Learn Writing with Uncle Jim, Volume 1

euclid · Apr 18, 2009

I like PlanetC's version, only maybe shorter: "DFS put us in a group home." Jennifer always thought of the Division of Family Services as a grotesque uncle...

Chris Huff: I believe Finnegan's Wake is a bitch, although I never found the time to try it. I agree with you there. It probably should never have been published.

smsarber · Apr 18, 2009

Here's a bigger part of the section, so you can see what I'm doing. I definately think it is clear, but let's see what the masses have to say

“[FONT=Courier New, monospace]Not something I talk about much. When we were young, our parents split.” Jefferson shook a Marlboro out of a pack, then pushed the car lighter into its receptacle. “I don't mean split up, I mean split.” He lit the Marlboro, and inhaled deeply. “I was twelve, my brother was fourteen. We were alone in the apartment a month before the landlord came bitching about the rent. We were both malnourished, and Demetrius was sick with the flu, as well.[/FONT]

“[FONT=Courier New, monospace]DFS put us in a group home, then Demetrius got placed with a nice, stable family in the city. I didn't see him again for over a year. After he moved out, I ran away from the group home and joined in with the gangs."[/FONT]

Calliopenjo · Apr 18, 2009

smsarber said:
Here's a bigger part of the section, so you can see what I'm doing. I definately think it is clear, but let's see what the masses have to say

“[FONT=Courier New, monospace]Not something I talk about much. When we were young, our parents split.” Jefferson shook a Marlboro out of a pack, then pushed the car lighter into its receptacle. “I don't mean split up, I mean split.” He lit the Marlboro, and inhaled deeply. “I was twelve, my brother was fourteen. We were alone in the apartment a month before the landlord came bitching about the rent. We were both malnourished, and Demetrius was sick with the flu, as well.[/FONT]

“[FONT=Courier New, monospace]DFS put us in a group home, then Demetrius got placed with a nice, stable family in the city. I didn't see him again for over a year. After he moved out, I ran away from the group home and joined in with the gangs."[/FONT]

It looks good. It explains enough and if the reader wants more information they still have that option.

Bukarella · Apr 18, 2009

Hello! A fresh newb, right here. :e2writer:

I am just starting to explore fantasy and sci-fi for the younger reader. I am committed to two projects, and I have been faithfully writing every day for the past two months. On one hand, I'm proud of the progress I've made and the things I've learned. I feel good about my story-lines, and feel confident about certain passages.

On another hand... Any advice for those days when you feel your writing is dry and your plot is pointless? It can be very discouraging and frustrating! :Hammer:

Thanks!

James D. Macdonald · Apr 18, 2009

Any advice for those days when you feel your writing is dry and your plot is pointless?

Yes.

Write anyway.

(If you need a Permission to Write Badly certificate, I can give you one.)

Bukarella · Apr 18, 2009

James D. Macdonald said:
Yes.

Write anyway.

(If you need a Permission to Write Badly certificate, I can give you one.)

Aw! Just what I need. I better sign it, in case someone asks who let me write this nonsense.

Calliopenjo · Apr 18, 2009

Uncle Jim,

Would you mind if I pass on the certificate? My writing group would love it. :LilLove:

James D. Macdonald · Apr 18, 2009

Print up as many as you need. Discounts for writing groups!

James D. Macdonald · Apr 18, 2009

Chris Huff said:
Not to disagree with the man whose name is on the thread, but...

If it's entertaining it's right.

Yeah, that's one way it could work.

PlanetCaravan · Apr 18, 2009

smsarber said:
Here's a bigger part of the section, so you can see what I'm doing. I definately think it is clear, but let's see what the masses have to say

“[FONT=Courier New, monospace]Not something I talk about much. When we were young, our parents split.” Jefferson shook a Marlboro out of a pack, then pushed the car lighter into its receptacle. “I don't mean split up, I mean split.” He lit the Marlboro, and inhaled deeply. “I was twelve, my brother was fourteen. We were alone in the apartment a month before the landlord came bitching about the rent. We were both malnourished, and Demetrius was sick with the flu, as well.[/FONT]

“[FONT=Courier New, monospace]DFS put us in a group home, then Demetrius got placed with a nice, stable family in the city. I didn't see him again for over a year. After he moved out, I ran away from the group home and joined in with the gangs."[/FONT]

In context, it's even more clear. I think you're good.
Adding an explanation would just slow things down. That's my opinion, anyway.

smsarber · Apr 18, 2009

Cool! Thanks

euclid · Apr 19, 2009

I agree with PlanetC. No sweat. Even I could work out what sort of org DFS is.

Note the spelling of definitely, Steve.

smsarber · Apr 19, 2009

Thanks, no idea what I was thinking-- usually I'm a pretty good ~~spiller~~, ~~spaller~~, speller. Oh good, that's better

James D. Macdonald · Apr 20, 2009

I've been telling you this for years.

smsarber · Apr 20, 2009

Aw, you didn't have to post that link... we believed you, Uncle Jim!

But seriously, thanks! Great tidbit there.

allenparker · Apr 20, 2009

James D. Macdonald said:
I've been telling you this for years.

So, the rumors of a secret decoder ring, handshake, and special brightly colored jacket are false? Say it ain't so!

Next, you will tell me they don't get to sleep in the Lincoln bedroom.

Judg · Apr 20, 2009

I must confess, I did think a bestseller would pack a bit more of a financial punch. *sigh*

Perle_Rare · Apr 20, 2009

I guess the secret is in following one novel with another and then another, ad infinitum. The combined royalties would eventually add up to a more interesting amount.

Just as Uncle Jim has been telling us for years...

euclid · Apr 20, 2009

I've posted a piece (1600 words) in SYW. If any of you critters would like to take a look at it, maybe sharpen your crit skills, I'd be mighty grateful.

http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3512052&postcount=1

FOTSGreg · Apr 20, 2009

I've also got a piece up at SYW which I'm pretty proud of (bear in mind that it needs a spell check and a bit of editing, but...)...

Here's the link...

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=137308

It's Post #11 in completed form.

Neversage · Apr 20, 2009

Here's my SYW

I'll bite.
http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=134696

Any feedback is welcome, and thanks again to everyone in this thread for teaching me so much.

Also, can we get another page one analysis going? I love those.

Calliopenjo · Apr 20, 2009

Hi Euclid,

I left a crit for you. Good luck.

I'll do the others later.

smsarber · Apr 20, 2009

The Hounds of the Moor is over in Horror. Euclid, don't be mad if I royally screwed up England

Has anyone ever felt such a strong desire to write a story, had it mapped out, sat down to do it and just lost it? I'd walked down to the store earlier, and as I was walking back I saw a Corvette with driving gloves on the dash, and had a great idea for a flash fiction comedy. For once I remembered it when I got back... usually I only have a thready idea of the premise, which I write down and sometimes later come back to. Missy Duquesne was one such story. Had the idea mapped out, forgot it before I could get it out, but the final product was much better than my first vision of it.

James D. Macdonald · Apr 21, 2009

And it's time to play First Page!

1. First Sight

My mother drove me to the airport with the windows rolled down. It was seventy-five degrees in Phoenix, the sky a perfect, cloudless blue. I was wearing my favorite shirt--sleeveless, white eyelet lace; I was wearing it as a farewell gesture. My carry-on item was a parka.

In the Olympic Penninsula of northwest Washington State, a small town named Forks exists under a near-constant cover of clouds. It rains on this inconsequential town more than on any other place in the United States of America. It was from this town and its gloomy, omnipresent shade that my mother escaped with me when I was only a few months old. It was in this town that I'd been compelled to spend a month every summer until I was fourteen. That

Okay, everyone! Do you turn the page, or do you put the book back on the shelf?

Cyia · Apr 21, 2009

James D. Macdonald said:
And it's time to play First Page!

Okay, everyone! Do you turn the page, or do you put the book back on the shelf?

Actually I skipped this page. Had I read it first, it would have gone back on the shelf. This page especially sounds like a 30+ year old woman speaking rather than the 17 year old girl it's supposed to be,

Learn Writing with Uncle Jim, Volume 1

Where did I put me specs?

Coming soon to a nightmare near you

Esteemed thinker

Your Genial Uncle

Esteemed thinker

Your Genial Uncle

Your Genial Uncle

Coming soon to a nightmare near you

Where did I put me specs?

Coming soon to a nightmare near you

Your Genial Uncle

Coming soon to a nightmare near you

Naked Futon Guy

DISENCHANTED coming soon

Dragon rider

Where did I put me specs?

Today is your last day.

Part of the Scenery

Esteemed thinker

Coming soon to a nightmare near you

Your Genial Uncle

Rewriting My Destiny