Learn Writing with Uncle Jim, Volume 1

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Sailor Kenshin

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He's just not hanging around the right fandoms, Sailor Kenshin! I know fanfic writers who are truly gifted, and I only wish they'd write original fic so I could buy it. I don't blame them, though. They have a loyal fanbase and none of the heartbreak of trying to get published. Money is not the basis for every person's reason for writing.

PS I'm enjoying all your posts on fanfic, even though AW is obviously a tough crowd. :)


Thanks. ^___^

It's true that there's some awful fanfic out there----but there's also some truly dreadful published work.
 

Lilybiz

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I like it because I'm an outliner (although I usually don't outline until the second draft). It could help me organize and make sure I get everything into the story that needs to be there, and eliminate excess.

But what I really like is the visitor map at the bottom of the page!
 

James D. Macdonald

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Heck, the first draft you're still groping around trying to figure out what the book is about. Second draft is where it starts coming together.

Speaking of which, we're starting to run some bits of deleted draft from one of my old novels in our LiveJournal over at http://mist-and-snow.livejournal.com/

These are scenes that were cut early on from The Apocalypse Door.
 
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James D. Macdonald

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Do you remember way back here when I posted...

Never have I felt quite so worldly as I did on my very first real date, when, after considered perusal of the wine list, I masterfully commanded the waiter at the Log Cabin restaurant in Lenox, Massachusetts, to fetch me a bottle of Mateus Rosé. In its distinctive Buddah-shaped bottle, with its slight spritz, it represented a step up from the pink Almaden that my friends and I sucked down in order to get into the proper Dionysian frame of mind for the summer rock concerts at Tanglewood. (And that seemed a classic accompaniment--rather like Chablis and oysters--to the cheap Mexican pot we were smoking at the time.) Later, of course, as I discovered the joys of dry reds and whites, I learned to sneer at pink wine; it seemed--as Winston Churchill once remarked regarding the moniker of an acquaintance named Bossom--that it was neither one thing nor the other. A few summers ago a bottle of Domaines Ott rosé in conjunction with a leg of marinated grilled lamb cured me of this particular prejudice; I thought I'd died and gone to Provence, though in fact I was at my friend Steve's birthday party in the Hamptons.

... and asked "would you turn the page?"

The time has come for a line-by-line, to discover what this author was doing and how he was doing it.

That's the first page from Bacchus and Me: Adventures in the Wine Cellar by Jay McInerney. Five sentences; 201 words.


Never have I felt quite so worldly as I did on my very first real date, when, after considered perusal of the wine list, I masterfully commanded the waiter at the Log Cabin restaurant in Lenox, Massachusetts, to fetch me a bottle of Mateus Rosé.

Never have I felt ... is an unusual word order. Primacy of place in the sentence, and the whole book, to "Never." The author introduces his main character, who happens to be himself. The book is in First Person. "So worldly," combined with the never, tells us that the author feels less worldly now. "Very first real date" tells us that we're looking at a young adult (probably a teenager, from the days when the drinking age was 18). Certainly someone who's callow, and mistaken about being worldly at all. The "wine list" contrasts with the "Log Cabin Restaurant in Lenox, Massachusetts" to produce an irony--the waiter there would hardly have been a wine sophisticate--which leads us to the punchline "Mateus Rosé." This is a lovely description; we can see a young man trying to impress his date, (the "lengthy perusal"). What kind of a wine list would a place called the Log Cabin have? Nothing there would be anything other than common, and probably cheap.


In its distinctive Buddah-shaped bottle, with its slight spritz, it represented a step up from the pink Almaden that my friends and I sucked down in order to get into the proper Dionysian frame of mind for the summer rock concerts at Tanglewood.

Pure description at the head of this sentence, leads into a memory within a memory, from that first real date, to earlier, and even more callow teenager invoking the Roman god of wine. Dionysus (another name for Bacchus), suggests wild, larger-than-life, heroic drinking and merrymaking. We're tending to the orgy side of the scale. This, by someone who has never been on a date. He's trying, oh yes. The author is looking back on his younger self with amusment and fondness. The horrors of pink Almaden are explained by example: the use it's put to by young men heading to second-rate rock concerts.


(And that seemed a classic accompaniment--rather like Chablis and oysters--to the cheap Mexican pot we were smoking at the time.)

Comparison--Chablis and oysters--pink Almaden and cheap Mexican pot. We're putting rose wine in a category, one that only the young, inexperienced, unsophisticated, would enjoy. This parenthetical is the shortest, simplest one on this page. The other sentences are grammatically complicated, revealing the speaker's character as a someone who is infinitely worldly.

Later, of course, as I discovered the joys of dry reds and whites, I learned to sneer at pink wine; it seemed--as Winston Churchill once remarked regarding the moniker of an acquaintance named Bossom--that it was neither one thing nor the other.

"Of course." With a historical allusion, a slightly risque joke that slows us down to get the flavor. This sophisticated person speaks of the "joys of dry reds and whites." He sneers at pink wines. Three sentences in and we have a very good idea of this character. We also have the first inkling of the plot: the classic "The Man Who Learned Better."

A few summers ago a bottle of Domaines Ott rosé in conjunction with a leg of marinated grilled lamb cured me of this particular prejudice; I thought I'd died and gone to Provence, though in fact I was at my friend Steve's birthday party in the Hamptons.

Our speaker is a true gormand; "died and gone to Provence." No longer are we in Tanglewood, we're in the Hamptons (well known for being an expensive neighborhood just chock-a-block with urban sophisticates. Marinated grilled lamb is a world away from the Whoppers that we can imagine the author's younger self eating when the cheap pot gave him the munchies. We've also met a second named character: his friend Steve. The date he took to the Log Cabin and the nameless friends who went to rock concerts aren't important and the reader won't think about them. Now we have someone to keep in mind. The author is also breaking out of the total self-absorption of the young and into a wider head-space, developing his own character.

And who is Steve? Someone who lives in the Hamptons, serves grilled lamb, and is able to teach someone who thinks he knows about wine, and who apparently is a world traveler, something new about the drink.

So. Character revealed in every sentence. Complex compound sentences. Using the Flesch-Kincaid scale, this piece of writing is at the 16th grade level (senior in college).

We've seen several tricks used to slow the reader down, to make the reader sip the prose the way our narrator would sip his wine.

And so... would you turn the page?
 

PeeDee

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Would I continue reading? Absolutely. First, because I am interested in the character now. It's only five sentences, but it's more than enough to invest in him. We have learned something of his younger days, and they are perhaps similar enough to our own -- or someone we have known -- to give us something to relate to. Also, we are seeing him reminiscing about younger days and cheaper wines, and that promises us the long journey to the present day where he's narrating.

And beyond that, there's the language of the piece. It's fluid and it's not confusing, while at the same time being thick. That's fine by me. The language of the piece, and the tone, all by themselves seem to introduce me to the primary character, the older narrator looking back, and without consciously realizing it, the language has vested my interest in what story he has to tell me.
 

Judg

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I would turn the page, yes. I can appreciate sophistication, but I loathe the "sophistication" that consists primarily of looking down one's nose. So I'd be turning the page to see if the deprecation of his former self will be extended to his present self, whether he has some real ideas or stories or just wants us to glory with him in his present exalted state. In other words, I like my sophistication with a heavy side order of humility. If he delivers, I will read happily. If not, meh. I have better things to do than read the words of the self-absorbed. The jury's still out.
 

qdsb

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Now that's a loaded question, Uncle Jim. And one that I can answer very, very subjectively.

I LOVE the way it's written. I love all those nuances of structure.

BUT I'm turned off by the persona. It's a vivid POV with a distinct voice, but even the evolution conveyed in that paragraph basically presents a persona that (just in my perception) goes from bad to worse. The "I thought I'd died and gone to Provence" line pretty much makes me want to shut the book.

(Having said that, I'd probably still seek out other books by that author, hoping that other books maintain that level of writing but with characters I find more appealing.)

Thanks for the fascinating deconstruction!
 

Ava Jarvis

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For some reason this reminds me of the opening of Dicken's _A Christmas Carol_ (also analyzed way way back on this thread somewhere :)).

It's a character-based opening, so obvious action (running joggers, exploding trucks, people driving somewhere) is limited. So this relies on the character being interesting:

- interesting attitudes (a gourmand with distinct opinions),
- an interesting job (we are all interested in the day to day actions of someone who does not share the same professional world as us; think spies, policemen and private detectives, doctors and ambulance drivers)
- evidence of an interesting history (memories stretching back and forth, already laying out a more complex framework).

Another character-based opening is Gaiman's _Anansi Boys_, which also covers similar ground after the mythopoeic opening. All of these share the above characteristics.

Is this what is needed to make a character-based opening work? I dunno, but they seem to be big keys.

Yes, I would read on.
 

James D. Macdonald

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In the big divide between Character-Based and Plot-Based writing, this book seems to me to be very firmly on the Character-Based side.

But let's look at the genre a bit: there's a sub-genre called "Bob and Me," in which two people learn something together. It's a novelistic approach to non-fiction. You can find it anywhere -- from the columns in Byte magazine through Popular Mechanics and on. The reader will be aware of the book's title: Bacchus and Me. We're being promised a Bacchanal: an orgy characterized by heavy drinking. The subtitle promises "adventures." The wine cellar is a low place. That tension, the urban sophisticate we're meeting now and the reveler that the title promises, can drive us a bit.

McInerney's works ought to have a little disclaimer on the cover: Warning, professional stunt writer on a closed course. Do not attempt this at home.

But there is nothing that a writer should not attempt at home.
 

qdsb

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Sidenote: A cockeyed Thank You to Uncle Jim for adding to my Amazon wish list...While I'm not interested in this particular McInerney book, I did just add his novel The Good Life...which I think is more up my particular alley.
 

Ava Jarvis

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I find unlikeable characters interesting. They almost always have some kind of gem in them. An appreciation of wines is definitely not a problem to me---and when you appreciate food, you really DO say and feel things like that, such as "I thought I'd died and gone to Provence", where we're talking about Provence, France, which features pretty damn good wines (as France does, in general).

There is nothing snobby about it, actually; no more than appreciating an art piece when you have a deep knowledge of art.

But then again, I am more familiar with reading about people who really, really like their food. If you ever visit France, you get to be like that....
 

allenparker

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You never say...

Read while sipping a glass of Boones Farm Tickle Pink for irony, or toss in the box going to the used book exchange and find a comfortable slot at the bar where the guys shoot whiskey till dawn?
 

Sailor Kenshin

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I would turn the page, yes. I can appreciate sophistication, but I loathe the "sophistication" that consists primarily of looking down one's nose. So I'd be turning the page to see if the deprecation of his former self will be extended to his present self, whether he has some real ideas or stories or just wants us to glory with him in his present exalted state. In other words, I like my sophistication with a heavy side order of humility. If he delivers, I will read happily. If not, meh. I have better things to do than read the words of the self-absorbed. The jury's still out.

:D

Same here.
 

James D. Macdonald

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A perennial question on the boards here is, "Can I write about an unlikeable main character?" The answer is, "Yes."

Even if this main character is utterly loathsome (and I don't really see him that way right now), casting him in first-person means that the character will attempt to justify himself. Since every man is the hero of his own story ....

If you do find yourself trying to write an unlikeable character as your protagonist, consider going the first-person route.
 

mikeland

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A perennial question on the boards here is, "Can I write about an unlikeable main character?" The answer is, "Yes."

Even if this main character is utterly loathsome (and I don't really see him that way right now), casting him in first-person means that the character will attempt to justify himself. Since every man is the hero of his own story ....

If you do find yourself trying to write an unlikeable character as your protagonist, consider going the first-person route.

I'm a newbie around here, so feel free to point me to other threads if I'm covering well-trod ground.

I know that unlikeable characters make some folks put down the book. But I'd be interested to hear why other people are willing to read unlikeable characters.

Are you waiting for the character to get what's coming to him? Or hoping to see the character redeemed? Or is it just the joy of watching an unlikeable character do unlikeable things?

And what have you seen writers do to make you like the unlikeable? Or if you still don't like the character, what other techniques besides first person have you seen that make people keep reading?
 

PeeDee

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Take Gregory House (from the TV show, you guessed it, House) as an example. He's unlikable as hell. So why do I watch him every week with delight? It's not just enjoying Hugh Laurie's performance that I care about this self-centered jerk.

Am I waiting for him to become a better person? I don't know. Like a good flirt going between two characters, the end result (House is nice, the couple gets together) is less enjoyable than the process.

I think it's two things.

One, the unlikable character brings a tension to the story which is interesting to read. We watch House because 1) He's brilliant 2) We like watching other people trying to interact with him 3) We like watching him succeed, and fail.

Two, an unlikable character has a definite feeling of being "in motion." The Gregory House example is, he's heading for a bad fall, or he's heading to get himself straightened out. We don't know which, but the motion is there and it's compelling. Forward motion is always compelling in a story.

That's what I've got.
 

Ava Jarvis

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Unlikeable characters who are sympathetic connect to the reader. Understanding is what leads to sympathy. People in general know they aren't perfect, so reading about an imperfect person should not instantly turn them away as long as a point of connection is made.

To start with, unlikeable characters that are sympathetic have some emotional connection point to the reader. Can you identify with jealous love? Most people can, because most people have felt it before. How about envy? Sure enough, most people have felt that. Loneliness and despair? Ditto. Fear and pride? Check and check. Or love of beauty? Check for quite a few. For unlikeable characters, these are not so much excuses as points of identification.

Unlikeable characters must have some characteristic that stands out above the rest. Highly intelligent and usually philosophical, these are the keys to unlocking that mysterious mask. It helps if an appreciation for art, literature, or otherwise is added to the mix. These show that the unlikeable character has a life outside of their unlikeable characteristics, something that makes you sit up and say "Well, at least he's special and I don't have to put up with bungling or mindless violence."

And unlikeable characters must have drive, more than anybody else in a book. This makes you sit up and wonder, hey? What's got a bee up HIS bonnet? Drive is something most people like, because it means that someone doesn't sit around feeling all emo and sorry for themselves, and get out and _make things happen_. It's no surprise that villains and antagonists, sympathetic or not, are the drivers behind the plot of a book.

Lastly, unlikeable characters have some strange good point about them. This may seem to come about as serendipity, or as part of their philosophy, or as part of their drive. It usually shows up as a point of honor for them, something they believe in that lies above the concrete world, just as love and justice stand above for most characters. Whether it's a mob that protects its own and lives by mob laws honorably, or a psychopathic cannibal that helps another person catch a serial killer, or an arrogant detective who is obsessed with finding justice--this makes any character, unlikeable or not, rise above the rest. They have some useful purpose in the world, even as a force for good.

Basically, unlikeable characters have as much a burden as likeable characters to be sympathetic: they must be unusual and identifiable with. Perhaps even more. Otherwise no one really cares about either.

I'd drop a book about a boring, unlikeable person just as I would drop one about a boring, likeable person. I read books for entertainment and understanding of the human condition; dropping the imperfect and refusing to try to understand them is very much NOT the key to understanding people. Nobody is perfect, and everybody has some dark side to them. The fascination with that is something between watching a train wreck because it's interesting, and watching a train wreck because of the strange stories of bravery and kindness that come up out of the smoke, larger than life and all the more outstanding because they occur in the heart of darkness.

Uh, yadda yadda yadda.
 

batgirl

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I've read unlikeable characters with great interest. Sometimes to see whether they'd get smacked down, sometimes with a sort of horrified fascination, or even envy that someone has the guts to be that self-centred and unpleasant. Cordelia, on the first seasons of Buffy, for instance.
And I've given up on books where it seemed that only I thought the character was unpleasant--the author appeared to think the character was perfect. Maybe that makes a difference?
-Barbara
 

James D. Macdonald

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The secret to getting your readers to follow any character (likeable, unlikeable, sympathetic, unsympathetic) is to make that character move. You can't follow someone who's standing still. (The best you can do is mill about in that person's general location.)

The eye always follow the object that's in motion.
 
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