the library issue (we subscribe, though we're dropping either that one or The Writer), but other than that...

I stopped subscribing in the early 80s as I found better market sources by just walking in a bookstore and looking on the shelves.

I do rather miss Lawrence Block's columns, though. I enjoyed those.

[lindylou45]

Originally Posted by Sher2

Tomorrow, on "As the Vat Ferments," tune in with mouth agape as The Pickler, armed to the stem with condiments, metes out Brine Justice, with each dynamic word grammatically correct.

Hell, no, I'm not working. Do I look like I'm working? :Smack:

Uncle Jim, it's time for you to step in and make Sherry do her BIC time!

[T42]

Originally Posted by lindylou45

Horse tranqs work wonders I've been told!

It might take that just to get him to shutup about the dang bathroom.
I am so discouraged with this pa thing! They lie out of their butts and people believe them. They flat out lie in letters, ads and everything else and the world just keeps going on and so do they! Why doesn't the dang press jump on these slime balls? They don't even seem interested in the matter of PA!

[Sher2]

Originally Posted by lindylou45

oooh, Pathetically Addicted, I like that. Can I put that on my website?

Of course, you can.

[Sher2]

Originally Posted by T42

It might take that just to get him to shutup about the dang bathroom.
I am so discouraged with this pa thing! They lie out of their butts and people believe them. They flat out lie in letters, ads and everything else and the world just keeps going on and so do they! Why doesn't the dang press jump on these slime balls? They don't even seem interested in the matter of PA!

Mem. Honey. The reason they lie out of their butts is because their heads are wedged so tightly up there it's the only way they can talk. See?

Don't worry about the press. Trust me, the press has built some big fires under PA butt. Stooge butt is still smoldering.

[T42]

Originally Posted by Sher2

Mem. Honey. The reason they lie out of their butts is because their heads are wedged so tightly up there it's the only way they can talk. See?

Don't worry about the press. Trust me, the press has built some big fires under PA butt. Stooge butt is still smoldering.

Of course your right about the first part! I have sent out so many letters to the press and everyone I can think of too investigate Pa. and I get so mad when I see the letters they send myself and others. I get mad anytime I read the threads at PA and every time I see the fraudulent statements they make all over the web.

[Aconite]

Originally Posted by ResearchGuy

I am not sure that blanket condemnation of WD is fair. The April 2005 issue, for example, has an article on fact checking that certainly looks valuable, with description of the fact-checking process, specific recommendations for writers to follow in order to avoid common errors, and explanation of why those precautions are essential.

The problem is, how does an inexperienced writer sort wheat from chaff? For example, if you don't already know something about fact-checking, how do you know the article is any good? An explanation can be plausible-sounding, logical, and, incidentally, wrong. An information source that doesn't vet its contents isn't terribly useful to anyone not already knowledgeable in the area, which is why I consider WD nearly useless. There may be useful information in there, but finding it and recognizing it among the crap involves so much sorting and sifting that you may as well start with a more productive, reliable source.

[robeiae]

Originally Posted by AnneMarble

But I was only 12 when I first started subscribing... It was more interesting then Newsweek.

I'm confused...are you talking about Brides Magazine???
I don't know which is more significant...you were reading Brides at 12 or you were also reading Newsweek.

Rob

"Who knows what evil lurks in heart of Poz? Da Pickler do!!"

[Sher2]

Originally Posted by MadScientistMatt

That's so funny I'm tempted to see if they would actually print a manuscript that was entirely cut and pasted from a week's worth of spam.

You bet they would! Just avoid keywords the spell-checker is looking for, such as "Stooge" and "Poz" and "scummy vanity press."

[JennaGlatzer]

I'm a contributing editor at Writer's Digest. I can also tell you that I wrote an article about vanity pub vs. commercial pub quite a while ago that they should be publishing soon, and it was NOT slanted toward vanity pubbing... I can't speak for all of the mag, but I don't think the editorial generally encourages self/vanity pubbing.

I know the ads are problematic, but are you *absolutely certain* that PA has advertised there? Anyone still have issues with PA ads in it?

[Kevin Yarbrough]

As Moe-randa, Queen of the Zobmis comes into town she notices a few things. First off is that there is way to many evil villians with corny names and outfits around here, the other is the amazing wonder known only as The Pickler. Tapping the zobmi that is carrying her on his head he sets her down and she walks into the local Wal-Mart. Buying two of the best Salad Shooters they have she pays with them from the royalty account of PA authors. Walking out into the sunlight she looks around her and smiles.

The town of Authorswrite, better known as AW, will be hers. So many new authors looking for contracts and the only thing in her way is The Pickler. She isn't worried, with her trusty salad shooters, thesaurus, and portable spellchecker she can slice, dice, cut, reduce, hack, gash, chop, nick, cleft, furrow, slit, and fissure The Pickler into decreased, dimunitive, lessening peices.

The Pickler will regret the day that he ever messed with PA and her. For she is the Ruler, govenor, commander, chief, manager, adjudicator, monarch, regent, director, dictator, Queen of the Zobmis.

[Sher2]

Originally Posted by Kevin Yarbrough

As Moe-randa, Queen of the Zobmis comes into town she notices a few things. First off is that there is way to many evil villians with corny names and outfits around here, the other is the amazing wonder known only as The Pickler. Tapping the zobmi that is carrying her on his head he sets her down and she walks into the local Wal-Mart. Buying two of the best Salad Shooters they have she pays with them from the royalty account of PA authors. Walking out into the sunlight she looks around her and smiles.

The town of Authorswrite, better known as AW, will be hers. So many new authors looking for contracts and the only thing in her way is The Pickler. She isn't worried, with her trusty salad shooters, thesaurus, and portable spellchecker she can slice, dice, cut, reduce, hack, gash, chop, nick, cleft, furrow, slit, and fissure The Pickler into decreased, dimunitive, lessening peices.

The Pickler will regret the day that he ever messed with PA and her. For she is the Ruler, govenor, commander, chief, manager, adjudicator, monarch, regent, director, dictator, Queen of the Zobmis.

Oh, my God, Kev, that's gruesome. Poor Pickler! Never fear, however, there is hope. See, Moe-randa's only a zobmi. And she ain't no queen, either. Believe me, I know some queens. She ain't one. But I digress. We be talkin' about the head zobmi here. Now, nobody really knows what that is -- zobmi-schmobmi. Could be anything. Thing is, the fearless AW zobmi slayers have right on their side. Yes, you guessed it -- they control a real live Zombie. Not, not the old rock-n-roll band, the real deal. The second the sun goes down, out comes the real queen, the She Zombie, and that little pissant zobmi thing is dogmeat. Who knew so much black blood could flow from two tiny little fang marks?

[T42]

According to Newsmax the Pope's book is 99 cents so we know he didn't publish with PA. (they wouldn't even give the Pope himself a break)

[James D. Macdonald]

Originally Posted by reph

Plus a few through direct orders to lulu, no? (Aren't those retail?)

The other 333 sold direct from the Lulu.com website. I'm not counting those as retail sales. Though I suppose I could.

Regardless, I could say quite honestly: The majority of the copies sold retail were SOLD RETAIL. People ALL ACROSS THE FRUITED PLAIN from sea to shining have ordered Atlanta Nights IN BOOKSTORES and received them. Yes, friends, this is in the finest tradition of TRADITIONAL BOOKSELLING.

Hey, if we send four copies and fifty bucks to the Pulitzer committee, we can say it's NOMINATED FOR THE PULITZER PRIZE.

(Who's up for it? It'll cost under $100, since with orders over $25 shipping is free from Lulu.com.)

[Ed Williams]

Originally Posted by James D. Macdonald

Hey, if we send four copies and fifty bucks to the Pulitzer committee, we can say it's NOMINATED FOR THE PULITZER PRIZE.

(Who's up for it? It'll cost under $100, since with orders over $25 shipping is free from Lulu.com.)

Uncle Jim, that is priceless! It's the sort of sick and perverted logic I would expect to see from myself, Kev, or ZaZ, and I absolutely love it! It would make the same point re Pulitzer nominations that "Atlanta Nights" made re the PA manuscript selection process.

This is good stuff, good stuff....

[robeiae]

Originally Posted by James D. Macdonald

Hey, if we send four copies and fifty bucks to the Pulitzer committee, we can say it's NOMINATED FOR THE PULITZER PRIZE.

Actually, this could be a whole new marketing strategy for PA and their authors; imagine the banner at PA now:

Every PA Book Published in 2005 was Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize!!

Rob

[Sheryl Nantus]

Originally Posted by JennaGlatzer

I'm a contributing editor at Writer's Digest. I can also tell you that I wrote an article about vanity pub vs. commercial pub quite a while ago that they should be publishing soon, and it was NOT slanted toward vanity pubbing... I can't speak for all of the mag, but I don't think the editorial generally encourages self/vanity pubbing.

I know the ads are problematic, but are you *absolutely certain* that PA has advertised there? Anyone still have issues with PA ads in it?

I'll have to do some digging but I *KNOW* the ad that sent me to PublishAmerica was on the back cover of a Writer's Digest... it was possibly in the fall/summer of 2002. I can try to dig it up, but no promises...



I bounce between being angry at them for putting the ad in and myself, once again, for being so stupid as to believe an ad...