Writing Again
Writing the first person point of view.
I'll try this post again...HTML ate the last one.
There has been a lot of posting lately about point of view and about active versus passive sentences. I wasn't sure exactly where to post this so I decided to make my own thread for it: In truth it falls into both camps.
The first person point of view has its own pitfalls; if you have not written in first person before you might not be aware of them; if you have you may have done it by instinct, and perhaps done it well; some who have been published are by no means masters of avoiding them.
You might want to keep in mind that my radical approach to grammar is not always appreciated by grammarians. In fact it is often considered insulting to the entire subject of grammar. I am the grammar student teachers love to loath.
Be that as it may, the facts are these:
One of the first problems the writer encounters when writing in the first person is the word "I": Suddenly every other sentence starts with "I" and every third sentence has "me" or "my" in it: Until the reader is ready to scream "I'm outta here."
I came: I saw: I conquered: This sounds great when they are the only three "I" words on the page. When they sit among thirty others they lose their force and their appeal.
The first first person stories I wrote were short mysteries and westerns, so I'll use one of those for an example. The first short story I ever wrote in the first person was not much better than the example that follows:
I was glad to accept Phil's invitation to visit him, just to get away from my normal routine for an evening. I arrived at his house in the early afternoon. I walked up the path to the small house by the beach to the large door. When I knocked there was no answer. I tried the door. It swung open easily when I pushed it.
I looked over the front room. What I saw was standard bachelor with just a hint of weekly maid service. I wondered if she ever spent the night. I wondered if she might be married. I knew it would not make any difference to Phil. I did not think this was a good time to ask that question though.
I saw only one thing that marred the well kept room. In the far corner by the lamp I saw a body lying in the fetal position in a round pool of blood.
I bent over the body looking for signs of life. I could not tell if it were Phil or not as the body was headless.
The people who will have the biggest problems writing in the first person are those who insist the active voice should be used at all costs.
One of the strengths of the active voice in most communications is that it always identifies the person or thing that performs the action. One of the weaknesses of the passive voice is that it often avoids saying who actually committed the action.
One of the really neat assumptions the reader will make when reading a first person narrative is that the writer is the one doing the action unless told otherwise.
So one of the best ways to avoid filling the page with "I" after "I" after "I" is to write the previous example this way:
Phil's invitation to visit him came as a good excuse to get away from the normal routine, even for an evening. It was still early afternoon and the sun cast long shadows up the path to his house by the beach. Knocking did not elicit any answer. However the door was unlocked and a soft push was all that was required to open it.
His front room was standard bachelor with just a hint of weekly maid service. She might or might not have spent the night with him. She might or might not be married. It would not have made any difference to Phil. This was not the best time to ask that question though.
Only one small detail marred the well kept front room. There was a body lying in the corner by the lamp.
Bending down to examine the corpse for signs of life was a waste of time. It was also a waste of time trying to be sure if it was Phil or not. The body did not have a head.
You will notice in the second example, thanks to the use of the passive sentence structure, there is not one single "I" or "me" or "my" to be found anywhere.
Still it is obvious to the reader that it is a first person account.
When writing the first person narrative the passive voice is not a sin to avoid: It is an art to master.
I'll try this post again...HTML ate the last one.
There has been a lot of posting lately about point of view and about active versus passive sentences. I wasn't sure exactly where to post this so I decided to make my own thread for it: In truth it falls into both camps.
The first person point of view has its own pitfalls; if you have not written in first person before you might not be aware of them; if you have you may have done it by instinct, and perhaps done it well; some who have been published are by no means masters of avoiding them.
You might want to keep in mind that my radical approach to grammar is not always appreciated by grammarians. In fact it is often considered insulting to the entire subject of grammar. I am the grammar student teachers love to loath.
Be that as it may, the facts are these:
One of the first problems the writer encounters when writing in the first person is the word "I": Suddenly every other sentence starts with "I" and every third sentence has "me" or "my" in it: Until the reader is ready to scream "I'm outta here."
I came: I saw: I conquered: This sounds great when they are the only three "I" words on the page. When they sit among thirty others they lose their force and their appeal.
The first first person stories I wrote were short mysteries and westerns, so I'll use one of those for an example. The first short story I ever wrote in the first person was not much better than the example that follows:
I was glad to accept Phil's invitation to visit him, just to get away from my normal routine for an evening. I arrived at his house in the early afternoon. I walked up the path to the small house by the beach to the large door. When I knocked there was no answer. I tried the door. It swung open easily when I pushed it.
I looked over the front room. What I saw was standard bachelor with just a hint of weekly maid service. I wondered if she ever spent the night. I wondered if she might be married. I knew it would not make any difference to Phil. I did not think this was a good time to ask that question though.
I saw only one thing that marred the well kept room. In the far corner by the lamp I saw a body lying in the fetal position in a round pool of blood.
I bent over the body looking for signs of life. I could not tell if it were Phil or not as the body was headless.
The people who will have the biggest problems writing in the first person are those who insist the active voice should be used at all costs.
One of the strengths of the active voice in most communications is that it always identifies the person or thing that performs the action. One of the weaknesses of the passive voice is that it often avoids saying who actually committed the action.
One of the really neat assumptions the reader will make when reading a first person narrative is that the writer is the one doing the action unless told otherwise.
So one of the best ways to avoid filling the page with "I" after "I" after "I" is to write the previous example this way:
Phil's invitation to visit him came as a good excuse to get away from the normal routine, even for an evening. It was still early afternoon and the sun cast long shadows up the path to his house by the beach. Knocking did not elicit any answer. However the door was unlocked and a soft push was all that was required to open it.
His front room was standard bachelor with just a hint of weekly maid service. She might or might not have spent the night with him. She might or might not be married. It would not have made any difference to Phil. This was not the best time to ask that question though.
Only one small detail marred the well kept front room. There was a body lying in the corner by the lamp.
Bending down to examine the corpse for signs of life was a waste of time. It was also a waste of time trying to be sure if it was Phil or not. The body did not have a head.
You will notice in the second example, thanks to the use of the passive sentence structure, there is not one single "I" or "me" or "my" to be found anywhere.
Still it is obvious to the reader that it is a first person account.
When writing the first person narrative the passive voice is not a sin to avoid: It is an art to master.